Better If He Goes (Always You Book 1)

by Allie Everhart

  I get up and take Brad's hand. "Let's go outside."

  When we're out of the house, Brad says, "I'm not doing it. I'm not cleaning up his mess. I left there to get away from it. I'm not going back."

  "Brad, I know you don't want to do this, but I think you should. Did you see your mom in there? She's breaking down. She's skin and bones. She was practically shaking when your dad was telling you they took your college money."

  "And yet she doesn't feel bad about moving into a luxury condo."

  "Okay, but she's still your mom, and she needs you."

  "So then what happens with us?" He takes my hands in his. "Things are going so great with us. We don't have to hide anymore. We were going to move in together."

  "And we still will. Just not when we planned." I reach up and kiss him. "I love you, Brad, and that's not going to change if you go home and help your mom. If anything, it'll make me love you even more."

  "God, you're amazing." His hand cups my face, his thumb brushing over my cheek as he gazes at me. "Not many girls would tell their boyfriend to leave town to go help his mom."

  I smile. "Guess I have a soft spot for moms."

  "You do. And you're going to be a great one yourself someday. You have such a big heart. I would've given up on your mom a long time ago if I were you."

  "Most people would, but I can't do it. Not yet."

  "So you really want me to go?"

  "I want you to make the decision, but if you're asking for my opinion, I think you should go. While you're gone, we'll talk on the phone, text, and maybe you could make it back here some weekend."

  "Yeah. Definitely."

  "Then it's settled. You're going."

  He sighs, resting his head on mine. "I don't want to leave you."

  "I don't want that either. But this isn't the end. It's just a short break. You'll help your mom and then we'll figure out what to do next." I look up at him. "It'll work out. It always does."

  He softly smiles. "I don't know what idiot told you that, but I hope he's right."

  "I'm choosing to believe he is," I say, my voice cracking. "It's the only way I can say goodbye to you."

  He hugs me. "This isn't goodbye. I'm just going away for a little while. I'll be back. I promise."

  I nod, tears falling as I try to memorize how it feels to be in his arms, not sure when—or if—I'll ever feel this again.

  "I love you," Brad says, holding me tighter.

  "I love you, too."

  He pulls back, his eyes on mine. "This isn't the end for us. Everything will work out. It always does. Remember that, okay?"

  "Yeah." I attempt to smile. "I should go."

  "Come back inside. You don't have to leave."

  "I can't stay. Staying just makes it harder. I need to go."

  He takes my hand and walks me to my truck. "I'll call you tomorrow from the road."

  "Yeah." I nod. "Okay."

  "Riley, look at me." He lifts my chin up. "I love you. That won't change, no matter how far apart we are."

  "I'll still miss you," I say, wiping my eyes.

  He pulls me into his arms. "I'll miss you too."

  We remain in the hug for several minutes before he lets me go.

  "See ya soon," he says, giving me a wave as he walks away.

  "Yeah. See ya."

  I want to believe I will, but I have a feeling I won't.

  That night, I cry myself to sleep and dream of Brad and I living together in a small house on the beach. I wake up feeling even sadder that the dream will never happen.

  He's gone. He left. And I don't know if he'll be back.

  "Hey, sugar," my mom says as I come out of my room in the morning. She's in her robe, holding a cup of coffee.

  "Hey," I mumble as I go past her to the kitchen.

  She follows me. "What's wrong?"

  "I don't want to talk about it." I open the fridge. There's nothing in there except a carton of expired milk and a can of beer. "Do we have any food?"

  "There's some chips in the cupboard." She goes around me and takes them out.

  "I don't want chips. Just forget it." I sit at the kitchen table and stare at the peeling wallpaper.

  My mom sits beside me, sipping her coffee. "What's wrong?"

  "Brad left. He went home. Back to Arizona. His parents are divorcing and his mom needs help selling the house. It's a long story. I don't want to get into it."

  "So you two broke up?"

  "Not exactly. We said we'd stay together, but I get the feeling we won't. I don't know how we can when he's there and I'm here."

  She puts her hand on my back. "Baby, I'm sorry." Her phone rings and she jumps up. "That's Lou. He's picking me up soon. We're going to the flea market."

  "Mom, you can't buy anything. We don't have money."

  "If I want something, Lou will buy it for me. He loves to spoil me." She smiles and sets her coffee cup in the sink. "I'm gonna go get ready. Get the door if he's early."

  I wish she'd break up with this guy. He doesn't even say hello to me when I see him. I'm not even sure he talks. When he's here, he just watches TV and drinks. It makes me miss Dave. I don't know why my mom broke up with him. She wouldn't tell me.

  After I've showered and dressed, I go back to the kitchen to search for something to eat. I find a bag of stale cookies and dip them in my coffee.

  There's a knock on the door.

  "Mom, Lou's here!" I yell.

  "I'm not ready," she yells back. "Get the door!"

  I go over there and fling it open, then walk away. "She's not ready."

  "Riley."

  I turn back and see Nate there.

  "What do you want?"

  He sighs. "To be a friend. I know I'm not the person you want to see right now, but if you want to talk or just hang out, I'm here."

  Not wanting my mom to overhear, I go outside with him. "I'm really not in the mood for this, Nate."

  "I'm not here to argue with you or talk about you and Brad. I just thought you might need a friend right now."

  "I do need a friend, but you said our friendship is over, and you're right. I don't know how we get past this."

  "We could start with pizza."

  "What?"

  "Let's go to Pete's. We'll get a pizza. It'll be like old times."

  "But it won't. Too much has happened between us. I know I shouldn't have hid my relationship with Brad from you, but you shouldn't have made me feel like I had to. Who I go out with is my decision, and if that person makes me happy, you should want that, Nate, just like I want you to be happy."

  "You don't understand because you don't know what it's like. If you had to watch Brad date other people, you'd see why I didn't want you being with him."

  "I did have to watch him date other people. You kept setting him up with girls."

  "But he wasn't really dating them."

  "It doesn't matter. I don't want to debate this. And I don't want to hang out with you today. I need you to go."

  "Whatever, Riley," he says as he walks back to his car. "I came here to help you. After you lied to me. And this is how you treat me?"

  "You're only trying to be my friend again because Brad's gone. You got what you wanted. And now you think everything will go back to normal."

  He gets in his car, slams the door, and speeds off just as Lou pulls up. As usual, he says nothing as he goes past me into the trailer.

  I remain outside and call Giada. We're not really friends outside of work, but she's the first person I thought of to call.

  "Riley, what's up?" she answers.

  "Hey, I know we don't usually hang out together, but is there any chance you'd want to? Like maybe today, before work?"

  "Sure! What do you want to do?"

  "Why don't I come over and we'll figure it out?"

  "Yeah, sounds great!"

  "Okay, I just need to take a quick shower. I'll be there soon."

  She's always happy. Always smiling. Laughing. Maybe that's why I called her. I nee
d to be around someone cheery. I'm so sad right now. I miss Brad so much. He texted me when they left this morning, but I haven't heard from him since. He's only been driving a few hours, but I feel like he's halfway across the world.

  When I get to Giada's apartment, she greets me with a drink. "I made iced lattes! You drink coffee, right?"

  "Yeah. And I could use one. I didn't sleep much last night." I take the drink from her as I go inside her apartment. It's decorated in bright colors that fit with Giada's cheery personality. It's her friend's apartment, so I'm guessing they're similar.

  "So what's up?" she asks, plopping down on the yellow couch, grabbing her latte from the blue table beside her.

  "Brad left."

  "What do you mean? Like on a trip?"

  "No. He moved back home." I sit beside her. "Back to Arizona."

  "Oh." She sets her drink down. "And you two were dating."

  "You knew? How'd you find out?"

  "It was more of a guess. Everyone at the pool thought you and Brad had something going on, but we didn't want to say anything because it seemed like you guys were trying to hide it. I'm guessing that's because of Nate?"

  "Yeah." I squeeze my eyes shut. "I miss him so much, Giada."

  She takes my drink from my hand and hugs me. "You loved him, didn't you?"

  "Yeah. And now he's gone." Tears flow down my face faster than I can wipe them away. "He said this wasn't the end, but I don't believe him. Why would he come back here?"

  "For you." She sits back, facing me, her legs crossed in front of her. "If he loves you, he'll be back."

  "When? He doesn't have time. He has to help his mom, then find a job. And if he gets a job there, when will I ever see him?"

  "Wait—he's not going to med school?"

  "No. Well, he might. Giada, if I tell you this, you can't tell anyone."

  She agrees to keep quiet, so I tell her about Brad's dad and how his parents are broke.

  "All Brad's ever wanted is to be a doctor," I say. "And he was so excited about New York. He talked about it all the time. Now none of that's going to happen."

  "It still could. You never know. And if it doesn't, then go be with him, wherever he ends up. You don't have to stay here, Riley. I know you watch over your mom, but at some point, that has to end."

  "I know it does." I sink back into the couch. "Thanks for listening. I feel a lot better. I'm still sad, but it's good to have someone to talk to."

  "Anytime." She hops up from the couch. "You like tacos?"

  "Well, yeah, who doesn't?"

  She laughs. "Jen and I had a taco party last night. We have tons left over if you want some. I know it's a little early for lunch but I didn't have breakfast."

  "I didn't either. I'd love some tacos."

  "Follow me."

  We go to the kitchen and she starts pulling stuff out of the fridge. "There's chips in the cabinet." She points to it.

  I open the cabinet, which is full of food, more than my mom and I have in our entire kitchen.

  "You want chicken or pork?" she asks.

  "Either. Or both. I'm starving. I haven't eaten since last night."

  She puts a plate in the microwave, then turns to me. "You know, if you ever want to come over for dinner sometime. Or breakfast. Whatever. You're always welcome. We have plenty of food. More than we can eat."

  "Thanks," I say, embarrassed that she knows my situation, but also thankful for the offer. "I might take you up on that."

  "You'd love Jen, my roommate. She's really fun and an awesome cook. She talks nonstop, but you get used to it."

  A text pops up on my phone.

  "Is it Brad?" Giada asks as I look at my phone.

  "Yeah. He says the trip is going well." I pause. "And that he loves me."

  "See? It's not over. A guy that in love with you isn't going to let you go."

  Then why do I still feel like it's going to end?

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Riley

  It's been three weeks since Brad left. We talk on the phone every night, but only for an hour, sometimes less. During the day, I don't hear from him at all. He's too busy helping his mom, although sometimes I think she's purposely finding stuff for him to do so he won't have time to call me. He keeps saying he'll come back here, but then it never happens. I'm trying to be understanding. I know it's a rough time for him and his family, but it's also a rough time for us, and I really need to see him.

  My phone rings and I race to pick it up, knowing it's Brad. It's nine, and he always calls around nine.

  "Hey!" I answer, a big smile on my face.

  "Hey. I miss you."

  "I miss you too."

  "I have good news."

  I jump off my bed, bursting with excitement. "You're coming to see me?"

  "No." He sighs. "I'm sorry, Riley. I really do want to get back there, but things are crazy right now."

  I sink down on the bed. "So what's the news?"

  "We sold the house. Well, we have an offer. They still need to do an inspection, but after that, it's officially sold."

  "Brad, that's great!"

  "Yeah, it's a huge relief. My mom thought it'd take months to sell."

  "Does that mean you'll have more time now?"

  "I wish. Things are only going to get worse. The new buyers want to move in in a few weeks, which means we either need to sell everything or get it into storage. I vote for having a huge sale, but my mom's not ready to part with her stuff."

  "But you need the money."

  "I know, but at least we'll get money from selling the house."

  "Enough money for you to go to school?"

  "No, but that's the other news. It's good—really good—but I want to talk to you about it."

  "Go ahead."

  "I've been talking to the admissions department and financial aid about how to handle my situation. Up until now, there really wasn't anything they could do. Then earlier today, the guy I've been working with there called me up and said one of their incoming students had to drop out because of a family emergency. The guy was on scholarship and now he can't use it. So guess who they gave it to?"

  "You?" I ask, hesitantly.

  "That's right." His tone brightens. "It was part need-based, part academic. I already had the good grades and good test scores. And now I have the need. It's mine if I want it."

  "Brad, that's awesome! So you can go back in the fall?"

  "Yeah, actually next week. They want us to move in and get settled before orientation."

  "Next week? That's soon."

  "Not really. It's already the middle of August and I wouldn't be leaving until the end of the week. Classes start the first of September."

  "Can you find an apartment that fast?"

  "That's the other thing." He pauses. "The scholarship covers housing in the dorms. I can't afford an apartment right now, so the dorms are my only option if I want to do this. And my room has already been assigned. With a roommate."

  "Oh," I say, trying not to sound disappointed. But the tears are already falling.

  "Riley, we could still find you a place in New York. You'd have to get some roommates in order to afford it and you'd probably have to work a couple jobs, but we could make it work."

  "I'd never see you. If we don't live together and you're spending all your time at class or studying at the library, I'll never see you."

  "Then maybe I just don't do this. Maybe I stick with the plan and get a job and try to save up the money I need to go back. You could come here. We'll get an apartment and—"

  "No. Brad, you can't do that. You need to take the scholarship. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity. I love that you're even considering not taking it because of me, but it's not the right decision. You know that, and so do I. This scholarship came at a time when you needed it the most. That's proof it was meant to be. You always say things will work out and they did."

  "But not with us. Riley, I don't know what to do. I agree this scholarship coming ou
t of nowhere seems like a sign that I should go, but I don't want to leave you. I said I'd be back and now I don't know when that'll be."

  "Don't worry about that. We'll just keep talking on the phone and texting and you can send me pictures of New York." I'm trying to sound happy for him, but inside my heart is breaking.

  It's over. If he leaves, it's over between us.

  But he has to go.

  "As soon as I have some money, I'll send you a ticket," he says. "You're going to love New York. There's so much to do."

  "I can't wait to see it," I say, tears sliding down my cheeks.

  "I love that you're supporting me in this. I wouldn't have felt right going if you didn't want me to. I know we can make this work. It'll just take some effort."

  "Yeah." I wipe my eyes. "So when do you leave?"

  "Next Friday. Until then, I'll do as much as I can to get the house ready for the sale."

  "When do you think you'll be back?"

  "Hopefully Thanksgiving. You should come here for that. We always have a huge dinner and it'll give you a chance to meet my brother. You could even bring your mom."

  "Not sure your parents would go for that."

  "They'll warm up to you. They just need to get to know you."

  They'll never warm up to me. I'm not the type of girl they want for their son. They made that clear at dinner that night with their disapproving looks and comments.

  I won't be going there for Thanksgiving. I doubt Brad will even come home for it. He'll probably have to stay in the dorms and study.

  The more I think about this, the sadder I feel. But I know this is what's best for him. It's his dream. It's what'll make him happy. It's what he needs to do.

  "I'm really happy for you, Brad. You're going to do great there."

  "Enough about me. Tell me what's going on there. How was work?"

  "Same as always. Some kid slipped and fell into the deep end, but Nate jumped in and saved him. It sounds more dramatic than it was. The kid was only in there a few seconds. Oh, here's some news. Nate took me to breakfast this morning."

  It's news because I haven't gone out with Nate since Brad left town. Nate and I talk a little at work, but that's about it. We're more acquaintances now than friends, which makes me sad, but I don't know how to fix it. He still doesn't want me dating Brad. And sometimes at the pool I catch him watching me, giving me that look that says he wishes I was his girlfriend, which makes it hard to be friends with him.