Bastard

by J. L. Perry

  We haven’t told our parents about the baby yet. Carter and I had copies of the ultrasound images framed. We’ve wrapped them up with their Christmas presents.

  “I love you,” I whisper as he fastens the necklace around my neck.

  “I love you too, baby girl.”

  ••••

  When we pull up outside the restaurant I’m surprised to see Meg standing there. “What are you doing here?” I ask getting out of the car. “I thought you and Drew were heading back to Sydney for Christmas with your parents.”

  “I lied,” she replies giving me a sheepish smile. What’s she up to? “I am spending Christmas with them, but up here.”

  “Why?”

  “Because if you think I’m going to miss your wedding day, you’ve got rocks in your head. Besides I’m the maid of honour, I have to be here. My mum didn’t want to miss your wedding either. You’re her adopted daughter after all.”

  “What? My wedding day?” I ask dumbfounded.

  “Yes. You, my friend, are getting married today.” That’s news to me. My eyes move to my dad searching for confirmation.

  “She’s right,” is all he says.

  “Come,” Meg says, linking arms with me and dragging me around the side of the building. “See.” When I follow the line of her finger, I see Carter and Jax standing side by side down near the shore. Some old dude in a suit is standing in front of them. Then I notice LJ sitting by Carter’s feet. I feel my lips curve up. My eyes then move to his mother, grandmother, Meg’s parents and Drew sitting on five of the six chairs that are positioned behind them. Excitement broils inside me.

  My dad slinks his arm around my shoulder. “Congratulations, Pumpkin,” he says, kissing the top of my head. “That’s why I wanted to give you the necklace now. I wanted your mother to be part of your special day. I know if she was still alive, she would’ve been just as proud of you as I am.”

  “Oh, Daddy.” I’m struggling to hold in the tears as I wrap my arms around his waist.

  “We need to get you ready,” Meg chimes in breaking our moment. She walks over towards Drew’s car and retrieves a box off the back seat. Making her way back towards us, she pulls out a large white silk rose that’s attached to a clip. She pins it in my hair just above my ear. “Beautiful,” she whispers.

  Next she pulls out a small leather pouch. When she tips it upside down, shaking the blue Sapphire bracelet into her palm, I smile. I recognise it straight away. It belonged to her grandmother. Meg wore it on her wedding day. My something borrowed, something blue.

  “Thanks, Meg,” I say hugging her.

  “I’m your maid of honour, it’s my job.” I smile. Even though I definitely would’ve had her as my maid of honour, I find it amusing that she’s given herself that title. “Here’s your bouquet.” It’s a beautiful arrangement of white rosebuds. She pulls out a matching pink arrangement for herself. It matches her pink dress.

  “You hate pink,” I say.

  “I know, but it’s your favourite colour. I knew if you had a choice it’s what you would’ve wanted.” I love her so much. I couldn’t ask for a better best friend.

  My dad links his arm through mine. “You look beautiful. Are you ready to marry the man of your dreams?”

  “I am.”

  Far out. I’m getting married today.

  ••••

  The ceremony was perfect. Carter and I both got a little teary eyed when we exchanged our vows. The whole day was a little overwhelming to be honest. In a good way though. The highlight for me was seeing Carter so happy. The smile didn’t leave his face once.

  When the celebrant pronounced us husband and wife, Carter didn’t even wait for him to say, ‘You may now kiss the bride’. He took matters into his own hands, pulling me into his arms and locking his lips with mine. It was a scorching hot kiss too. Not the kind of kiss to give me in front of my dad, that’s for sure. When he eventually came up for air, he tenderly brushed the back of his hand down the side of my face.

  “I love you so much, Mrs. Reynolds,” he whispered, sending my heart into a flutter. I’ll admit Mrs. Reynolds has a nice ring to it.

  Our reception was held in the Surfhouse. Well, it was more like an extended three course luncheon with our loved ones, but it was perfect. I couldn’t have planned it better myself. Carter had even organised a wedding cake. I had to laugh when I saw it.

  It was only a one-layered cake, since there were only ten of us in attendance. It had been baked into a large heart shape, covered in white icing. The base was wrapped in a thick red ribbon, but the sweetest part was the icing decorations sitting on top. A miniature replica of Carter’s red Monaro was sitting towards the back of the cake. In front of it stood small figurines; Carter with his arm draped around my shoulder, and LJ laying at our feet. Not your traditional wedding cake, but perfect for us. It’s hard to believe we are now a real family, and in just over seven months we’ll be parents.

  Later that night back at the apartment, we exchanged Christmas gifts with our parents. Elizabeth burst into tears when she saw the ultrasound picture. My dad was over the moon as well. It was the perfect end to a perfect day.

  The next morning, Carter and I flew to the Gold Coast in Queensland for our honeymoon. He had booked us into the Sheraton Mirage Resort and Spa. It was a magical five days. We even had a relaxing one-hour hot stone massage at the Day Spa the day before we left to fly home. After the crazy few months we’d had prior to the wedding, it was just what we both needed to unwind. The only downfall was it had to end. I know we have our whole lives ahead of us though, and I look forward to spending the rest of my life with Carter.

  I have the most amazing husband ever!

  CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO

  Seven months later…

  Carter

  “Carter,” I hear Indiana screech from beside me, shaking me out of my sleep.

  “What?” I whine, opening one eye. I’m fucking tired. She better not want sex again, she’s worn me the hell out. Normal Indiana was insatiable, but pregnant Indiana, fuck me. As much as I love having sex with my beautiful wife, my dick’s exhausted. It needs a few hours break at least.

  The last few months she’s even been sneaking into my work for a quickie between clients. Even our lunch breaks are spent in bed fucking each other’s brains out, and then we have to scoff down our food before going back to work. Honestly, I fucking love it, but if I’m gonna keep this up, I need rest. Time to replenish my stamina.

  “My water just broke,” she says as cool as a fucking cucumber.

  “What?” I practically yell in a panic as I bolt upright.

  “My water just broke,” she repeats, like I didn’t hear her the first time. I fucking heard her. My gut starts to churn. I thought I’d prepared myself for this moment. Wrong. I’m not even out of bed yet and I’m already a bundle of nerves.

  “I can do this,” I mumble to myself as I try to calm the fuck down. Jumping out of bed I make my way around to her side, extending my hand.

  “Stop panicking, Carter,” she says.

  “I’m not panicking,” I lie. I’m fucking panicking.

  “It’s okay,” she says in a calm voice. How can she remain so composed? Helping her up, she wraps me in her arms. “It’s going to be okay. Take a deep breath,” she says trying to reassure me. It’s not working. I’m a fucking mess. Shit. We’ve practiced this a hundred times. Why was I so cool and calm then? Get your shit together Reynolds. Your wife needs you. I should be supporting her, not the other way around. When she lets go of me and doubles over in pain, I almost lose it.

  “Let’s go,” I say leading her towards the door.

  “We need to get changed first. We can’t go in our pyjamas.” Shit. She’s right. Okay. I can do this. Who am I kidding? I fist my hair in my hands. “Clothes.”

  “Look. Get yourself dressed. I can dress myself,” she says heading towards her drawers and rifling through them. I do the same. I throw a T-shirt over my head and strip out of
my pyjama bottoms and slip into a pair of sweats. See, I can do this. I look over at Indiana as she struggles to slide on her pants. Who am I kidding? I can’t do this.

  Moving towards her, I help her get dressed. When she doubles over again, I clutch my head in my hands. Running over towards the bedside table, I retrieve my phone. I search Ross’ number. He picks up almost immediately. It’s 4:00am. I guess he knows it’s important. We’ve all been waiting for this day to come.

  “It’s time,” is all I say. I don’t even give him a chance to talk. “We need you to come. We’re leaving for the hospital now.”

  “I’m on my way,” he replies. Thank fuck for that. I don’t even take into consideration he’s a two-hour drive away. I’m on my own. It’s up to me to get her to the hospital safely. Shit.

  Finally we make it down to the car. “My hospital bag,” Indiana says once I have her seated in the passenger side. Fuck me. I had the routine down pat. What the hell is wrong with me? This is the real deal, I guess. I need to pull myself together if I’m going to get either of them to the hospital in one piece.

  I run back upstairs and grab it. Throwing it in the back of the car, I get seated. “How are you feeling, babe?” I ask as I turn the keys in the ignition.

  “Apart from the contractions, surprisingly okay.” Of course she is. I reach the end of the street and put my left indicator on. “The hospital’s that way,” she says laughing, pointing to the right. I’ve driven this route twenty times in the past few weeks, doing my practice runs and now I can’t even remember which way to go.

  Following Indi’s instructions, I turn right. “Are you still alright?” I ask, briefly turning my head in her direction. She has a huge smile on her face.

  “I’m faring a lot better than you by the looks of it.” I’m glad she finds this amusing. “Take some deep breaths. Like they taught us in the birthing classes.” I look at her like she’s lost her mind. I remember thinking when we went over the breathing techniques in class, how ridiculous it was. “Just do it,” she says rolling her eyes. “It will help.”

  I follow her lead as she starts panting and doing those stupid-arse breaths. I feel like a dick, but I copy her. Within minutes I start feeling myself relax. Surprisingly it does help. Who knew?

  ••••

  Three hours have passed and still no baby. Poor Indi is in so much pain. I’ve been rubbing her back for the past half hour. I wish I could trade places with her. I hate that she has to go through this. Our parents and my grandmother arrived ten minutes ago. They’ve been in to see her, but are now outside in the waiting room with Meg and Jax. I called them to let them know Indi was in labour, and they both came straight here.

  We’re waiting for the doctor to come back in to check on her. She wasn’t fully dilated earlier, but I’m hoping by now she is. I want this to be over for her as soon as possible. I want to meet my child. We’ve been waiting a long time for this day to arrive.

  I stand when the doctor enters the room. I help Indi roll over onto her back. She’s been crouched on all fours while I’ve been trying my best to relieve her back pain. She clutches her hand in mine while the doctor checks her over.

  “It’s time,” he says making eye contact with her. “As soon as your next contraction hits, I’m going to ask you to start pushing.” She nods her head at him before making eye contact with me. She looks exhausted the poor thing, but manages to give me a brief smile.

  A few seconds later I see her face screw up in pain. This contraction hits hard as she moans loudly. Up until now she’s been pretty quiet. She’s so fucking amazing. So brave. I’ve heard the lady in the delivery suite next door practically screaming the damn hospital down for the past hour, so I know Indiana is playing this down.

  Her grip on my hand tightens as the midwife moves into place next to the doctor. “Push,” he says. My girl does exactly as he asks. Another loud moan escapes her and a lump rises to my throat.

  “You’re doing great, babe,” I encourage, wiping the sweat off her brow with the cool cloth the nurse gave me earlier. She’s had no drugs whatsoever. She refused them. I’ll admit I’ve taken a few pulls of the happy gas when she hasn’t been looking. That’s some good shit, that is.

  When her next contraction hits, the doctor tells her to push again. This time she screams, and fuck me I almost lose it. “You’re doing great, Indiana,” he says. “I can see the head.” His gaze moves up to me. “Come take a look.” I don’t want to leave Indi’s side, so without letting go of her hand I lean forward and look between her legs.

  The baby’s tiny head is turned to the side, giving me a glimpse of the most angelic profile I’ve ever seen. A magical feeling hits me right in the chest. Tears brim my eyes. That’s my child.

  “You’re almost there, babe,” I say, moving back beside her and leaning down to kiss her forehead. “I’m so proud of you,” I whisper. She starts to do her breathing exercises when the next contraction comes. When she bears down again, she lets out a loud moaning sound. She’s in fucking agony. It’s so hard to watch her go through this. It tugs at my heart. I wasn’t prepared for this shit. I knew it wasn’t going to be a walk in the park, I’m not that naive, but to see the woman you love with all your heart in so much pain, it’s fucking heartbreaking.

  “One more push,” the doctor says. It’s her last one. The baby slips out and into the doctor’s hands. Relief floods through me. It’s finally over. We decided not to find out the sex of the baby. Although every time we went in for an ultrasound, I think we were both tempted, but we held strong. “It’s a boy,” the doctor announces. Leaning down, I press my lips to Indiana’s mouth.

  “Thank you,” I whisper against her lips. I have so much to thank her for. She saved me. Saved me from myself. She gave my life meaning. She gave me her, and now a son. A chance to right all the wrongs that were committed against me all those years ago.

  Fuck me, I have a son. I’m a dad.

  Words cannot describe how incredible I feel right now. After I cut the cord, the doctor places our boy on Indi’s chest. Tears fill my eyes as I look at the perfect picture in front of me. My wife. My son. My whole life. Indiana has tears streaming down her face as she lifts her head slightly and places a kiss on his forehead.

  “Hello little man,” she whispers. “I’ve been waiting a long time to meet you.” Raising my hand towards my face, I wipe away my own tears. I thought the day Indi became my wife was the best day of my life, but this moment definitely tops it. I have a family. My son has a father who’s going to love him and be there for him every second of every fucking day. He’ll never experience what I had to as a child. He’ll never know what it feels like not to be wanted.

  Indi is going to be a fantastic mother. I only have to look at the love and affection she showers on me to know that. Her tearful eyes meet mine as her hand extends out to me. I lace our fingers together as she pulls me closer to the bed. “I love you,” she says as I lean down and place my lips on hers.

  “I love you too,” I say against her mouth. Pulling back, I brush her hair back off her face before cupping her cheek in one of my hands. “I’m so proud of you. Thank you for giving me a son. For giving me a family. For loving me unconditionally.”

  Because she always has.

  Once Indi is cleaned up and we have a little time alone with our boy, I head out to the waiting room to tell the others. My mum and Meg both cry. Even Ross gets a little teary eyed when he shakes my hand and pulls me into a hug. “Congratulations, son,” he whispers.

  They follow me back into the room. After our parents have a hold of their grandson, my mum sits my grandmother on a chair and passes the baby to her. I watch on from the other side of the bed. It’s such a bittersweet moment. It reminds me of everything I missed out on when I was a kid. When I see a tear fall down her cheek as she looks down at my son, a lump rises to my throat.

  It makes me wonder if that was the same reaction my grandmother would’ve had if she wasn’t denied from seeing me w
hen I was born. Her head suddenly lifts as her eyes seek out mine. She gives me the most amazing smile as another few tears leak from her eyes. I get the feeling she was thinking the same thing I was.

  My little guy’s future already looks promising. He has so much more than I did the day I was born; two parents, grandparents, and a great grandmother that not only love him, but I know are going to make him the centre of their world. I want that for my children, because that’s all I ever wanted for myself when I was a child.

  EPILOGUE

  Eight weeks later …

  Indiana

  I can’t believe how excited I feel on the drive back home to see our parents. Well, technically it’s no longer my home, but my dad and Carter’s mum are still living in Sydney, so it will always hold a special place in my heart. My home now, is wherever my husband and son, Jaxson, reside. We named our son Jaxson after his Uncle Jax.

  Sydney was where I was born, where my mum took her last breath, where Lassie lived, played and unfortunately died, where I met Meg, and then Carter. Although growing up in my hometown came with incredible highs, and lows, I can’t regret any of it. Ultimately, it led me to where I am today. It has shaped me into the person I’ve become. It’s given me the incredible fulfilling life I lead. My boys are my world.

  My six monthly check-ups have now turned into yearly ones. The doctor is pretty confident that the cancer won’t come back. Nobody knows for sure I guess, but it looks promising. All I can do is keep going to each examination, and pray that I keep getting good results. I do experience the occasional headaches, just like everyone does I suppose. I will admit when they first come, it worries me. I don’t think that feeling will ever go away. The cancer is always going to be in the back of my mind. As soon as the headache is gone though, I know that’s all it was. A headache.