Home is Where You Are

by Marie, Tessa

  I peer up and watch as Dean swaps his GED book for one on Ancient Worlds. His head tilts to the left and his eyebrow lifts in that adorable way.

  “Find something interesting?” I ask.

  “Did you know ancient Egyptians played board games?”

  “No, they didn’t,” I say.

  “Did so.” He pushes the book across the table and points to a picture and a caption.

  I examine the picture and read about the ancient game of Senet. “It says here, board games were placed in tombs of pharaohs. That’s awesome. I love board games.” I push the book back to him.

  “Really. What’s your favorite?”

  “Scrabble.”

  He scratches his upper lip, but it doesn’t hide the tug at the corner of his mouth.

  “I know. I’m a total cliché. Smart girl who likes Scrabble. Typical.” I turn my head back to my book, but look up when his hand rests on mine.

  “You are anything, but typical,” he says. Heat rushes through my cheeks and creeps down my neck.

  “What about you? Favorite board game?” I ask, taking advantage of the moment, and wanting to know even more about him.

  “I can’t even remember the last board game I played. Actually it was…” He shakes his head, the dark curl falling onto his forehead. “Never mind.”

  “What? I want to know. Tell me.”

  “No.”

  “Oh come on. Pretty please,” I beg and pout out my bottom lip.

  He laughs. “No way.”

  I stick my lip out farther. “Please.”

  “I can’t believe I’m admitting this. Pretty, Pretty Princess.”

  Visions of Dean, dressing like a princess, pop into my head. I try and stifle my laugh, but it’s impossible.

  “Go ahead, laugh it up,” he says, the cutest shade of red filling his cheeks.

  I press my lips together, but it only lasts for a moment. A giggle pushes through, and I slap my hand over my mouth.

  “I swore Josie to secrecy. I never thought I’d be the one blabbing about it.”

  “Josie, your sister, right?”

  “Yup.”

  “What was she like?”

  “Persuasive yet innocent. Always happy. She knew I’d do anything for her and totally took advantage. She was smart too. I’d catch her sneaking into my room and stealing my books.”

  Sadness fills his eyes, and he looks off to the distance. He blinks a few times and clears his throat. “So what’s going on with your mom?” he asks and I let the conversation of his sister go.

  “She’s leaving tomorrow morning. Haven’t really seen much of her since she’s been home actually. When she’s not running errands, she’s hauled up in her office.”

  She didn’t even notice my aced test sitting on the counter. Or if she did, she didn’t say anything.

  I turn my attention back to my book. I don’t want to see the pity in Dean’s eyes. Silence spreads between us, and I hate that no matter how long I’ve been dealing with Mom and her crap, I still let it bother me.

  “Did you get into the Y last night?” I finally ask. I know he’s not going to tell me, but I don’t like the silence, and maybe I can read his facial expressions.

  “I told you not to worry about it.”

  Damn him and his poker face.

  “Well, I’m worrying about it. Did you get in?”

  “Maybe. Maybe not.”

  “Oh, come on.”

  “I’m not going to tell you. I already told you that.”

  “Fine. But if you don’t get in at least you’ll be a little warmer.” I pull out the scarf and gloves from my bag and hold them out to him.

  He doesn’t so much as move. I was expecting at least a smile. Not the cold stone look he’s giving me right now.

  “I don’t want your charity.” He crosses his arms.

  “That’s not…” The rest of my words falter in the air as my head shakes back and forth.

  “Really, then why else would you buy me this stuff?”

  “Because…I care about you. The thought of you being out there.” I point towards the door. “In the cold. It worries me, okay? Sorry to care so much.” I turn away, feeling the tears starting to swell. I jump up from my chair and head to the exit. Outside in the archway, the air is so cold. But I don’t care. I can’t go back in there.

  Why would he act like that? I was so happy to buy it. I never thought of it as charity. My eyes burn. I should just go, but my jacket and books are inside.

  A gentle touch on my shoulder causes the tears to fall down my cheeks. Dean’s hand cups my shoulder and slowly he turns me around. I keep my eyes down, unwilling to look at him. Chills shoot up my neck as he glides his hand across my shoulder to just beneath my chin.

  My chin reacts to his touch, moving with his hand until I’m looking into his beautiful eyes. I’m surprised to find sincerity and concern in his gaze.

  “I’m sorry.” His thumb moves across my face, wiping away a few stray tears. “I forgot. I’m so used to people only caring about my situation. I forgot what it was like to have someone care about me.”

  “I just didn’t want you to be cold.” The words come out in a whisper, but when his lips turn upward into the smile I’ve grown to love, it’s obvious he heard me.

  “I know.” Tenderly his hand moves to tuck a piece of hair behind my ear. I meet his gaze, steady and unwavering, and I finally see Dean completely. The way his copper eyes have the slightest specks of gold, and how the contour of his face comes to a perfect rounded point at his chin.

  Heat radiates from his hand as he presses it against my cheek and guides me closer to him. Closer. Closer. Until our lips come together. His mouth brushes mine, soft and welcoming, the complete opposite of his hard exterior. And for the first time since I met Dean, the wall he spent years hiding behind has come down.

  I run my thumbs across the apples of her cheeks, selfishly indulging in her innocence. I wonder if she knows just how innocent she really is. She hasn’t been hardened by the streets like most of the girls I know. She lives in her own world, she’s safe there, and she should be allowed to stay there.

  When it comes to almost everything, Anna is a take charge kind of girl, but right now she’s mimicking my every move. I let my hand leave the flawless perfection of her face and lose itself in her hair. As each soft strand glides through my fingers it exceeds my every expectation.

  She finally moves into me. Her hand runs across the band of my jeans until it rests on the small of my back. I should stop this. I should pull away from her, but I can’t.

  We may be part of two very different worlds, but right now we’re in our own together. No one else exists. It’s only us.

  “Get a room.”

  So much for us being alone in our own world.

  Anna quickly pulls away, red filling her cheeks. She leans her back against the brick wall as if she had no part in the comment-worthy kiss.

  Whether it’s Anna’s embarrassment, the fact I just crossed a line I shouldn’t, or the sheer fact the young kid said exactly what my younger self would have, I burst out laughing.

  The poor girl looks like her mug shot was just plastered across every news station from here to California.

  “It’s not funny,” she says, arms folded as she looks at me with a narrowed stare.

  “Come on, Preppy. It is.”

  “No, it isn’t.”

  “Even just a little bit.” I hold my thumb and my pointer finger up. Her front teeth slide over her lip.

  “Okay, maybe just a little.” She cracks a smile. Finally.

  And it hits me like a swift punch to the face. To Anna I wasn’t a charity case. Looking into her eyes now I know it never even crossed her mind.

  I’ve taken blows to the face so hard I fell in and out of consciousness. I’ve felt the excruciating pain of a cigarette burning through layers of my skin. Even endured endless beatings with a belt until the skin on my back split open. Yet, I almost walked away from a five
-foot-nothing girl, all because I couldn’t bear to see the hurt I caused her. Talk about pathetic.

  I move to where she’s leaning and rest beside her. I slouch down, allowing our shoulders to touch. I can’t resist the urge to be near her.

  Maybe it’s time to let her in. “What are you doing tomorrow?”

  “Nothing. Why?”

  “I was wondering if you’d want to spend the day with me, like in my world?”There’s no doubt about it, I have lost my fucking mind.

  “Really?”

  Here’s my chance. I can take it back. “Really.” Or not.

  “I’d love to.” Her eyes light up, and I know I can’t take it back now. I’m doing this.

  “Do you know where The Bagel Hole is?”

  “Of course I do. They have the best cinnamon raisin bagels.”

  “Good. I’ll be there at nine. Meet me in the back.”

  “I can do that.” She kicks at the ground, her eyes wandering. “But I wasn’t done with my homework.”

  “It’s not like I have anywhere to be.”

  ***

  At the Y, I sit on the curb, praying I get in. I’m going to be spending the entire day with Anna, and I need to shower. I swear if I don’t get in, I will find a way to make my body fit in the sink in the McDonald’s bathroom.

  “Hey,” Wanda says as she kicks my foot.

  “What’s going on?” As much as I hate to admit it, Wanda’s growing on me. She doesn’t deserve my shitty attitude.

  “Just chillin, you know.”

  “Yeah.” That’s all any of us can do. Wanda is lucky to have a job to help occupy most of her time, for me, now, I have Anna.

  “Good evening. If I call your name please come and check in.” Maggie appears on the steps, unwavering in her method of mentally shutting people out.

  “Sal. Vicky. Juan.” Wanda looks at me. Tonight is by far the coldest night of the season. If we don’t get inside, a bed and clean water will be the least of our worries.

  “Steve. Josh. Monica. Nicole. And Dean.” When I hear my name I think just maybe, possibly, someone’s watching over me. But then I look at Wanda. The disappointment on her face says it all—if someone is watching over me, then why aren’t they watching over her too?

  For the first time ever, I feel guilty for getting in. This is what happens when you let people in. You get a conscience…and all goes to hell.

  “If I called your name, let’s go.” I know Maggie’s words are directed at me, but I can’t seem to leave Wanda’s side.

  “Go on,” Wanda says. “Maybe I’ll get in tomorrow.”

  “Yeah.” What else is there to say?

  “I’ll see you later then.” We both stand, and Wanda turns away first. As she walks away, I remember our first conversation.

  “Hey Wanda,” I yell, and she stops, glancing over her shoulder.

  “Yeah?”

  “Just wanted to let you know… I’ll be thinking about you.”

  Her smile says it all. I salute her and watch her disappear into the darkness before I head inside.

  After my shower, I spend the night thinking about Anna. About the way she taps her pencil when she’s thinking. How she bites her lip when she doesn’t want to admit something’s funny. About how amazing her hair felt between my fingers, and how the kiss surpassed my wildest fantasy.

  Usually, I spend my nights tossing and turning, afraid someone’s going to try to sneak in my bag and take what little I have. I tighten my grip on my bag, and let thoughts of Anna lull me to sleep.

  The next morning, I leave the Y, and head straight for The Bagel Hole. I figure it’ll take me some time to get there, and I don’t want to leave Anna waiting. I still can’t believe she’s willing to spend the day with me.

  She had so many questions, and I dodged most of them. It’s about time I open up.

  On the curb I watch as Anna pulls into the parking lot. Her hair is down and a smile forms when she spots me. I meet her at her car. She was so concerned with keeping me warm, yet her orange coat is thin and wide open. Plus she has no gloves or scarf.

  “Hey,” she says as she rolls her car window down. “You ready?”

  “Waiting on you.”

  “Then get in,” she says and I laugh.

  “No. No. No. I said you were going to see what my world was like and in my world heated cars do not exist. If you want to bail, I’ll understand. A girl like you wouldn’t survive anyway.”

  We may have kissed, but there’s no way I am past the sarcastic banter.

  “I’m most definitely not bailing. Let me just grab my scarf and gloves.” She gets out of the car and goes to the back. Of course she’d have an emergency supply of outerwear in her trunk. It’s like a mini store. She takes off her orange coat and swaps it for a thick black winter one and puts on a pair of gray gloves and a matching scarf. “Okay, I’m ready.”

  “You sure you don’t have a battery operated portable heater in there? Or a ski suit?”

  “I like to be prepared. Besides you never know if your car is going to break down and you’re stranded with no heat.”

  It’s cute how she doesn’t think before she says things to me.

  “Yeah, because that would suck.”

  “I’m sorry, that was a stupid thing to say.”

  “If you were talking to anyone else that would be a normal thing to say. Don’t go changing who you are just because of my situation.” I run my thumb under her chin. “I want to know the real.”

  “On that note, where are your gloves and scarf?” There’s the Anna I know.

  “In my bag, I’m used to the cold, unlike you.”

  She plants her hands on her hips. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  “Nothing. Just that you look like you’re ready to go on an expedition to Antarctica.”

  “Oh shut up.” She gives my shoulder a playful push, and it takes all I have not to grab her hand and pull her into me. “So where are we going? Pretend I’m not with you. What is it you would be doing right now?”

  “Let’s go.”

  Anna hits the lock on her keypad and I begin to walk. I can pretend she’s not with me, but all the pretending in the world couldn’t push her out of my thoughts. Her presence is strong and every time the slightest breeze passes I can smell cherry blossoms.

  It’s Saturday and since Anna wants me to pretend she’s not here, though it’s hard to keep my eyes off the way her ass sways, I head away from the hustle and bustle of the strip malls and straight for the residential area.

  I still have money from raking that old lady’s yard, but there were a few nights I didn’t get into the Y and it was cold. I had no choice but to buy a five dollar fleece blanket and a tarp to shield the wind. When it’s cold, for the most part I can manage, but the wind seeps through to my bones.

  The trestle is a great place for most seasons, but as winter approaches, I’ll need to find an abandoned building. I won’t bring Anna to the trestle. I refuse to put her life in danger just so she can see the shitty place where I occasionally sleep.

  Anna talks the whole time. She tells me about how she still hasn’t heard from Katie and how she has another test in Physics next week. She also tells me more about her mom and her job. At one point our fingers bump each other’s. I open my hand and slide my fingers between hers. For a second she stops talking looks down at our hands intertwined together and then at me.

  I’m about to make some sarcastic remark to cut through the silence, but then she starts talking again.

  We turn on to a street filled with two story colonials. It’s the perfect place to offer my raking services. I’m not sure if Anna is clued in on what we’re about to do. She hasn’t asked yet.

  As I turn into a cobblestone driveway and make my way to the front door, she stops abruptly and tugs my arm back.

  “What’s wrong?” I ask like I don’t know.

  “What are we doing?”

  “Going to see if these people want their lawn raked. It�
��s the perfect day. Cool. Not a cloud in the sky. Not to mention this is what I’d be doing if you weren’t with me.” The tightness in her hold loosens, and she takes a step forward.

  “Okay, all or nothing right?”

  “Right.” I let Anna stand at the bottom of the steps as I knock. A middle aged woman comes to the door, and I go over my usual spiel making, sure to amp up the charm. It works.

  The lady only has one rake, which is fine. I don’t expect Anna to help. I go to the backyard and grab the rake from the woman’s shed. I return to the front and find Anna standing by the tree holding a garbage bag.

  “What are you doing?” I ask.

  “What does it look like? I’m waiting for you so we can get started.”

  “You’re not helping.”

  “And why not?”

  “Because you’re not.”

  “Too bad you’re not the boss of me.” She has that determined I-don’t-take-shit-from-anybody look on her face. “I’m being part of your world. All or nothing, remember?”

  I run my hands through my hair and take a calming breath. “You are by far the most stubborn person I have ever met.”

  “Good. Now get raking. If I calculated this right, we can get in another house and you should really think about upping your price. You can get way more than fifty bucks.”

  Now she’s telling me how to be homeless. I love it. “Is that so?”

  “Absolutely. Think about how much a landscaper charges and then…”

  I listen to her, half amused and the other half impressed. In the time it took me to walk from the shed and back, she has a business plan with the finance and marketing aspects well thought out.

  We finish quickly and get in two more houses before dark. We even get in a leaf fight or two. I make a hundred and fifty bucks! Talk about “raking” it in. I divide the money, handing half the cash to Anna since she helped every step of the way, and most importantly, she made it feel more like hanging out than a job.