The Immortal Continent

by Virlyce

  Anyway, after entering a sky-realm-ranked sword, all other swords have become unpalatable. Even earth-realm-ranked swords taste bitter, and Lucia won’t let me eat that sky-realm-ranked rapier. Nothing’s stopping me from eating it, but I feel like I should respect at least some of her wishes. Now that I’ve become this strong, how do I become stronger? Before, I had to eat swords to advance. Don’t tell me I have to find immortal-ranked swords to eat? Doesn’t this mean I’ll be stuck at this strength until Lucia becomes stronger than me again? For my pride and dignity, I can’t let that happen! There’s only one thing to do in this situation: find Ilya.

  Why Ilya? Because Lucia’s right. Ilya does have the answer to everything. If Ilya could create a necklace that even made Lucia smarter, then I’m sure Ilya can come up with a method for me to increase my strength. Now that I’m a sky-realm expert, I can teleport freely. No wonder why Lucia enjoys teleporting so much. This saves quite a bit of time.

  Ilya sighed. Her back was facing me, and she was holding a glass vial filled with red liquid over a cauldron, slowly pouring the contents inside while using her other hand to stir the cauldron with a metal rod. “Lucia. How many times do I have to ask you to not teleport into my room like this? If I spill something because you startle me, I could start a fire or something could explode.”

  “I’m not Lucia.”

  Ilya stiffened and dropped the vial into the cauldron. “Shit!” She dove towards the side and covered herself with a layer of ice, taking on the shape of a turtle. Then the cauldron exploded, but I smacked away the pieces that were flying towards me with my sleeve. Being a sky-realm expert is nice. I can infuse my qi into anything to turn it into an unparalleled weapon. The layer of ice covering Ilya disappeared as she sat up. “Dammit, Durandal. You scared the crap out of me.”

  “Sorry. Since Lucia did it so often, I thought you’d be used to it by now.”

  Ilya sighed and dusted off her robes. “What do you want? I’m a very busy person, you know?” She swept her arm over the shattered cauldron pieces, causing them to disappear into her interspacial ring.

  “I was hoping you could help me out.”

  “Oh. Is this about Lucia’s request to make you virile? Here, for now, wear this necklace,” Ilya said and retrieved a necklace from her interspacial ring. It looked suspiciously like Lucia’s necklace of intelligence. Well, Ilya’s an alchemist, not a fashion designer. I can’t blame her for being unoriginal. But that’s not what I came here for.

  “Thanks.” I took the necklace and clasped it around my neck. “But that’s not all that I’m here for. You see, I used to get stronger by eating swords, but that doesn’t seem to work anymore; at least, it’s very inefficient. Do you have a way for me to cultivate?”

  “Huh? Oh, yeah, I do.” Ilya nodded. Wait, she did? Ilya really does have the answer to everything…. Maybe I should treat her with a little more respect. Sure, we started off on bad terms and all, but I think we can get along now. “But I’m only going to give them to you under one condition: bring me home.”

  “Bring you home? You mean back to the pocket realm?” I suppose Ilya was dragged here against her will…. I didn’t mean to bring her with me while transporting Lucia, but Lucia wanted Ilya to suffer, err, experience a new world too. “Alright. I can do that.” As a sky-realm expert, I feel like I can do anything. Opening a path to a pocket realm will be as easy as snapping my fingers.

  Ilya exhaled. “Great. That’s good. That’s really, really good.” She nodded twice before handing me a scroll made of some kind of leather. “This is a cultivation technique for weapon spirits. It belonged to one of Fang Country’s sky-realm experts, but as usual, Lucia passed anything she couldn’t comprehend to me.”

  Great. With this technique, I’ll be able to stay ahead of Lucia. There’s just one problem. “…Can you read it out loud for me?”

  “…You’re the perfect fit for Lucia.”

  ***

  Gah! Damned Durandal! That stupid, stupid idiot! He forced me to spar with him for three days straight! Well, he let me eat in between rounds, but still. Three days! Then he didn’t even have sex with me before I went to sleep! What was the point of bringing him back!? I, I’m going to…, gah! I can’t even do anything to him because he’s too strong! This is frustrating. Very, very frustrating.

  “L-Lucia. Y-you’re being rougher than usual.”

  Ah. Woops. I forgot I was squeezing Softie as stress relief. Wait, why is she in my bed? Did I bring her here? I can’t remember. Hmm. I was dueling Durandal…, then I fell asleep. Maybe I did? Eh, it doesn’t matter. This is all Durandal’s fault! This…, this can’t be allowed to continue. At this rate, I’ll be dragged along by every one of Durandal’s crazy whims. “Softie.”

  “L-Lucia?”

  “I … want to take a bath in the impurity-cleansing pool.” People kept telling me I’d grow stronger without impurities, but I always ignored them because I was strong enough. I can’t do that anymore!

  Softie’s eyes widened to the size of saucers. “Really!?” She covered her mouth with her hands and blinked twice before exhaling. “All this time I tried to convince you to lose impurities…. It hasn’t been wasted.”

  Well, it wasn’t really Softie’s convincing that made me make up my mind. It’s the fact that I’ll do anything to become stronger than Durandal at this point—even face my greatest fear of water. The world isn’t right when I’m not stronger than Durandal. He’s not even teaching me anything anymore! He’s sparring me to vent his frustrations. I know because I do it to Puppers all the time. Hmph.

  “W-wait. I have another method to remove some of your impurities,” Softie said and placed her hands on my shoulders. We were still lying down on the mattress with a blanket covering our lower halves. Hmm? I’m pretty sure I didn’t fall asleep with a blanket on. Mm. Oh wells. “D-do you trust me?”

  Softie looks … off…. What’s she planning on doing to me? “Is it going to hurt?” It better not hurt! And it better not be throwing me into a lake. Eh? Her face is getting awfully close. What’s she…? Is she…? Oi! Softie! “If you get any closer, we’ll—!”

  …

  …

  …

  “L-Lucia?” Softie whispered. Her face was super red. Her neck was super red too. And the bit of skin that showed underneath her robes was the same shade. She…. Did she just—!? “T-t-t-that was the impurity-cleansing technique of the Seducing Succubus Sect! P-please don’t misunderstand!”

  “But you put your tongue inside!” Surely the technique’s not that deviant, right!? If I had known Softie was going to learn something like this, I wouldn’t have given her the technique in the first place! This…, this…, is it cheating? Does it count as cheating if I kissed Softie?

  “T-the technique requires a thorough swapping of saliva.” Softie’s face was even redder than before. She withdrew her hand and clutched her chest. Beads of sweat formed on her forehead. “T-there’s a lot of impurities inside you. I have to circulate the technique properly.” She sat up and crossed her legs before placing her hands on her lap, one over the other with her thumbs touching. Her robes were turning transparent because of how much she was sweating. Maybe I do have a lot of impurities….

  But Softie’s suffering so much because of me! She wanted to help me remove my impurities, so she took some for herself…. This isn’t cheating! I can’t believe I thought Softie would have impure thoughts about me. I’m sorry for doubting you, Softie! …But I’m a little hungry after that nap. If I ate now, wouldn’t all the impurities that Softie removed be replaced? She’s such a great friend! By taking away some of my impurities, she’s allowing me to eat without feeling any guilt! Not that I feel guilt normally, but still. Now I’ll feel even less guilt. What’s for breakfast…? Aurochs. Of course.

  “Eating again, Lucia?”

  Durandal? Gah! He’s back! I mean, yay! He’s back…? Do I really mean that? Why do I feel so conflicted about seeing Durandal again? It’s because he’
s a dirty selfish bastard, isn’t it? Mm. That must be it. And what the heck does he mean by eating again? “What are you trying to say?” That I’m fat? I’m not fat! These meals turn straight into qi and energy! It takes a lot of energy for my brain to work so smartly. I don’t get fat!

  “Hmm. Nothing?” Durandal smiled and raised an eyebrow. “I was just making an observation.”

  “Don’t insinuate my fatness!”

  “No, no, you’re not fat at all,” Durandal said and shook his head while smiling. “You’re just … well-fed?”

  I’m going to kill him. “Unrelenting Path of Slaughter: Tides of Blood! Tides of Blood! Tides of Blood!” Turn into an ocean of blood, dammit! Drown this smiling bastard like a rat! I worked my ass off to bring him back, to fulfill his nonsensical wishes, and this is how he repays me? When I become stronger than him, I’m going to lock him up in a dungeon and strip him of his freedom! “Grah! Breaking Madness Hammer Strike!”

  …This isn’t fair. Why did I give him that sky-realm-ranked sword!? It cuts through everything: my Tides of Blood, my hammer strikes, my pride and dignity…. Dammit, Durandal! I’ll smash you to death! “Stop resisting!”

  “An enemy won’t go easy on you just because you ask nicely,” Durandal said with his sadistic smile plastered all over his fat fucking face. Gah! Don’t pretend to be teaching me when you’re trying to cut my tail off with your sword! “It seems like I still have a lot to teach you.”

  …I’m going to cry. He’s an inhuman devil! This mean bully! Stupid dummy Durandal! Once he’s done with me, the only thing left will be despair. Despair…. Despair? That weird tablet taught me a technique that had despair in it, didn’t it? What was it called again? Right, the Despairing Blade.

  “Putting your hammer away? Did you give up?” Durandal paused as I took out my sword. “Mm. That’s right. I taught you how to fight with the sword, didn’t I?”

  Grrr. Alright. This Despairing Blade better be impressive! I got it after having a massive spike shoved into my head; if it’s not strong…, I’ll probably cry. This is so frustrating! “Despairing Blade!” Ah? Did a cloud pass over the sun? Did it become nighttime? It’s so dark! But it’s still afternoon. Maybe I fainted after using the technique and woke up a few hours later? I don’t think so…. Hmm? Is someone sobbing?

  Out of nowhere, Durandal appeared in front of me, lit up by some lights underneath his feet. Tears were streaming from his eyes, and his sword was nowhere to be seen. “Lucia…,” Durandal said and hugged me, burying his face deep into my chest. “I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry. Please, put your sword away. We can talk it over.”

  …What the heck is going on?

  ***

  I thought I was going to die. I only absorbed a small portion of Lucia’s impurities, but that was enough to force me to the edge of death. But at the same time, the gains were proportionate to the risk. The short time that I spent purifying Lucia’s impurities was equivalent to cultivating for two years. I almost lost my sense of self and entered a near-death state, but I think it was worth it. The only problem is … I’m not sure what I woke up to. Why is everyone crying?

  Everyone’s on the boat’s deck, bawling their eyes out. Even Brother Claw, who laughs when he beheads people, has tears streaming down his cheeks. And Ilya too! Ilya never cries despite the unending abuse she suffers at Lucia’s hands. Just what happened to make everyone so sad? The only person who isn’t crying is Lucia. Did, did something terrible happen? Was our Shadow Devil Sect wiped off the face of the Immortal Continent? I have a feeling Lucia wouldn’t shed a tear if that happened. But Durandal is crying too. This makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. “Lucia, why is everyone like this?”

  “Softie! You’re alright! Quick, help me comfort these people. Their sobs are making my skin crawl,” Lucia said and shuddered. But she didn’t answer my question…. I suppose I’ll help regardless.

  The person closest to me is Ilya. It’s a smart choice to fix her first because she’d be able to explain the situation much more clearly than Lucia. “Ilya, is everything okay? Why are you crying?”

  “W-when I was four, my father took me to the market to, to buy things. And I was little so I was curious, and when, when I looked away for a second, he disappeared! I was so scared! I thought he abandoned me like my mom!”

  …How am I supposed to comfort her? “B-but you found him, right?”

  “No! I, I tried looking for him, but then I got lost, and no one found me until the next day!” Ilya sniffled and wiped at her eyes with the backs of her hands, but the tears didn’t stop flowing. Her mouth opened wide as her wails rang through the air, causing goosebumps to run down my arms.

  “Then you haven’t seen your father since you were four?” I can relate to that. I don’t remember much about my parents.

  “No! He, he found me the next day! W-weren’t you listening?”

  “…Then why are you crying?”

  “Because I’m sad, dummy! Idiot! Why are you so inconsiderate!? Y-you can’t just ask someone why they’re crying!”

  …Tournaments to determine rankings in the sect are very common. People strive for higher rankings for a better standing in the sect, which leads to more resources and a better life for their kin. But for one person to improve in ranking, another person has to decrease. Though I haven’t personally experienced that struggle, I’ve seen the losers of the tournaments while walking around the sect. They’d cry and let out their grievances and swear to do better next time, but sometimes, some people were inconsolable like Ilya is now. However, there was always one thing that would stop their crying: cold-water therapy. I’ll take this barrel of ice-cold water out of my interspacial ring and hold it over Ilya’s head. I’ll give her a chance to stop sobbing..., which she’s not going to take. Okay. Don’t hate me for this, Ilya; this is for your own good.

  “Wuah!? Softie! What the hell!?”

  “Are you back to normal now?” I wasn’t expecting that to be satisfying, yet it was. I hope she’s still sad so I can do it again.

  Ilya glared at me. “I don’t know if soaking wet and shivering is what you’d define as normal. Why did you…? Huh. Alright, what happened? I was down in my room making some pills, but the sunlight suddenly disappeared. The next thing I know, I’m freezing because someone dumped cold water on me. This is Lucia’s fault, isn’t it? Seeing as she’s the only one not crying.” Ilya looked around before nodding at me. “Well, you’re not crying either, but you’re kind of useless and unable to do something like this, so it can’t be your fault.”

  …I think I should be feeling indignant at that, shouldn’t I? “At least I’m not the one who cried at a market because I got lost when I was four!”

  Ilya’s eyes widened. She coughed and cleared her throat, her expression returning back to normal. “That’s an oddly specific scenario you picked out. It hasn’t happened to me either. What’s with the accusing tone?”

  “Okay, forget I said anything. Help me wake these people up by pouring cold water on them.” I’ll move onto someone else, like Brother Claw. What could he possibly be crying about? “Brother Claw, what’s wrong?”

  “If that immortal didn’t interfere, I could’ve killed twenty sky-realm experts. I could be a sky-realm expert now. What a shame. What a shame. This loss is unbearable. I only killed three thousand earth-realm experts.”

  I think I’ll let Ilya wake Brother Claw up…. Who knows if he’ll lash out and kill the person dumping cold water on him? Moving on, who’s this? Brother Cloud. “Is everything alright?”

  “My Wife Moonlight was violated in front of my very eyes by Chosen Lucia…. But I can’t do anything about it! Even today, this morning…, Chosen Lucia and Wife Moonlight were in bed together, k-kissing. My heart’s broken!”

  I finally found the culprit who keeps calling me Wife Moonlight. I … want to throw him overboard. No one will know, right? W-what am I thinking!? Those are thoughts Lucia would have! Her impurities haven’t corrupted my mind, have they?
No, that’s impossible. I’ll wake Brother Cloud up before anything can happen.

  “Hah!? Wi-Sister Moonlight!”

  “Help comfort people by dumping cold water on them.”

  “Yes, Sister Moonlight! I won’t fail you.”

  It’s odd how he didn’t even question his circumstances, but I suppose that doesn’t matter. The next closest person is Durandal, who’s crying into Lucia’s chest. Get away from there! “Lucia. If you dump cold water on Durandal, he’ll turn back to normal.”

  “Huh? Cold water? What are you doing with that bucket, Softie!? Get away!” Lucia practically disappeared as she scrambled backwards at a breakneck speed, dragging Durandal with her. “Don’t you dare pour cold water on Durandal!”

  “But this is the easiest way to wake him up….” Am I wrong for suggesting such a thing? No, I don’t believe I am. Why didn’t Lucia—

  “If you turn him back to normal, I’ll go through hell again! I’m keeping him like this because he can’t resist.” Lucia’s eyes lit up. “Right! He can’t resist! And it’s nighttime! You wake these people up while I go do stuff with Durandal!”

  …And Lucia vanished. By stuff, did she mean…? But isn’t it immoral if one party is crying during the act…?

  Chapter 24

  I finally got to vent all my built-up frustrations! It would’ve been a lot more pleasant if Durandal wasn’t crying, but he fainted after the thirtieth time or so. Turning into a sky-realm expert really boosted his stamina! And he once told me weapon spirits couldn’t sleep. Psh, look at him now! He’s like a dead fish that occasionally whimpers. Anyways! Now I can.... Uh, do I have a goal now? I thought I needed to get stronger to force Durandal to submit, but I can just abuse the Despairing Blade. Hmm. Right! Ilya has to make Durandal virile! Let’s store Durandal inside of new-mini-DalDal, and back to the deck I go. I hope Softie managed to comfort everyone. Their crying made me feel so awkward.