by Hayley Oakes
The girls finished in their end poses and I clapped, Penny looked up and when she noticed me her face broke into a grin which made my heart leap. She was most beautiful when she was happy. The girls broke to get a drink and she jogged to where we stood, “we might run over today,” she said with a grimace, maybe expecting me to complain. “We just need to perfect the last few jumps and I need a backup plan as Trudy’s hip is acting up.” She cocked her head to the side, kissed Ivy and gave me an apologetic look.
“Hey,” I bent to kiss her head, “we understand, you showbiz types have to get it right.” She smiled up at me and I couldn’t hide my own grin.
“How about me and Ivy go grab some food for you all and then if it gets too late I can come back,” I said.
She pouted through a smile, “you are a good guy, you know that?” she asked.
“I gotta keep my girls happy,” I told her and I saw as she registered what I’d just said, her smile waned a little but she was soon back to her bubbly self. I bent forward, kissed her head again and looked up to the girls. “We’ll go and get some pizza everyone.” I said louder so the girls would hear and there was a collective, “yessss.”
“See you in a bit,” she said, squeezing my arm and kissing Ivy goodbye. I walked back into the corridor and was fastening Ivy into her pushchair when I looked up to see Gail.
“Is she staying late?” Gail sighed, “I was hoping to get home, Jim is away this weekend and I need to let the dog out.”
“I’m running out to buy pizza, I can help her lock up.” I said.
She narrowed her eyes at me and looked at me with question, stepping forward and taking Ivy’s hand, “do not mess with my girl!” she added with a serious tone to her voice, “she’s been with me since twelve years old and she’s had more knocks than Tyson, so don’t let her get caught up in whatever this is unless you mean it.” She stepped back and I nodded.
“I like her,” I uttered, “I want everything for her and I am more than aware what she deserves.” I puffed my chest out.
“She deserves to be more than someone’s second chance,” she said and that cut deep.
I sucked my bottom lip into my mouth, “I can’t change my past but I deserve to have a future.”
Gail’s face remained impassive and she let my words settle over her, “don’t forget to set the alarm.” She said patting my arm and passing by me to get back to the staff area, “you’re a tough nut to crack, Matthew.” She shouted as she left.
I walked to pick up some pizza from a nearby takeout and dropped into a little convenience store to get some drinks for the girls and a micro baby meal to warm up for Ivy. We arrived back forty five minutes later and they were still working. I dropped the pizzas and they flocked around the boxes like starving street urchins. A few parents were now dotted around the room and in the hallway so I nodded in greeting to them and they smiled back.
I fed Ivy and changed her bum, when I returned to the room they were flagging, all tired and the pizza may have just finished them off. Penny waited until the last of the parents had been to collect them and by then it was after seven. Penny looked exhausted as we locked up and set the alarm, Ivy was still awake but getting whiney as it was close to her bedtime. I pulled Penny under my arm as we walked out and she looked up to me with a smile, “thank you,” she said.
“Where else would I be?” I shrugged and she grinned.
We drove back to her flat and chatted about our day, I told her about Chris and she nodded. “Your friends are worried about you,” she uttered, “it’s sweet.”
“Well yours are too,” I told her, glancing over to her and raising an eyebrow, “Gail gave me a little warning.”
“Oh yeah?” she laughed.
“She didn’t actually say she would cut my balls off but let’s just say they tingled at the iciness of her words,” I teased. Penny swatted me.
“It’s fine, we’re fine,” she turned to look out of the window, I placed my hand on her leg.
“Hey,” I said, “look at me.” She turned and I gave her an encouraging smile. “I wouldn’t have started this if I wasn’t ready, you know that right?”
She nodded and closed her eyes, “you don’t need to explain anything to me, Matt.” She placed her hand on where mine sat on her leg, “I’m happy with what this is.”
“Me too,” I told her, squeezing her hand in mine.
That night Ivy was wrestled into bed, over tired. I drew a bath for Penny and it was way too small for us to share so I sat by her as she bathed and we laughed about stupid shit. When she got out the bath gloriously naked and covered in suds, I pulled her into my lap and didn’t give one solitary shit that my jeans were getting soaked. I licked and peppered kisses along her elegant neck and she squirmed in my arms. I grabbed her towel and dried her off, making sure to show special attention to her sensitive areas as she giggled.
I picked her up and carried her through to the kitchen, setting her down on the counter top where I kissed her like I would die if I didn’t get inside her instantly. She clawed at my t-shirt and I stripped off my jeans and boxers in seconds, finding her hot centre with my fingers as she threw her head back in ecstasy.
“You taste amazing,” I said, sucking on her skin, making my way down her breasts as she held onto me for dear life.
She took hold of my cock and it swelled in her hands, “now!” she demanded and I couldn’t deny her. I bent to kiss her as I yanked her to the edge of the counter, pushing myself forward until I was all the way inside. She was so tight and warm and wet, she welcomed me and I felt like a weary traveller finally getting home.
“Penny,” I groaned as I banged her on the kitchen counter, “God Penny.”
“Matt,” she fisted my hair, “more,” she shouted, “more!” So I gave her more and she moaned in pleasure.
Afterward we lay under her duvet, my fingertips tracing her naked body. It should have felt complicated or maybe I should have been worried what Penny’s expectations were but instead I worried that she might decide I had too much baggage, that maybe she’d realise I needed her too much so I would no longer be lost. She never made me feel like I had to define anything or asked anything more than I gave.
Penny was doing what she did best, giving everything and expecting nothing in return. It was heartbreaking at the same time as making me realise that I would never let anything bad ever happen to this girl.
Chapter 26 - The Competition
Penny
THE COMPETITION DAY ARRIVED, we drove in Matt’s car and the girls were to arrive with parents. Gail brought Jim and Eden, Jim was taking photographs with his expensive work camera to promote Sanfords in advertising for next year. I hugged Jim as we heaved our bags to the area they had chosen to sit at, “hey little P.” He said, the guy had a mop of dark hair peppered with grey, a thick beard and dark eyes that assessed the man walking up behind me. He glanced to him and I knew Gail had filled him in.
“Hi Jim,” I kissed him on the cheek. “This is Matt,” Matt walked up carrying Ivy and a few bags in his other hands.
“Hi,” Matt dropped the bags and stuck his hand to Jim for a shake.
“Hi,” Jim nodded slowly, “thank God another man.” He laughed and it broke the ice.
“Happy to finally be useful,” Matt grinned.
“You like football?” Jim asked, holding his breath for a reply.
“Yeah,” Matt nodded.
“Team?” Jim asked,
“Spurs,” Matt told him, wincing waiting for a reply.
“Man United,” Jim shrugged, “we can work on it.”
I smiled watching their exchange, Gail motored towards me with yellow hair ribbons draped over her arms. “For the girls,” she said frantically,
“Calm down,” I told her, “Eden, get the flask going, she needs something to relax.”
“Whiskey?” Jim asked with a laugh.
“Camomile tea,” I shook my head and clicked my tongue. Sanfords had started entering competitio
ns held in local gymnasiums when I was a student and Gail used to take it in her stride. The past few years, because I now trained the competing girls, she seemed more nervous than ever, not because she didn’t trust me but because I think she worried about how it would affect me if we didn’t place. She knew how important it was to me and I loved how much she cared.
“We’ll place,” she said with wide eyes and a trace of a crazy smile.
“Is there whiskey?” I joked to Jim and he bubbled out a laugh.
“I wish,” he said.
The morning flew by in a blur of getting numbers to tag to outfits, getting dressed, makeup and toilet trips. The girls were excitable and we kept running through the routine as much as we could without a studio. Jim and Matt chatted like old friends and Eden and Gail helped with Ivy so Matt didn’t have to entertain her constantly.
They called Sanfords just after twelve, they were running a little behind but my stomach lurched as I heard our name over the tannoy system. We huddled into a group hug and then walked calmly to the edge of the gym watching the act before, queuing to go next. The team before had jumped and danced to Rihanna ‘Work’, the girls kept looking at me when the team blasted out some more risqué moves and I gave them all a reassuring smile.
The team before received applause and some standing ovations, and then they left the floor with waves and smiles.
“Okay, next up is the girls from Sanfords, choreographed by the talented Penelope Strauss, here we go!”
We received applause and I glanced up to where our cheering squad sat and saw Matt holding Ivy and waving whilst Jim whistled using his fingers and Gail looked anxious.
“Go girls, you’re gonna smash it! We’ve got this!” I told them and they nodded and ran onto the floor, waving as the cheers intensified. We had brought a crowd and they were showing themselves at that moment. The girls took their starting positions and only then did I allow myself to become anxious. I folded my arms over myself and watched them stand rigidly still waiting for the music to start.
Boom. The music began and my girls came to life, instantly they looked like a million dollars, they were in step, in tune and the hours of rehearsal were paying off. They dropped their heads expertly, popped their limbs without missing a beat, falling to floor and springing back up like they were made of rubber. They twisted themselves and stayed together like a finely oiled machine and I was so goddamned proud. My heart was beating out of my chest and it was the longest three minutes of my life.
Then the ending came and Trudy took to the air, I held my breath but she landed perfectly despite her hip and I let out a rush of air as emotion filled my eyes. They were done and tears escaped my eyes, I wiped them away quickly as they began to run off the floor and into my arms.
“Yes girls!” I yelled as they crushed me between them, “you did awesome.”
We all jumped up and down, hugging each other as we were asked to move away from the floor but the excited chatter carried all the way to our supporters, Gail ran down the steps of the stands and started to hug all the girls. Parents came too and I stood with a huge grin filling my face a mile wide, then I saw Matt making his way to me without Ivy in his arms. He walked quickly to where I stood and scooped me up into his arms, kissing my neck and holding me tightly to his body. “That was by far the best!” he hissed, I bent my head back and smiled as he kissed me long and hard. “You are so talented,” he told me and I couldn’t hold back the tears anymore. They dropped down my face even though I was smiling but the adrenaline was still coursing through my veins. He dropped me down and used his thumbs to wipe away the tears.
“They did so well,” I sniffed.
“You did so well, they are a testament to your hard work, Pen,” he grinned, “we need to celebrate tonight!”
“Thank you,” I mouthed and he pulled me into a hug, I was too scared to become dependent on this, too scared to hope that Matt would always be around to spur me on. One thing I’d learnt in my life, nothing lasts forever so grab it with both hands whilst you have it. So I hugged him and breathed him in whilst he was still my biggest supporter.
We came first! The girls were over the moon with their medals. They ran up to the podiums and grinned from ear to ear, jumping and screaming. Parents hugged me and thanked me and Gail cried as she hugged me goodbye.
“When I first saw you I knew someone had broken your baby heart,” she whispered to me as her tiny arms rested on my shoulders, “but when I saw you dance I knew you would soar and you have, I love you.”
“I love you too, Gail.” I said as we parted ways and walked to our cars.
Matt pushed Ivy and pulled me to him as we found his white BMW up ahead, “you did good!” he said.
“Thanks.”
On the way back we hit a bit of traffic and Matt looked over to me with a serious face that instantly filled me with dread, “what?” I asked.
“What was the money for Pen?” he asked with a flat tone and I was momentarily confused about the question. Then it hit me, the twenty thousand.
I squirmed in my seat a little, we hadn’t discussed the agreement for so long that it was easy to forget that it had ever existed. I took a deep breath, “I wanted to study.” I said quickly.
“What?” traffic was at a standstill and he kept his eyes trained on me.
“I wanted to get a qualification in choreography,” I turned away from his serious gaze, embarrassed. “I did shit at school, I just wasn’t clever and all I’ve ever wanted to do is dance.” I sighed, “so I’ll never get a job with professional performers if I don’t get a qualification or become someone’s apprentice but people don’t hire drop outs like me for competitive positions.” I was being honest, I didn’t need his sympathy.
“You are so good, you’d ace some sort of apprenticeship.” He placed his hand on mine where it sat on my thigh. I turned back and smiled at him.
“I appreciate your support Matt but I didn’t even get GCSE Maths, I can’t study, I don’t remember simple things and I’ve never been able to concentrate in class.” I blinked away my emotion, admitting to him who I was, how stupid and worthless I was, wasn’t how I planned the day to end.
“So,” he shrugged, “some people aren’t academic.”
“I can barely read,” I said and his eyes softened, “so no one would ever hire me.”
He didn’t have any more words, I could see the reality of what I had said was hitting him hard. “Of course you can read,” he scoffed.
“Not easily,” I shook my head, “dyslexia, ADHD, dyspraxia, at one time they tried to diagnose me with them all but I think I was just .... thick.” I sighed.
“Absolutely not!” he snapped, “so you didn’t do well in school? Who gives a shit, I can tell you right now that you are far from thick, you’re a genius and there is no way anyone who meets you would think otherwise.”
I swallowed hard, “so without my qualification I’ll never work on the Westend.”
“So that’s your dream?” he asked me as the traffic started to move.
“I told you I don’t have dreams, dreams imply that it’s pie in the sky,” I smiled over at him. That was another of Gary’s golden rules, no dreams.
“What you got then?” he asked.
“Goals,” I nodded. I’d told him I didn’t need that money and that I’d find another way, I knew what I wanted to do and I knew where I wanted to be and one day I’d get my qualification and I’d achieve my goal but for now I was still seeing my routines blazing the stage, even if there was a smaller audience and no spotlight.
“You know you can sing better than any of those idiots on xfactor too right?”
I laughed, “that’s not one of my goals.”
“Xfactor?” he asked with a teasing tone.
“Television,” I grinned.
“I’m sorry Pen, that I messed everything up and you haven’t been able to chase your goal,” he rubbed my hand with his thumb and I sighed.
“Don’t be sorry for tha
t, Jesus,” I glanced back to see that Ivy had now dropped off to sleep. “I wouldn’t be without Ivy.”
He nodded and I squeezed his hand, “I know it’s nearly a year since ...” I didn’t want to push and upset him so I didn’t finish the sentence.
He glanced at me again, “I don’t need a date to remember what happened or to make me sad,” he sighed, “everyone is so focused on that date but you know what?”
“What?” I asked softly.
“I’m glad it’s been a year, I’m glad I’ve got over the worst of it and I can spend a day without my heart feeling so heavy in my chest that I feel like I’ll have a heart attack. I’m glad I don’t have to drink to fall asleep or that in the moments that I think about something else that it’s always tinged with sadness because it’s there ... hanging over me no matter what.”
I nodded solemnly and took a deep breath, “how do you feel now?” I asked tentatively.
He sighed, “I’ll never forget and I’ll always cherish what we had but now ... I feel happy, you two make me happy,” he said and my heart sang at his admission.
“You don’t ever have to forget, you can always talk about her to me.” I gave him a smile but he didn’t return it.
“Penny I don’t know how I feel about what Jemma was to you,” he added honestly, “and I don’t want today to be overshadowed by this serious shit when you showed the world how awesome you are.”
I grinned, “Matt don’t ever feel like you can’t talk about your past to me.” I uttered.
“Penny,” he looked over at me, “don’t ever feel like you can’t talk about your past to me either.” My stomach clenched at his words and I relaxed in my chair, looking out to the summer’s night as we headed home. There was so much about me that I didn’t tell people, so much that I felt ashamed of and Matt was starting to know it all. I didn’t share, I didn’t open up and I had to wonder how the hell he’d managed to already embed himself so deep.
My life was like a movie where you kept expecting the kid to get a break but she never does, even when people loved me they always left in the end.
