Sex

by Francine Pascal

  The elevator opened onto the small hallway, and Tatiana was at least mature enough to unlock the door for Ed even if she didn’t approve of his pride-swallowing behavior.

  There was no way she could understand what Ed and Gaia had shared the night before last. And if she were ever lucky enough to have a night like that, then Ed was sure she would understand why he wouldn’t give up so easily. In fact, if anything, Ed saw it this way: If Gaia was truly breaking up with him before they’d even started going out, then at the very least, a night as passionate as the one they’d shared deserved a breakup fight just as passionate. And Ed would be damned if he wasn’t going to make that fight happen or else bring back Gaia’s sanity trying.

  He walked briskly through the spacious, sunlit living room, which he could only refer to now as “the waiting room.” When he got to her door, he knocked twice and opened it without waiting for a response.

  Gaia was sprawled out on her bed, fully clothed, looking nothing less than in pain. When she saw Ed walk through the door, he could see her practically flinch with displeasure as she jumped out of bed and walked to the other side of the room. “Ed…” she choked out as if she were at the end of her rope.

  “Look,” he said, keeping his distance. “The thing is… I got a call from the police yesterday, and they asked me if I’d come in and talk about the shooting, and I just thought… that you might go with me to the station this morning since you saw the whole thing go down.”

  “I can’t,” she said, standing with her back literally pressed against the wall. “I’m sorry, Ed, but… you’ve got to go.”

  Ed dropped his head in frustration at yet another failed attempt and considered his next move. Scream and yell? Quiet and gentle? Maybe he should just drop to his knees and plead for the real Gaia to return to him. But years of trying to be easygoing had left him stuck in the world of the reasonable. “Okay, do you think it’s safe to say that there’s something you’re not telling me?”

  Gaia kicked the sole of her foot against the wall. Her face became tighter and tighter, as if someone were slowly closing a vise on her head. Ed hadn’t expected to feel so guilty about confronting her, but that’s just how the pain on her face had begun to affect him. As if he should somehow feel guilty for torturing her in this scenario. There was a joke, if he’d ever heard one.

  “Ed,” she murmured, her voice simmering with all kinds of potential for explosion, “I need to get some sleep, okay? I’ve been up all night.”

  “It’s just a trip to the police station, Gaia. It’s not that big—”

  “Ed, please!” she barked. “I’m sorry that I can’t go, but I’m sure there were plenty of other witnesses.”

  Ed was quickly running out of reasonableness. “Do you even care that I could have been killed yesterday?”

  “Of course I do!” she moaned. “Don’t be ridiculous. And you have no idea how happy I am that you’re okay, but you know what, Ed? You should be enjoying your life now that you’ve got it. You don’t need to be around all my miserable crap.”

  “Yes,” Ed spat out emphatically, “as a matter of fact, I do. I need to be around your miserable crap every day, Gaia, and every night. I thought that’s where we were headed. I thought that’s what we’d gotten to. And then you dug way down deep and found an even deeper layer of miserable crap for me to contend with. I don’t know how you did it, but you did, and you know what? I still need to be around it! That’s the point of us, isn’t it? That I love every ounce of your miserable crap.”

  “Please,” she begged. “Just go!”

  “Oh, come on.” Ed groaned, slamming his fist on the doorway. “That speech was good! I just put that together right on the spot just now!”

  “Ed!” she howled at a pitch high enough to buzz his eardrums. “Enough! I asked you to leave, now leave!”

  Gaia kicked her wall again and then escaped her room, rushing past Ed into the living room. He followed her out, arguing, barely even registering that they were now putting on a full-fledged show for Tatiana, who was seated most uncomfortably on the livingroom couch. Not to mention Natasha, who must have been respectfully hiding around the corner.

  “I can’t leave without some explanation,” he barked. “Something real.”

  “I gave you an explanation. You just don’t want to believe it’s true.”

  “No, I don’t!”

  “Well, then why don’t you get out of here and go mull it over. Because here’s your news flash, Fargo. I meant every word of it! Okay? Every goddamn word! I was just a basket case, and… and… I needed someone, and you were there. Okay? And that’s it. It was just a mistake, Ed. A big mistake, and now I need to be alone for a while. Understood? Is that clear and honest enough for you? Leave me alone.”

  Ed’s entire body felt wobbly and bent backward. If she said one more cruel word, he probably would fall over. “And you won’t even come with me to the police station?” he squeaked indignantly, not even knowing what else to say after her horrid little rant.

  “No! I can’t. I’m tired, and I’m going to bed!”

  “I can go with you,” Tatiana interjected from the couch.

  Ed and Gaia both went silent as they turned to Tatiana. He had nearly forgotten she was sitting there. He was a bit mortified at having exposed her quite so mercilessly to his and Gaia’s dirty laundry, but still, she had placed an offer on the table. And Gaia had slashed away so deeply at Ed’s ego… that he felt compelled to accept it. Especially since Gaia was there to watch him accept it.

  “Well, thank you, Tatiana,” Ed crooned, shooting Gaia a vicious glance. “That’s very nice of you. I could use the moral support.” He stepped over to Tatiana and offered his hand to her as she rose from the couch. Then he turned back to Gaia, whose face had begun to turn a pale shade of red as she stared hatefully at Tatiana.

  “Of course,” Tatiana said with a wide smile.

  “Well, there you go,” Ed said with a deeply ironic happy grin on his face. “You can get some sleep now, Gaia, because Tatiana’s going to come with me. Problem solved. I’m really glad we had this talk. And maybe Tatiana and I will see you later in school, okay? Great! See you later.”

  Gaia didn’t utter another word as Ed politely escorted Tatiana to the door. He made sure Gaia watched as he smiled at Tatiana, placed his hand gently on her back, and escorted her out to the elevator. Then he turned back to Gaia and gave her one last look.

  He wasn’t even sure what this last look was for. He wasn’t sure what it was meant to say. Some part of him was just so angry that he wanted to stay for one last vengeful moment, to rub Tatiana in her face. But mostly…

  In spite of all Gaia’s mind-blowing insensitivity and all the lacerating wounds she’d just inflicted on his ego, mostly… he just wanted another moment with her. Because the reality of the situation had finally cut through. He was sure now. This wasn’t some kind of test or some kind of game she was playing. It wasn’t just another one of Gaia’s hyper-extreme hot and cold spells. And she had no secret agenda.

  She simply didn’t love him. That was the big secret. That was the all-important truth he’d been looking for. She’d been swirling around in the chaos of her life, and she’d gotten caught up in the heat of the moment with Ed. And that was all. That particularly well-heated moment was over.

  So maybe his last look at her cold but troubled face was really just meant to say good-bye. Because he’d gotten what he came for. A loud and fiery breakup to go with their fiery blip of a romance.

  All that was really left to do was slam the door closed. Which he did. As loud and as hard as he could.

  In my country, If a woman were to treat a man as abominably as I have seen Gaia treat Ed, she would be placed on a horse backward, blindfolded, and sent out to the Siberian desert with a thimbleful of water.

  * * *

  TATIANA

  * * *

  Perhaps that’s a bit of an exaggeration. But still, I simply can’t believe the horrid way she treats
Ed. It disgusts me.

  The way she treats me is quite sickening as well, but at least we have no prior relationship. Ed is supposed to be her boyfriend. At least that’s what she told me to my face. But if this is the way a girl treats her boyfriend in America, then this place is even more horrible than I thought. What kind of culture could possibly allow someone to be so cruel to a loved one? Unless, of course, he is not a loved one. Confusing. Very confusing.

  Then there is the issue of her foul-mouthed orangutan of a friend. I could say plenty of cruel things about Gaia, which I will respectfully refrain from doing at this moment, but she certainly strikes me as intelligent. How could she be so foolish as to place her trust in that awful girl?

  Indeed, my mother really has yet to convince me of any of this country’s great advantages. Although I suppose… Ed is American. And I will admit that he is kinder and funnier than any boy I knew in Russia. And I suppose I would have to admit, more attractive, too.

  But contrary to what Gaia might believe, I am not trying to make some kind of immoral play for his affections.

  However, I think even Gaia would admit that—hypothetically, of course—if, for instance, we lived in some kind of parallel universe and Ed were to be my boyfriend… that I would never treat him the way she treats him. Never.

  From: jbrown@alloymail.com

  To: heatherg@alloymail.com

  Time: 1:45 P.M.

  Re: Starbucks sucks

  Heather,

  Am I the only one who’s getting a little tired of coffee?

  Here’s what I’m thinking. In the immortal words of Emeril Lagasse, what do you say we kick things up a notch? Meet me at 9:00 at Guernica, 25 Avenue B.

  My hidden agenda: to see you in a party dress.

  But you probably already know that, what with your mind control and all.

  Josh (your own personal voodoo doll)

  From: heatherg@alloymail.com

  To: jbrown@alloymail.com

  Time: 3:42 P.M.

  Re: Starbucks sucks

  Josh,

  Yup. Already knew, already picked out the dress. Hope you like.

  See you there.

  XOXO (if you’re lucky)

  Heather

  With the exception of Adolf Hitler, there was no name she despised more than the name Josh.

  * * *

  unnecessary flashbacks

  * * *

  “TANGERINE OR MANGO? HEL-LO?”

  Heather’s entire body shook with fear. Just the sheer volume of the voice of the kitchen worker in charge of Jell-O had shocked her awake. She’d been caught in her fourth Josh—induced love trance of the day, and she was really beginning to piss people off. In this case, it was an entire line of greasy-faced students dying to make that all-important decision of mango versus tangerine Jell-O, and Heather was apparently ruining their lives by holding up the line, stuck in a romantic fantasyland. She’d been reliving Josh’s exquisite kiss on the cheek when she ‘d been so rudely interrupted.

  * * *

  Lack of Love

  * * *

  “Moooove,” a scrawny sophomore with braces and a backward baseball cap hollered.

  Heather turned to him and winced with disgust at his lack of manners. “Whatever,” she spat. “I’m not even having lunch today.”

  “Then mooooove.”

  “I’m moving.”

  Heather grabbed her empty tray from the line and put it straight into the stack of dirties. The smile quickly returned to her face, though. Nothing could bother her today. After all, how could that hopeless young twig be expected to understand? What did he know about true love in his young life? He would surely be at home tonight, trying to choose between his Dreamcast and his Xbox, while Heather was at Guernica being swept just that much further off her feet by an honest-to-goodness man.

  Thoughts of her date tonight were averaging about one every fifteen seconds, culminating in a completely frozen love trance about once an hour. During the course of the day, this compromised state of awareness had caused her to block the locker of one freshman girl who’d been too intimidated to say anything, to create a bottleneck situation on the stairs during a fire drill, and to blank on three straight questions during astronomy. So impaired was her judgment that she’d even been tempted to try and explain her situation to her teacher, woman to woman.

  Look, Ms. Etchison, she would have said, you and I know both know there are things in this life far more important than population 1 and 2 stars. There is love and there is passion, and there is that moment when the hottest guy in the world wants to see you in your party dress. Do you remember that moment, Ms. Etchison? Well… you probably never had that moment, but still… isn’t that what the stars are really for, Ms. Etchison? After all is said and done, aren’t the stars really made for Josh Brown and me? To stare at tonight after the club? To talk about in our prekiss banter about constellations? Haven’t you ever heard the term “star-crossed lovers”? I don’t know what it means, Ms. Etchison, but I know it’s about lovers and stars, so it must be about Josh Brown and me.

  Heather had opted not to give her speech, simply because it would have taken too long, but still, it was true. There were things in this world so much more important than astronomy. This world of school and cafeterias and greasy-faced students had come to seem so unbelievably small. Heather would never have shared this particular choice of words openly, but in all honesty, after spending time with Josh, she couldn’t help feeling that this whole high school thing was just a tad beneath her.

  Still, even though her friends had all gone out for sushi, Heather had opted for the cafeteria. Why? Because maybe… just perhaps… she might want to run into Ed and Gaia. And maybe, perhaps, she thought they might be interested to know that her Starbucks crush had turned into something far more substantial. Something perhaps even to rival their all powerful romance. Yes, she thought they just might like to know that.

  Heather finally saw Ed’s wild hair in a corner of the cafeteria and headed for his table. She could only see the back of Gaia’s head, but it was quite obvious that they were having some very serious and intimate private conversation. Perfect time to pay them a little visit.

  New leaf, Heather. Don’t forget about your new leaf.

  Heather tried to focus on her new leaf for a moment. But today she couldn’t help wondering…

  What the hell was the point of the new leaf? What was the point of trying to be more giving when the people you were trying to give to weren’t even taking? Ed and Gaia had just started their big whirlwind relationship; they honestly didn’t seem to care whether Heather was being unselfish or not. And a few resentful barbs thrown in their direction? Was that really such a crime? Ed had flat out dumped Heather. And then he’d started up with Gaia maybe a week or so later. It wasn’t like Heather hadn’t seen what was going on. Ed had been pining for his “best friend” for months, and once she’d finally come around, Heather had been history. So didn’t she really have the right to be a tad resentful? Wasn’t that just a valid and honest response?

  Honesty. That was the main thing Heather was really starting to learn about from Josh. Being honest with herself had finally begun to bring back some of her confidence. After coping with her sister’s battle with anorexia, her family’s sudden financial problems, and losing both Sam and Ed to Gaia, her confidence had pretty much hit rock bottom. But Josh was changing all that. He’d reminded Heather who she was, and now she wanted to remind a few other people as well.

  Not that a turning over a new leaf wasn’t a beautiful thing, but in all honesty… spring couldn’t last forever.

  “What’s up, lovebirds?” Heather began as she pulled up to Ed and Gaia. Only when she took a closer look, she realized it wasn’t Gaia. All she’d seen as she approached was the blond hair, and now she realized it was Gaia’s new friend Tatiana sharing this very serious moment with Ed. Heather already felt somewhat unwelcome at the table, but she was simply in too good a mood to care.
/>   “What’s up,” Ed uttered in a monotone.

  “Sorry about the ‘lovebirds’ thing,” Heather said as she swooped into a chair next to them. “You two just seemed so cozy.”

  Tatiana smiled shyly as she looked back at Ed. Ed stared down at his fork.

  “Where’s Gaia?” Heather asked. The question seemed to weigh their faces down even further.

  “Don’t know,” Ed mumbled, digging back into his food with his eyes on the table. “We just got here.”

  “To school?” Heather asked.

  “Yeah.”

  “We…? As in… you and Tatiana?”

  This question didn’t seem to warrant a response, in Ed’s opinion. Heather had never seen two people become more focused on their institutional lunches. “Well, where were you two?”

  Tatiana shared a silent glance with Ed as if he was supposed to field the question.

  “Doctor,” he said finally. “Tatiana came with me to the doctor.”

  “Well, isn’t that nice.” Heather smiled, racking her brains for what might really be going on. “Why didn’t Gaia go with you?”

  Another question Ed didn’t seem to deem worth answering. The plot thickened.

  “Well, how are you?” Heather tried.

  “What do you mean?” Ed replied defensively, looking up quickly from his meal.

  Heather’s eyes widened at his prickly response. “The doctor…,” she said timidly. “How did it go?”

  “Oh,” Ed grunted. “Fine, it was fine.” Back to his food. Heather waited for Ed to supply a polite response, but given his particularly ornery state, she realized she’d need to do the work for him.

  “Well, ask me how I am,” she said with a smile.

  Ed looked up at her with a cold, disinterested stare. He seemed to be debating whether he’d even honor her request. But Heather was prepared to wait as long as it took. “How are you?” he finally asked sarcastically, making it clear that he’d been coerced.