Envy

by K. T Fisher

  “Relax.” Devlin kisses my neck and my body follows his order.

  As Genuines voice fills the club, my body feels the music and sways in time. Devlin is behind me and grinds himself against me. We’re very close, in a tight embrace as we dance, almost as if Devlin is scared I will run away. I hear him moan, deep and sexy and it spurs me on. The sound brings out my daring side, the part of me I thought was long gone. I sway my ass even more and enjoy feeling him against me. Devlin follows my lead and thrusts against me so I can feel how hard he’s getting as I press into him.

  Devlin’s other hand, that isn’t securing me against him, explores my body. He squeezes my thigh before traveling up and stays on my exposed skin on my stomach. Both of his hands feeling me. Devlin now has perfect grip on me as we dance. One of his hands decides to take it further and let his fingertips explore the area under my top and eventually his whole right hand has disappeared under the fabric and playing with the material of my bra. I bite down on my bottom lip and let my head fall onto his shoulder.

  The next morning I wake to find that I have six, yes six text messages on my phone. I smile, because I already know who they’re from. My friends love me as much as I love them so I just know that they are responsible. I would have done the same if it was any other one of them, hell I did it to Lauren!

  I knew Devlin and I made a scene! How could we not? We were practically dry humping in front of everyone. God what did I look like?

  When I unlock my phone, I see that the messages are from the girls, but I don’t open them right away because there’s one text in particular that causes somersaults to erupt in my stomach. Devlin sent me a text before any of the girls did.

  Devlin – Hey babe, just got back to the clubhouse. Sleep well x

  His words bring a smile to my face and I feel like a teenage girl again. The fact he even left a kiss on the end leaves me happy. I quickly send him a reply to let him know I did sleep well and I have a load of questions from the girls, so I’m busy for the rest of the day.

  I then go through the girls’ text messages. Lauren and Drew each sent two and Elise just the one. As I’m reading them I get another from Lauren and she’s in the same freaking house! In fact, I can hear her footsteps pacing outside my room!

  “I can hear you!” I shout at her.

  Suddenly my door is open and she pops her hear round, I don’t miss the little look of disappointment on her face though.

  “Where’s Devlin?” She asks.

  “Good morning to you too.” I sit up and stretch.

  Lauren comes in and sits on the bed with me. “You know what I mean, you left together so I just assumed.”

  I tilt my head to the side and roll my eyes.

  “So?” She asks, practically bouncing on my bed.

  “So what?” I tease her.

  “Tasha!” She lightly slaps my leg.

  “Nothing happened.” I insist but she gives me the look.

  “Oh come on! The way you two were dancing last night you had to have at least kissed.”

  I smile, nodding my head. “We kissed but apart from that he was the perfect gentleman.”

  “Devlin? A perfect gentleman?” She laughs.

  “For your information, yes he was. Strange I know, but we got a taxi here and that was it. He made sure I was safe and left.” I’m actually a little gutted that he did. It would have been nice to have even had a private drink together, some alone time.

  “You asked him in didn’t you?” She digs, leaning in a little closer to me.

  I don’t look at her, instead I bite down on my lip and act really interested in my nails.

  “You did!” She gasps.

  “Lauren!” I hush her. “Yes I did but he said no.”

  “He was that harsh?” Lauren frowns.

  “No.” I shake my head. “His words were along the lines of, if he came in he wouldn’t be able to stop himself and he didn’t want to rush me. He said that he want to savour us and wait for the perfect time.”

  Lauren actually screams. Like, loudly squeals and jumps up at me. She pushes me down on the bed, smothering me and laughing. I can’t help but join as I laugh at how insane she looks.

  “Well what’s going on here?” We hear from the door and when Lauren finally gets off me, I see Grim smiling over at us.

  “Girl talk.” Is thankfully all she says as she joins him. They give each other a little kiss, before Lauren turns to give me a wink, leading Grim away from my room.

  Thank god for that. I do not want to be telling Grim what me and his brother did or did not do. I know exactly where it could have gone and I’m not lying when I say that I really wish it did. Devlin is one sexy man. I love his tattoos and I want to find the ones that you can’t see when he’s dressed but he’s right when he says we need to take our time with this. He’s not a mushy guy, so I really respect him for being the strong one. I’m not ready for sex yet, and Devlin knows that more than I do. I would have gone all the way last night, and this morning I would have woken up regretting every second of it. As much as I like Devlin, and I definitely lust after him, I’m not ready. I still have scars deep within me that haven’t yet healed. I’m afraid they never will.

  Right now, I will have to leave it at innocent flirting and trust that he knows how fucked up I really am and can wait. If not, then I know he’s not the man for me, but that would really fucking suck.

  I’m not like Lauren. I’m so happy that she’s been able to put the Devils behind her and I believe that that was mostly down to Grim. If it wasn’t for him I think she would be right where I am. Maybe not as bad, but still in this place that I’m in. For that, I’m glad. As much as I like to play the strong one, I’m really not. Behind closed doors, I’m that same scared girl who was left alone in a dark and dirty room.

  Demon left me with both physical and mental scars. He fucked my head up and there’s not one day that I don’t think about him and I hate him for that! I don’t want to see his face every time I wake up. It’s then I realise with shock that this morning, I didn’t see Demons face. For the first time in months, it was the handsome and rugged face of Devlin I saw when I opened my eyes. Devlin was my first thought and I place a hand over my heart as tears gather and drip down my cheeks.

  How fucked up am I? I’m crying happy tears all because I didn’t think of Demon when I woke up this morning.

  I quickly reply to Drew and Elise, basically telling them what I told Lauren and let them know that I will talk to them later. My head feels kind of numb and I need some time to myself. Maybe it’s to do with thinking about Demon and the rest of the Devils, I don’t know but as I strip naked to get ready for my shower I glimpse my reflection and I gravitate towards the mirror.

  I look in disgust at the ugly scars that I am left with. My whip marks are almost identical to Lauren’s, however I have more and mine look deeper because they were reopened many times. A quick flashback cuts into my thoughts and I shut my eyes, trying to force the image away. It’s no use, even as I go through day to day, the memories are always lurking in the background. I’m sure Lauren and Elise are exactly the same however we don’t admit it, but I see it there. We share the same haunting look and out of respect we don’t like to remind each other.

  Unlike Lauren and Elise though, they don’t have whip marks decorating their vaginas. That’s right, you heard me right. I have whip marks on my pussy, they are on top, inside and right inside my thighs. They’re even bite marks curtesy of Strike, he never could help himself.

  I stare at them, getting angrier and more repulsed by the second. Why am I even thinking of letting Devlin near me? He wouldn’t want this! Devlin could have any pick of woman, when he sees my skin he won’t want me. He will most likely run away feeling sick. I do, and unfortunately I can’t run away from it. If I want to keep flirting with Devlin, then I need to make sure he doesn’t see my horrid skin. Ever since that accident and foolish kiss we shared not long after I arrived here, we’ve shared a chemistry. I
can’t fight it, but I’m terrified of letting go and risk getting hurt because that will happen. As soon as Devlin sees my scars, he won’t want me anymore and I actually need him. His attention makes me feel needed. When Devlin talks to me, I don’t feel ugly and damaged, instead I feel sexy.

  My phone makes me jump as it vibrates on the wood bathroom side and when I see I have another text from Devlin, I can’t help but smile.

  Devlin – Damn, I should have stayed! I bet you look gorgeous in the morning.

  Still smiling, I send a reply.

  Me – Hardly! I’m going in the shower, might catch you later x

  I bite on my lip, knowing I am teasing him.

  Devlin – Fuck what you look like in the morning! I want to see you in the shower!

  Laughing, I put down my phone and get in the shower.

  I’m bored of waiting! I need action, I’m not going to get Raven just sitting here.

  I look over at Venom, my stupid brother. He has a drunken girl sprawled over him and it’s just another thing on my long list that is pissing me off. I wish he would just fuck her already so I can kill her and be done with it. I always have to do Venom’s killings because he hasn’t got the balls to do it.

  “Venom!” I shout over at him.

  He straight away stops what he’s doing and walks over to me. Much to the whores’ disappointment, as she sulks while Venom walks away.

  “Brother.” Venom greats me.

  “Go and get Switch.” I order.

  “I think he’s upstairs.” Venom tells me and I raise my eyebrows.

  “Did I ask where he is, or did I tell you to get him for me?” I snap.

  Without another word, Venom runs away and then I’m joined by his little whore.

  “Impressive.” She purrs. “I like a man in control.”

  I turn to look at her, she’s not too bad looking, if fake and dirty are what you like. Lucky for me, I don’t really give a shit.

  “Suck my dick.” I order her and I see the pleasure ripple through her.

  Without question, she gets down on her knees, unzips my jeans and begins to suck on my cock. I don’t even enjoy it, but what I do like it the look on my brothers’ face when he walks back with Switch right behind him.

  I push the girl away, and she squeals as she falls to the floor. If I didn’t know any better, then I would think she rather enjoyed that.

  “Strike.” Switch greets me.

  “I need Raven.” Is all I say.

  “We will find her.” Switch insists.

  “Then fucking get her!” I shout.

  Nobody stops what they’re doing, that’s because they are all used to this. Me shouting and demanding is a daily tradition. Now, if they stopped and stared, that would be a problem.

  “She’s surrounded by Kings members, there’s no way in.” Switch replies and I can hear the desperation pouring from him.

  “You got her in your bed before, do it again.” I remind him.

  “She was different back then and she didn’t know who I really was. She will never trust me.” Switch reminds me.

  Of course, why would I be so stupid?

  “What about our inside man?” Venom asks.

  I turn to look at him. My stupid and annoying brother and jump up. Venom nearly jumps out of his skin in shock as I hold his head in my hands and kiss him.

  “That’s why you’re my brother.” I praise him.

  I go back to my chair, pulling out one of my many phones from the drawer and sit down while the dial tone sounds though my ear. Venom and Switch stand close by.

  After a couple of rings, he picks up.

  “I told you not to ring me.” He snaps as he answers.

  “I’m getting impatient.” I growl.

  “I get that, but getting them apart is a hard job. Lauren is always with Grim, this isn’t easy!” He shouts back.

  “Her name is Raven and she’s mine!” I roar even louder. “You will fucking get her back or I will kill you!”

  There’s a minutes silence, and I would think he’s hung up on me but I can hear the fucker breathing.

  “I have a plan.” He finally says. “Just do as I say, I think this is the only way to get Raven on her own and as soon as we do, that’s when we get her.”

  I don’t like taking orders from other people. I only took it from Demon because he was my President and even then I was always thinking of ways to get rid of him.

  What my little rat has to is genius! I just know it won’t be long until Raven is back with me. Exactly where she belongs.

  “Oh, and one more thing.” He interrupts my thoughts. “The Kings know where you are and they’re planning an ambush.”

  “When?” I ask, but as soon as I do I hear the gunfire.

  Today I’m helping Lauren get to know some of the old ladies around here. Seeing as she’s with Grim now, she has to know most of them, if not all. I’m also here to see if Drew drops by, I want to ask her more about wanting to get into business together.

  “He looks so much happier now.” Praises one of the old ladies to Lauren. “You’re good for him.”

  “Thank you.” Smiles Lauren. We spend all morning in the club house, the children are running around and the club members are laughing together. What still surprises me though, is that even though these men are big, tattooed and some of them scary looking bikers, they adore their women. The members who have old ladies walk over to their women and children every now and then and make sure they’re ok. They give them a kiss and have a quick conversation before going back to the men of the club. It’s lovely to see, especially because the first MC I was introduced to was The Devil Spawn and we all know how that went. I adore watching the men pay the ladies in their lives attention and bringing smiles to their faces. It makes me believe that happiness can happen.

  The children absolutely love Lauren and I think they feel the same about me, seeing as they won’t leave me alone. I’m overcrowded with giggling children but I don’t mind at all.

  “You know Lauren, the younger girls will look up to you now.” Nelly, one of the old ladies teases her. Lauren instantly looks worried and I laugh silently.

  “No.” Lauren shakes her head.

  “Oh yes they will.” I nudge Lauren in the side. “You’re the VP’s Old Lady.”

  “You’re new, young and pretty. Never mind that you’re with Grim, who is soon to be President. You’ll be a role model to the girls.” Marie another old lady says to her. They’re teasing her, but there’s truth to what they are saying. All the young kids around here already love her, they will grow to respect her and look up to Lauren.

  Nelly has a 2 year old son and Marie has three children. She’s an experienced old lady and is one tough bitch. Along with Laura, Grim’s mother and women like Marie and Nelly around her I’m sure she will become a great role model around here. After Nelly and Marie leave with their children I look to Lauren and see the embarrassment written all over her face.

  “Don’t beat yourself up about it.” I interrupt her worrying thoughts. She turns to look at me, she’s frowning and looks a little pale.

  “I can’t be what they want me to be.” She says with tears in her eyes.

  “You already are.” I laugh. “Lauren, why are you so scared?”

  “Are you forgetting that not too long ago what a bitch I was? I can’t be a role model to all these girls! I don’t want them to turn out like me.”

  She looks really panicked and I squeeze onto her hand. “Lauren, I didn’t know that girl and I never will. She’s long gone and you’re an amazing person. These girls would be so lucky to be anything like you. You want to know why?” I ask her.

  “Why?” She sniffles and I have to hide my smile. She doesn’t even know how adorable she looks right now. She has no idea how strong she is, these bratty teenagers would be lucky to anything like her!

  “Lauren, you’re one of the best people I know. You’ve been through the worst crap and come out amazingly. You have to see t
hat.” I plead. Lauren gives me a sad smile and then leaps into my arms. After a couple of minutes we begin to laugh.

  “Thank you.” She wipes her tears.

  “For what?” I ask, wiping my own tears.

  “For being my best friend.” She simply answers.

  “Exactly, if I was the same person I was before I met you, you wouldn’t have wanted me as your best friend.” I joke. At that we both burst out laughing however, when Devlin walks by with a few more club members, I stop. Devlin doesn’t see me, he’s too busy talking quickly amongst the men as they hurriedly walk by, but Lauren notices that I am no longer laughing along with her and that my attention is elsewhere.

  “So, you and Devlin.” Lauren wiggles her eyebrows. I take my eyes from Devlin and look at Lauren. “There is no me and Devlin.”

  “Ok then.” Lauren mocks me.

  I’m about to reply, when Devlin’s laugh erupts through the whole room as he walks out. That sound does crazy shit to me, I can’t even explain it. When Devlin has left, I look back to Lauren and see her smug face grinning at me and I roll my eyes. She may be right, but she doesn’t have to know that.

  “Hello ladies!” Drew practically skips over with a big smile on her face.

  “Hi.” I eagerly talk to her, trying to take Laurens focus from Devlin.

  “What are you two up to?” Asks Drew.

  “Catching up with the old ladies.” Lauren answers and I’m worried she’ll drop Devlin’s name in.

  “You seem pretty happy.” I observe.

  “Do I?” Drew asks, but I know it’s no shock I pointed this out as she smiles and flicks her hair around. “I’ve had a chat with dad.”

  “About your tattoos?” Lauren asks.

  Drew nods. “I took Devlins advice. Dad wasn’t happy that I’ve been lying but he’s better now that I’ve spoken to him. He’s even going to help me break the news to mum.”

  “That’s great!” I answer.

  “What do you think she’s going to say?” Lauren asks.

  “I really don’t know.” Drew sighs. “She doesn’t care about my brothers, just me. She’s made it pretty clear she thinks tattoos are more of a man’s thing than a woman’s.”