by Hayley Oakes
That wasn’t me anymore. I had Ivy.
I enjoyed his stories and although he was a few years older than me I felt ten years older than him, I smiled politely and when he reached out for my hand, I let him. He told me I was beautiful and had a body to die for. I didn’t bore him with stories of my baby instead I told him about work and the competition that was in a week. I told him about the girls I trained and their pushy parents. I didn’t mention my dreams, didn’t say why I danced and how it made me feel.
He walked me to the tube station and he bent in to kiss my lips, I let him and it felt lovely. We didn’t deepen the kiss but I touched the muscles on his arms and knew in another life maybe this guy and I could have been dreamers together.
“I’ll call you,” he said as he walked away.
“Bye, Lachlan.” I said as I made my way home.
The rain had really started to come down, my hair was plastered to my face, my heels were rubbing and my skinny jeans were now fused to my body like a second skin. I dreaded to think what my makeup looked like. It was ten when I let myself back into my building and climbed the two flights of stairs to my small flat.
I pushed through the front door to find Matt doing crunches on the living room carpet, having pushed the coffee table out of the way. “Oh,” I said as I stepped inside. He was wearing sweat pants and no t-shirt.
“Hi,” he said, stopping his workout and then he took one look at me and burst out laughing. “Shit!” he said, his sculptured body shaking with amusement, “you got wet!”
I smirked and he stood up to walk towards me, his body was unbelievable, his abs taught and hard, his pecs perfectly formed with a small amount of hair covering them. “You took your clothes off,” I stuttered from in the open doorway, drool possibly lingering on my open mouth as my eyes roamed his chest. He leaned over me, reaching behind to close the door.
“I missed the gym this morning,” he said. ”I was hot.”
“Oh,” I nodded, averting my eyes and trying to ignore the butterflies taking flight in my stomach at his proximity. “You have a great body.” I blurted out stupidly and instantly regretted it, he smiled and I moved forward but he stopped me, his eyes meeting mine.
“How was the date?” his teeth gritted on the words and I swallowed hard, nervous at his closeness.
“Nice guy but two years too late,” I said, he let out a breath of a laugh and I walked past him to the kitchen.
“Why too late?” I turned back and saw him facing me.
I shrugged, “I suppose he’s who I used to be and now I have Ivy I need someone wiser, more settled and someone who isn’t still waiting for their dreams to come true.”
He nodded and stepped to where I stood, “are you still waiting for your dreams to come true?” he asked me, his gaze so deeply penetrating me that it was making me shiver, perhaps it was the fact I was drenched from the rain or that he made every part of me tingle.
“I wasn’t ever stupid enough to dream,” I uttered and he filled the space between us, placing a hand on my cheek under my wet hair. He used his other hand to move the hair out of the way.
“I don’t like you dating other guys,” he said sternly, using his thumb to rub the cheek where he held my face.
“Other?” I asked on a breath.
“I feel like you already belong to me Pen, is that wrong?” he asked, his eyes were soft and I could sense his apprehension like maybe his words would scare me away rather than set me on fire.
I gulped in a deep breath, “I thought we were friends.” I uttered.
He stepped closer again and I felt the hardness of his body flush to mine, “we are.” He cocked his head to the side and took a deep breath, “you’re beautiful, did I ever tell you that?”
I opened my mouth to respond but he didn’t let me speak instead his lips found mine. I inhaled deeply as his soft lips pressed against mine and I felt him surrounding me, his smell, his arms, his softness and hardness. I opened my mouth and allowed his tongue inside, tasting him and groaning at that. He pulled me to him more roughly and his hands found my hair and my bum. I threw my arms around his neck and pressed my body against his, moving my hands down over his toned back and squeezing as he thrust himself forward.
“Is this okay?” he asked, pulling back slightly.
“Yes,” I breathed, pushing his head back to mine and standing on my tiptoes to get more. He ran his hands over my shoulders and pushed the jacket I wore to the floor, his hands moving slowly down my arms and then under the back of my top, his finger tips grazing the naked skin and causing goosebumps to rise all over.
I ran my hands down his back and into the waist band of his sweats to feel the hard globes at the top of his bottom, he groaned into my mouth and pulled me even tighter thrusting his hardness into my middle so I could feel how turned on he was. “Penny,” he said, moving to kiss down my neck, “I want you.”
I moved my head back to look in his eyes, they were filled with need and it made my body clench, aching for him. “I want you too.” I uttered and he gave me a coy smile, reaching down to yank my top over my head. He moved back to sit on the sofa and I kicked off my shoes, licking my lips at the sight of him sat there, his legs wide with his erection visibly pushing up through his pants and the look of lust in his eyes.
I reached behind my back as I stood before him and released my breasts from my bra, he inhaled a sharp breath and reached his hand out for me. I took it and stepped towards him, straddling him on the sofa. He palmed one of my breasts and his other hand snaked around my neck bringing my face close to his again, “you are perfect, you know that?” I smiled as his lips met mine again and I ground into his erection as his tongue teased mine. His dextrous thumb found my nipple and made my body set on fire with need.
He moved his hand to unbutton my jeans and I felt his fingers graze me there. I moaned lightly and moved back to give him better access. My hair was still wet and I struggled to keep it off my face as the intensity of his kisses deepened. It was frenzied and I wanted more. I hadn’t had sex for over two years and I wanted this moment and this man more that I had ever wanted anything before. His fingers teased and found my centre but he couldn’t get close enough. He cradled the back of my head and pushed me sideways so he could lie on top of me on the sofa. I reached down to push his sweat pants down and he helped me, pushing them all the way off. I felt his hardness through his boxers and reached inside to feel him in my hand, he hissed at my touch but ground into me as I moved my hand up and down his length. My body was fizzing with anticipation as I felt him everywhere, his body strong and heavy pushing down onto me. The delicious smell of him engulfing all my senses.
He pushed at my jeans and I shoved them down my legs furiously, trying to get them off but they were stuck to my legs from the rain and I laughed as I struggled. “I need to stand up,” I told him and he eased off me, laughing too.
I stood up and bent to roll them off, kicking them to the side. His eyes moved down my body, naked except for my white, lacy underwear. He reached out for me again and I stepped towards him but this time he moved to sitting and placed his hands around my waist. His hands spanned my toned stomach and he kissed me lightly there, hooking his fingers into the waist band of my underwear and then pulling them down slowly, looking up at me for permission as he did.
I bit my bottom lip and nodded, once they were discarded he moved forward and kissed my sensitive spot, palming my bottom possessively and I rolled my head back with pleasure. It had never felt so good.
He kissed his way back upwards and stood in front of me, pushing his boxers down and pulling my body naked into his. He bent to kiss my lips again, “condom?” he asked and I nodded. I walked to the bathroom and bent to the drawer under the sink unit, momentarily catching sight of myself in the mirror. I had mascara under my eyes and my hair was starting to frizz away from my head, I smoothed it down and tried to remove the mascara. I held the condom in my hand and took a deep calming breath.
“Hey,
” he appeared in the doorway naked, “having second thoughts?”
“I look a mess,” I said with a pursed lip smile as I turned to him.
“Never,” he reached out and pulled me to him again, kissing me and lifting me with him, back through to the living room. He placed me on the sofa and hovered over me again, the glorious weight of his body pushing into mine. He reached between us and I ripped open the condom packet, passing it to him. He laughed awkwardly as he suited up the big guy and then looked down to me, I suddenly worried that it would be different down there after giving birth, it might not be the same, it might hurt or it might not be good for him. He saw the worry pass my face.
“What?” he asked, just as he had lined himself up to my centre.
“What if,” I covered my face, “what if childbirth, um ...” I didn’t finish and he leant to kiss me as he pushed inside.
“You feel amazing,” he grunted as he pushed himself all the way inside, “perfect.” He kissed me as I opened wider to allow him inside. I wrapped my legs around him as he began to move faster and harder, pounding me into the cramped sofa. I fisted his hair and grabbed his bum. My head was almost hanging off the edge of the sofa in his frenzied movements but he didn’t give a shit. He worshipped me like I was his prize, he held onto the edge of the sofa and he pulled back and thrust forward time and time again.
“Harder,” I whispered into his ear and he groaned with lust as he pulled at me harder and banged into me more.
“Oh God,” he gasped as I dug my feet into his back, clinging to him and taking him as deep as he would go.
“Oh sweet Jesus,” I panted as I felt heat flush all over my body and my orgasm claimed me hard. He kept moving as I rode the delightful wave and then moments later followed me over the edge.
He collapsed on top of me, squashing me to the sofa but I didn’t care, I just tried to catch my breath. “Oh my God,” he pulled his head up and grinned. “Are you okay?” his gaze became concerned and I reached out to touch his face lightly.
“Better than alright,” I said lazily. He kissed my nose and moved upwards onto his hands, walking to the bathroom, I watched his tight buttocks as he left and smiled to myself. I never thought anyone like Matt would even be interested in me. I righted myself on the sofa and then reminded myself that he was lost, that he was adrift and grieving and I was a factor in the process to assist that. If he was thinking clearly, if he was some single dude on the market without baggage then I’d be the last girl he would look at.
I was happy to help.
He came back from the bathroom, cleaned up and reached down to pull his boxers on. I stood up, “Um, I’m just gonna take a quick shower,” I said.
“Okay,” he bent to kiss me and patted my bum as I walked away.
I quickly checked on Ivy who was still sleeping soundly then made my way to the bathroom running the shower over the bath and then hopping in. I took deep breaths to process what had just happened and smiled to myself. Matt was thoughtful and considerate and amazing at what we just did, I felt a zing of embarrassment as I remembered it. I washed the rain out of my hair and then the rest of my body. I scrubbed my makeup off and then wrapped a towel around myself, going to my room, brushing my hair and finding some pyjamas to wear.
“Hey,” I found him still sat on the sofa in his boxers.
“Hey,” he smiled up to me and put his arm out for me to climb underneath. I dropped onto the sofa under his arm and he pulled me into him, I rested my head on his chest and relaxed in his warmth. “TV?” he asked.
“Don’t you need to get back? You must have an early start tomorrow.” I said, placing my arm around his naked middle.
“How about I stay?” he mumbled as he kissed the top of my head.
“Yes,” I said, “stay.” I uttered, as he found the remote to surf the TV channels.
Chapter 25 - Matthew
SO THAT HAPPENED.
I was drawn to Penny, every time I found out something new about her it only intensified my fascination. For a while I’d known how beautiful she was and how selfless but it didn’t become so glaringly apparent until I knew what Jemma had done. I was attracted to her on an off the charts way but decided that we shouldn’t do anything for so many reasons but the thought of her with some other man, that made my balls want to shrivel up and die.
I liked her, I wanted her, she was the mother of my child and as hot as hell. So I took what I wanted and I was waiting to face up to the consequences. So far all that had happened was that I got to touch her, hug her, hold her, taste her, be with her the way I’d craved for a while and there was nothing wrong with that.
I knew my parents would have something to say, I knew everyone would have something to say. Was I supposed to be celibate for the rest of my life because my wife died? I had no idea what the protocol was but it was approaching a year since she’d died and I deserved to feel something, surely?
I loved Jemma, I missed her and I hated that she died. I would have given my life to save hers, for her to be here rather than me. I wanted her happiness above my own but the months leading up to her death I was struggling with the fact that I didn’t like her too much anymore.
“So you busy again this weekend?” Chris asked when he called me on Saturday as I pushed Ivy round the block near my house, trying to get her to take a nap.
“I have Ivy today,” I told him.
“So come here? Claire would love to see you two, the kids are at football.” Chris had two boys who were ten and eight.
“I suppose I could,” I sighed.
“God don’t make me force you, we never see you man and I don’t want you slipping into some depression and jumping in front of a train then your mum has a hissy fit at the funeral because I didn’t try harder,” he took a deep breath and I smirked.
“You are such a dick,” I grunted out and I noticed Ivy’s eyes were fluttering closed.
“I’m actually out walking, so I can walk round but I need to leave by four to pick Penny up,” I turned the pushchair around to head to Chris and Claire’s place.
“You pick her up?” he asked, “has she got you running errands so you can see her kid?” he said plainly.
“No,” I grunted, “I like to make sure that the mother of my kid gets home safe.”
“Right,” he noted my tone and blew out a breath, “get round here quick, Claire’s trying to make me powerwash the patio.”
“Roger that!” I laughed and hung up the phone.
When I arrived Claire had made iced tea and there were scones with jam and cream. Ivy had fallen asleep cuddled up to snuggy bear and I manoeuvred her into the shade as we sat outside in the sunny heat of the garden. Claire hovered over the pushchair, they had only seen her a handful of times, months ago.
“She’s so much like you,” Claire whispered from where she stood looking at my little girl’s adorable face.
“I think she has a look of Penny too, she might change.” I smiled to her and Chris watched me intently.
Claire nodded, “I’m going to fold my laundry,” she added, “have fun men.”
“So,” Chris blew out a breath, “the anniversary is coming up, how do you feel?”
I lowered my head and took a deep breath, “trying not to think about it.” I answered honestly.
“I supposed Ivy helps,” he sipped a beer, the iced tea didn’t cut it for him.
“And Penny,” I told him, narrowing my eyes at his sympathetic stare.
“What’s with the surrogate?” he asked, “something I should know?”
“No,” I shook my head, “I like her, I look out for her and we’re ...” I didn’t know what we were and I also wasn’t ready to have anyone delve into that either ... “friends.” I decided on.
“Just be careful,” he gave me curt nod and winked.
“Of what?” I asked agitated.
“Well you know, she’s hard up and you’re not and ... you’re vulnerable.” He gave me a tight smile and I closed my eyes briefly
taking a deep breath.
“Chris,” I said through gritted teeth, “you’re one of my oldest friends and I love you bro but don’t talk like that about her again and trust me when I say that I know my own mind and no one takes the piss out of me, ever!” I growled the last bit and stood to leave.
“Whoa,” he stood too, “whoa.” He held his hands up, “okay.” He gave me a serious stare and took a deep inhale through his nose, “I get ya.” I calmed and sat down again, accepting his none apology. “So if she bum rapes ya don’t come crying to me to drive you to the police station.” I snorted out a laugh at his inappropriate joke.
“Dick,” I said and he smiled.
“I hate seeing you broken man, I love ya, I just want you happy.” He told me with sympathy lacing his face again.
“I’m getting there.” I nodded, “promise.”
He nodded, “I think we better meet this girl.”
Picking Penny up from work got better and better, this time we arrived to watch the girls thump out the routine they were going to dance the following weekend at the competition. Ivy and I were going, we were supporters and I felt a bit excited about it. I wanted Penny’s girls to smash it and by the looks of it they would. Two months ago they had it licked but now they were like one person dancing together and the music jumped and banged just when it needed to as their sharp limbs popped and bounced. Penny was talented and the pushy parents knew it. These past few weeks they lined up to ask her questions when they picked their girls up.
I took Ivy out of her pushchair and we stood in the doorway watching as Penny honed in on the girls intently and joined in when she needed to. Her concentration was bewitching, she didn’t notice anything else when her girls were moving. I didn’t have the patience or the passion for anything the way she did. Her pink lips hung open as she watched with her hand under her delicate jaw. Her hair was plaited down the back of her head today and the two plaits rested over her shoulders, she wore a thick nude coloured headband to keep the hair off her face and the work branded t-shirt, tied at her midriff.
