Home is Where You Are

by Marie, Tessa

  “Hey, buddy. Need a plate.” I look away from Anna and to a man who I’m sure has seen better days. His build has him standing at least seven inches taller than me, his dirty brown hair is long and uncombed and something about him that creeps me out.

  “Sorry about that. Here you go.” I hand him the plate, and he moves on mumbling. He approaches Anna next and she sticks to her routine. But I don’t like the way he looks at her. My eyes don’t leave him until he’s seated across the room.

  I’m probably being paranoid, but there’s something about him, the evil look in his eyes, that makes me feel he wouldn’t think twice about stabbing a knife in your back to get what he needs.

  Once he finishes scarfing down his food, he’s out the door, and the tension in my neck finally loosens.

  When the line thins out and the last person is served, Anna approaches me with the girl. “Dean, I’d like you to meet Susie.”

  “Nice to meet you,” I say.

  “Hi Dean,” she says with enough gusto she could knock a person over. “It’s nice meeting you too.” She sticks her hands in her jeans pocket and turns before scurrying away.

  “You were right, Preppy,” I whisper in Anna’s ear.

  “About what?”

  “She is odd.”

  Anna laughs her adorable laugh. “Yeah she is, but I think she thinks you’re cute. That’s why she was so nervous.”

  “I usually have that effect on girls.”

  “You are so sure of yourself, aren’t you?”

  “I got your attention.” I grab her waist and tug her into me.

  “I guess you did. Come on let’s get out of here.” We say our goodbyes to Barney and head out the door back to Anna’s car.

  With winter closing in on us the temperature is dropping. I pull my hood on and take out the gloves Anna got for me. When she smiles, I can tell how happy she is I’m actually using them.

  Anna comes to a stop, and I look up at her. She’s looking at the concrete wall covered in gum.

  “I never understood this,” I say, taking in the blobs of different colors scattered across the two-by-two area.

  “Me neither, but at the same time it fascinates me.”

  “Chewed gum fascinates you?”

  “It’s more than that. It’s the time people take placing their gum here, making different shapes and designs. I stare at it and wonder whose gum this was.” She points to a pink piece. “Or whose this was.” She points to a blue piece. “Were these people alone when they placed it and wanted to leave their mark, or were they with friends and just wanted to do it because everyone else was?”

  “All of this from gum?”

  “Yup.”

  “Have you ever contributed to the wall? I don’t take you as the type that would go near chewed gum, but then again you tend to surprise me.”

  “I do?” her voice is soft, and I can’t help but to brush a nonexistent hair off her cheek just so I can touch her.

  “You do.”

  “I did once when I was five. My dad and I were walking up to Main Street, and he stopped to show me. He was more excited than I was, but that’s how my dad was, he found joy in everything. He insisted I leave my mark because one day, when I became famous, I could tell people I put gum on the wall. And people from all over would come to see the wall that Anna Hayward put her gum on. He picked me up and put me on his shoulders so I could reach a spot that was clean.” She smiles at the memory, her eyes looking off into the distance. “Anyway, that was the one and only time I put gum on the wall.”

  “Is your piece still here?”

  “It could be. I don’t even remember what type of gum I was chewing. I don’t remember the flavor or the color, just the part about my dad.”

  “Because that’s the most important part.”

  “Yeah, it is.” She’s silent for a few seconds. I kiss her on her forehead and then she looks into my eyes. “I’ve been quiet long enough. You want to tell me about what happened earlier? I don’t want to pry, but I want you to know that you can talk to me.”

  I know I can. The problem is I don’t want her to know any more of the dangers in my world. I don’t need her worrying about me when she has tests to study for, homework to focus on and colleges to get into.

  Her hand rests on my cheek, stroking small circles with her thumb. “Dean, please talk to me.”

  With the concern in her eyes, I can’t say no. “I did know her.”

  “Was she a girlfriend?” If I’m not mistaken, there’s jealousy in her words.

  “No just a friend. Her name was Wanda, and she was living on the streets because her parents kicked her out.”

  “Why would they do that?”

  “She was gay, and it was against their religion. They thought they could change her by putting her into counseling. Which pissed her off, and she ran away. I haven’t met many people in my situation that genuinely cares about others, but she did. She was one of the good ones…which is probably what got her killed.”

  Anna’s hand goes to her mouth. “That’s terrible.”

  “This might not mean anything, but thanks for not saying sorry.”

  “Trust me, I understand.”

  Maybe I didn’t give Anna enough credit because looking into her eyes I can see she completely understands.

  “When my dad died,” she says, “people offered me apologies constantly, and it only made the anger worse. Because really, what did they have to be sorry for? They didn’t make the decision to pull that car over. And they weren’t the one to pull the trigger.”

  “Exactly. I don’t need any words.” I take her hand in mine and bring it to my lips, kissing her knuckles. “Holding your hand, being here with you, is all I need.” I smooth her bangs out of her face. “Come on, I’ll treat you to that slice of pizza.”

  “Only because I am too emotionally drained to argue, sure.”

  ***

  I walk Anna to her car after we eat. The night is a sheet of darkness, no stars visible. Though, right now it doesn’t matter. I’m not looking at the sky.

  “Get home safe,” I say as I hook my arm around her waist and pull her in for a kiss.

  “You sure I can’t give you a ride to the Y?”

  “I’ll be fine, besides I told you I like to walk, and I kind of need to clear my head.”

  “It’s just getting so cold, and I worry.”

  The apprehension in her eyes makes me feel guilty for not having a safe place to go to because I don’t want her for a second to think I’m not safe. “You have nothing to worry about. I’ve been on my own for the past two years, and I’ve been fine.”

  “I know. It’s just…” Sadness engulfs her beautiful face.

  “What is it?” I press my lips to her forehead and hold her close. She sniffles into my coat and I pull back, wiping at the tears on her cheeks. “Talk to me.”

  She takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly. “I’m sure you noticed at the soup kitchen, not so much anymore, but in the beginning, I tended to be sort of a robot.”

  I nod.

  “I wasn’t always like that. When I started, I thought I could save everyone. I befriended every person who walked through the door. There was this one woman, Michelle, she was older, an ex-prostitute. But she was so sweet. I’d sit with her all the time, and she’d tell me stories about when she was younger, listen to my problems, and offer me advice. Then one day she stopped showing up. Two weeks later they found her body in an abandoned building.” Her words falter. She looks up at me, tears streaming down her cheeks. “She froze to death.”

  It all makes sense now. I wrap her in my arms, wishing I could take her pain away.

  “Look at me,” I say, placing my hand under her chin and guiding her eyes to mine. “That won’t happen to me.”

  “How do you know?” she chokes out.

  “Because I won’t let it. I did not come this far to die alone in the cold. I have my ways and you need to trust me. I promise you, if I ever think, for a s
ingle second, it’s too cold to make it through the night, I’ll ask Marv to crash in the backroom at The Bagel Hole.”

  “I trust you.”

  “And I promise you.” I hold her for a little longer, savoring her warmth and her sweet smell. My grip loosens. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  Her hand presses on my chest and she lifts on her toes to give me another kiss. “Tomorrow then.” She slides into the warm interior of her car, smiles halfheartedly, gives me a slight wave, and drives off.

  I watch until her car is no longer visible then head towards the Y. I thought I’d be protecting Anna by keeping Wanda a secret and maybe I would’ve been. Because at least it wouldn’t have brought up that awful shit from her past. Though, I’m happy she finally trusted me enough to tell me.

  At least I told Wanda I’d be thinking about her. Maybe in the end it gave her a little peace of mind. The fact I know Anna is thinking about me and worries makes the nights less lonely and gives me something to look forward to during the day.

  “Hey, pretty boy,” a rough, harsh voice comes up behind me. I ignore it and keep walking.

  There are no street lights on this strip of pavement, and now I’m wishing a few stars were visible. I still feel that guy’s presence behind me. I pull my hood tighter and pick up my pace.

  The broken glass and rocks on the ground crunch underfoot. I should have stuck to Main Street instead of taking the shortcut through the buildings. Shit. Think Dean. Think.

  I’m fast, but is this guy behind me faster? I’m strong, is this guy stronger? Since he’s keeping up, he can’t be too drunk so that’s one strike against me.

  “I was talking to you, pretty boy.” The rough voice enters my ears again, but this time I recognize it, the creep from the soup kitchen. He must think because I worked at the soup kitchen I have money. Fuck. I continue my pace. Continue to ignore his comments. Maybe he’ll give up and leave me alone.

  A strip of light illuminates my path as I make my way towards Main Street. I haven’t felt his presence since I turned at the last building. Thank God. Fucking creep. Maybe he was just trying to scare me since I was staring him down for looking at Anna. Well, I have news for him, I’m not the pretty boy he thinks I am. I’m not stupid enough to turn to him when he talks to me, and I sure as hell ain’t stupid enough to—

  My back slams against the brick wall of the building. The strip of light crosses my attackers face, confirming what I already knew.

  The creep pulls his arm back. I dodge his fist to my face only to get his other to my ribs. I stumble back, smacking into the brick of the building.

  Anna.

  Her face pops into my thoughts. A sudden rush of adrenaline fills me.

  I swing back. A piercingly sharp pain shoots through my knuckles as I make contact with the bastard’s nose. For a second he winces. Enough time for me to get my back off the wall.

  This is a battle I can’t win. This guy is huge. I’m lucky to have gotten a punch in. I take off. I head towards The Bagel Hole. If I have to, I’ll hide in the dumpster. I’m almost there. I can see the lights of the parking lot. My head explodes. Hot throbbing pain courses up my skull behind my eyes. I lose my footing and fall and my face smacks the ground.

  Thank God I landed on the grass. My assailant is vengeful. He kicks me in my ribs repeatedly. I have no defense but to crawl in the fetal position and hope he gets bored. Another kick. This one to my face. The world becomes smaller as my eye swells shut. My mouth tastes of metal as I drift away.

  ***

  My fucking head. The world around me is smaller than usual and it’s spinning. Every inch of my body is on fire. I force myself to focus, and I see the sign of The Bagel Hole. I almost made it.

  The store is closed, but there’s a payphone outside. Probably the only payphone left in the state. I go to get up, but the pain darting through my sides knocks me off my feet. I grab at my side, and the only relief is the scream that erupts from my mouth.

  My elbows and hands become my legs and feet as I drag myself across the parking lot. The Bagel Hole looked a lot closer when I was staring at it. Thankfully the bastard didn’t take my backpack. Marv’s number is right behind my picture. I just need to get to the phone.

  In what feels like a lifetime, I finally make it. I perch myself up against the weathered metal of the pole and unzip the front pouch. Son of a bitch!

  The bastard found my money.

  All of it.

  He didn’t even leave me a single fucking quarter. Son of a bitch!

  It’s bad enough I’m calling Marv at home, at night, but now I have to call him collect. I use the pole of the phone to drag myself up. I wince against the pain, forcing myself to grab the receiver. With the little bit of energy I have, I manage to call collect, put Marv’s number in, and blurt my name and The Bagel Hole when I’m prompted. Then I collapse.

  I don’t know how much time passes until Marv is standing over me, cursing like a sailor.

  Everything in between was black. The ground beneath me disappears and is replaced by soft leather. I hear the engine of the car and feel the bumps in the road, and all I can say is, “No hospital. Please.”

  I awake to a single stream of light seeping through parted white curtains.

  My head’s propped under a pillow and my body is covered by a quilt. It reminds me of the bedspread my parents had on their bed.

  I don’t remember much from last night, but I remember enough to know it’s not wise to make any sudden movements. Pain like that isn’t easily forgotten.

  I can’t stay here. Where ever this is. Slowly, I position myself so my weight is on my elbows, and I push myself up against the headboard.

  “You look like shit.”

  With my left eye swollen shut I have to turn my head to see who’s speaking. A girl with skin the color of milk chocolate and dark brown eyes stares at me like I’m some kind of exhibit at a museum.

  “I bet,” I murmur.

  “The doctor said it looks a lot worse than it really is. You’re just bruised up really bad. Nothing’s broken. If you ask me, you’re lucky.”

  Did she say doctor? Panic sets in. If I’m in a hospital they would have had to take my information.

  “Where am I?” I blurt out.

  “The guest room. You’re even luckier my dad has a friend who’s a doctor.”

  Her dad? Then the resemblance hits me. Marv. Slowly, bits of last night come back to me. Marv cursing. The feel of his back seat on my aching body. My request for no hospital.

  “Dad had to go to work, and Mom had a few errands to run, so they asked me to stay and keep an eye on you.”

  “Since when do you listen to your dad?” I ask, remembering all the times Marv complained to me about how many gray hairs she’s given him.

  “I guess he’s told you about me then.”

  “You could say that.” I wince as I try to sit up more.

  “He’s told me about you, too. And last night you scared the shit out of him. I’ve never seen my dad like that. I didn’t like it. Not one bit.”

  “Good, maybe seeing me getting my ass kicked will make you think twice about doing something stupid then.”

  “Yeah, maybe.”

  It pains me to know I scared Marv. Other than Wanda, I haven’t had a friend since I was ten, or at least I didn’t think I did. All along Marv has been my friend whether I wanted to admit it or not. As I continued to close the world out, I let him in.

  “You hungry? Dad said when you wake up I should get you something to eat.”

  “I’m good, thanks.” I’ve already been enough of an inconvenience. I don’t need Marv’s daughter to serve me. “I’m going to get going.” Slowly and carefully, I turn my body until my feet are hanging off the bed. It takes all of my energy not to collapse.

  “Dad also told me you’d try to bail, and he gave me permission to blacken your other eye if you try.”

  “Excuse me?” I dart my eyes at her and then wince when my head tilts.

>   “You heard me. And don’t think I won’t. I once kicked Robbie Jackson where the sun don’t shine because he took my notebook and wouldn’t give it back.” She’s definitely Marv’s daughter. “The least you can do is wait till my dad gets home.”

  “Fine,” I say, looking across the wood floor for my shirt.

  “Mom tossed your shirt in the washer. You look good now, at least compared to when dad brought you in. You don’t have dirt and gravel stuck to your cheeks anymore or dried blood.” She’s probably trying to make me feel better, but she’s just making me realize how much I put her and her family out. I should never have called Marv.

  “I’m going to watch some TV now I know you’re alive. You’re more than welcome to join me, or you can stay here if you want.”

  “Thanks,” I say as she walks to the door. “Um…I don’t even know your name.”

  She leans against the doorframe. “I thought you said dad talked about me.”

  “He does but he usually refers to you as his pain-in-the-ass or his baby girl.” From my one good eye I can see the slight smile tug at her lips.

  “Elizabeth, but my friends call me Izzy.”

  “What do you prefer?”

  “Doesn’t matter to me.”

  “Then thanks, Izzy. I’ll be out in a minute.”

  She smiles before walking out.

  What the hell am I going to do? All of my money is gone. I can barely move without feeling like I have knives stabbing through my tendons, which is really going to suck if I don’t get into the Y tonight and have to sleep at the trestle.

  And Anna.

  I’m supposed to meet her after work at the library. She can’t see me like this. I was a fool for thinking I could let her come into my life. If anything, this is proof Anna is not a part of my world.

  She has a future and I don’t.

  It’s better this happened now. I can let her go before we both get in over our heads. It sucks, and I wish things were different, but they’re not, and I learned a long time ago life just isn’t fair.

  I overslept! Never in my entire life have I ever overslept. What is going on with me? First a C, and now this. Is the world coming to an end?