Home is Where You Are

by Marie, Tessa

  “Sure can. Would you like anything else?”

  “Just a large cup for tea.”

  He punches keys on the register. “That’ll be two dollars.”

  I hold my ten in my hand and glance back at him. “Did you get the tea?”

  “It’s on the house today.”

  “Oh, you don’t have to do that.”

  “I know I don’t have to, but I want to.”

  “Wow. Thank you very much.”

  He winks at me then says, “You have a nice day now.”

  “You too.”

  What a nice way to start my morning. A cinnamon raisin bagel and a free vat of green tea. Couldn’t ask for anything more.

  I pull into the parking lot of school and check my rearview mirror to make sure my lip-gloss hasn’t ventured outside the lines of my lips. All intact.

  Outside I tug my orange peacoat tight over my chest. A cold front from the north came in overnight. It’s finally boot season. Though, when I slipped into my favorite camel colored slouch boots and tan cardigan, the same thrill wasn’t there. Normally I’d look in the mirror and admire my color coordination skills, but all I saw was how warm I was and how cold Dean must be.

  From across the parking lot I hear, “Anna! Hey wait up.”

  I turn to find Susie running towards me. Her hair is pulled back and her backpack is falling off her shoulder. She must have at least five books in her hand and who knows how many are packed into that bag of hers.

  “Hi,” she says, in between gasps.

  “Hey.”

  She holds her chest and takes one deep breath. “I didn’t think you heard me so I started running.”

  “No, I heard you,” I say with a laugh. “Do you need help with your books?” I reach for them since she seems seconds away from a book avalanche.

  “I got it. But I do need help with some science homework. I have a lab due today and I’m not sure it’s up to par.” Up to par? Is she fifteen or seventy?

  “I’m sure it’s fine, but I’ll look it over if you’d like.”

  “That would be wonderful.”

  Susie and I get to the classroom and she takes her usual seat in the corner. I take five minutes to say hello to Ms. Kittles and to settle in.

  My green tea is still hot, so I blow on it before taking a sip. Susie stares at me, so I take a bite of my bagel then head over to her.

  Just as I suspected, there’s nothing wrong with her work. Even her handwriting is perfect. All her I’s are dotted directly above the line and all her L’s are perfectly looped at both the top and bottom.

  “A plus,” I say, keeping it short and simple.

  Her eyes shoot wide. “Really, you think so?”

  Why is it impossible for her to have a little faith in herself? “Yes. It’s perfect.”

  Nobody other than Susie shows up in need of a tutor. I spend the rest of the time mapping out the layout for the next edition of the school paper.

  First and second period go by in a daze. Every time I start focusing on the teacher my mind drifts to Dean. I wish Katie would get to school. The one time I need girl-talk and she’s nowhere to be found. Go figure.

  I’ve texted her five times, breaking my no texting in class rule. She hasn’t even responded.

  It’s third period though, and she’s always here by now. I’m starting to get more nervous than annoyed and go to text her for the sixth time when I see her dark blonde hair coming towards me. It’s like a shampoo commercial. No one blocking her way and her hair’s beautifully cascading down her shoulders, bouncing with each step she takes.

  “Hey bitch,” she calls out as she gets closer.

  “Where have you been?” I ask.

  “And good morning to you, too.”

  Instead of responding I give her my I-know-you-are-kidding-with-me look.

  “Oh calm down. I had breakfast with Paul and then he dropped me off.”

  “You’re doing breakfast with Paul yet you can’t text me back?”

  She playfully rolls her gray eyes. “There you go with the ‘mom’ antics again. Besides breakfast is the most important meal of the day.”

  I poke her in the arm. “Too bad that breakfast for you is actually an early lunch for most everyone else.”

  Katie is still wearing her coat, so she hasn’t stopped at our locker yet. I head to it and Katie falls into sync beside me.

  “So what’s up?” she asks. We approach our locker and she leans her back against it.

  Finally. My mouth opens, the words on the tip of my tongue, when Katie rolls her eyes again. “Oh God,” Katie mumbles.

  “What?” I ask. I haven’t even said anything yet.

  Katie holds her hand up and whispers. “Your mini-me is on her way over here.”

  “Whose mini-me?”

  She narrows her eyes. “Yours.”

  “I don’t have a mini me.”

  “That girl you said goes to that tutoring thing you do in the morning.”

  “Susie is not my mini-me,” I say, obviously offended. I might be a little obsessive over my grades, but she takes it to a whole other level.

  “Hate to break it to you, Anna, but she is.”

  “No, she’s not!” I let it out in an exaggerated whisper since she’s getting closer.

  “Anna, come on. She’s practically the exact replica of you in tenth grade.” Katie apparently doesn’t care if Susie hears her.

  “Hi Anna,” Susie shyly waves as she approaches.

  “Oh, hey Susie.”

  Katie gives her the evil eye. She doesn’t always play well with others. At the risk of one of Katie’s snarky comments I purposely don’t introduce them.

  “I was just wondering if maybe you could put in a good word for me down at the soup kitchen.” Katie is behind her now nodding away with an arrogant grin on her face.

  “I need to start doing community service. I know colleges look at that type of stuff. I mean, I can’t let a college overlook me just because I don’t volunteer enough.”

  Her words hit me like a ton of meteorites. Everything I do is fueled by my dream of making it to Ivy League. Susie might be perfect to the point of annoying and she might be insecure and unaware of how smart she really is, but holy crap…she is my mini-me

  “I’ll talk to Barney, but he’s inundated with volunteers right now. The worst time to start volunteering is around the holidays. Everyone has the same idea.”

  “I’ll keep that in mind for the future.”

  If Katie’s eyes widen any more I swear they’re going to fall out of their sockets. I for one will not pick them up. I don’t care if she’s my best friend right now. She’s acting like an ass.

  “Thanks, Anna. I’ll see you around.” Susie bounces away and Katie stands there with an I-told-you-so look on her face.

  “Shut up.”

  “I didn’t say anything.” She holds her hands up and spins away.

  “You don’t have to. I know what you’re thinking.” Katie nods then starts talking about how amazing Paul is. I lean against the row of lockers and watch everyone walk by.

  John Stevenson, the biggest jock in school, is at his locker surrounded by his posse. On the other side of the hallway Keith Donahue, the biggest stoner in school, is playing with his hacky sack while Megan Hall, the girl who has been the lead in every school play since middle school, hurries by.

  If Dean was a part of my world and I met him here at school, I wonder who his friends would be. Where exactly he would fit in and if he’d still bother to talk to me once he really knew who I was.

  I’d like to think he would. In reality though, I don’t think so. Guys don’t exactly go out of their way to talk to me like they do for Katie. I don’t have a reputation. I more or less just blend into the background while everyone else fights for center stage.

  “Hello, earth to Anna?” Katie pushes on my shoulder and thoughts of Dean talking to me against the locker fades.

  “Sorry. What were you saying?”

&nbs
p; “Okay, spill.” She slams the locker shut and leans her shoulder against it.

  “Huh?”

  “Obviously you have something on your mind. Not to mention you texted me during class. I’ve been waiting for you to bring it up, but you haven’t.”

  I couldn’t wait to tell Katie, but as I open my mouth the words freeze on my tongue. I don’t want to curse whatever it is I have going on with Dean. If there even is anything going on between us. He did get super close to me in the bathroom though and not to mention that whole sink hand touching thing and the hair tuck.

  I take a deep breath and let it out slowly. “I kind of met a guy,” I say, then bite my lip as if I can take the words back.

  Katie smacks a hand on the locker. “Shut the fuck up!” She grabs my arm. “I want details. Is he hot? I bet he’s hot. Where’d you meet him?”

  Not only is he hot, but he has an amazing body. That information, though, I will keep to myself. The last thing I need is for her to want to meet him. One look at her and Dean will never look my way again.

  “At the soup kitchen.”

  “Aww, a match made in volunteer nerd heaven. Does he volunteer anywhere else? Or is he a one-time volunteer kind of guy?”

  I fidget with my hands. “He doesn’t volunteer there.”

  “Then what was he doing there? Delivering food?” She continues when I shake my head. “Then what? Oh hell no!”

  “What?”

  “You like a homeless guy.” I don’t think her words could possibly drip with anymore disgust.

  Annoyance and anger course through my veins. “Well when you put it that way it sounds awful, and it’s not like that.”

  “Then what is it like Anna? ‘Cause honestly there aren’t many variations for homeless.”

  “He’s our age and he’s really nice.” When he’s not picking on me. “He goes to the library and reads about ancient civilizations and after I cooked, he did the dishes. I didn’t even have to ask.”

  “Wait a minute. Dishes? You let him in your house? Are you fucking stupid?”

  Is she kidding me right now? Of all the idiotic things she does on a regular basis and she has the audacity to call me stupid? I have a 4.0 GPA for crying out loud. She can’t even pass a simple math test.

  “You know what? Just forget it. I listen to you talk on and on about all these guys you’re lusting after, and I’m finally the one that has something to talk about and you obviously can’t be bothered.” I push by her.

  “Anna, wait up!”

  I don’t.

  “Anna, damn it.” Katie comes running up beside me, grabbing my arm and pulling me around to face her. “I’m just worried. You’re my best friend. I don’t want anything bad to happen to you. And regardless if he’s a nice guy and likes to read about ancient civilizations it still does not make him a good guy. You let him into your home. He knows where you live. You could go home and find your house broken into. For all you know he was using you.”

  “Why? Because I’m not beautiful like you? Why would a guy want to pay any attention to me? Right?”

  “Anna, that is not what I meant and you know it.”

  “No, Katie, I don’t,” I yell and storm away.

  ***

  After my blow up at Katie I don’t see her for the rest of the day. Just as well. Having Katie—of all people—lecture me makes me see shades of red I didn’t know possible.

  Her choice in guys has never been stellar. Like Bobby Binklestein who used to ditch her constantly to hang out with his friends. Carl Mathews, who used to get drunk and pass out on her all the time. And my all-time favorite, Marcus Scott, who cheated on her every chance he got. So who is she to tell me who I should and shouldn’t like? As if my judge of guys can be any worse than hers.

  “Anna can you get some more forks from the back,” Barney says without taking his eyes off the table of food he’s arranging.

  The time to open the doors is approaching. I’m tempted to peek and see if Dean is there.

  When I come back from getting the forks, Barney is outside the door giving his usual speech. My heart thumps in anticipation.

  Barney comes back and the people file in. I don’t want to look desperate so I keep my eyes on the bread and the plates. Once the first person gets to me I hand over a plate and can’t control my desire to look.

  My eyes scan the line of people waiting for a free hot meal. I see Lucille. It looks like she got a new coat. Thank God. The one she had was filthy and full of holes. It made me wonder if it actually kept her warm at all.

  The man I yelled at is behind her.

  No Dean.

  My heart sinks. I don’t know what I was expecting. For him to walk in with his hood up, looking all dark and mysterious, for us to lock eyes and have a moment like in the movies, where the camera pans out, only to zoom back in on the two of us looking at each other with pure untainted happiness.

  Of course not.

  I was just hoping to see him.

  “Hey darling, how are you today?”

  “Hey, Lucille, I’m good and I see you got yourself a new coat.” Lucille spins, giving me a better look at the long gray coat with a fur-trimmed hood. “Very nice.”

  “Isn’t it? The lady at the Salvation Army held it on the side for me. She didn’t even charge me for it.”

  “You look beautiful.” From volunteering at the Salvation Army in the past I’m sure it was Michelle who gave her the coat. Michelle’s heart is bigger than anyone I’ve ever known. She probably slipped some money into the register to cover it.

  Lucille shows me the fur on the hood and the inside layer of lined and quilted fleece. People have begun walking around her in order to get to the rest of the food.

  “And this is the best feature…” Her words fade as my eyes catch Dean’s. His hood is pulled up like always, but as he makes his way in the door he removes it. His hair is slightly messy, but it only makes him look that much cuter. I smile at him. A smile that says, “Hi” opposed to, “Oh my God I am so happy to see you. My life is now complete.”

  When he smiles back I bite my lip to conceal how much of an affect it has on me.

  “Honey, did you see how the…oh I see.” Lucille’s eyes travel between Dean and I. “We’ll talk later, dear.” Lucille walks away and Dean moves closer.

  I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t looking forward to seeing Anna. It’s ridiculous to think she feels the same way, but not as ridiculous as to think I could actually pursue this.

  My situation doesn’t seem like it will be changing anytime soon. Why would a girl like Anna even think about me let alone want to be with me?

  Even if she is interested, what can I give her? I literally have nothing to offer. A girl like her can have her choice of guys, at least one who has a house to live in and a family.

  On my way here I turned around and walked in the opposite direction. Over and over I kept repeating, “Just let it go. Let her go.”

  But then the light breeze picked up, causing the leaves around me to spin into a whirlwind. The sound of them scattering across the street brought me back to Anna’s yard.

  Visions of her holding the garbage bag popped into my mind. The cute way her nose wrinkled when I made fun of her shoes and how nervous she looked when we were finished raking. Thoughts of her in the bathroom pressed against the doorway and the feel of her skin against mine when I took the sponge from her.

  Those thoughts were enough to get me to turn around. Now the way her heart shaped lips curve upwards into a smile and the way her cheeks redden when she sees me, I know she’s worth walking that line.

  Just seeing her makes me forget about life on the outside of these walls.

  “Hi,” I say, walking up to the table.

  “Hi,” she replies then slides her teeth over her bottom lip.

  “How’s your lawn looking?” I ask, so I can stop staring at her mouth.

  “Good. I think we got every leaf.” She toys with the hem of her shirt. Her nerves are ado
rable.

  “Yeah,” I mumble, searching for something else to say, but my mind is a blank slate.

  “Oh! Here’s a plate. We have some bagels on the end. I know how much you like them,” she blurts.

  I take the plate and lean towards her. If I don’t get out of here it’s only going to get more awkward. I can’t think straight . “Thanks.” I offer a smile before walking away like a damn fool.

  There were so many things I could have said. I totally blew it. I might as well have been talking about the freaking weather.

  All the shit I’ve been through and I can’t talk to a girl.

  Though, Anna just isn’t any girl. She’s smart. Beautiful. And doesn’t take my shit.

  I put my hood back on. When my hood is on, I feel like I’m in my own world. Though, it didn’t work with Anna. She forced her way in, and now despite all of my reservations, I want her to stay a part of it.

  Once I finish my food, I’ll go up to her. Hopefully I’ll be able to talk about something other than leaves.

  “Is this seat taken?” I look up and Anna’s porcelain face shyly looks back at me, and my uncertainty disappears.

  “It depends,” I say, biting back a smile.

  She cocks an eyebrow. “On what?”

  “If we’re going to spend the whole time talking about leaves, because honestly, I couldn’t care less.”

  Her mouth drops open in the cutest way. “You’re the one who started rambling about the leaves not me.”

  “Considering you’re still talking about them, I guess you don’t want to sit with me after all.”

  “You’re an ass,” she says, but sits anyway. “So how’s the food?”

  “That’s up there with leaves.” Not that I would have been able to start the conversation any better. I just like to pick on her. She’s adorable when she’s angry.

  “Well then, what do you want to talk about?”

  I take my hood off and lean back in the chair. “You.”

  “Me?” The shocked look on her face makes me laugh.

  “Yeah you.” I like listening to her talk about her community service. It shows me she’s not the spoiled brat I perceived her to be.