Keeping Him

by Kennedy Fox

  “I’m so sorry,” I tell him, but my words seem to glide right past him.

  I walk up the steps, hoping I can explain myself and let him know what happened, though I doubt he wants to hear it.

  “You’re sorry, Kiera? You’re a piece of shit. Do you have any idea how I felt being left at the altar? Having to speak to everyone after you left? You embarrassed my family and me, and I don’t think I’ll ever be able to forgive you for that.”

  “I understand.” I open my mouth and close it, trying to find more words that could even begin to explain how sorry I am that this happened, but nothing sounds like it will ever be good enough because it won’t.

  “Do you? Do you really understand it? Reverse the roles, Kiera. You’re nothing but a skanky ass whore. And I know you’re fucking Jackson. I knew you were cheating the entire time. I tried to look past all your insecurities. Everything. Because I loved you, but now you’re dead to me, Kiera.”

  His words are a slap in the face, but I don’t have the energy to fight him right now. I’ve told him over and over again that Jackson and I were never more than friends, which was the honest truth. He’s living in a delusional world if he truly thinks that.

  “This is because of you, Trent. It’s always been because of the way you act. The way you lie. The way I can’t trust you. This has nothing to do with Jackson,” I scream at him, disgusted that he’s still stuck on this. With every argument we’ve had in the past few months, he’s somehow found a way to sneak Jackson into the conversation instead of taking responsibility for what he does.

  Trent takes a step forward, rearing back and pushes me off the porch with every bit of strength he has. “Get the fuck away from me, you stupid bitch.”

  The shock of it all rocks through me. I stumble backward, missing the step, and fall to the ground. John rushes to me, searching my face.

  “Are you okay?” he asks, helping me up. “I’m about to kick his ass for that.”

  “Don’t.” I grab his arm. “He’s not worth it, John. I’m okay.” I dust myself off and suck in a deep breath. The only thing that’s broken right now is my damn pride.

  Trent looks at me and John together, and I watch as his face contorts into rage. “You’re a slut who lied to me for the past two and a half years. I should’ve never trusted you. And then you have the audacity to bring that motherfucker on my property with you?”

  John stands and crosses his arms over his chest. “I’m not Jackson, asshole.”

  “I know you’re upset, Trent. But when you settle down and you’re not so mad, maybe we can talk about what happened.”

  Trent’s lips are in a firm line. “You need to get the fuck off my property before I call the cops for trespassing. Don’t you ever come back here either, Kiera. I have nothing to say to you. I never want to see you again.”

  My eyes meet Trent’s before he turns his body, walks inside, and slams the door shut. When I turn around, the guys are all standing next to each other like superheros ready to fight the bad guy. Trent’s lucky they didn’t all jump his ass when he put his hands on me. But he would be stupid to even try to fight back. Having them with me may have even frustrated him more, but I had no other choice, especially considering how his temper has gotten away from him in the past. There’s no way anyone would’ve let me face him alone anyway.

  We walk back to the truck, and my shoulder throbs where Trent pushed me, but as sick as it is, I feel as if I deserved it. Though his words were hurtful, I understand the place they’re coming from, and the guilt consumes me. I honestly don’t think he’ll ever forgive me for what I did, and I’m okay with it, because I made my choice.

  “It’s over now,” Evan says as I buckle.

  “Yeah, until the rumor mill starts,” I tell him.

  “It’s already started,” Alex admits. “But who cares, Kiera? You did the right thing. Trent’s a psycho. He just has this look in his eye like he’s got a few screws loose somewhere or something.”

  “He’s just upset is all,” I say, looking out the window, realizing I’m still making excuses for his actions. The silence draws on as we head back to my parents’ house. Considering I rented my house out to a nice family when I moved in with Trent, I guess that means I’ll be living with my parents until I figure something out. Great. There are so many things I didn’t think about when I left that I’ll have to deal with over the next few weeks. Being over thirty and living with my parents—didn’t see that one coming.

  We pull into the driveway, and Evan parks close to the front door of the house. They all get out and grab armfuls of clothes and things that Trent threw out like it was trash. I open the door and lead them to my room.

  “Just set it wherever it’ll go,” I tell them, grabbing some plastic tubs to try to lessen the trips. Considering there’s five of us and I didn’t move every little thing into Trent’s, it doesn’t take that long.

  “If you need anything else, let us know, okay?” John says with a hand on my shoulder, searching my face.

  I give him a small smile. “You know I will. Thank y’all for everything and for sticking by me even when I make a complete mess of things.”

  Evan chuckles, then gives me a hug. “Family always sticks together, Kiera.”

  Alex and Colton do too.

  “You made the right decision,” Colton adds. “And made me a very rich man.”

  “Shut up.” I laugh, seeing them out the door. “Y’all take all that food home and eat it for the next week.”

  My parents come in through the back door and thank the guys for helping me.

  “You going to join the after party?” Mama asks.

  “No, I kind of just want to be alone.”

  She wraps her arms around me and gives me a big hug. “I know it hurts right now, but with time, you’ll realize you made the right decision. Okay, honey? You’re probably emotionally exhausted. It’s been a strange day.”

  “I’m sorry I did this to y’all,” I finally say.

  Dad shakes his head. “I’m still proud of you, Kiki. You followed your heart, regardless of the consequences. It takes a strong woman to do that.”

  “Thanks, Dad.” I look at my parents and am so grateful they understand and aren’t mad at me after all the money they spent to make this exactly what Trent wanted.

  I eventually make my way through the hallway and walk into my childhood bedroom that’s as messy as my life. Letting out a deep breath, I open my closet and push my old prom dresses to the back and start hanging everything up. Once my bed is cleaned off, I crawl on top of it and close my eyes. When I glance over, I see my wedding dress hanging on the back of the door and I get up and shove it in the closet because I can’t stand to look at it. Today was supposed to be one of the happiest days of my life, and while it partially was, it wasn’t for the reasons I expected when I went to sleep last night.

  I think back to Jackson’s words, to the confessions we made today, and I’m so fucking happy I can barely contain my emotions. Tears pour out of me, and I let it all out as I ride the emotional roller coaster. I cry tears of sadness for Trent and how badly I hurt him, but tears of happiness follow soon after. Though I loved Trent, I wasn’t in love with him. After the newness wore off, deep down I knew, I just tried to hold on to the thought of us as much as I could, not wanting to give up. I hope one day he can find happiness.

  Soon I’m being pulled from my thoughts by a text message. I slip my phone out of my pocket and see it’s from Jackson and realize I totally forgot to text him.

  Jackson: Everything okay?

  Kiera: Yes. I picked up all my stuff from Trent’s. It’s over.

  Jackson: Good. I’m here for you if you need anything.

  I smile thinking about him, thinking about the letter he wrote to me and what this all really means.

  Kiera: Thank you. I’m emotionally drained. I think I need sleep.

  Jackson: Have a few shots of whiskey and call it a day.

  Kiera: Good idea! I’ll call you
tomorrow.

  Jackson: Sounds good. Sweet dreams.

  I lock my phone and roll over on my side, allowing sleep to take over. I didn’t realize how tired I was until I hear a knock on my door. The morning sun gleams through my window, and I know it’s the next day. I slept like the dead.

  “Are you feeding the horses, or do you have Alexis doing it?” Mom asks.

  “She’s taking care of it.” I roll over and look at her. “But I’ll probably head over there just to keep my mind busy.”

  “Well breakfast is ready if you’re hungry.”

  I rub my eyes. “Thanks, Mama. Gonna take a shower first.”

  After I scrub all the leftover wedding makeup from my face, I get in the shower and stand there for at least ten minutes allowing the hot water to run over my skin. Today’s a new day, but the guilt of everything still hasn’t left. Only time will be able to heal those wounds.

  After I get out of the shower, I get dressed and eat breakfast with my parents. It’s almost weird how natural it feels to be here with them. I haven’t lived at home since I was eighteen, but as I sit here, it feels as if I never left. Once we’re done eating, I help Mama clean the kitchen, then head to my bedroom when I get a call from Addie.

  “You have to tell me what happened. You left me on a damn cliffhanger yesterday,” she says.

  I let out a laugh. “You’re never going to believe it. I’m not sure I do.”

  I explain the letter, tell her about what Jackson said, and how Trent pushed me off his porch. “Please don’t tell anyone about Jackson and me. We’ve agreed to keep it a secret and to take it slow, whatever that means.”

  “I have no friends, so your secret’s safe with me,” she says with a smile. I know I can trust Addie. She knows everything about me and is sealed tight as a vault. “But damn. This is really happening. It’s like it all happened so fast.”

  Now I’m the one to laugh. “Fast? It took almost two decades and a possible wedding to make it happen.”

  “And do you regret it?” Addie waits for my answer.

  I think about it all. Jackson and my friendship, the kiss we shared when we were teens, how I never gave up on him when everyone else did. He was always the one. There’s zero doubt in my bones, no inkling of distrust, and I know the decision I made was the right one. My life isn’t perfect, but it’s mine, and I wouldn’t change a thing.

  “Hell no,” I tell her, and I mean it. “I have zero regrets.”

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Jackson

  “Slow? You’re taking things…slow?” Colton squints his eyes as if he’s not sure he heard me correctly.

  “Yes,” I confirm. “Kiera isn’t just a random hookup or a girl I just met. I want to do things…right. She deserves to be taken out and showered with all that romance crap.”

  Colton laughs, nearly howling. “And you know shit creek about that.”

  I glare at him, warning him to shut his damn mouth. “Clearly.”

  We continue walking to the equipment barn that burned down. All that’s left is black ash on the ground. Until the insurance pays out, we’re borrowing equipment from a few of the other ranches near us. It’s still so damn depressing to look at, but it’s inevitable since it’s on our way to our trucks.

  “So what’s your plan, bigshot?” Colton taunts, opening the passenger door and hopping in while I do the same on the driver’s side.

  “Well since she doesn’t want us to be seen in public just yet, I can’t take her out for a real date, so I figured I’d cook for her and make it special at my place,” I explain, cranking the truck and shifting it into gear. We’re done for the day, and I’m eager to see Kiera tonight. We have to sneak around like a bunch of horny teenagers, and although I respect her decision and understand why we have to keep things between us on the downlow, it still sucks.

  After all this time, Kiera and I have finally confessed our feelings, and I want to announce it to the whole damn world and let everyone know she’s mine now. However, I’ll do whatever she asks me to do because honestly, it doesn’t matter. Being with her and seeing where this goes are all that matters.

  It’s not easy to see each other now. She’s living with her parents since she still has a tenant in her old house. We’ve talked every day, but we haven’t been able to find time to be together between our schedules. I’m up at the ass crack of dawn for work, and she hasn’t officially told her family about us yet, though I suspect they know. She’s told me some details about Trent involving a secret child she never knew existed, and it gave me relief knowing his dumbass actions factored into her decision not to marry him.

  “But you don’t know how to cook,” Colton blurts, taking me out of my thoughts.

  “Thank you, Captain Asshat. I was going to call Emily and see what she recommended. I know Kiera’s likes and dislikes, but I have no clue what’s an appropriate meal for a dinner date.”

  “Well, aren’t you lucky that you have a good-looking friend who’s a pro in the kitchen.” He gloats, smirking from ear to ear.

  “You cook, huh?” I ask, turning down the road to the ranch hand quarters.

  “Pretty damn well too.”

  “Okay, well as soon as Emily gets back to me, I’ll text you, and you can give me some pointers.”

  “You’re gonna need more than pointers. I’ll come over and show you.”

  I park in front of his house and narrow my eyes. “So now we’re cooking together?” I arch a brow, giving him shit.

  “You wanna make a good meal or poison her?” he counters, opening the door. When I don’t respond, he continues. “That’s what I thought.” He smirks before jumping out. “You still owe me fifteen hundred bucks.”

  “What?”

  “The bet. Kiera didn’t get married, and now you owe me.” He flashes a smug smirk.

  I roll my eyes as he shuts the door, and I think about his offer to help while I drive to my house.

  Guess it couldn’t hurt to have some assistance. Kiera already has so many assumptions about me and my previous “dating” life, and I’d love nothing more than to prove to her that she’s so much more than any of those other girls. I’ve never wanted to try at a relationship before, which she already knows, but I still don’t want to screw this up.

  Once I’m back home and showered, I send Emily a text.

  Jackson: What would you suggest for a dinner date meal idea? I want to cook for Kiera, but I need suggestions.

  Emily: You know her better than I do, Fabio.

  What is it with everyone calling me dorky ass nicknames lately? It’s like they all know I’m a love-sick puppy and enjoy giving me shit for it.

  Jackson: True, Scooby-Doo. But I want to make something “date” appropriate.

  Emily: Hmm, yeah. You know nothing about actual dates, so let me think…

  I groan inwardly and wait impatiently for her response.

  Emily: Okay, I got it. So easy even you couldn’t screw it up.

  Jackson: Thanks for the confidence.

  Emily: Shrimp scampi with linguine pasta. It’s delicious, and Kiera loves shrimp, so it’s a win-win! Also, it doesn’t take too long to make either. Then, while you’re eating, you can bake an apple pie in the oven, and it’ll be ready by the time you’re done.

  Jackson: Apple pie? I can’t make a pie.

  Emily: Good thing your mama is the best pie baker in the county!

  She’s got a point there. I’ll call Mama later.

  Jackson: Okay. Thanks, Em. Appreciate the help.

  Emily: No problem.

  Emily: Oh and Jackson…if you hurt my friend, I won’t think twice about sneaking into your house in the middle of the night and using a chainsaw to your balls.

  Jesus.

  I cup my junk at the imagery.

  Jackson: I promise to cut off my own balls if that ever happens.

  Emily: Good. I’ll hold ya to that.

  Jackson: Oh, Em? I never thanked you, but I wanted to say thank you for being
there for Kiera when she left the wedding and always being there for her. I know it hasn’t been easy, and I’m sure it’s not easy on any of you either.

  Emily: Honestly, I always knew you were a better pick for her. She told me all about you when we first met in college, and I always wondered what it’d take for you two to finally get together. Never imagined it’d be like this, but I can’t stay I’m not happy for you guys. I just don’t want to see my friend get heartbroken by you again.

  Her words nearly gut me, and I’m sure I’ve unintentionally hurt her over the years when I pretended my feelings didn’t exist.

  Jackson: She deserves the whole world, and it’s exactly what I want to give her as long as she’ll let me.

  Emily: You’re a good guy, Jackson. Keep it that way.

  Jackson: You got it, sis. Thanks again for your help.

  Emily was always a blunt, tell-it-like-it-is woman, and if it’s possible, I like her even more now. She’s exactly the type of woman to keep Evan in line and type of friend to support Kiera. I’m glad she’s in all our lives.

  I look in my fridge and realize it’s nearly empty minus a six-pack of beer, half a carton of eggs, and random condiments. Fuck. I’m gonna need to go shopping.

  Sitting on the couch, I call Kiera and wait anxiously until she answers.