Internal Lies

by Megan Mason

  I had admiration for his hard working ethics. Although, he was something beyond my imagination. Something I could never comprehend. I ached and yearned to discover his motives. Longed to figure out his reasoning. I leaned back against the brick wall behind me. The fur in my coat beginning to freeze at the touch. Danny was sitting on the high wall above, his hands gripped tightly onto the edge of the bricks. As daylight approached, we waited. No sign. I began to approach the building. As I did, a light indicated immediately, sensing my presence. I rang the bell outside the large, brown door frame which held a heavy, wooden green door. I waited. There was no answer. The light flickered above me as I stood in the frosty atmosphere. It had been a while that I stood there and my fingers began to redden with the cold. I looked into the window on the right to notice that the interior was empty. How could Harry work here? There was nothing in sight. If anything, the building seemed abandoned yet, the light still worked? I stormed back to the original point where Danny still sat staring blankly into the distance. I muffled my hands into my pockets to gain extra warmth. ‘There’s nothing in there.’ I said. ‘Nothing at all. How he works there I don’t know. I am right in that we saw him walking into here in uniform?’

  ‘Yessss… it is all rather peculiar’, replied Danny. I glared back at the institution. Nothing had changed except the light was now off. I couldn’t help but wonder about what it used to be like in there. The building must have been built in the forties from its concrete appearance therefore, it must have been a proper asylum at one stage. How it had changed though is beyond me. I was horrified. I had seen Harry a few weeks ago only just walking into there, what had changed?

  I wished to be within the houses whose chimneys were smoking. As I thought, I grabbed my lighter hastily and lit a cigarette. The stress of the mission was wearing me down and I felt like giving up. Nothing made sense anymore. How Harry had been stabbed yet there were no traces. How the knife just suddenly vanished. I wanted to go back to the canal bank, to search for my weapon. There was no point though, I had already rooted enough for it and it was nowhere to be seen. Another thing that didn’t quite add up was the fact that my mother wasn’t speaking to me. The fact that Damien had glared at me that day. Everyone was acting strange. Perhaps they had sussed me out. Either that or they had just suddenly decided to hate me.

  Me and Danny decided to wait outside of Harry’s house. We checked for the car which was still there although, the lights of the house were off. I waited for an hour with Danny before the cold got too much. There was no sign of life inside the small brick building. We headed home with our heads hung in shame. Well… more myself than Danny. Danny just simply whistled a tune casually as we walked through the fields.

  ***

  Ricky picked Kat up that bitter afternoon in the car. They were going for coffee. The journey seemed to drag for Kat as she sat anxiously in the left seat next to him. She noticed every light and every lamppost. With each turn of the car she jostled in the seat uncomfortably. Ricky gazed at the road with a half smile on his face. Kat couldn’t help but glance in his direction every few seconds. His hair was gelled as usual and his face was lit with a fine glowing aura about him. She couldn’t help but catch a glimpse of him watching her from the corner of his eye. He pulled over outside the McDonald’s where he ordered two regular coffees. The area was filled with three stores, and an Odeon. Kat wondered if she would visit that cinema one day on a fine date. The floor was tarmacked completely and there was a tiny roundabout just as you drove into the area. It was set out in the format of a rectangle. The bollards protecting pedestrians from the car park nearby the shops. Bins located approximately every twenty yards.

  They sat in silence sipping coffee. Ricky seemed just as nervous as Kat. The sky glistened as if it were about to start snowing. Ricky quickly glanced at Kat and noticed her fingering the seat belt which although they had parked, she had not unstrapped. Pedestrians crowded in the background as they all rushed forwards for their Christmas shopping, it was after all the middle of December. Laura had decorated the house with ornaments, tinsel, and a fibre optic tree. Ricky had pointed this out on their last visit and gave his compliments which Laura delighted in.

  ‘So… how have you been?’ asked Ricky wholeheartedly.

  ‘Am okay. Just plowing through the days.’ Responded Kat.

  ‘That’s good to hear. I have booked you in for an appointment to see the psychologist in two weeks. Unfortunately, I couldn’t get you booked sooner due to there being high numbers of patients… I hope… you don’t mind me saying patients.’ He stammered.

  ‘Why… that’s what I am right?’ Murmured Kat.

  ‘You’re more than that’, his cheeks flushed. Kat had no response to this, she just stared quietly at her coffee which rested on her lap. Her black leggings camouflaged well with the seat of the car. The dashboard gleamed with light to brighten up the interior. ‘Have you been hearing voices Kat?’ Queried Ricky all of a sudden.

  ‘What?! Don’t be silly, I’m not crazy!’

  ‘No you’re not, but sometimes when we are very stressed we hear voices.’

  ‘No I’ve been fine, just hanging out with my friend.’

  ‘Who’s your friend?’ Asking politely, Ricky trembled at the thought of upsetting Kat. He didn’t want to push too hard, and genuinely thought it best to take her word.

  ‘Danny.’ She said plainly.

  ‘Oh, what’s he like?’

  ‘He’s a good person, he cares about me.’

  ‘Oh, are you dating?’ Queried Ricky over enthusiastically.

  ‘No!’ Kat was more shocked that Ricky hadn’t noticed her interest in him. The fact that he had asked her that pained Kat deeply.

  ‘Oh, I’m sorry’, he replied sadly. Kat was silent and continued to finger the seat belt. She sipped her coffee eagerly and shuffled about on the seat awkwardly. Ricky was also silent after this.

  The drive back home had been a quiet one. No words were spoken between the two of them. Ricky wished he could take back his words. He also wished that Kat would open up to him more and tell him about her fears and dreams. Discuss with him her aims, her hopes, her feelings. This wasn’t easy for Kat to do though, she simply did not trust anyone apart from Danny. Life was a rollercoaster right now for Kat and she certainly was in no mood to talk about it with anyone, let alone the person who was constantly assessing her. Ricky stopped the car and immediately arranged another appointment with Kat for the following week. She thanked him and climbed out of the car, shutting the door as softly as she could. She entered the house to find it empty and lonely.

  ***

  Within the hour my Mum entered the house. I made her a cup of tea were she thanked me quietly in return. She still hadn’t spoken to me much and I was beginning to assume that she hated me. Wanted me dead. In fact, I felt she longed to have the house to herself, without me. She took off her beige coat and replaced it with her white cable knitted cardigan. Her hands trembled slightly as she took the cup and sipped it. I watched. She seemed to notice this and put it back down immediately. Suddenly, she vomited.

  I had asked her why she was sick however, she just simply said she was fine. She claimed she didn’t want to talk about it yet. I just prayed she was okay. Of course, I still cared for my Mother. My concern for her was raised when she was ill. I felt sick myself at the knowledge that she was no longer looking me in the eye nor speaking to me. The world was truly going insane.

  After an hour of waiting he finally appeared. We had spent an hour and a half waiting to see if he set foot out of Dandelion House that rainy morning. We hadn’t approached the mental health institute again. In fact, we read online that it was no longer a valid address.

  His white tunic remained in tact. He didn’t look scarred, broken, nor scared. If anything, the look on his face portrayed a sense of normality. As if nothing tragic had happened recently. I remained out of side alongside Danny. As he strolled along the stoned path, crunching them with his boots, I n
oticed a twinkle in his eye. The same twinkle that he gave to me the first time we met and every time he wanted something. Especially if we wanted my agreement. It was his way of getting the things he wished for, it was his charm, his signature move. I wondered who he’d been tormenting this time. I prayed that the girl was not under any threat or harm and that she was a lot stronger than I was, if not older and wiser to bring him down in case I failed.

  Danny and me had stalked Dandelion House for the past week now in hope to find him. We couldn’t obtain any inside information without raising suspicion, so it was utmost that I keep a low profile. I had made a mistake last week by mentioning Danny to Ricky. Ricky had questioned me about him and made me feel obliged to tell him things. I didn’t mind in a sense, it was kind of comforting confiding in someone. Yet, I worried that he would document everything I’d said and use it against me. It wouldn’t be the first time someone had done that to me.

  The building was iced in snow. The robins fluttered between the bushes, as the air was still and settled in the bitter cold. It was drawing nearer and nearer to Christmas now and it wouldn’t be long before Santa came for the children. The icicles trimmed the edge of window panes as well as the roofs of the houses. The floor was slippery where the snow had been trodden and snowmen were built perfectly in the middle of the front yard to the reception. The roman clock had stopped, I wondered if the weather had maybe broken it. Time was certainly standing still though.

  I was lucky he never noticed me. I wasn’t hidden very well at all. In fact I even wore my red coat, therefore I certainly stood out beyond the pathetic excuse of camouflage. Danny yawned and stretched. I hushed him quickly as he was moving too many branches. He just tutted me in response. Now that we knew he was back in work, it was time to form a plan. I headed home as Danny trailed after me. It wouldn’t be long now that the end would come for Harry. Game on soldier.

  Gasoline

  In the heat, he will quiver

  In the cold, he will shiver

  Warming bodies in the flames

  It was after all, your sinister games

  Powerful lights, in the dark

  I will be the one, to make the mark

  Ropes and chains hugging you

  Comforting to see, as we are through

  Haunted smirks and cackles

  Alike relevant shackles

  Ghostly cries

  All for putrid lies

  Having discovered that Harry was back in work and the truth about the mental health hospital, myself and Danny had decided the plan. Our choices made and are stock refined. It wasn’t a lot to carry. I decided to settle for the last night before the deed would finally be done. I was mesmerised by Arnold and Molly purring away in my room from the floor beneath my bed. I huddled the cream duvet to my face which was decorated with red and orange toadstools. I did love my patterns. If I were to ever see anything that reminded me of nature, fairies, or angels I would have to have them. Well, or so I used to be like that, lately though, I had lost interest in things. I’d begun only to have interest in the plan. I was obsessed. Nothing seemed more important than this.

  The night was eerie and chilled. I found it hard to sleep, tossing and turning in my bed. I was constantly switching the light on and off, I was up and down. Should I sleep? Shouldn’t I? I seemed too restless waiting for the next day in anticipation. The day we discovered that Harry would be home alone. How we knew? We had already watched him come out of work four times that week. He works forty-eight hours a week, the week was not over, signifying that the next day, a thursday, he had off. The day that the children would be at school, and the morning his wife would be out as it seemed she was out every thursday each week after commencing the school run. Whether she worked or not, I wasn’t too sure. Harry had told me that she didn’t and that he paid for everything. However, he had told many lies to me, so who could ever be sure what was true and what wasn’t?

  I looked out my window, the moon was almost full, about another day and it will have finished waxing. Although eerie, the night was beautiful, I noticed the frost beginning to form, and the stars gleaming in the sky. I heard a howl in the distance and watched a fox rustle through the hedges of my back garden. The scent of dragon blood filled the air as I lit an incense stick.

  The next morning, I awoke early, approximately 6AM. Just in time to make it before his wife and kids left. I quickly dressed. Leggings, top, coat, boots, gloves, scarf, all in black. Perfect for the December cold. Heading downstairs, I left the house through the door. My Mother wasn’t awake yet, so I needn’t of worried about her questions. Not that she had any lately anyway, she was still rather silent.

  I stormed over the canal bridge and across the fields to the destination outside for watching. Danny had been waiting there although, he didn’t mention how long for. I inspected the house eagerly. Danny held the equipment. Gasoline and matches. No more shivering in the cold Harry, it’s perfect weather today. The snow had begun to fall and the birds hid in their nests. Nothing would ruin my plan of action today. It was all too good.

  I sat on an old wooden bench nearby, feeding my addiction. Danny watched as I inhaled greatly. The time dragged with my anticipation, I could feel every single second go by. At least today I’d dressed more appropriately for the weather although, I still shuddered. I checked my phone to realize it was now 07:02 AM. Not long before the day for the Burns’ household to become active.

  The old door opened as I watched eagerly. I could hear a small crying before I noticed her in her mother’s arms, being carried all the way to the car. She was placed into the red vehicle and her seat belt was fastened, her blonde hair tied up in a pony tail. I recognised his face behind them as he followed her out, his wife, who seemed only stressed over the whole scenario. The other three children followed, the two boys, and the older female. It stung my heart to think that when they got home, their father would no longer be. However, they knew nothing about him, they knew not what he was truly like. His true colours were hidden behind a mask that screamed he was a faithful family man. A man, who was dedicated to raising his children and caring for his wife. A man, that worked hard to provide for them. But he wasn’t.

  Having got the children in the car, she drove off as he waved them goodbye. I glared as he returned into the house, closing the door harmlessly behind him. I wavered at the thought of my plan, of what would come next. Triggering stress at the sight I’d just seen I began to doubt myself, to doubt the plan, and to doubt the revenge. To doubt Danny. I didn’t have to do this. It didn’t have to be this way. Oh, but it did. I simply could not live with myself knowing he was alive and well. Knowing he was carrying on and that he was destroying lives. Violating people and most of all denying his own family. The family that seemed to care for him, to look after him and ensure he was kempt. The family that made him smile and who held his best interests at heart.

  I revised this in my mind before heading towards the bricked house. I tried for the door but it was locked. Of course, I should’ve guessed. I was afraid that he’d see me in the garden so I quickly headed into the alley at the left side of the house where I could gather my thoughts. The alley was hardly lit, it was still dark after all that winter morning. Dawn had not yet come. I checked the terracotta, wooden gate which also happened to be locked. What was I to do? I couldn’t push my way past him even if he did open the door to me as he was far too strong. Danny was no use in helping either as he said he only did the mind work. The work that helped to devise the plan. He was in no rush to act, he just simply watched from afar, back where the wooden bench was and where the shrubs grew.

  Suddenly… I found a loose brick in the wall of the house. I heaved it up, the weight hurting my skinny arms. I had been weak and frail from lack of nutrition however, I still managed to get the job done. I quickly skirted my way to the front of the house and launched the brick. Smashed. The glass of the pane shattered and the sound of the brick thumped loudly as it hit the floor of the house. I removed some
relevant sharp points from the window and edged myself cautiously through the PVC frame. Stepping onto the mahogany laminate floor carefully, I steadied myself to balance. I carefully tracked over the broken glass and looked up to find him standing in front of me. I had left the equipment outside apart from the rope which i carried over my right shoulder. I suddenly began to sweat in my black winter trench coat as I looked up. He was standing there right in front of me, arms folded.

  ‘Well, well, well. I’d never of suspected you to trespass and vandalize my property!’ He remarked sternly.

  ‘Well, guess again.’ I said plainly with a smug smile. Although my heart was racing, I had found confidence in my speech. Without a second thought I aimed my foot towards him and whacked him in the groin. He collapsed to the floor clutching himself and whining in pain. I removed the rope from my shoulder and began to unravel it, wrapping it around him tightly all the while.

  ‘So, tell me Harry, how does it feel?’ I smirked.

  ‘You are crazy!’ He shrieked. With that, I kicked him again. His body convulsed as I did this. He attempted to roll over but I placed my foot firmly onto his back that he had no choice but to lay face down on the floor. I tightened the rope with a huge knot. Nothing could stop me now I thought.

  Having settled him in the rope, I entered the hallway where the lights were dim. I switched them off to create a darker atmosphere. Opening the door to the front garden, I quickly retrieved my equipment for the deed. Gasoline, matches, fire extinguisher, and the chains. In order for him not to escape the rope before I had finished, I needed to tie ensure he was secured, especially since what was next may have become a downfall. I ran back to where he lay and started to heave him into the dining chair that had been red to match their sofas. The fire place remained unlit which I thought was a shame considering what was about to come.

  Locking him in place, I tied the chains around him securely. He didn’t try to shout or scream however, he did show signs of panic. ‘What are you doing Kat?’ he asked. ‘You’re not thinking straight!’