Without Boundaries (the Without series)

by CJ Azevedo

  I faintly hear the fall of footsteps crunching on the dead leaves around me. I am too shaken and too tired to look and see who is approaching me so I continue to let my body take control and do its thing.

  Warm, strong arms wrap me up and lift me from the ground. I am still crying too hard to be able to open my eyes and make sure it is who I think it is. But I know that for the rest of my life there is no way I will ever be able to forget the scent of the man carrying me right now. I somehow find the energy to wrap my right hand up around his neck and bury my face into his chest. Being in his arms is calming; however I still can’t get my breathing under control and I’m pretty sure I’m going to hyperventilate and pass out. Not good.

  “You need to breathe baby. Everything’s going to be okay, I promise. I have you, just breathe,” Talon says in such a soft and hushed voice I have to really concentrate to understand his words. He continues to walk but holds me a little tighter, a little closer. “Slow and easy breaths love, you can do it, it’s okay.” He kisses the top of my head and I just melt into his body. Exhaustion is setting in, even though I got some really good sleep last night cuddled in his arms.

  He carries me back up the small hill with barely even a change in his breathing. He makes his way up the stairs to the porch and through the front door. I keep my eyes closed and face buried because I am embarrassed enough having him see me this way, I don’t need Kali and Hunter to witness this car wreck also.

  “What happened? Bay are you ok?” I hear Kali screech and footsteps quickly getting closer to us.

  “Just give me a minute Kali, she’s okay. I’m just going to get her upstairs.” I don’t hear anything else until a door opens after we go up the stairs. I assume he is going to put me in bed and shut the door, and most likely hope I will eventually come back down as if nothing happened. I’m sure he’s thinking he’s dodged a bullet where I’m concerned.

  Instead I’m set down on a cushioned bench and I hear water running. My eyes hurt so badly I can’t focus to see exactly what is going on. I trust Talon more than I have trusted anyone in a very long time, so I’m not in too big a rush to force my eyes open and inspect my surroundings.

  A warm, plush washcloth meets my closed eyelids and it is instantly soothing. The cloth slowly swipes down the side of my face then back up to my forehead before repeating the process on the opposite side. I can feel my breathing slowly getting into a steady rhythm. The tingling in my hands and nose has subsided and I am left with only a slight tingle in my lips.

  “Does that feel better baby?” I heard his term of endearment for me earlier but I was too out of it to focus on it. But hearing it now is making my body react. I never would have expected myself to enjoy such a pet name, but I do. I kind of don’t want to hear him call me anything else ever again. Well, except maybe love.

  I can’t quite muster up any words yet, but I slowly open my eyes to see him only inches from my face and give him a couple small nods.

  “Your bath is just about ready for you. Can you stand on your own yet or do you need some help? I can have Kali come in if you want.” He is seeing me at my worst and I want him. I want him to help me; I want him in that tub with me. I’m sure this is just all too much for him. I don’t blame him one bit. It’s too much for me and I’m living it.

  “No, I can do it,” is all that comes out of my mouth. I want to say so much to this beautiful man, but I just can’t find the words.

  “Alright then. Relax Bailey, just take some time and try to clear your mind ok? Don’t try to solve anything today, just let your mind rest. Promise me?”

  “Yes. I’ll try, I promise.” I lay my head back onto the bench seat and close my eyes again. I hear the water turn off then his footsteps make their way to the carpet of his room. It hits me that I haven’t even thanked him for taking such great care of me, when he has absolutely no obligation in any way. “Talon?”

  “Yeah?”

  “Thank you… for everything.”

  “You’re welcome love.” He softly closes the door behind him and I instantly feel alone and lost again.

  Sitting up and stretching, I take in the very luxurious bathroom. I hadn’t paid any attention when I came to his room last night. I was aware that it was here, but this is nothing at all like I would have expected. This has to be one of the rooms remodeled since they built the place. It is all white. White marble counter tops, white marble tile floors. A spacious walk-in shower with the same white marble and two showerheads with body jets on the walls. There are fluffy white rugs strategically placed throughout the massive room.

  I stand and walk towards the water and bubble filled claw foot tub. It is gorgeous and I can’t wait another minute to get into it. I start to strip out of my clothes and go to the double sink vanity. Taking in my awful sight, I wonder how I let myself get here. I look terrible. I take inventory of the bruises that are starting to fade slightly, the dark circles beneath my bloodshot eyes, the red nose, and swollen lips. I reach up and knot my hair on top of my head, leaving a few strands of hair to hang in my face that are too short to be pulled up.

  Lowering myself into the warm bath, I can almost see all of the tension in my body float away. I feel weightless and relaxed. My chest feels like my heart has replaced the bricks once again. My heart is still hurting but it is whole and it is there, I can work with that. My eyelids drift closed and I let my head fall back onto the terry cloth bath pillow attached to the back of the tub. I am completely calm, my heart rate normal and my breathing is no longer coming out in bursts. I feel somewhat peaceful.

  The door to the bedroom opens and closes quietly. Because of the carpet in there, I can’t hear if someone is coming into the bathroom or not, but I am too relaxed to turn my head to check. I know there are enough bubbles in here to cover me completely so I’m not worried about it. I am, of course, hoping it is Talon, but I owe my friend an explanation. A couple explanations actually, and if Kali wants them I will give them to her.

  “Bailey, is it alright if I come in?” It is Talon. I can’t help the small smile on my lips.

  “Of course,” I reply without opening my eyes. I hear the sound of a chair or stool being set next to the tub. I guess he is planning to stay awhile. I have no problems with that.

  “How are you holding up?” There is so much concern in his voice, I hate it. I wish we could have met under different circumstances at a different time in my life. Our relationship, whatever it might turn out to be, will always be tainted with this.

  “Much better now, did you put some sort of drug in this water? I have never felt so relaxed so quickly. I swear the second I sank down in here I was completely relaxed.”

  A soft chuckle comes out of his mouth and I have to open my eyes in hopes of catching a smile on his lips. I am successful, it is there and it makes me happy. “It’s the lavender, it does wonders. My mom used to put me in lavender baths as a kid after my hockey games; I guess I never grew out of the habit.” After tearing my gaze from his smile I notice that he has hooked a tray filled with pastries, juice, and coffee across the tub. My eyes widen at the sight. “You didn’t have to do this Talon. It’s too much; you don’t have to be doing all of this for me. I’m a mess, and I know this, but I won’t ruin your vacation. I’m so sorry that you’re taking all of this on. You should just go and do what you had planned before I intruded.” I should have just said thank you and that it all looked lovely, but that’s not what wanted to escape my mouth. I feel terribly guilty for imposing so much on him. I love what he is doing for me, but these problems aren’t his and he shouldn’t have to come along on this ride with me. The tears that I thought had all drained out of me are present again, streaming down my face.

  Talon reaches over and wipes the tears away from my face once more. He keeps his left hand cupping my cheek as he speaks softly to me. “It’s just food Bailey, and you need to eat. Please stop worrying about me; I am right where I want to be. You could never impose on anything that I am doing so please stop s
aying things like that.” His voice is soft but tight, his brows are furrowed and his gaze is fixed on my eyes. He leans in to kiss my forehead and my lips ache for his touch.

  “It looks lovely, thank you.” There, I got the appropriate words out to him. I smile through my watery eyes and reach for the coffee.

  “I, um, turned your phone off again. He wouldn’t stop calling. Does he know where you are? Should we be expecting him to show up?”

  A long sigh escapes as I lean my head back and close my eyes again. “No, he doesn’t know where I am. I never told him who I’m with. I promise you he won’t show up here.”

  Talon nods in thought. “Does anyone know where you are?”

  “Yes. Do you remember meeting my friend Drea?”

  “Yeah, I do. Will she tell him?”

  “No. She hates Hollister. She was quite happy when I asked her to get your contact information for me out of my office.” This seems to have put him farther into thought. I’m not sure what he could possibly be thinking about so hard but I have a feeling it isn’t something that I want to approach right now.

  Instead, he reaches out and grabs a chocolate filled croissant. He brings the pastry up to my lips. I laugh and take a bite. Thankfully, that makes him smile again and then he takes a bite of the same croissant as I chew. I know it’s silly for something so trivial to get the butterflies fluttering but it does. There is just something intimate about it that I want to keep experiencing.

  CHAPTER NINETEEN

  BAILEY

  When the water turns cold, I dry off and start towards my room when I see Talon sitting on the edge of his bed with his shoes kicked off. The thoughts that cross my mind are completely inappropriate, so I shake them off quickly and give him a small smile.

  “How does being lazy and watching movies in bed today sound?” Talon asks me with his sexy smirk in place.

  “Sounds perfect, will you be joining me?” My heart flutters at the thought. If he says yes, then all good intentions of stacking up those boundaries again are going to fly right out the window.

  “That was my plan. Why don’t you go get dressed in some comfortable clothes and I’ll go get some popcorn and drinks, then meet you back in here.”

  I am already standing in front of him, but I find myself walking closer and standing in between his legs. He wraps his arms around my towel covered waist as I lean down to kiss him softly on the lips. He doesn’t protest and I don’t pull away. “What about Kali, shouldn’t I go find her and apologize or something? I feel awful.”

  “Kali is just fine. In fact, I was kind of banking on the fact that you were going to want to spend the day in here with me and told her as much. She and Hunter already left to go downtown.”

  “I hate that I’m monopolizing all of your time. I know you have friends here Talon, you should be out catching up with them, not babysitting me.”

  Talon pushes me back a step allowing himself some room to stand up in front of me. He grabs my face in both of his hands. “Grown man. Right here.” He points his index finger into his own chest to make his point. “Stop with that Bailey, I’m serious.”

  I stretch up onto my tiptoes and kiss his lips again. “I’ll meet you back in here in ten minutes.” I turn around and walk out of his room. I can feel his eyes on me every step of the way.

  After throwing on a camisole and some sleep shorts I make my way back to Talon’s room to see him lying across his bed holding a bowl of popcorn.

  I can tell this room was part of the original design and it is just as beautiful as the bathroom attached to it. The walls are a deep blue and the furniture all a very dark wood. An antique dresser stands to the left with a few picture frames on it, there’s a white wing back chair with the same dark wood and a blue throw across the back of it with a Tiffany floor lamp sitting just behind it. The bed is directly across the room, a large king size with an elaborate and stately wood headboard and footboard. The bedding is a fluffy white comforter with tons of deep blue and white pillows stacked up against the headboard. I can’t wait to curl up in there under those blankets the same way I did last night.

  He pulls the blankets back for me as I climb on to the bed. I curl up next to him and pop a couple pieces of popcorn in my mouth. Then I notice he doesn’t have a TV in the room. “How are we going to watch a movie when you don’t even have a TV in here? Was this just a ploy to get me in your bed?” I ask him incredulously as he laughs at me.

  “No, it's not a ploy.” He lifts the remote and pushes a button towards the foot of the bed and the top of the console that sits down there lifts up soundlessly and a large television starts to rise up.

  “Tricky.” He laughs at me and puts his arm around me so I snuggle down onto his chest. “So what are we watching?”

  “A marathon of Arnold Schwarzenegger movies.”

  “Please tell me you’re kidding.”

  “We have Netflix, choose whatever your little heart desires, love.”

  “Well, I would choose P.S I Love You. However, since I’m obsessed with it I already know it’s not on Netflix. So, how about something with Hillary Swank? Freedom Writers?.”

  Talon laughs and squeezes me tightly. “Your brain works so fast. It’s always spinning. Feedom Writers it is.” He searches for it and just two minutes later the movie starts playing.

  We don’t say anything else for a long a time, we just lay there watching a great movie in peaceful silence. He runs his fingers through my hair as I fight sleep while lying on his chest.

  “You awake?” Talon asks in a hushed voice.

  “Yeah.”

  “How did your mom die?” I wasn’t expecting that. I have only explained my mom’s death a handful of times at most. Thinking about saying the words out loud has a vice gripped tight around my heart and makes my breathing go erratic. I want to tell him, I want him to know everything about me, so I steady myself as I relive the most tragic time in my life.

  I scoot up so I'm sitting next to Talon and he slips his arm around the back of my waist. I snuggle closer and begin telling him of one of the most important pieces of me.

  “She used to sell the quilts she would make at state and county fairs. She had been away at a fair for a few days and decided to come home after her last day there instead of staying one more night. Halfway home she fell asleep behind the wheel and hit a semi head on. The highway patrol called our house at one sixteen a.m. I remember looking up at my clock and seeing the time when the house phone woke me. My dad answered before I could get to it and was out of the house without a word to me or my sister. I was so terrified; I just knew something had happened to her.” I didn’t look up at Talon, but I know my story affects him because he tightens his grip on me as I speak. I can feel his support rolling off him, and I soak up every iota of it.

  “She didn’t have any wishes written down anywhere in case something had happened to her. She always said that was just asking for something to happen.” I laugh a little at the thought. “She believed strongly in the power of positive thinking. Said if you make plans to die, then you’re going to die sooner rather than later. So, not wanting to let her go, my dad kept her alive on machines for over three months. The doctors finally said that she had made all the progress she was going to make and suggested letting her go. My dad refused for another week, then decided it was best to take her off them.” Tears silently and slowly rolled down my cheeks. Talon reaches up to wipe them away as I take a deep breath and continue, “The machines were unplugged at eight a.m. on May twenty-fourth and she took her last breath at nine sixteen a.m.”

  “Were you there when she passed?” he whispers so softly and I love that he’s so interested in what is or was my life.

  “Yes. My dad, sister, and I were in the room with her, her parents and my dad’s folks were just outside the door.”

  “How did you that? I mean, I just couldn’t imagine sitting there knowing each breath she took could be her last.”

  “It wasn’t easy, but I knew she was
so much better off if she would just take that last breath and pass. The body was no longer my mom. My mom was already gone, so I just prayed that her body would let go quickly so we could lay her to rest.”

  “That was very mature of you Bailey; you were only seventeen, right?”

  “I was yeah. Country kids tend to mature quickly in normal situations, throw in the death of a parent and there is no option for immaturity any longer. You just do what you have to do, you know?”

  “That’s why you packed up and moved to New York? So you didn’t have to have the family responsibilities?”

  “No. I had applied for NYU at the beginning of my senior year but my mom was in a roundabout way letting me know she didn’t want me to go. She just wouldn’t talk to me about it and if I pressed the conversation she would give me a million reasons why the college in San Jose was a better fit. It was a better fit because I would have been close to her. So, after she passed, I didn’t have her guilting me out of going and staying in her house just seemed impossible. I probably overreacted by moving across the country, but it was my first choice in schools and seemed like a good idea at the time.”

  “Do you regret it?”

  “I don’t believe in regret. I probably would do it differently if I had the chance, but I don’t so there’s no use in dwelling on it. How about you? Do you believe in regret?”

  “I have never really thought about whether I believe in it or not. I am fortunate enough to not have any regrets if I did believe in it.”

  “That’s good. You’re right, you’re very fortunate.” We stay silent through the rest of the movie, which isn’t much longer after we make it through that conversation. He continues to run his fingers through my hair and I continue to lay across his muscled chest and daydream about being way more intimate in this bed, right now.