Bastard

by J. L. Perry

  When we pull into the driveway of my dad’s place, excitement broils in the pit of my stomach. It’s only been three weeks since we’ve seen each other, but I miss him. He and Elizabeth have been coming up to Newcastle every few weeks since the birth of their grandson. Every visit is special. This is our first big trip away from Newcastle as a family.

  Although my dad worked such long hours whilst I lived here, meaning we didn’t get to see each other as much as we would’ve liked, he was still close by if I needed him. Now that he lives hours away, I struggle sometimes. I hate that he’s all alone. Before I moved away with Carter, it was just the two of us.

  Well, he has Elizabeth next door, I suppose, which gives me some comfort. They’ve bonded since her husband’s death. They’ve become great friends. Nothing romantic, just companions you could say. They occasionally have dinner together or go to the movies. When they come down to visit, they usually travel together. That kind of thing. It makes being so far away a little easier for me.

  “You excited?” Carter asks as he brings my hand to his lips, planting a soft kiss on my knuckles.

  “I am. Our parents are going to be so happy to see Jaxson, and surprised to see how much he’s grown in the last three weeks.”

  “They will,” he says smiling before turning his head to look at our son in the back seat. I love the look Carter gets when he looks at Jaxson. He rarely frowns nowadays. He’s come so far. He’s an amazing father.

  “Can we quickly go and see if dad’s awake before we go over to your mum’s house?” Our parents weren’t expecting us until next week, but we thought we’d surprise them.

  “Of course,” he replies, giving my hand a light squeeze before getting out of the car. I watch my gorgeous husband as he walks around the front of the vehicle towards my door. I traded my car in for an SUV. We needed something bigger now we’re a growing family. Carter still has his Monaro. He’ll never get rid of that, but when we go out as a family, this is the car we use.

  I smile at my handsome husband when he extends his hand to me, helping me out of the car. He’s such a gentleman and treats me the way any girl would dream of being treated; like a princess, like I’m the centre of his universe, his existence. That’s exactly how I feel towards him as well. I can’t put into words just how happy we both are. We’re perfect for each other. A marriage made in heaven.

  There’s no doubt about that.

  Sure, growing up he did some pretty horrible things to me, but I’m grateful I had the sense to see straight through him, grateful that I was given the opportunity to see the real Carter Reynolds. The one he did a good job of hiding from the rest of the world. From the second I met him, I suspected deep down it was all a facade. Like a protective armour to save himself from getting hurt. I was right.

  I still occasionally see his insecure side, but it no longer upsets me like it used to. Thankfully, with some help from me, he’s embraced who he is. He now sees in the grand scheme of things, it’s just a silly, meaningless word. A word that only has the power to define you if you let it. Technically he may be a bastard, but to me he’s a beautiful, kind, sweet, caring, incredibly loyal, and loveable bastard. His list of qualities are endless. Despite the life he’s led, I’m proud of the man he has become. I wouldn’t have him any other way. I know I make him happy, just like he makes me.

  After Carter lets LJ out of the car, he leads him down the side of the house, letting him loose in the back yard. He’s such a great dog, and so protective of the baby. When Carter makes his way back towards me, he slides his arms around my waist. Pulling me against him, he plants a soft kiss on my lips. I don’t think I’ll ever lose this feeling I get being in his arms. He still has the power to send my heart into a flutter.

  “You okay?” he asks smiling down at me.

  “Couldn’t be better,” I reply. Tightening his embrace, he presses his lips to my forehead.

  “Yeah, me too, baby.” Letting go, he opens the back door and grabs our little man out of the baby capsule. Carter immediately buries his lips into the soft, chubby cheeks of Jaxson’s face. It warms my heart watching them together. “Are you ready to see your grandparents again, little champ?” he whispers to our son.

  That’s what he calls him, ‘little champ’. He’s amazing. He strives to be everything he dreamt of having when he was a young boy. We’re already talking about trying for another one.

  Smiling over at my boys, I fish my keys out of my bag as we walk up the front steps. I don’t knock just in case my dad’s still asleep. The house is very quiet when we walk through the front door. I presume he’s still in bed. Walking quietly, I lead Carter towards the kitchen. I can feed Jaxson while we wait for him to wake.

  When I round the corner, I’m stopped in my tracks. Carter walks straight into my back, nearly bowling me over. I hear him chuckle from behind me when he sees what I see. I’m sure my chin is now resting on the floor. I softly elbow him in the stomach to quiet him.

  I can’t believe what I’m seeing.

  Right in front of us, is our parent’s. Let’s just say in a very compromising position. My father has Elizabeth sprawled out over the surface of the kitchen table. Holy fucking crap. I suddenly feel the need to bleach my eyes. I guess their friendship has grown into something more. Friends with benefits. By the way they’re gazing into each other’s eyes, I’d say it was a little more than that though. They look pretty smitten to me.

  Shit, Carter. I’m waiting for him to shove me out of the way and attack my dad for what he’s doing to his mum. Hesitantly looking over my shoulder at him, I’m surprised to find him smiling. Not a small one either. He’s beaming. I guess he’s okay with this.

  As horrified as I am at the sight before us, it brings a smile to my face as well. Truthfully, I like the idea of them together. In my heart, I’ve secretly wished for this. They’re perfect for each other. Reaching up, my hand instinctively covers our sons face. He’s just a baby, but I still don’t want him to see what his grandparents are up to.

  They’re so lost in each other that they don’t even notice we’re standing here. I flick my head at Carter gesturing for us to leave. I don’t want to disturb them. Carter being Carter though, has other ideas. He clears his throat loudly. Both our parents swing their heads in our direction in unison. Elizabeth’s face turns bright red. My father on the other hand, looks absolutely horrified. It’s priceless. “Busted,” Carter says, and we both laugh.

  Oh. My. God. Busted is an understatement.

  Eleven months later …

  Carter

  Stepping out of the car, I head inside. “You look lovely,” I say leaning forward and placing my lips on her cheek when she greets me at the door.

  “And you look very handsome,” she replies, placing her frail hand on the side of my face. “Doesn’t my grandson look handsome,” my grandmother says, turning her head towards the cute carer who’s making her bed.

  “Yes he does,” she says smiling at me. She gives me a look that says she’d like to rip this suit off me with her teeth. I give her a look that hopefully says, sorry love, I’m taken. I have the only woman I’ll ever need waiting for me at home. My soulmate, my wife, my baby’s mumma.

  “Ready to go Grandma?” I ask smiling down at her. I can’t describe the feeling I get having her in my life. I only wish it had been for my whole life, not just the past few years. She’s such an amazing woman. My grandfather robbed us all of so much with his stubborn, pig headed, narrow-mindedness. I hate him for that.

  But today is a day for new beginnings, a time for looking forward, not backwards. Today my life takes a turn for the better, because my mum is marrying Ross. In a little over an hour, he’ll officially become my dad. The dad I feel like I’ve waited my whole life for. I couldn’t be happier for me, and my mum. She’ll finally get the man she deserves, and I’ll get the father figure I’ve always wanted.

  They both had huge reservations about getting married. Only because Indi and I were already together, s
o they thought if they tied the knot it would be taboo. What a crock of shit. Indi and I discussed it for all of a minute. We wanted this for them. They’re perfect for each other. I’d grown up my whole life without a father, and Indi only had her mother for a few short years, so this was a win-win for all of us. They get to live out their days happy, in love and together. Indi and I both get to have two parents. How could that be taboo?

  “I’ll just grab my purse,” my grandmother says. When she comes back to me, she links her arm through mine as we walk towards the door. My grandmother now lives in a retirement village. Well actually it’s more like a luxury apartment building for people over sixty. She has a two bedroom fully self-contained unit. It has a community dining area and a staff of carers that live on site to look after the residents. She got tired of living in that big-arse house all on her own.

  She still has her independence here, but also plenty of company from people her own age. To be honest, I never felt comfortable visiting her in that other house. Here, I have no qualms whatsoever.

  As we make our way down the corridor, an older man walking towards us smiles widely when his eyes land on my grandma. “Well don’t you look lovely, Evelyn,” he says stopping in front of us. He reaches for her hand, bringing it to his mouth, and my grandmother giggles like a schoolgirl. Looking down at her I find her blushing. I feel my lips turn up into a smile. This old dude is very suave, a real ladies man, I can tell. My grandmother seems very taken with him.

  “Thank you, Arthur,” she replies with a flutter of her eyelashes. Fuck me. Do women still do that shit at this age? Standing in awkward silence, I watch on as these two make googly eyes at each other. I hate to break up their moment, but we need to get going.

  “We really should get going, Grandma,” I interrupt clearing my throat.

  “Will you be back in time for dinner?” Arthur asks, his hopeful eyes locked with hers.

  “No. I’m afraid not. I’m going to my daughter’s wedding. I won’t be back until later tonight.” I have to hold back my laugh when his face drops. He definitely has a thing for her. I’m not sure how I feel about that. “I’ll be here for breakfast in the morning though.” Okay, now he’s smiling again. It’s kind of nice, and kind of creepy. Aren’t they too old for this shit?

  “I’ll save you a seat,” he says as I guide her away. I have to refrain from rolling my eyes at them, but it’s nice she has company when we aren’t around I suppose. She seems to be extremely happy living here. When I look down at her, I find her smiling happily to herself. Seeing her like this makes me so happy. I know firsthand how wonderful it feels to be in love.

  “Do I need to bring my shotgun back here, Grandma?” I ask as we head towards the front entrance where the car is waiting. Not that I even have one, but I know she understands the meaning behind my words when she playfully swats my arm and laughs.

  “Don’t be silly. Arthur is a lovely man. A real gentleman. He’s always looking out for me.” That may be the case, but I’m still going to be keeping my eye on him from now on. Looking over my shoulder, I see he’s whistling as he shuffles away from us. I smile, shaking my head.

  Arthur, you’re officially on my radar, buddy.

  ••••

  When we arrive back at the house, I help my grandmother out of the car and lead her down towards the back of the property.

  Indi is my mum’s bridesmaid today, and Ross asked me to be his best man. This morning Ross and I erected a large marquee in the back yard for the reception later on today. They’ve hired caterers that are already in the house preparing the food for the reception that will follow the ceremony.

  We also set up a white gazebo by the lake. That’s where they’re exchanging their vows. Megan came over while mum and Indiana were at the hairdressers, to help decorate it. She lined the outside edges with white tulle and a long garland of white silk roses to make it look more wedding-ish, I guess.

  Every time I’m down by the lake near the dock, it brings back so many memories for me. It was the place that Indiana gave me her greatest gift—her virginity. In return I gave her my heart. It’s also the night things changed for me, forever. Thinking back now, me leaving was the best thing that could’ve happened to us.

  If I had stayed, I’m not sure we would’ve lasted. My head was in a bad place, and I was consumed with anger. Moving away gave me the chance to grow. The chance to see just how much I needed her. By the time I came back, I was ready. I was a better man—more worthy.

  My mum sold Fuckwit’s house six months ago and moved in with Ross. I wasn’t the least bit sad to see that place go. At least when Indi and I come home to stay now, I no longer have to feel uncomfortable. Ross even packed up the room that he used to share with Indiana’s mother. It’s been converted into a nursery for his grandchildren.

  Well it’s Jaxson’s room for now, but he’ll be sharing it with his baby brother, Levi, when he’s born.

  If I have my way they’ll have to extend the house with all the grandchildren I plan on giving them. Jaxson was only a few months old when I knocked Indiana up again. I can’t explain the feeling I get seeing her carrying my child, but I fucking love it.

  “Dad-da,” Jaxson squeals from Ross’ arms when he sees me. When Ross places him down, I extend my hands to him as he walks unsteadily towards me. He’s still trying to find his feet. He only started walking a few weeks ago.

  Ross grabs hold of my grandmother’s hand, leading her towards the chairs that are set up near the gazebo. “Thanks, Dad,” I say smiling at him. He asked me if I’d call him dad the day Indiana and I got married. I didn’t hesitate. It’s one of those poignant moments in your life that you never forget; like the day Indiana became my wife, the day my son was born, and the day my grandmother welcomed me with open arms. It’s right up there with them.

  “Hey, champ,” I say as I scoop my little boy into my arms and bury my lips in his soft, chubby cheek. I love this little guy, so hard. My real dad doesn’t know what he missed out on when he walked away from my mum when she was pregnant. Nothing beats the feeling of being a parent. Nothing.

  Jaxson looks so cute in the little suit my mum had made for him today. I’m smiling as I stare down into his big green eyes. They’re exactly like Indi’s. “No,” he squeals, tugging at his tie in frustration. I hear ya buddy. I fucking hate them too.

  “You have to leave it on until Nanna and Pa get married,” I say calmly, removing his chubby little hand from the death grip he has on it.

  “No,” he snaps, scrunching up his face and frowning at me. It makes me chuckle. Not only did he inherit his mother’s looks, he also inherited her temper and stubbornness. It’s close to his nap time, so that doesn’t help his mood either. I pull his dummy out of my pocket, remove the cover and stick it in his mouth. I always carry one with me. It’s a fucking godsend sometimes. Walking towards the chair, I pick up his teddy bear and hand it to him. He cuddles it into his chest. Hopefully that will distract him until the ceremony is over.

  “They’re ready,” Meg calls out as she walks towards us before taking Jaxson out of my arms. She blows a raspberry on his neck to distract him when he tries to protest. I watch as she walks towards Drew, who’s holding their daughter Isabella. She was born four weeks after Jaxson. Indiana cried tears of joy when Megan named their little girl after Indi’s mum. It was very touching.

  “You ready, Dad?” I ask as I grasp his shoulder.

  “Never been readier,” he smiles as we both walk over and stand by the marriage celebrant. There’s only about thirty guests here today; mainly the guys from Ross’ work and a few neighbours. They wanted to keep it small and intimate.

  When the music starts to play, my eyes move to Indiana as she waddles towards us. She still takes my breath away after all this time. Her hair is pulled into an up-do on top of her head, with a few loose curls falling down over her pretty face. She’s wearing a soft pink strapless dress, accentuating her spectacular rack. It then falls loosely to her knees acco
mmodating her large stomach. Levi is due to come into this world sometime next week.

  We’re both looking forward to his birth. Her smile widens when her eyes lock with mine. “I love you,” I mouth when she gets closer. It’s not until she’s standing opposite us that my gaze then moves to my mother. She’s wearing an ivory dress that’s covered with lace. She looks beautiful, and so happy. It warms my heart to see her like this. I turn to look at Ross, whose teary eyes are glued to my mother as she walks towards him.

  The love he has for her is radiating off him. It brings a lump to my throat. I love this man so much. I think I’ve been looking forward to this wedding just as much as I was my own. Finally, my mum not only got the wedding day she deserved, but the man as well.

  ••••

  Once the vows are exchanged, calmness settles over me. I know I’m right where I should be, where I was destined to be. Everything I’ve endured over my life was meant to happen. It helped mould me into the man I am today. It makes me appreciate everything I have now, so much more.

  For the majority of my life, I only knew the love of one person, my mother. Now I’m surrounded by it. I feel like the richest man in the world. Finally I’m whole. It’s taken twenty-six years to get here, but I’ve finally arrived. From this day forward I no longer consider myself a bastard. I have a mother and a father who love me just as much as I love them. I have the woman of my dreams by my side, my son Jaxson whom I adore, and our second child on the way. Life couldn’t be sweeter. My heart is so full, there’s no longer any room for the darkness that once consumed me. Thanks to my sunshine, Indiana, I’m filled with light …

  Right down to the very depths of my soul.

  ••••

  After we eat, our parents head to the dance floor for the bridal waltz. They’re dancing to ‘Only you’, sung by The Platters. Indi and I stand beside the dance floor and watch them. They look so happy. I snake my arms around my wife’s waist from behind, resting my chin on her shoulder as I gently rub her belly.