Ethan (Alluring Indulgence)

by Edwards, Nicole

  Before he could relay how he felt about the whole thing, Blake pushed past him, moving at a fast clip toward Beau.

  “You son of a bitch! Why couldn’t you just stay the fuck out of our business?”

  Beau cocked an eyebrow, never moving a muscle and Ethan’s gaze was locked on him. He was even attracted to the guy’s patience, his self-assurance. That cocky way he stood there like nothing or no one could hurt him.

  When Blake apparently got too close for comfort, Beau put one hand out, right up against Blake’s chest. God, the difference in their sizes was significant. Beau must’ve been at least six-foot-six, considering he was a tad taller than Ethan at six-foot-five. And Blake was just shy of six-feet.

  “Why couldn’t you just keep your mouth shut? What I do is none of your fucking business!”

  Blake sounded just like what he was. A pissed off ex-lover.

  Taking a deep breath, because hell, what else could he really do, Ethan made his way over to Beau and Blake. After inserting himself between them, he faced Blake, trying to ignore the feel of Beau so close behind him. He was big enough to block the frigid winds and Ethan hated himself for noticing that.

  At the moment, he hated himself for a lot of things.

  Chapter Seven

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  Beau wanted to laugh.

  He also wanted to punch something.

  Or better yet. Someone.

  Blake Henley was a jackass. A jackass who just put his foot in his mouth. And somehow he was still trying to make it Beau’s fault. And when the little man came running at him, he had to fight to keep a straight face.

  “You need to go,” Ethan told Blake loudly. “We’ll talk about this later.”

  Would they really?

  Beau had come to loathe Blake, including his cheating ways. Ethan deserved so much better than a little fuck-up like Blake.

  For reasons unknown, Beau’s thoughts lurched back into the past to that kiss he shared with Ethan on the Walker’s front porch on Christmas Day. Yes, he’d kissed Ethan. Lord, Ethan had kissed him back and to this day, Beau still felt as though he’d been shaken and not stirred.

  Wait.

  Was that considered cheating? Should he feel guilty for kissing Ethan when, at the time, he was technically still seeing Blake? For a brief moment, he almost allowed guilt to sink in, but then he remembered seeing Blake and that loser at the restaurant and he couldn’t bring himself to feel bad about it.

  “When?” Blake asked, a hint of anticipation in his voice, his eyes darting back and forth between him and Ethan.

  “Don’t know. Just go home, Blake.”

  Beau kept his mouth shut, knowing that anything he added to this conversation would just make it worse. And he definitely didn’t need another downturn in his day. As it was, he’d already lost his job and would now have to rent a storage unit just so he could house his tools until he got another one.

  Maybe Zane would let him keep them at his house.

  Beau watched as Ethan directed Blake to his truck. He made sure to meet Blake’s scowl every time he turned back. As far as he was concerned, Blake’s idiocy was a blessing. For months, Beau had hated himself for not telling Ethan about seeing Blake at the restaurant with someone else, but it wasn’t his place. No matter how many times he’d played the scenario over in his head, he knew what it would’ve looked like. And despite how much he wanted Ethan, how crazy he was making himself with that need, Beau wouldn’t stoop to that level.

  Beau dropped his arms, letting go of his defensive stance as soon as Blake’s truck was out of sight.

  “Where do you want me to drop this?” Ethan asked, pointing toward the toolbox that still sat up on the flatbed.

  Beau grabbed his phone from his hip. “I don’t know. Let me call Zane.”

  He dialed the number, but after several rings, the call went to Zane’s voicemail. Beau figured he was still in a meeting with Travis.

  “Shit.”

  “How about I take it back to the shop? You can leave it there for the time being. At least until you get another job and need them again. You’re welcome to come by if you need something.”

  Beau started to argue. Then he thought better of it. Ethan had just given him an open invitation to stop by the shop. He had spent months running in circles when it came to Ethan, and now this? He wasn’t sure he even knew what to say.

  “I’ve gotta go. I’ll have Jared help me get it down when I get there.” Ethan took off toward the wrecker without a backward glance.

  “Give me just a few minutes and I’ll meet you there. No sense in bothering Jared. It’s my stuff. I’ll get it down,” Beau yelled at Ethan’s retreating back.

  Ethan waved him off, but Beau wasn’t going to leave it at that. As Ethan drove off, he grabbed what was in the bed of his truck and lugged it up to his apartment. He didn’t want to carry all of his tools around because they were too expensive to have to replace. Especially now that he was without a job.

  Once inside his tiny apartment, Beau was wishing he’d taken off after Ethan immediately. Why was he wasting time? He should be jumping at the opportunity to go to the shop, spend just a few minutes with Ethan. After all, he knew Ethan wasn’t in a good mood. How could he be?

  Finding out that the guy you’d been inadvertently dating for the last few months was fucking around on you couldn’t be easy. Didn’t matter whether they were serious or not. It was the principle of it. Even Beau knew that much.

  A minor twinge of guilt tugged at Beau’s insides as he remembered that kiss. It didn’t matter that Ethan hadn’t initiated the smoldering encounter, Beau still felt a degree of remorse for his actions.

  Grabbing the towel he had hung over the back of the chair in the kitchen, Beau opted to shower. Then he’d head over to Walker Demolition. Maybe he could get there before Ethan had to bother Jared. And if he didn’t, that was all right too. At this point, it wasn’t like his day could get much worse. He’d been laid off, nearly beat the boss’s brother’s head in for his stupid remark, and on top of that, he had to ride out the scene between Blake and Ethan.

  Without waiting for the water to heat, Beau hurried through his shower, toweling off as fast as he could before making his way back to his bedroom.

  What a joke. Beau hadn’t given much thought to his living quarters. He was just happy to have a place of his own. Until today, or rather, until Ethan.

  Now, for some reason, his humble surroundings seemed lacking. His bedroom consisted of a mattress and box spring sitting on the floor. Hell, he didn’t even have a headboard. No fancy comforter. And the dresser was second hand, but it worked for him.

  He thought about Zane’s house. How nice the place was, and he couldn’t help but wonder whether Ethan’s was the same. He knew the structure itself was impressive. Different from his brothers because of its modern design, versus the rustic preference the other brothers seemed to have. He could only imagine that the interior was similar.

  But Beau tried to remind himself that he came from a different world than Zane and his brothers. He knew the Walkers didn’t hurt for money, but he also knew that Lorrie and Curtis didn’t spoil their kids just because they could. From the time each of them was old enough, they’d had to work for their extra money.

  For Beau, he had to work for any money. There hadn’t been money for college because his father said he had wasted every penny he had on Beau’s high school football and the dream that he would one day make it to the NFL. Any time the opportunity presented itself, his father had ensured Beau understood that he had failed them.

  Pulling his t-shirt on over his head, Beau tried to ignore his own meager possessions. If it ever came down to it, could he actually bring Ethan there? Would he want him to see his meek surroundings? Would Ethan think he was pathetic?

  Beau forced the thoughts away. It wasn’t like it mattered right at the moment. Maybe if he could get a few minutes with Ethan, some time to talk, then he’d worry about what the next steps might be.
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  ♂♂

  By the time five o’clock rolled around, Ethan decided to call it a day. He’d kept himself away from the shop, handling the tedious errands that he always put off, all in an effort to avoid running into Beau. He knew if he had gone back to the shop they would’ve had another encounter, and at this point, Ethan was fresh out of defenses – something he needed when Beau was around.

  Walking into Moonshiners, Ethan glanced around to see who was there, a habit he couldn’t break. The trucks in the parking lot were familiar, some belonging to his brothers. There were times, based on the vehicles outside, when he knew better than to stop in. Today didn’t look to be one of those days.

  Most of the faces were friendly, although Ethan wouldn’t call them friends. At least he didn’t have to worry about a confrontation. And the best part… Beau wasn’t there which meant he didn’t have to worry about being on guard.

  “Hey, Mack,” he greeted the bartender as he took one of the empty stools at the bar.

  “E, how’s it goin’?”

  Ethan knew the question was merely a pleasantry, and he didn’t bother with replying. Mack didn’t expect him to either.

  A minute later, Mack passed over a Heineken and let him be without further conversation. As Ethan stared blankly at the scarred bar top in front of him, his mind insisted on wandering back to the events of that morning. Particularly, when Beau went after Ricky Dillinger for his comment.

  He’d had a hard time not thinking about that, but somehow he had kept himself busy enough that the past hadn’t come back to haunt him through the day. But now… well, now Ethan had nothing else to do but sit and think and those memories from all those years ago came flooding back.

  “Hey,” Gavin greeted as he made his way around his truck.

  Ethan watched Gavin approach, admiring the man he’d found himself falling in love with in recent weeks. The mere sight of him made his heart rate speed up.

  Several hours ago Gavin had called and asked Ethan to meet him down by the lake, and without a second thought, Ethan had agreed. For the last month or so, they’d spent many evenings out by the lake, mostly talking, but in recent days, things had continued to escalate between them. And the more time they spent together, the hotter their encounters seemed to get.

  Considering all that they had shared so far, the only logical step would be to commit to one another unconditionally. More so than just in the physical sense. Although Gavin hadn’t out-and-out said he was looking for a relationship, Ethan got the impression that the need for something more was mutual.

  At nineteen, Ethan had finally come to the full realization that he was gay. No matter how many times he’d tried to convince himself otherwise through the years, the mere fact that he wasn’t attracted to girls and never had been made it glaringly obvious. After trying to deny it to himself for the millionth time, Ethan had finally accepted it.

  And when Gavin dropped into his life out of the blue, Ethan knew the man was heaven sent.

  To have found someone who made him want something more, something he’d never wanted before, Ethan hadn’t been willing to let Gavin get too far away from him. And the last week had been the most unbelievable time of Ethan’s life.

  First there was the kiss that had rattled the ground beneath his feet and… And then the few times they’d made love, right there by the lake under the moonlight. After the first time, – Ethan’s very first time – he had known his heart had finally found what it was searching for.

  “Want to go down by the water?” Ethan asked as Gavin got closer.

  Gavin glanced around, then back to Ethan. Was he trying to make sure no one would see them? It was something Ethan always found himself doing. Not that he honestly cared who saw him with Gavin like this, but if something else were to happen again tonight, he definitely wanted to ensure they were the only two there. He liked the idea of having Gavin all to himself.

  “Sure,” Gavin replied, moving ahead several feet.

  Ethan could sense that something was wrong, so when they reached the edge of the water and Gavin took a seat on one of the fallen tree stumps, Ethan decided to approach things head on. “You ok?”

  “Sure. Why?” Gavin asked, a note of tension in his voice.

  “You seem… nervous.”

  Maybe that was it. Maybe Gavin was nervous to be around him. Lord knew that Ethan had been overwhelmed by nerves to the point of nausea in recent days. With each passing minute that the two of them spent together, Ethan’s longing for this man was coalescing into something so potent, he wasn’t sure he’d be able to survive all of the feelings he was beginning to have.

  “Sit,” Gavin said, nodding his head toward the log across from him.

  Ethan momentarily glanced down at the spot directly beside Gavin but moved backward instead. He would prefer to sit close to him, to be able to feel the warmth of his arm, smell the scent of the cologne he’d been wearing more of these last few weeks. Maybe lean into him and steal another kiss.

  “What’s up?” Ethan knew Gavin had something on his mind, but for the life of him he had no idea what it was. Unless of course Gavin was trying to find a way to share how he was feeling. Ethan had been trying to come up with the words, or even put them into actions for the last few days, but every time he thought he was ready to cross that line, he choked, unable to process any of his thoughts into either.

  Gavin glanced around again and finally met Ethan’s gaze. His beautiful green eyes were so bright, so clear, Ethan wondered if he could see right through them into Gavin’s mind. If he could, he damn sure wished he could figure out what the guy was thinking.

  “So, uh…” Gavin’s words died off and Ethan found himself waiting on pins and needles to hear what he had to say.

  When several minutes passed, Ethan knew he would have to be the one to do the talking. After all, he usually was. “Is something wrong?”

  “Yeah, actually, there is.”

  “And that would be?” Ethan asked, smiling. He loved talking to Gavin, especially when he seemed to be choked up on his own emotions.

  Like after the first time, when Ethan had been lodged to the hilt inside of Gavin’s sweet body, he could’ve sworn Gavin had said the three words he’d been hoping to hear. But, afterward, when Ethan held Gavin close to him, he had started to wonder if he’d dreamed it.

  “Look,” Gavin began, staring down at this hands as he squeezed them together. “What happened…”

  Again Gavin let the sentence drop and Ethan bit his bottom lip to keep from asking more questions. Without saying anything, he chose to relocate himself to the spot beside Gavin, reaching for his hand as he did.

  That’s when Gavin jerked away, pushing to his feet and putting several steps between them.

  “Look, Ethan, I… I think you got the wrong idea about me.”

  Ethan lifted a brow and stared back at him. “Is that right?”

  Despite his confusion, Ethan’s heart began to thump painfully hard in his chest. He could feel the letdown that was coming, knew Gavin was about to lie to him for whatever reason, but for the life of him, he couldn’t stop it from happening.

  “I didn’t want to be with you… like that.”

  Gavin’s words were like a karate chop to the throat, cutting off Ethan’s air. “Like what?” he asked, the words coming out as a raspy whisper.

  “You know,” Gavin said quietly.

  “No, I don’t know. Tell me.” Ethan pushed to his feet, hating the way his chest felt as though it were caving in.

  “I’m not gay,” Gavin said, his words determined, his eyes finally meeting Ethan’s for the first time since they’d made their way down to the water.

  “You’re not gay?” So, yes, that was a stupid question, but Ethan asked it anyway. Surely his ears were playing tricks on him.

  “No.”

  “So, the times we made love –”

  “Don’t call it that!” Gavin exclaimed, his green eyes darkening.

  “What w
ould you prefer I call it?” Ethan asked, his own anger gripping him by the throat.

  “A mistake.”

  Ethan swallowed hard, an effort to keep his heart from trying to escape through his throat. How could Gavin stand there and say that after what they had shared?

  “Gavin, I know you’re scared. I am too,” Ethan said, taking a step closer, but stopping as soon as Gavin took one step back.

  “I’m not scared. I don’t want this. I don’t want you. I’m not…” Gavin swallowed hard and glanced around again. “I didn’t want that to happen between us. You shouldn’t have made me.”

  Ethan stumbled back a step. If he thought he was short of breath before, now he was on the verge of suffocation.

  “What? How can you say that?” Ethan asked defensively, trying to swallow past the ball of emotion that had lodged in his throat. “I didn’t make you do anything. We made love, Gavin.”

  Ethan watched as Gavin shook his head and then his eyes landed on something behind Ethan.

  Without thinking, he turned to see what it was, and that’s when Ethan’s world was forever changed.

  “Hey.”

  The voice pulled Ethan from his memory, and he glanced over to see Braydon standing beside him. A sigh of relief escaped because reality had found a way to intervene with the past. He rapidly chugged his beer, hoping Braydon didn’t start asking questions and praying that his brother didn’t see that his hands were shaking.

  “What’s up?” he asked as nonchalantly as he could muster, setting his empty beer bottle on the bar and signaling Mack for another.

  “Just checkin’ to make sure you’re all right.”

  “Fine, why?” he asked, not bothering to look Braydon in the eyes.

  “No reason.”

  Ethan knew his brothers had stopped questioning him in recent years. Sometimes he wished they would push him to talk because there were times when he feared he would be overwhelmed by everything he managed to keep bottled up inside. But he knew they were better off not knowing Ethan’s deepest, darkest secrets. It was in their best interest if he kept himself distanced, which he had become a pro at.