The Fill-In Boyfriend

by Kasie West

  He smiled at me then headed over. When he reached me he gave me a hug. “I should’ve asked permission to make the video.”

  That still wasn’t an apology but it made me smile. “What are you doing here?”

  “I decided I needed to see you.”

  My friends were staring at me so I said, “Drew, you remember Claire and Laney and this is Jules. This is my brother.”

  “Good to finally meet you in real life,” he said to Jules.

  “What does that mean?” I asked.

  “We met online a couple of days ago. She said I’d want her help with something.”

  Why did that news send dread into my heart? “I thought you hated the internet.”

  He smiled like it was a joke.

  “Help with what?”

  “You’ll see.”

  “How did you know I was here?” I asked him.

  “Mom and Dad have a GPS in your phone. Tell me you knew that.”

  “I know. I just don’t know why they insist on giving that information out to everyone.”

  “Because I brought you a surprise. A make-up gift. Something your friend assured me you’d be happy about.” With that he smiled at Jules and the dread in my heart turned to ice.

  “A make-up gift?”

  “A present to make up for my extremely horrible behavior.”

  I smiled nervously. If Jules was involved, this couldn’t be good . . . or maybe Claire had been giving her the “try harder” speech too. Maybe she really was trying harder. Maybe she’d watched that video Drew made and realized my life was hard sometimes too. This was the first burst of hope I’d had in an otherwise awful day. My brother had come and was extending a peace offering. A peace offering from both him and Jules.

  “Are you ready?”

  “Yes.”

  He smiled like he was the one getting the gift, went back to the door, and opened it. In walked Bradley. Not fill-in Bradley. The real-life, honest-to-goodness, in-the-flesh Bradley. I’d forgotten how beefy he was. His arms seemed huge. Too big. Had I liked that at one point? His hair was perfectly arranged, his smile perfect and white, and he must’ve been to the tanning bed because his skin was darker than ever.

  Drew was walking slightly behind him and had a big, proud smile on his face like he had just brought me a pile of money or something.

  “Gia,” Bradley said, then scooped me up in a lung-crushing hug. He was going to break my spine with his comically large arms. Then he set me down and turned toward my friends. This was all happening entirely too fast and my brain was having trouble keeping up. So when he said, “I’m Brad—” my scream of “No!” was one second too late.

  The flash of vindication in Jules’s eyes let me know this was the plan.

  “Wait. You’re Bradley?” Laney asked. “UCLA Bradley?”

  “That’s me. And see, Gia, I’m not embarrassed by you. I’m here to finally meet your friends. It’s long overdue.” He kissed my cheek and I had to physically stop myself from wiping it when he pulled away.

  Claire had a look on her face like . . . well, like I had been lying to her for the last month. “Gia? What?”

  “He broke up with me in the parking lot at prom. But he exists. See?”

  “So, what? You just called a friend to pretend to be him?”

  “You had someone pretend to be me?” Bradley asked.

  My shoulders started to shake and I had to wrap my arms around myself to stop them. “I just needed to extend the night a little bit. You were there. You were supposed to go inside with me, not break up with me.”

  Bradley closed his eyes like he had made the biggest mistake in the world coming here today. I really wished he hadn’t.

  “Really, Gia?” Drew said.

  I pointed at Jules. “She was trying to prove Bradley didn’t exist.” I had become a child. It was pointless now. I’d dug myself a grave and I was being buried alive in it. “She did this.”

  “So you lied to us?” Claire asked.

  “I’m sorry. I really, truly am. I didn’t mean to lie. Bradley exists. He just left me in the parking lot, so I felt like it really wasn’t a huge lie. I just rearranged the order of how things happened . . . with a fill-in guy.”

  “So who was that fill-in guy?” Claire asked.

  “She still called him Bradley when I ran into them at the ice cream shop the other day.” Jules was loving every second of this. She’d worked hard for this payday and it was probably going exactly like she’d imagined it.

  “That was Hayden.”

  “Blind-date Hayden? So that really wasn’t a blind date, then. You obviously already knew him.”

  “Yes.”

  “So that time did you mean to lie?” Claire’s words were ice cold.

  “I messed up.”

  “You think?” Laney said quietly.

  “Why, Gia?” Claire asked.

  “Because I was scared.”

  “Of what?” It felt like it was just Claire and me now. Her icy stare from before turned sad.

  “Jules didn’t think Bradley existed. I thought that . . .” I trailed off because it sounded so lame now.

  “I’d believed you all along about Bradley.”

  “I know. I just thought you wouldn’t that night. I thought it would be the last piece of evidence you needed from her to prove I was a liar.”

  “You proved you were a liar pretty easily all on your own.”

  My heart sank even further. “I know.”

  “Why didn’t you trust in our friendship?”

  “I don’t know. Maybe because my relationships have always been so surface. I haven’t really been myself. Ever. I never let anyone in.” I knew it was the wrong thing to say the moment it came out of my mouth but it was too late to take it back. “That came out wrong. I didn’t know they were only surface. I thought we had a great relationship until I realized what it was like to really open up.” I closed my eyes. I was only making this worse. “I’m sorry.”

  Claire stood. “Glad to know how you feel.” With that she left. Laney paused for one brief moment and then went with her.

  I looked at Drew, but he just shook his head in disgust. He was now probably very pleased with himself for making a video about how much I needed validation. “Really, Gia?”

  “Please don’t judge me right now.” My voice wobbled when I spoke so I didn’t say anything else.

  He tapped Bradley’s arm and jerked his head toward the door and they both walked away. Why didn’t I have a brother who would defend me even if I stole a Popsicle? I leaned my forehead on the table and decided I wasn’t moving until someone made me.

  Someone clearing her throat made me look up. How had I not noticed that Jules hadn’t left with the others?

  “What?”

  “I’ve been to six high schools in four years. Claire was the only person who ever made me feel like I belonged.”

  “So that’s what it was always about? You wanted to steal Claire from me?”

  “I just knew she deserved better.”

  Jules was right. Claire did deserve better than me. I put my forehead back on the table and listened as Jules clicked her way out of the restaurant on her high heels. For the second time in as many days, I realized I needed to call my dad for a ride home. I was stranded.

  The problem with having the only person I could really talk to right now be the sister of the person I didn’t want to see ever again was that I was stuck in a car trying to figure out things on my own. It used to be that I could do that really well, back at the beginning of the year. And despite how many people had told me lately that I was different and better and changed, I sure felt lost and angry and alone. I just wanted my old self back. The one who could force a problem away until she could deal with it. But maybe that was the problem—I never ended up dealing with anything.

  Something Jules of all people had said stuck in my head. Claire deserved better. She was right. Claire deserved better than a friend like Jules. And I truly thought I
could be better. . . . I was better. Better than the stupid lie I’d told over a month ago. Better than the person I’d been at the beginning of the year who didn’t think much about other people aside from how they could help me. I hadn’t even realized I had been that person until now.

  I started my car and drove to Claire’s house. I had to deal with this. I’d screwed up. I knocked on her front door, and her mom, who usually invited me in with a smile, positioned her body to block the way.

  “I’m sorry, Gia. She doesn’t want to talk to you right now.”

  I thought about that doormat her mom had bought for us that claimed it wasn’t a doormat and how Claire was applying its statement in this moment. I wanted to put a smile on my face, to pretend like everything was or at least would be perfect. Instead I said, “I’ve been a horrible friend. Will you tell her that? There’s no excuse for what I did. Will you just tell her I’m sorry and that maybe she can talk to me one day soon? And will you tell her ‘eighty-three days’?”

  Her mom nodded then shut the door.

  I wasn’t sure she would tell her all that so I texted it to Claire and my little thought about the doormat and how I was glad she wasn’t letting me get away with my bad behavior but how I hoped she’d forgive me one day. Finally I texted the amount of days until we would be roommates.

  The only thing she texted back was We still have thirty days to change roommate preferences.

  I stared at that text, standing on the front porch of her house, hoping she wasn’t implying what I thought she was implying. Jules had won. She’d wanted Claire and she’d gotten her.

  I swallowed down the lump in my throat.

  At home I thought it would be awkward. That my parents would be angry with me. But I should’ve known better. I walked into the house and found my parents and Drew sitting around the kitchen table and talking. I waited for the angry exclamations but all I got was my dad saying, “Gia, lying is never the answer.”

  I waited for more. For anger. Drew grunted like for the last couple of hours he’d been trying to get them riled up over my actions.

  “You should’ve seen how they defended you,” I said.

  “We stand behind both our children,” my mom said.

  “It’s easier to see our mistakes if you face us,” Drew said.

  My mom smiled at him like it was a joke, like she thought he was so clever.

  “I’m going to my room,” I said, knowing this was going nowhere. My parents were well set in their ways.

  “You’re grounded,” Drew called after me.

  “Only if you are.”

  CHAPTER 35

  I awoke to humming. Off-key humming. I cracked one eye open and saw my mom putting stacked clothes of folded laundry on my dresser.

  “You should be awake,” she said.

  I pulled my pillow over my head. “I’m not going to school today.”

  “Yes, you are.”

  “Mom, I don’t want to. I had a bad day yesterday.”

  “You can’t hide from your problems.”

  “Why not? You do.”

  The room became so silent that I thought maybe she had left. I moved my pillow to see her standing in the middle of my room, staring out my window, a look of sadness on her face. I wanted to take back what I’d said, but I didn’t.

  “You can use Dad’s car today,” she said, then turned and left my room.

  I somehow got myself showered and ready for school. I went to the kitchen to eat breakfast with my mom like I always did, thinking I could apologize, but she wasn’t there . . . like she always was. Instead there was a note on the counter. Went to work early. There’s cereal in the pantry.

  Drew stumbled into the kitchen after me and read the note over my shoulder. “You broke Mom.”

  I clenched my teeth. “You broke Mom.” I pushed past him, grabbed the keys off the hook in the laundry room, and left the house.

  Drew was right. I’d broken everything, but today I was going to fix it. So when I pulled into the lot, I parked in the section where Claire always did. Her car wasn’t there. I waited with no luck until the bell rang. The second bell didn’t magically produce her either. My eyes drifted to Laney’s car, parked a few rows over. Had they driven together? I knew I needed to fix things with Laney and Jules as well, but I wanted to start with Claire.

  I sighed and climbed out of my car. As I headed to class, an idea took over. I was student body president. I usually didn’t abuse that title, but today I was going to make it work for me. I changed my direction and went to the front office.

  If I acted like this was normal, it would work. I pasted on a smile and approached Mrs. Fields. “Hi, I’m working on last-minute details for the rally this Friday and I need to borrow Claire Dunning from her first-period class.”

  “What class is she in?” Mrs. Fields asked like I did this all the time.

  “Calculus. Freeman.”

  My heart raced, but it must not have shown because she picked up the phone and dialed. “Hi,” she said after a moment. “I need Claire in the front office please.” She gave a few hums then hung up. I waited for her to tell me that Claire wasn’t at school today.

  She didn’t. She smiled up at me and said, “She’s on her way.”

  “Oh. Great. I’ll just wait outside for her. Thanks so much.” I stepped out the door and tried to think of what I was going to say. There was no excuse for what I had done. What I’d said. That would be a good opening line. There really wasn’t. If I were Claire, I’d be mad too. But we’d been best friends for ten years—that fact had to count for something.

  I heard her shoes on the cement before I saw her round the corner. Her calm, curious look immediately hardened when she saw me. Then she stopped in the middle of the hall still forty feet away. I didn’t hesitate to close the gap between us.

  “Can we just talk?”

  “Did you seriously just call me out of class for this? Did you lie to Mrs. Fields to get me here?”

  Maybe that wasn’t such a good idea. “No. Yes, but just barely.” What was wrong with me? I went with my preplanned line. “There’s no excuse for what I’ve done.”

  “For lying to get me out of class?”

  “No . . . well, maybe that too, but actually I think wanting to talk to you is a halfway decent excuse.” I shook my head. “I’m talking about lying to you about Bradley.”

  “I know what you’re talking about.” Her expression hadn’t softened at all. “Is that all?” She started to back away.

  “No. And for what I said at the restaurant. I didn’t mean we’ve never been friends. You’re my best friend, Claire. I’ve been so selfish. I just want to talk about this. I messed up and I wanted to say sorry.”

  “Well, you said it.” She turned and headed back up the hall.

  “That’s it?” I called after her. “I’m trying to fix this.”

  She didn’t turn back around.

  Time. I knew she just needed time. I’d hurt her and she wasn’t going to get over it that quickly. That’s what I was telling myself to hold it together. But when I heard two girls whisper the word “liar” when they passed me during break later that day, I couldn’t handle it anymore. I marched straight to the portables and found Bec.

  “I need you,” I said, pulling her up by the arm and back through the crowded hallways toward the parking lot.

  “Be careful. The whole school is seeing this.”

  “I’m having a breakdown.” My chest was tight and I barely squeezed the words out.

  She pressed her darkened lips together. “So . . . you want to go throw some baseballs? I actually drove to school today.”

  “Yes,” I said without a second’s thought.

  “Cool. Let’s go.”

  As Bec drove toward the old country house, she hummed a song that was playing on the radio. After several minutes she said out of nowhere, “Do you believe in second chances?”

  “No,” I said immediately because I knew she was talking about Hayden.<
br />
  “So you don’t think Claire should give you a second chance?”

  I sighed. “Yes, I do.”

  “I do too.” That’s all she said. I wasn’t sure if she meant that she thought Claire should give me a second chance or if she was just saying that she believed in them in general.

  I was tired of talking about me, of thinking about my problems. I needed a break from them. “How is Nate? What’s going on there? Have you told him you’re madly in love with him?”

  “Am I? Madly in love with him, I mean? I’m not sure that I am. That would be the only kind of love that would make me want to tell him at this point. The kind that would drive me to do something crazy like that. The mad kind.”

  “Why is it crazy to tell him?”

  “Because he’s a great friend. I don’t want to make that weird. You know?”

  “Yeah, I know. Losing friends is the worst.”

  “Hayden’s a mess, Gia.”

  I groaned. We had changed the subject. She wasn’t allowed to change it back.

  “Here’s the thing—”

  “Please, I don’t want to talk about it.”

  “Just hear me out and then I’ll shut up.”

  “Fine.”

  She nodded once. “Thank you. So here’s the thing,” she said again with a smirk in my direction. “He didn’t want to be Ryan. He didn’t want to choose a girl over a friend. He had just been on the wrong end of that and knew how it felt and he didn’t want to do it to someone else. To the only friend he had left after everything with Eve blew up. He needed to believe Spencer. But it doesn’t matter anymore because he confronted him. Like, really confronted him and the truth about you came out. And he’s a mess, Gia.”

  “He hasn’t tried to call or text or anything.”

  “Because he screwed up and he knows it. He doesn’t think he deserves a second chance. So please, you have to talk to him.”

  “I shouldn’t have to be the one to initiate this.”

  “I know, believe me, I know. But you told him not to call you. And now he’s playing the ‘I don’t deserve her’ card. I swear, I don’t know if all actors are this dramatic or just him but I’m ready to kill him. You have to forgive him before he drives me insane.”