The Fill-In Boyfriend

by Kasie West

  “But I don’t know if I do forgive him.”

  “Fine. I guess I have to kill both of you, then.” She pulled up the long dirt drive of Will’s house. We passed the truck we had thrown baseballs at last time and I thought maybe this trip was a bad idea after all because the memories came pouring in.

  The four big dogs surrounded our car, barking. Bec honked but no one came out to put them away.

  “It’s all you this time,” she said.

  “What? You really are going to kill me? I thought that was a joke.”

  “They won’t kill you. I can’t promise they won’t bite you.”

  I looked into the backseat. “Where are the baseballs?”

  “You know, I didn’t think I needed to bring a bucket of balls to school this morning.”

  “I thought that’s why we took your car. Maybe we should just leave.”

  “No, we’re here. There are always a few we accidentally leave behind. I bet there’s a couple inside our last target practice.”

  I chewed on my lip, watching the dogs jump up on the car.

  She patted the center console. “Can I borrow your phone for a sec? Mine ran out of juice.”

  I dug my phone out of my pocket and handed it to her then watched her start to dial in a number. She noticed me watching, reached over, and unbuckled my seat belt. “Come on. Out.”

  “Fine. When these dogs maim me, I’m giving your name to the police.”

  She didn’t respond and I stepped out of the car. The dogs immediately jumped on me, knocking me several steps backward. I caught myself on the car.

  “Show them who’s boss,” she said, reaching over and shutting the door I’d left open.

  I grabbed one by the collar and led him toward the fence. The others followed, nipping at my heels and barking. They were so loud my ears rang. I was convinced Will wasn’t home or he would’ve thought an army was coming to rob his house. Once they were safely behind the gate, I turned with a proud smile to see that the car and Bec were gone. I walked slowly back to the road, thinking maybe she’d just parked it somewhere. I instinctively reached for my pocket to pull out my phone and remembered she’d borrowed it . . . stolen it! She’d set me up. For what I wasn’t sure, but I did not have to go along with this.

  With my best friendly face on, I knocked on Will’s door, hoping I was wrong about him not being home. Maybe he just enjoyed watching his dogs terrorize people. His house may have looked older than dirt but he had to have a phone in there. Nobody answered. I peered through the dirt-smudged window to the right of the door and saw nothing but a darkened hallway.

  How had people ever lived without cell phones? I was stuck in the middle of nowhere. I sank to the porch and put my forehead on my knees. Bec had to come back sometime. At the very least, someone would have to wonder where I was when school got out. Maybe. As I sat there, alone, I thought about what she’d said about Hayden. He was a mess, she’d said. That thought twisted my heart and for one moment I thought that maybe she was right. That I really did need to give him a second chance, give us a second chance. It’s what I was asking for from Claire. How could I not offer the same thing to someone else? But as soon as that thought came, the night on the beach pressed on my shoulders. This was different from my fight with Claire. He’d called me a liar when I’d never lied to him. He didn’t believe me after his friend had been a major jerk.

  Anger surged through me. No. I couldn’t get over what had happened so easily. My eyes zeroed in on the ’68 Camaro across the yard. I pushed myself to my feet and went in search of some baseballs.

  CHAPTER 36

  The pile of balls I’d found littered the tall weeds by my feet. I’d found more than a couple. It took me about thirty minutes, but I’d collected at least twenty. I held one in my hand, poised to throw it at the Camaro. A memory of sitting in that car with Hayden came to my mind and I almost dropped the ball. Then another memory surged to the front to stomp it out, Bec’s words from that same day: “Did you use the ‘climb over me into the car’ move on her?” she’d said. He’d done that with another girl. Probably Eve.

  I pulled my arm back and threw the ball with all my might. It hit the door with a loud clank then bounced off and rolled across the ground. The ding it left in the rusted door was hardly noticeable and only heightened my need to do damage. Real damage. I picked up another ball and hurled it. Then another.

  Soon it wasn’t just Hayden I was trying to crush but Jules and my parents, Drew and myself. I reached down for another ball and felt nothing but dirt. I had thrown them all. My heart rate was high and my cheeks were wet with sweat and maybe a few tears.

  I started to gather the balls when behind me I heard, “Do you want to throw a few at the actual person those are intended for or is the car satisfying enough?”

  I whirled around. Hayden held out his arms like he was really giving me permission to pelt him. It was tempting.

  My shoulders rose and fell several times. After the week I’d had, I just wanted to wrap myself up in him and forget what had happened. But I couldn’t. As I stood there staring at Hayden I wondered if he was playing a role right now. The calm and collected humble guy. Was he putting up a front for me? Because he didn’t look like the mess Bec claimed he was. I threw the baseball I held after all. Not hard and it didn’t even hit him but it almost did.

  His eyes went wide with surprise.

  “So you weren’t really offering me a target?”

  He gave a small laugh. “I didn’t think you’d take me up on it.”

  I picked up another ball and threw it up in the air twice before I tossed it back to the dirt. He scooped up a ball by his foot and walked to my side then turned to face the car. He brought his arm back to throw and I grabbed his hand, ball and all. “No. Don’t do that. You love this car.”

  My all-out effort had amounted to a few dings but I knew he could do some serious damage.

  He relaxed his arm and let the ball fall to the ground. My hand still gripped his for two beats before I realized and let go, taking a step back to put some space between us.

  “I have trust issues,” he said to the ground.

  “After Eve and Ryan, I’m sure you do.”

  “I messed up.”

  “I know.”

  “Do you want me to leave?”

  “I haven’t decided what I want yet.”

  He raised his eyebrows then went still. Like for the first time since our fight he thought that maybe there was hope for us. “What’s the deciding factor?”

  I tried not to smile when I remembered we’d had this conversation before on the way to Eve’s party. But back then we were talking about whether I was going to call Bradley back or not. Whether he was going to get back with Eve or not. “Right now, I guess.”

  He nodded slowly. “I can give you lots of reasons why you should probably just walk away.”

  “Oh yeah?”

  “The first one being that I called you a liar when I’d been lying too.”

  “That’s a good reason,” I said.

  “Yes. The second one is that I have the world’s worst taste in friends.”

  “You seem to.”

  “And I’m still not sure what that says about me.”

  I wanted to reassure him, but I still hadn’t made any decisions and reassuring him would only make him think I had.

  “Plus I like you too much.”

  Why did that statement make my heart race?

  He clenched and unclenched his fist. “And that scares me because apparently those trust issues I mentioned before extend to not even trusting myself or my feelings and that can only mean I’m going to hurt you. Again. I don’t want to see you cry. It rips my heart out. I’m an idiot and I’m sorry.”

  I closed my eyes so I didn’t have to stare at him looking so vulnerable. He was listing reasons not to like him. These weren’t reasons to throw myself into his arms like my entire being seemed to want to do. “Before you,” I started slowly, “I had a p
lan. I knew what I wanted. I thought I knew myself. I knew how every week of the next four years of my life was going to play out. But now I don’t have the roommate I was supposed to have or the boyfriend or the plan. It’s gone. I don’t know what I want anymore.”

  “You don’t know what you want?” His voice was husky.

  I opened my eyes expecting to see him staring at me with that smoldering look he had perfected at prom but it wasn’t that look. It was a soft, open look. One that wasn’t an act. I shook my head. “No, I know what I want. I want to go to college, with or without the roommate I always thought I’d have.”

  He nodded.

  “And I’m going to use my scholarship to study political science and hope that I can make a difference in the world one day.”

  He smiled.

  I took a step toward him, and when he didn’t step back, I took another. I put my hands on his shoulders. “And I want . . .”

  He let out a breath, his entire being seeming to relax. “Don’t do it unless you mean it,” he said, repeating a line I’d used before.

  I smiled. “I mean it.” I took his face in my hands and pushed myself to my toes.

  Before our lips met he said, “I feel like this is the biggest buildup to a kiss ever. That no matter what I do you’re going to be disappointed.”

  I laughed. “Should we play Twenty Questions?”

  “How would that work in this situation?”

  “I could try to guess your preferences.”

  “My preferences in a kiss?”

  I nodded, our faces still very close together.

  “My preference is simple—you.”

  “That was not a yes-or-no answer. You just broke the ru—”

  He cut me off by pressing his lips to mine. They were so warm that my whole body seemed to melt against him. He slipped his arms around my waist and pulled me closer, deepening the kiss as he did. My hands found his hair, not needing an excuse to touch him this time, knowing I could do this whenever I wanted.

  A shiver went through me and he smiled against my lips. “So, not a disappointment?”

  I didn’t answer, just kissed him more.

  CHAPTER 37

  We sat on the ground, our backs pressed up against the Camaro, our shoulders pressed together, tossing a baseball back and forth between his right hand and my left.

  “Thank you,” he said after we’d completed several catches each.

  “For what?”

  “For texting me. For giving me another chance.”

  The ball he’d just thrown me dropped onto my lap.

  “What?” he asked.

  “I texted you?”

  “Yes.”

  “What exactly did I say?”

  “You don’t remember?”

  I held out my hand. “Let me see your phone.”

  He shifted a little so he could get his phone out of his pocket then he handed it to me. I opened his messages and saw the text from me. It said, Hayden, meet me at Will’s place. I’ll be the one destroying a car. I want to talk.

  I pursed my lips. How did Bec know I’d be attempting to destroy a car?

  “I take it that wasn’t from you?”

  “Bec stole my phone.”

  He shook his head. “Normally I’d be indignant at her sneakiness but this time not so much.” He planted a kiss on my lips and I crossed my leg over his, needing to be closer. He responded, slipping his hand around my waist, sending chills up my spine.

  When he pulled away, he asked, “Do you know how long I’ve wanted to do that?”

  “Well, sometime after Eve’s party, I’m assuming.”

  He shook his head. “I wanted to at Eve’s party, but I didn’t think it was fair to kiss you that night when I was playing head games, when Eve was about to walk around the corner. I wanted to take my time.”

  “And that you did.”

  “You were sending me mixed messages. I wasn’t sure if you wanted me to.”

  “Mixed messages? How so?”

  “I’d try to hold your hand, you’d let go. I’d try to get you to talk, you’d close up.”

  “I thought you were doing it out of duty. I didn’t want to be some fake scene you were performing. Someone to practice lines on.”

  “Ouch.”

  “Sorry. I just really, really liked you.”

  He smiled. “Liked?”

  “Like. I really, really like you.” I got up on my knees and faced him. I kissed his cheek then the corner of his mouth. “We should get your sister back.”

  His eyes, which had been closed, popped open. “What?”

  “Your sister.”

  “Not really who I want to think about in this moment.” He pulled me onto his lap and kissed my temple then my neck.

  “No, really.” I pushed away a little. “She totally tricked us today.”

  “I thought we were happy about this.”

  “We are, but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t get her back.”

  “Did you have something in mind?”

  “We let her think this didn’t happen.” I pointed between the two of us. “Put your beautiful acting skills to work.”

  He laughed. “I’m totally in. Let’s start now.” He got his phone and began to type. I twisted around, my back to his chest, so I could read what he wrote.

  Where are you? I’m at Will’s and no one is here.

  “Do you think she’s still on my phone and will respond to your texts as me?”

  “We’ll see.”

  His phone chimed. You’re at Will’s?

  “There’s your answer.”

  “I’m beginning to think we’re having those immature brains again that your mom talked about.”

  “I think my mom might approve in this case.”

  I gestured for him to hand me his phone. He did and I took over the texts.

  If you’re going to play head games with me, Gia, I’m out of here.

  Hayden laughed. His phone rang and I almost dropped it. Bec’s name flashed on the screen. Hayden cleared his throat and turned his smiling face into a serious one.

  “Hello?”

  I leaned close and he angled the phone so we could both hear.

  “Hayden, hi. What’s going on?”

  “Nothing.”

  “Where are you?”

  He shook his head and mouthed, She should go into acting too, right?

  I nodded in agreement.

  “Nowhere. I’m actually just about to head home.”

  I tapped his leg. “Tell her you’re going to stop by Eve’s first,” I whispered.

  He bit his lip trying to contain a laugh. His voice didn’t reflect it, though, when he said, “Eve just called. I’m going to stop by her house.”

  “Don’t you dare. I saw Gia today.”

  “And? I don’t really want to see her. I think she’s playing games with me. She asked me to meet her somewhere and then wasn’t there.”

  “She had a rough day. Everyone at school is gossiping about her. I think her friends must’ve found out about prom. You need to talk to her.”

  Hayden’s playful act was gone as his whole face turned serious. He looked at me. My smile had disappeared too.

  “I’m sorry,” he said. “I had no idea.”

  “Don’t tell me that,” Bec said. “Tell her.”

  “I will.”

  “What?”

  “I have to go.”

  He hung up to her objections then pulled me into a hug. “I’m sorry.”

  I shrugged. “It’s fine.”

  “You did not just say that.”

  I laughed a little. “Okay, it sucks. My best friend won’t talk to me.”

  “Claire?”

  “Yes. I tried to apologize. She’s really mad. Not that I blame her. I’d be mad too, but I think she doesn’t want to be my roommate anymore. She and Jules are going to room together.”

  “No.”

  “Yes . . . maybe. I honestly don’t know. I think she just needs som
e time to decide if she wants to forgive me or not.”

  He kissed the top of my head. “She’ll forgive you.”

  I filled him in on the rest of my week, and with his arms around me, it all didn’t seem so bad.

  CHAPTER 38

  Drew was sitting on the couch in the living room when I walked in the house. I sighed, not really wanting him to take away the happy feelings I had after spending the last hour making out with Hayden.

  “I thought I grounded you,” he said.

  “After nearly eighteen years of not being grounded, I didn’t know how it worked.”

  “Where have you been? I thought I could get clues to your whereabouts on Twitter but there’s been social media silence going on thirty-six hours now. I almost sent out a search party.”

  “You’re kind of a judgmental jerk now.”

  He shrugged. “I’ve kind of always been. I thought we were firmly in that camp together. What happened?”

  “I’m trying to be a better person. Some days it works.”

  “So the whole lying thing? That was part of being a better person?”

  “No, that’s what started the journey.”

  “Well. Let me know how it works out and I’ll decide if I’m willing to give it a try.”

  “So far I’ve lost a few friends, the whole school is giving me dirty looks, and my brother thinks I’m amoral.”

  “Actually your brother is kind of impressed you know what the word ‘amoral’ means.” He pushed himself to standing. “So I’ll check the no box on being a better person, then.”

  “On the other side, I’ve gained some amazing friends who actually know me and I think I know myself better.”

  He nodded his head like he approved. “Can I do another documentary on you?”

  I picked up a couch pillow and hit him with it. “You think this is some sort of big joke? That you didn’t kill me with what you did? That you can just stand here with your ‘I’m too cool for everyone’ attitude and think everything is fine between us?”