She could tell he wanted to say more to her—and she could also tell that the things he wanted to say couldn’t be said here. He would show tonight. She just knew it.
He brought her back to her father who tried engaging Timothy in conversation. Timothy took the bait and Matilda refused to give in to temptation. She was perfectly fine with staring at him without remorse when there was an entire ballroom between them but within each other’s presence like this, her father was bound to notice something was amiss. She believed she did well with it too, letting her gaze roam around the other guests instead, making a bit of a game out of trying to spot Elizabeth. She was always aware of Timothy, though. Just as much as she was sure he was aware of her too.
* * *
The crisp night air brought a chill over her skin. Silent nights were always her favorite, but tonight, she was hoping for a sound to crack through it. For some indication that he was here because she knew that he was coming.
Matilda had stayed up waiting for everyone to go to sleep before she crept out of her room and made her way to the gardens. It didn’t occur to her until after she sat down at the gazebo that the groundsmen may have fixed that part of the fence. It had been that way since she was a child and she’d been caught trying to climb over it many times over. She hadn’t thought to check beforehand and she wrung her hands in her lap, hoping nothing had really changed over the years.
Even so, excitement had her heart thumping rapidly in her chest. She was sneaking in the Duke of Brentminster to see her! When she’d woken up this morning, she didn’t think this would be how her day ended, but she was happy for it. She was glad she finally took control of her feelings and embraced it the way she should be allowed to. Timothy was right. It shouldn’t matter what she did in her past. It shouldn’t matter what others might think about her because of it, and how they might judge her actions. What mattered were the people around her, the people she loved. Her parents, Elizabeth, and—
She heard footsteps. Matilda shot to her feet and rushed over to the end of the gazebo, staring out into the direction Timothy should come. She couldn’t see anything, but then there came another snap of a branch under someone’s foot and soon enough, his outline came into view.
The smile that spread across her face was so wide it almost felt as if it would split her face in two. As he came into view, such intense happiness filled her, followed by the constant longing she had for him that was never far behind. She couldn’t stop herself.
She rushed out of the gazebo. Timothy was almost there but he halted when he saw her running, frowning for a moment. Then, as if he had only just witnessed the broad grin on her face, he smiled as well and braced himself for impact.
Matilda wrapped her arms around him. His arms banded around hers instantly, holding her tight against him. This was what she wanted since the moment she spotted him at tonight’s ball. For his arms to hold her close. For her to feel his chest beneath hers and his breath on her ear and the beat of his heart. And…
Matilda captured his lips with hers. He wasn’t prepared for it but he melded into it perfectly, running a hand up her back as their bodies commingled. Her tongue slipped out to meet his and it was nothing like what she read in her books. There was no battle of the tongues, but a rhythm they formed together, culminating perfectly with their lips. Matilda moaned a little when he bit her bottom lip and her hands flew into his hair when he dipped her.
Oh heavens, this is what I’ve been longing for.
It was hot. The night’s air that had brought on such a chill only a few minutes before failed to soothe the flame that was burning within her—between them. She couldn’t get enough of him, enough of his taste and his smell and the feel of him. She couldn’t get enough of that heady feeling she got when he was close, when they were alone and they could do whatever they wanted to with no one to stop them. With no chaperone, no onlookers, no toddler. The freedom they had in this moment was enough to make her breathing short.
Timothy broke the kiss, burying his face into her neck. Matilda held him against her, loving how it felt to have his large body wrapped tightly in her embrace. “I was half afraid you wouldn’t be able to come. I thought that maybe you thought better of such an idea. Or maybe the fence had been fixed.”
“There’s nothing in this world that would have stopped me from coming to you tonight.”
And that was when she knew. She was in love.
Chapter 23
The realization dawned on her in an odd way. As if she always knew all this time, but was just realizing that she knew. Matilda couldn’t quite explain it, but right now, there was no denying what was so clear to her. She was in love with him.
It nearly made her smile fall. She was truly in love with him… which meant she couldn’t allow him to go. She wanted him for herself, without any familial matters or judgmental nobles getting in the way of it. She wanted to love and she wanted to be loved.
But how can I love him when I hold such a secret?
Timothy pulled away, not letting her go but lifting his head to see her. She forced the smile up front. “Are you not cold?” he asked her. “It’s a chilly night.”
“Why else did you think I brought you here?” she asked him, blinking innocently. “Wait… surely, you didn’t think I brought you here for something other than warming me tonight.”
Timothy chuckled. “You can tease me all you want but spending the night with you in my arms sounds like a win for me.”
He shouldn’t say things like that.
Matilda was very tempted to let it happen. The thought of falling asleep with his arms wrapped around her made her cheeks warm.
It was a sure win for her as well. She stepped wholly out of his embrace but kept her hand within his. They began making their way to the gazebo in a slow stroll. “Do you plan to shower me with such flirtatious compliments all night?”
“Is that what you want?”
“Most certainly. I’ve never heard such sweet words said to me before. It sounds even more perfect coming from you.”
“Well, I’m glad to see you aren’t afraid to be upfront about it,” he said on a laugh. Timothy led her up into the gazebo and lowered her down to sit next to him. “But I doubt that. Has no one ever told you how beautiful you are?”
“I’ve heard that a few times. But those are only polite things you say to a lady when you are looking to court her. I never took those seriously.”
Timothy frowned. “Do you think your sister is beautiful?”
“Elizabeth? Absolutely. She’s the most beautiful young lady I know, both inside and out.”
“That’s what I think of you, Matilda,” Timothy said. His voice dropped to a whisper, the words caressing her heart. “And believe me when I say that even those who don’t know you on the inside see you as a captivating beauty on the outside.”
She blushed. “Your words are too kind.”
“And too true. If only I could tell you how beautiful you are every day.”
Matilda would like that too. Not to hear how beautiful she was but to be able to have Timothy around so often that he would have the chance to say it. “Tell me about your family, Timothy,” she said to him. She wanted to know more about him, anything she could learn.
“My family? There isn’t much to say. My mother died from an illness when I was but a child and my father perished in the same way a few years ago.”
“Were you close to your father?”
He gave it some thought. “We were close, yes. I had no siblings and so it was just me and him when I was growing up. He used to tell me stories about my mother all the time and when he grew ill, he always thought she was right there with him. My father’s love for my mother after all the years that passed inspired my own views on love and marriage. The culture of arranged marriages and such is something I don’t think I can get on board with.”
“You want to marry someone you love.”
Slowly, deliberately, his gaze met hers. “I think that’
s the best way to be happy, don’t you?”
A few years ago, she wouldn’t have agreed with him. Arranged marriages and those made after a few weeks of courtship was ideal for a lady like her. She simply wanted to marry and her only requirements were that he wasn’t a complete bore, someone she could laugh and joke with. Now, she couldn’t imagine having to do that when she wasn’t in love with the person. Or worse, having to marry someone when she was in love with someone else. “Is that why you haven’t been seen courting anyone?” she asked him.
Timothy’s gaze slid away. “I want to be able to look at my wife and feel happiness when I do. I want to have children with a lady that I’ve promised my life to.”
“Really, Timothy, you should become a poet. I think you would do quite well at it.”
His serious expression broke into a smile. “All right, what about you? What do you think about it?”
“I think it works for a lot of people. I think arranged marriages can be beneficial to both families. And I believe people can fall for each other over time.”
“And if they don’t?”
“Let’s hope they at least have respect and fondness for each other so as to maintain peace and amicability within the household.”
“Such a precise way of looking at things.”
She only shrugged. “It’s good to have at least one level-headed person around. Between Elizabeth and me, I’m usually the one who has to be that person.”
“I take it Elizabeth likes to have her head in the clouds half the time,” he coaxed.
“Heavens, sometimes I wonder if that girl remembers that she’s on earth and life is moving around her. She’s always telling me about the daydreams she has that are very out of the world. She has such a creative mind.”
“I can tell that you love her.”
“Are you just realizing that now?” she teased. “She deserves to be happy. She deserves to have everything she ever wants and more. After what she’s—”
Matilda broke off, looking away.
I almost said it.
She hoped Timothy didn’t notice that but there wasn’t much hope in that. “After what she’s what?”
“After what she’s … imagined for her life,” Matilda finished, hoping it would be enough. It would have to be. After all her sister had been through, after what her family had to endure because of it, she couldn’t let him see just how much he knew was a lie.
No matter how much it guilts me.
“She’s always wanted a certain path for herself and I want to help her with it.”
“With a big sister like you, I’m sure she’ll make it there.”
“I think that might have been the best compliment you’ve ever given me,” she chuckled.
Timothy laughed as well and, without warning, he pecked her on the forehead. Matilda’s body went up in flames. She tried hiding her blush, but she didn’t think it was possible with him staring at her so intently. His smile fell away and his gaze grew thoughtful, searching. “What is it?” she asked.
“How did it feel? Being outcasted the way you were?”
Matilda only blinked at him. The question took her by such surprise, she couldn’t think of a logical response.
Timothy hurriedly drew back. “It wasn’t supposed to come out like that. I was only trying to understand you a little better so I asked but—”
“It’s all right,” she said, putting a placating hand on his. “There isn’t much to say though. I was young and impressionable but I knew what would happen when it became public. I knew the outcast I would become but… well, by then I suppose you could say it was much too late.”
She could sense the next question, could almost hear his thoughts. But before he got the words out, Matilda leaned forward and pressed her lips against his. It took him by surprise, though it was gentle, and she hoped it successfully quieted him on the matter. She didn’t want to have to continue lying to him. It only left a bad taste in her mouth.
As if the kiss brought him back into reality, Timothy gave a sad little moan when it was done and said, “I can’t keep you long. Dawn will be coming soon. I have to get back.”
“I know.” She knew she didn’t have much time with him. When day broke, the servants of the house would be up and about. Their secret, late night rendezvous would be found out. She couldn’t bear to let him leave though, so she kissed him again. And then again when the feeling only grew stronger.
“I don’t want to leave,” he murmured to her.
“I don’t want you to leave. For the first time in a long time, I’m allowing myself to be happy. I want you to stay here.”
Timothy pulled her into him. Matilda rested her chest on his shoulder, consoled yet saddened by the embrace. “Didn’t you hear me the first time? I intend to court you. I’ll be able to see you all the time. You’re going to find yourself growing tired of me.”
“That’s quite all right. I have no qualms with ignoring you when that happens.”
Timothy chuckled. Matilda enjoyed the way her body shook with his. “At any moment, your maids will be coming out.”
“For once I wish we didn’t have any,” she muttered, forcing herself to pull away. “When will I see you next?”
“I have another meeting with your father within the week. And then there is the next upcoming ball.”
“That’s so far away!”
“My thoughts exactly. Which is why I’m hoping I can come by another night to see you?”
Matilda smiled broadly. Wicked thoughts flashed in her mind.
What will he say if I said them aloud? Like the fact that I’m tempted to touch him in a place I know I shouldn’t?
“How about every night?”
“You’re a lady after my own heart, Miss Matilda Jones.” Finally he stood and Matilda stood with him. Timothy looked down at their joined hands and sighed. He kissed the back of hers before releasing it. “’Til next I see you, Matilda.”
“’Til next I see you.”
She didn’t move from where she stood, only watched him as he disappeared into the darkness. Then she sank back down.
For a few seconds, Matilda felt numb. She always imagined what it would be like to fall in love, and she didn’t think it would be anything like this. Chaotic and confusing and intense. Having her entire being wrapped with immense joy at the mere sight of him was something that would take getting used to but Matilda was willing—no, eager, to embrace it.
Suddenly, a sword of guilt stabbed her in the chest. She was lying to him. At first, it was necessary. He was a stranger and she had to protect her family. But now… now the lines were blurred and conflict rocked her at the mere thought of it.
If only things hadn’t gone the way they did. If only that gentleman hadn’t shown up. If only Elizabeth hadn’t gotten pregnant. If only she didn’t have any other choice but to assume Jackson as her own.
Thinking on the past won’t help. Trying to carve out my future is the only thing I can do right now.
Chapter 24
“Father?” Matilda entered her father’s study after peering in and seeing that he wasn’t inside. She made her way over to the chair she always claimed when she came here and sat, crossing her ankles. She couldn’t fathom what he would want to talk to her about, and had almost forgotten about it until he made sure to remind her at breakfast this morning. She had expected to see him here, seeing that he was the first to leave table, but there was no one.
As if he read her mind, the Viscount came strolling through the door. “Ah, my punctual daughter. You make me proud.”
Matilda frowned at him as if he had just grown a second head. “Pardon me?”
Her father made his way to his chair. “Was it too much?” he asked as he took a seat. “Did I take it a little too far?”
“Yes, you did,” she said without hesitation. “Though I don’t exactly know what you were attempting to do.”
“I’ve noticed that we’ve fallen into a rhythmical banter that may be deemed
rude to others so I was trying to shower you in compliments like a normal father.”
Matilda laughed. “A normal father doesn’t shower his daughter in compliments, Father. A normal father loves and cherishes his daughter and I don’t doubt that you love and cherish me.”
He grinned. “Good. I’m happy to hear it. I don’t know if I was really up to telling you how beautiful you are and how much I’m proud of you every day.”
“I don’t think I’m fine with hearing that either. Is that why you called me here? I thought it was something important.”
The Scandalous Secret 0f The Tempting Duchess (Steamy Historical Regency Romance) Page 17
