Joyful

by Shelley Shepard Gray

  Any and all comments from Judith about how maybe they didn’t need to serve a complete Amish dinner were ignored.

  Now, as she looked around at Joshua, Gretta, and their two boys; Caleb and Rebecca; her parents; Anson; Toby; and little Maggie; and even Tim and Clara and their babies, Judith realized she’d never felt more blessed.

  She’d also never felt more like it had been the right decision. James was currently chewing on an icy washcloth and playing with the edge of her mother’s gray dress. He was dressed in tiny blue slacks and a little pale blue shirt. In his lap was a stuffed horse, which was his new favorite toy.

  He looked Amish. He looked adorable.

  As if he sensed her attention, he suddenly turned his head, located her, then smiled a gummy, wet grin. “Ma . . . ma . . . ma . . . ma.”

  Though it was obvious he wasn’t actually calling her “Ma,” she knew she was the only mom he’d ever known.

  She smiled back and felt the lump in her throat turn a little bit bigger. What was she going to do if Kendra’s relatives decided that she and Ben weren’t good enough for James?

  “Don’t think about that,” Ben cautioned. “You need to stay positive.”

  She turned to him in surprise. “How did you know what I was thinking?”

  “You’re thinking and worrying so much, I can practically read your mind. But, I promise, don’t do this to yourself. You need to hope for the best. And, dear wife, you need to remember what you always tell me.”

  “That the Lord will provide?”

  “Jah.” His lips curved upward, but it vanished almost as quickly as he stared out the window. “Here we go.”

  She stood up, half expecting Anson or her mother, or any number of people to start announcing the obvious. Or offering suggestions to Judith.

  Or doing any number of things that they usually did.

  But everyone stayed seated and silent, almost as if they were afraid to do anything wrong. They were truly giving the phrase “being on their best behavior” a whole new meaning.

  Ironically, their stiff postures eased her mood. “Come on, everyone, perk up,” she said. “This isn’t a funeral. All we’re doing is getting to know James’s aunts.”

  Gretta, looking as serene and dignified as ever, was the one person who broke the silence. “You’re right, Judith. I don’t know why we are all being so nervous.”

  To Judith’s relief, Clara walked to her and linked her arm in hers. “We are going to get through this with flying colors,” she said. “If you need something, just look at one of us. We’ll figure out how to get it for you.” She smiled sweetly, now obviously not caring that she bore scars from a long-ago fire. “Or we’ll be by your side in an instant.”

  “I appreciate that.”

  The knock on the door prevented anything else. And then, with a new set to his shoulders, Ben opened the door and said, “Wilcom!”

  “Hi, Ben,” Bernie said as she stepped inside. When she looked around the room and saw how many of their relatives were there, her eyes widened. “I see we’re going to get to meet a lot of people this evening.”

  Judith stepped next to Ben. “Please come in, everyone. I am Judith Knox, and this is my husband, Ben.”

  In came Bernie and two African-American couples. They looked to be just a little bit older than Judith. After a pause, the lady closest to Judith held out a hand. “Hi, my name is Katherine Jensen, and this is my husband, Brendan. And this is my sister Emma and her husband, Patrick.”

  “Ben Knox,” Ben said and shook everyone’s hand, then closed the door behind the newcomers.

  Katherine and Emma did the same thing Bernie had done; they looked a little taken aback by the crowd that greeted them. But then their gazes settled on baby James, who was staring right back at them with a wide-eyed, curious look.

  “Is this him?” Katherine asked, her voice hoarse.

  When Judith simply nodded, her mother saved the day. She popped James on her hip as she joined them. “Jah, this is your sweet nephew, James. And I am Irene Graber. I’m Judith’s mother.”

  Katherine and Emma gazed at James in wonder. “He’s beautiful,” Emma said. With a sad shake of her head, she added, “I can’t believe I didn’t want to see him. I can’t believe I kept putting off my visit to Kendra, too. I was such a fool.”

  “Not a fool,” her mother said. “We all think we have all the time in the world to make poor decisions, jah? Because we imagine that we’ll always have all the time in the world to make things right.”

  Emma swallowed. “You are exactly right, Irene. I’ve made some terrible choices, and I’m having to live with those consequences now.”

  As she sighed, she looked weary. “The sad thing is that it’s no less than I deserve. I had been so tired of Kendra making so many mistakes.” She shook her head. “So many bad decisions.”

  “The drugs,” Katherine said.

  “And the men.”

  “Stealing.”

  Emma frowned. “For years, it seemed like we weren’t supposed to do anything but bail her out, time and again.”

  “It was hard. Really hard,” Katherine interjected.

  “It got so I was so tired of her disappointing me that I wanted nothing to do with her.”

  “We could only take so much, you know?”

  Reaching for her husband’s hand, Emma continued. “Even when she was in jail, I told myself that it was going to hurt too much to make amends. Now it’s too late.”

  Her husband wrapped an arm around her. “We’ve already gone through this, Emma. No good is going to come of you constantly castigating yourself.”

  She shook her head, then looked around at the others and grimaced. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to come here and lay all my troubles at your feet.”

  “Our haus is yours,” Ben said as he led them into the keeping room. “Please, will you sit down? And then, maybe you’d like to hold James?”

  Katherine gazed at her husband. “We’d like nothing better,” she said.

  After a few more introductions, Gretta and Rebecca went to go get the trays they’d already prepared with cookies and coffee cups. Then the two couples sat, Bernie nearby, but unusually silent.

  Just as her mother was about to place James in Katherine’s arms, James frowned and squirmed. “Ma-ma-ma-ma,”

  Emma frowned. “Is he saying what I think he is?”

  James answered that one, looking at Judith and smiling brightly. He squealed, then held out his chubby arms to her.

  Judith wasn’t sure what to do. Did she dare take James and risk hurting his aunts’ feelings? Or should she err on the side of ignoring his pleas? But then, if she did that, it would make it seem like she was a poor mother.

  In the end, her heart led the way. She reached out, clasped James to her chest, and smiled as he cuddled close.

  As she smelled his clean skin and felt his comfortable weight in her arms, she pressed her lips to his soft, curly head. Oh, she was going to miss James so much!

  Belatedly she noticed that their visitors were staring at her and James in surprise.

  “He loves you, doesn’t he?” Katherine said in wonder.

  “I hope so. I love him.”

  As an awkward silence settled in, Bernie saved the day. “Remember, everyone, nothing is going to be settled today. All this is, is a chance for some of James’s relatives to meet him, and to meet the folks who’ve been his foster parents.”

  Emma and Katherine nodded, but Judith could tell they were still awkwardly processing everything that they’d been observing.

  But then the girls came in and drinks and cookies were served. Slowly everyone began talking. Joshua and his father told them about the Graber Country Store. Katherine’s husband revealed that he was a doctor. Emma and Patrick talked about their own children.

  At last, James settled down enough to let his aunts hold him. When Judith saw him in their arms, she felt a sense of loss but not the extreme dismay she had been expecting.


  When he fell sound asleep, Katherine and Emma went with Judith to James’s room. When they saw his cozy crib, the quilt-covered rocking chair, and the assortment of toys in a basket, they smiled.

  When it was almost time to go, Emma said, “You know it’s funny. I was really nervous about meeting all of you. I never met any Amish before. I thought you would be really backward. Or at least really different.”

  Bernie raised her brows. “The Grabers are good people, aren’t they?”

  “They are.” Chuckling, Brendan said, “Next time we meet I’m going to ask for a buggy ride.”

  After glancing at their mom, Anson popped up on his feet. “We have something for you in the back of one of the buggies. Would you like to meet our new horse, Pam?”

  “Its name is Pam?”

  Anson shrugged. “She can’t help her name, but she’s making the best of it, I think.”

  Brendan nudged his wife. “Are you listening, dear? Anson is right.”

  When Brendan and Patrick went to go see the horse, Tim, Clara, and Judith’s daed went out, too.

  Rebecca and Gretta took the youngest kids into the kitchen, leaving Katherine, Emma, Bernie, Judith, and Ben in the room.

  Bernie looked at the group assembled around her. “Perhaps we should talk a bit about what is going to happen next. Katherine and Emma, you asked for this meeting. You told me you wished to see where James has been in order to make the best decision about who should raise him.”

  She slipped on her glasses before turning to Judith and Ben. “As we said earlier, you did meet with Kendra and she had started to fill out the paperwork naming you two as James’s parents before she passed away.”

  Judith clasped her hands on her lap. “I am glad we met. From the moment we met James, he’s had my heart. But he’s a wonderful-gut boy. I can understand wanting to be a part of his life, too.”

  Katherine leaned back. “You know, I’ve been living with regrets, regrets for my relationship with my sister, and for being too stubborn and prideful. Emma might feel differently, but after being here, I realize that James already has a family who loves him. He’s happy here. He has a mom, and it’s you. I can’t be the person to take him away from that. He’s already lost one mother, even though he doesn’t know it yet.”

  Bernie leaned forward. “So you are saying that you would like for James to continue living here?”

  Katherine nodded. “Yes. Permanently. But if you don’t mind too much, I’d like him to know us, too.”

  “I’d like that, too,” Judith murmured. “I want him to know you all.”

  Bernie opened up her notebook and wrote down some notes. “Emma, do you have any questions?”

  She shook her head slowly. “Yesterday I realized that I already have my hands full with my own children. I was willing to take in James, but right now I’m thinking the same thing that my sister is. But it would be a further tragedy if I pulled him from here. I want to know him. I want to get to know all of you. But I don’t want to raise him if he’s happiest here.”

  Eyes twinkling, Bernie turned to Judith and Ben. “Now it’s your turn. Mr. and Mrs. Graber, would you like to begin the formal process to make James your son?”

  Judith could hardly swallow for the lump in her throat. Only when Ben clasped his hand over hers was she able to reply. “Yes, we would.”

  “And would you be willing to let James get to know his aunts, perhaps even spend time with them when he is older?”

  “We would,” Ben said. “Family is wonderful. I want him to know his real mother’s family. I want him to know that many, many people love him.”

  Bernie clapped her hands together. “I couldn’t be happier with how today’s visit turned out. Ben and Judith, congratulations, it looks like you now have a son.”

  Judith felt like her heart would burst. “We are so blessed,” Judith said, trying to hold back tears. “I am the most blessed woman in the whole world right now. And the happiest.”

  As she hugged her precious husband, she realized that she meant every single word. They were blessed beyond measure . . . and their hearts were so full of joy.

  chapter twenty-six

  “Lizzie, a buggy’s coming up the drive,” her grandmother announced from her rocking chair on the front porch.

  Elizabeth groaned. Of course they had company. Folks always stopped by at the worst times—when she was a sweaty mess and covered with dirt, thanks to the last hour she’d spent weeding in the garden. Just one day she’d love to greet a visitor when she looked her best.

  “Mommi, who is it? Can you tell?”

  “Oh, jah, I can tell. It’s Randall Beiler.”

  “Are you sure about that?”

  “Mighty sure. There’s only one horse in the area that is dapple gray. And there’s only one man who holds the reins like he does.”

  She winced as she realized that her dress was sticking to her back. No doubt, she smelled, too. “Mommi, see if you can stall him a moment, wouldja? I’ve got to go get cleaned up.”

  “Don’t think you’ll have time for that, Lizzie. Randall is already getting out of his buggy. Oh, he’s pulling something out of it. Flowers!”

  Flowers? Oh, this news was getting worse and worse. Obviously, Randall was taking her up on her offer and was now determined to court her properly.

  And that would have been wonderful—if she’d had any idea that he had been coming over.

  “Try to stall him, Mommi!” The garden—such that it was—was a mere three yards from her back door. Eyeing it, she wondered if it would be possible to dart inside and change her dress. Looking at her dirty hands, she realized that she should wash up at the very least.

  “I’ll try, dear, but I don’t think it’s going to do much good.”

  “Why is that?”

  “Because I’m already here,” Randall said as he limped around the corner, one hand holding his bouquet of roses. His other hand had a sure grip on a wooden crutch.

  “Look at you,” she said. “You’re getting around pretty good.”

  “I’m trying.” Looking a bit embarrassed, he added, “You should have seen me the first couple of times I tried to get around. I just about landed on the floor. But now I’m getting the hang of it.”

  “I’ll say. You are even showing up at houses unexpectedly.”

  “You don’t need to sound quite so excited about my visit,” he said sarcastically.

  Looking into his eyes, she said, “Look at me, Randall. I’m in an old dress and covered with dirt.” She waved a hand in the air. “And you? You’re all dressed up. And you’re holding roses.”

  He smiled, like he was glad she’d finally noticed the dozen pink roses nestled in a batch of baby’s breath in his arms. “I think you look fine.”

  “Would you like to come inside? I’ll pour you something to drink while I get cleaned up.”

  He shook his head. “Do you mind if I stay outside? It’s a pretty June day. Too nice to be inside.”

  “How about I’ll meet you on the porch in five minutes?” Elizabeth asked as she took the bouquet from him. Unable to help herself, she inhaled the scent. “The flowers are lovely, Randall. Really beautiful.”

  “I’m glad they please you.”

  She blinked, realizing that he was being completely honest. He’d gone to a lot of trouble to make sure she liked the roses. “They do. I’ll be right back.”

  “Take your time. I’ll wait.”

  After sending him a weak smile, she opened the door and darted inside. Everything about him was making her feel like she was on her first date with him.

  Five minutes. She had five minutes to look fresh and pretty. Darting around the corner, she practically ran into her grandmother.

  She held up her hands like she was worried Elizabeth was about to run her down. “Lizzie, watch yourself!”

  “Mommi, would you please put these in water? I’ve got to go get presentable.”

  “Jah, dear.” Wrinkling her nose, she murmured. “I
do think it would be best if you freshened up a bit. How about I take out some cookies and lemonade to the porch? That is where Randall is, jah?”

  “That would be so great,” she called out over her shoulder as she practically scampered down the hall. “Danke, Mommi.”

  By the time she got to her room, she had her dress halfway unpinned. In record time she put on her favorite raspberry-colored dress and then was in the bathroom carefully washing every last bit of dirt from her hands and wiping down the back of her neck and forehead.

  Hoping she at least smelled better, she raced to the front door, just as her grandmother was walking through it.

  Eyeing her, Mommi closed the door with a snap. “Stop for a moment, dear, and catch your breath. You look like you are frightened that you’re going to be late for class—not about to be greeting a suitor.”

  The old-fashioned advice made Elizabeth smile, but she knew there was truth to her grandmother’s words. Breathing deeply, she inhaled and exhaled. Then did it again.

  “That’s much better. Now, off you go.”

  Hoping her face wasn’t as red as her dress, Elizabeth opened the door and quietly walked out.

  “You didn’t make it,” Randall said as she took the rocking chair next to him.

  “What?”

  “Fact is, I’ve been counting, and it’s taken you almost ten minutes to come back down to me.”

  “Sorry.”

  “Don’t be. It was worth the wait. You look much more like yourself now.” The corners of his lips turned up, as if he had a secret joke. “Though we both know I’ve seen you the other way a time or two.”

  “Tell me why you’re here, with roses no less.”

  “I think we both know why. I wanted to see you. I wanted to come calling and show you that I still care about you. I was serious about my intentions, Elizabeth.”

  She smiled at him, wanting to say so much but still afraid to say too much. Still guarding her heart.

  Needing to say something, though, she blurted, “So, um, how are things at your haus?”