by Hayley Oakes
“I’ll come!” she said, slurring her words, “come on Jake.”
She took his hand and dragged him behind us as we beat a path through the dancing masses out of the club. We finally burst out into the cool, night air. She threw her arm around me and held Jake’s hand on her other side. Jake flagged down a taxi and Serena babbled about how glad she was that I’d gone out. They dropped me off at my flat and watched as I walked inside. I made it upstairs but the place felt eerily quiet and empty as I sat on the sofa all alone.
I wasn’t a normal twenty-five year old anymore and going out had been fun but the nights I spent with my girl were the best.
When Matt arrived shortly before the end of my last Saturday class, he lifted Ivy out of her pushchair and they stood at the back of the studio watching. I caught his eye and saw how intently he was paying attention to the rehearsal. Ivy was clapping her hands and babbling but I couldn’t hear what she said over the top of the music.
The girls made a fuss of her as they filed out of the room and chatted to Matt again, I hung back and watched with a smile as the girls asked him questions and he tried to answer. They were ruthless and I knew from working with them over the years that teenagers now were way more forward that I had ever been.
When I made it over to them Ivy lurched for me and said “mama,” which made me smile. I kissed her and hugged her to my sweaty body.
“Hey baby girl, did you miss mama?” I held her up in the air and she giggled as I lowered her and covered her face in kisses again.
“She did,” Matt stepped forward, “she was looking for you this morning.”
“Did everything go okay?” I asked him, moving her to my hip.
“Of course,” he nodded, “it was fine, did you have a good night? Sore head?” He cocked his head to the side with a teasing smirk.
“Better than I deserve!” I rubbed my head, “I think I worked it off today but I just want to soak in the bath and eat greasy food.”
“Come on,” he nodded to the door, “I’ll get you home! Ivy ate at my mum’s.”
“Thanks,” I passed Ivy back to him with a kiss to her head, she grumbled but Matt shushed her. “I’ll go and get my bag.”
When we reached the flat, Matt parked up and we trudged up the stairs, him with the pushchair and me with Ivy. It was much harder on my own. When we got inside I sighed and fell back on the sofa.
“How about I bath Ivy and then whilst you have a soak I can make some dinner?” he asked.
I scrunched my eyebrows in question, “are you sure? I can manage.”
“Yeah,” he gave me a quick nod, “I’m sure, I need to eat too. It was too early for me when Ivy had hers.”
“Okay, um thanks. I don’t have much in.” I told him.
“We can order something, Chinese?” he asked his eyes holding mine with question, it made me realise again how breathtaking he was when he didn’t even mean to be. Maybe it was the hangover, I shook my head.
“Great, I’ll find the menus,” I stood up quickly to make it into the kitchen and he took Ivy to the bathroom to get her in the bath.
I put the kettle on, found the menus, made us both a coffee and took his to the doorway of the bathroom where he was hunched over the bath and Ivy was sat inside. Matt was a big guy and so when he was on his knees, leaning over the bath he filled my tiny bathroom and it made me smile. “Now Miss Ivy,” he whispered to her, “no pooping in the bath and no drinking this bath water,” he uttered. She grinned up at him, her bottom two teeth now visible and gurgled her agreements. He laughed and used the sponge to get the suds off her hair.
“Coffee,” I said to him from the doorway.
He turned and his face looked so happy it was adorable, it was beautiful how much he was smitten with Ivy and I wondered if he regretted not taking her when she could have been his alone. I stepped over his long legs and placed the mug on the windowsill.
“Thanks Pen,” he grinned, I liked his endearment for me. I liked how familiar we were, I liked the set up and how easy things had become. I liked that I felt cared for, it wasn’t just Ivy, he watched out for me too and in the pit of my stomach I felt like I shouldn’t get used to it. This happy threesome could only ever be temporary but being friends with Ivy’s dad was a great foundation for the rest of her life.
“Welcome,” I said to him and I glanced back as I walked out the door to see him watching me. I smiled and he answered the sentiment.
I went to the bedroom, grabbed her some clean pyjamas and returned to the bathroom to find that she was out and he was drying her about to talc her up and add a nappy. “Here,” I passed him the pyjamas.
“Thanks.”
He suited her up and then returned to the lounge, I passed him the menus, “let me get some cash.”
“Please,” he shook his head, “I’ve got it, what do you want?”
“Chicken fried rice please,” I said, “I’ll get her bottle.” I walked to the kitchen, made up a bottle and returned to find him with her nestled into the crook of his arm whilst he checked out the menu.
He took the bottle and she got excited when she saw it, “go get in the bath,” he told me, “I’ll order.” I did as I was told, bent to kiss Ivy’s head and gave Matt an appreciative nod. Matt had a knack of making me feel at ease, I think it was a gift he had. He didn’t command attention or even conversation and nothing was ever a big deal, that was the type of normal that I hadn’t been used to in my life.
I soaked for a while, flicking through a celeb magazine that Gail had passed on to me and when I felt a little better I made my way through the kitchen to the bedroom with my towel wrapped around me. Matt was watching TV with Ivy snuggled into him, holding her snuggy bear. They both glanced to me as I padded through to my bedroom. I found some clean pyjamas and a clean vest top, shoved them on and then made my way back out to them.
I settled down next to them watching Saturday night TV, Ivy reached for me and I took her from Matt’s arms. She snuggled into me and he watched us with a comfortable smile. We sat nestled together until the doorbell rang and then Matt hopped up to go and get the food. I stood rocking Ivy until he came back with a bag of steaming food, “I’ll go and put her down.” I said and he walked to me dropping a kiss on her head.
“I’ll get plates and drinks,” he said. Since he’d been a more permanent fixture in our lives, Matt knew his way around my kitchen and made himself at home in the modest flat. I liked that. Ivy slept in her cot in my bedroom and there wasn’t much room in there for anything other than my bed and hers.
I rocked her gently, kissed her head positioned snuggy bear and then laid her down on top of her mattress, inside the sleeping bag she wore to sleep. I grabbed a book from under the cot and read the few pages in a soft voice as her eyes fluttered closed. When I stepped outside Matt was waiting in the kitchen, “no tears?” he whispered.
“No,” I uttered back and shook my head.
He’d plated the food and I shuffled to get my plate and followed him to the living room, curling up on my side of the small sofa. With Matt on one side it didn’t leave too much room for me. We watched TV and I tried to eat the huge pile of rice and chicken on my plate.
“So,” he gave me a wry grin, “exactly how many men hit on you last night?” he asked giving me a sideways glance.
“Oh God none,” I shook my head, “a friend of Serena’s gave me his number but I was with my friends all night. Guys don’t chat girls up in bars anymore.” I rolled my eyes.
“What?” he elbowed me, “if the dating game has changed then I’ve got no chance.”
“It’s all apps and online bollocks,” I said, forking chicken and shaking my head.
“But someone gave you their number so ....” he teased.
I smirked and tried not to blush, “I think I was the only other girl in the group and Serena was taken.” I laughed.
“More like you looked amazing in that dress,” he blew out a breath through his nose. “I’m surprised you onl
y got one number.”
“I went out to have fun not to meet men, I’ve told you before, too busy,” I pointed my fork at myself.
“How about we go out next week?” he said.
“For my birthday?” I asked casually.
“Yeah but maybe my mum could have Ivy and we could make a night of it?” he gave me a quick smile and I sat back a little bit on the sofa, crossing my legs underneath me. “As friends,” he added quickly, trying to fill the silence I was creating.
“Okay,” I grinned, “sounds good.”
“Yes?” he confirmed.
“Yes,” I nodded, “two nights out in two weeks, I’ll get a taste for the alcohol.” I smirked.
“This time you probably won’t get any guys numbers,” he grunted and I smiled at his comment.
Chapter 22 - Matthew
PENNY’S BIRTHDAY FELL ON a Tuesday. Tuesday meant a long day at the office, getting in at seven am so that I could leave at five and navigate rush hour traffic to get to Penny’s for her to go to work. I priced large orders, dealt with shipping problems, answered email queries, dealt with staff queries and looked at some new potential printing opportunities that someone had sent me. The day flew by, I barely had time for lunch but luckily my secretary picked something up for me when she went out.
My dad wasn’t in every day anymore but he happened to drop in to poke around the office that day, “so Penny’s birthday, eh?” Dad asked, sitting behind his desk and pulling the drawers open like there was anything interesting inside.
“Yes,” I gave him a tight smile over the top of my laptop that said I’m busy.
“And you’re taking her out Friday?” he drew out the last word and pretended to be busy still, although I knew he was just fishing for information.
“So?”
“Dating?” he pressed, leaning forward on his desk.
“Friends,” I nodded, “we share a child.”
“She’s very pretty,” Dad probed.
“You noticed,” I shook my head but left my work for a second as it was clear we were having this conversation, “yes she’s pretty, yes we’re friends and no we’re not dating.”
“Right,” he nodded, “because Mum ....”
“Dad!” I cut him off, “that’s the truth and that’s all that’s going on, she doesn’t need an emotionally unstable widower to deal with as well as everything else.”
“Right,” he jumped up, “I’ll make a coffee, office junior,” he pointed to himself and laughed. I rolled my eyes. I had no doubt Mum had sent him in with an agenda to find out what the hell was going on. Nothing.
I got to Penny’s with a card from me and one from Ivy, then a gift that I’d bought and wrapped. She answered the door with a smile. “Happy Birthday,” I said and I stepped forward and hugged her.
“Oh,” she said surprised, as I engulfed her in the hug without really thinking. She was small in my arms and maybe I squeezed a little too tight. “Thanks,” she said muffled by my arms.
“Have you had a good day?” I asked, breaking away.
“Yeah,” she grinned, “I had lunch with Serena and Gail then Ivy and I went to a baby group this afternoon.”
“Great,” I followed her inside, “I got these.”
“Oh wow,” she looked at them like they were made of glass, “you didn’t have to.”
“Open!” I urged, Ivy crawled to where I stood and I dropped to pick her up. “Hey kiddo,” I said, kissing her. She grinned and swatted my face.
Penny moved to sit down and opened the cards, one to mummy and the other a jokey card with vegetables on. Then the package I had tried to wrap but it looked like a toddler had, she unwrapped it slowly to reveal the grey Michael Kors bag and matching purse. “Oh my God!” she said, glancing up to me with an open mouth.
“My mum helped,” I shrugged, “I kept the receipt.”
“Matt...” she began, taking a deep breath, “it’s too much.”
“It isn’t,” I shook my head, “it’s from me and Ivy, you deserve it, do you like it?”
“I love it,” she said jumping up and engulfing me in another hug. I held Ivy so she was squashed between us. “They are perfect.”
“Really?” I grinned as she stepped back. “I’m glad.”
She looked euphoric and it made a grin own my face to see her so happy. “I better get going,” she said, “I made chilli.” She nodded to the kitchen and kissed Ivy before she flew out of the door.
“I think we aced the gift, Ivy,” I told my little girl cuddling her close and bobbing with her in my arms, “we like to see mummy happy, huh?” I asked her and she babbled away.
On Friday I left work early, I told Penny to decide where we would go and drove home to change. Penny was getting a taxi to my parent’s house to settle Ivy in and I was meeting her there. I drove home and negotiated through the mess that was my house to find something clean that I could iron to wear. I finally found a pair of dark, blue jeans and a dark blue and white striped shirt. I felt nervous, I wanted Penny to have a good time and the setting of tonight was different to how things usually were for us. I wanted to treat her and make her see how important she was to both Ivy and me. I wanted her to have a better time with me than she did the week before and I tried to ignore why.
I didn’t like blokes giving her their number, I didn’t like the thought of her going out looking so sexy in that pink dress and other men seeing her, wanting her. I had no right to be jealous, I had nothing to offer her, I was still so lost and the age difference was laughable but I felt jealous at the idea that she might date someone else.
I dressed, styled my hair, looked at myself in the mirror and was content with what I saw. After Jemma I lost a lot of my muscle tone in the first few months and I was struggling to get back to a place where I was happy with my body. I’d lost all my drive to shop and care for myself and so hadn’t bought any new clothes in forever. My life was no longer stalled as it had been after Jemma but I also didn’t have any desire to change it back to exactly how it had been either. Saturdays spent trawling the shops and hours spent doing DIY at the weekend, I couldn’t face it. It felt like someone else’s life.
I sprayed aftershave, headed downstairs and prepared to leave. What the fuck was I doing? What were my expectations for the night and what did Penny think? I liked how she rolled with it regardless. I had a feeling that Penny had been let down so many times in her life that she grasped whatever opportunities she could but had zero expectations. That hurt, I liked her and I felt angry that she’d been through so much shit.
It hadn’t gone unnoticed by myself or my dick that she was gorgeous, in an understated way but all natural beauty. She was light in a world of dark, she shone out of the crowd like a beacon and why she was single I had no idea. Did I want to sleep with her? I was only human, God of course I did. Did I think it was a good idea? No. It would complicate shit and right about now she was my only friend. I had my boys but I didn’t want to see them ... struggled to gel with them as they had no idea what my life was about now ... only she did.
When I made it to Mum’s, Penny was sat in the expansive living room having a glass of wine with Mum whilst Ivy sat on the floor playing with my dad, laughing at his silly faces. They all turned when I entered and Ivy crawled towards me enthusiastically. “Dadda,” she said and I bent to pick her up.
“Hi beautiful,” I told her looking around the room and saying hi to everyone else. When my eyes landed on Penny she looked breathtaking, different to when she’d gone out with her friends. She wore a denim tunic dress and her hair was pinned over one shoulder. Her lips were painted red and the makeup she wore made her eyes look enchanting.
“You gonna be okay?” I asked Mum and she nodded, sipping her wine.
“Oh please, we’ve had three children, we’ll be fine.” Mum laughed and Dad stood up to sit on the sofa.
“I’ll call a cab?” I asked Penny and she nodded her agreement. I had to give her credit, she’d come a long way since ini
tially meeting my parents. There had been a handful of times that they’d met since but I knew my mum called her to ask about Ivy and she’d been happy to get to their house alone. My parents were pushy and intrusive but she seemed alright with that, despite it probably being alien to her.
Penny stood and I saw how spectacular she looked in the dress, it was cut to her mid thigh and she wore high heeled brown sandals which showcased the whole package and I couldn’t help but let my eyes wash over her.
I handed Ivy over to Mum once the cab arrived, we kissed our goodbyes and told her we’d see her first thing tomorrow. She was a little whingey as we walked away but I had no doubt she’d be fine the minute we left, she was used to her grandparents.
“So where to?” I asked Penny as we climbed into the back of the cab.
“Well,” she gave me a shy smile, “there was this place I used to go to before ...” she sighed, “and it’d be fun.”
“Okay, let’s go.” I nodded and she grinned.
Twenty minutes later we pulled up outside a small club in Camden, the front was boarded up and painted black and the sign was neon and supposed to say Bears, but the e was not illuminated. “Okay,” I must have gritted my teeth.
“Just give it a chance,” she smiled and patted my hand, I squeezed her small, delicate hand as she touched mine.
“Fine,” we stepped out of the cab, I paid and we walked to push through the door. Once inside, the room was large and dark with tables scattered across the area and a stage at the front where someone was singing. It wasn’t full but it was busy and people were cheering, there was a full band on stage and it had a good atmosphere despite what it looked like outside, “drink?” I asked and she nodded.
We stood at the bar waiting to be served when a man behind the bar placed his hands flat on the surface and squinted at us, “P?” he yelled and I glanced to Penny to see a huge smile own her face.
