by Wood, Lauren
The phone rang several times while I was in the shower and I didn't check to see who it was. Could have been Dominic, but even the idea of talking to him had my nerves rattled. I don't know how I was supposed to go meet him face to face in a couple of hours and pretend like everything was fine. This was supposed to be the most romantic day of the year and I had really screwed it up.
Getting out of the shower, I got dressed and completely flaked on the rest of my work day. I was going to have to pay for that later. A lot of apologies were going to have to come out of my mouth, but none of that mattered at the moment. The only thing that mattered was that I was able to have a little bit more time to get my mind right. I had to roll over in my mind what we had done repeatedly. Every angle that I looked at it was wrong. Every single one of them.
Finally, the phone rang again, and I answered it. It was Lisa and I was just thankful that it wasn't Scott or Dominic. I really didn't want to talk to neither one of them at the moment.
“Are you going out tonight?”
“Yeah, me and Dominic are going out to dinner. He has something planned, but I don't know what it is.”
“You know exactly what it is Blair. Why are you even acting like you don’t know? You have sure the hell been avoiding it enough.”
I didn't realize that I was, but I had a feeling that he was going to make the proposal that he wanted to do on my birthday. I had put it off for too long and now it's coming. The problem was that now I was even more confused than I was before. I had no idea what I was going to say or how I was going to react. I wish that I had a better poker face, because when it was time, I wasn’t going to be able to hide my reaction, no matter how badly I was going to want to.
“I don't know if that is what he's going to do Lisa. He has had almost a month to propose to me if he wanted to. He never did, so I'm just going to take that as a maybe he changed his mind.”
“What about the receipt?”
It was kind of funny, because I've been so worried about a stupid receipt a month ago. I had obsessed over it and questioned it over and over again, but now I didn’t even care. I completely forgot about the receipt that had started everything. It just seemed like such a small problem, compared to the mountain of problems in front of me now. I wanted to go back to a month ago, when all I had to worry about was a receipt.
“I don't know. It could have been anything. I'm sure I'll find out what it is, but maybe I was all wrong about the whole proposal thing.”
“And if you're not?”
“Then I guess I have to cross that bridge when we get there, but I really think that I was just freaking out for no reason. We've been going together for three years, and we've never talked about it before. Almost never. I think we said something about it the first year we were together and we both agreed that marriage was built up to be more than it was.
“What does that even mean?”
“It means that marriage is just a piece of paper. That's how we both felt about it.”
“Is that how you feel about it now?”
I wanted to tell her that it was exactly how I felt about it, but I kept thinking about Scott. We were talking about Dominic, but here I was thinking about an ex-boyfriend from so long ago. It had been too long ago to still be clouding my judgment now. I was just making it harder on myself. It felt like it might be time to finally admit that she was not coming back. I had gotten her into my arms for one fleeting moment, but then it was just that, fleeting and now gone.
“I don't know what I feel anymore. I'm just going to go tonight and have a good time. I really don't think it's going to be anything more than Dom trying to be romantic. Maybe he'll wear that underwear that makes his penis look like an elephant trunk again. Who knows?”
That got a giggle on the other side of the phone and I couldn't help but join in with her. “Our first year together, that was my valentine’s surprise, and I can’t say that I didn’t thoroughly enjoy it.”
“Well whatever you do, you need to tell me how it goes, okay?”
“What are you doing?”
“I think me, and Scott were going to watch a movie and order Chinese. He is going to be my valentine this year.”
“Yeah?”
That was surprising and I wanted to ask more about it, but I held my tongue, knowing that it was the best thing I could do. I didn’t know they were going to be together, but I preferred him with Lisa, then with some random girl.
“Yeah, neither one of us have dates, so we figured we might as well.”
“I thought he always had a date?”
“He hasn’t been that way for a while, years almost. You have to get with the times.”
I agreed, thinking to myself that Scott had more than one secret hidden, and I was starting to wonder if I knew him as well as I thought I did.
Scott
I got to Lisa’s a little later than I expected, but the conversation with Dennis lasted a little longer than I thought it would. What had started out as a reprimand, had quickly turned into us getting a little tipsy and getting drunk and talking about his ex. The one that got away. I couldn't imagine after all this time still feeling that same way, but then again, I could. This is how I was going to be if I didn't get to see her again. I knew that.
So, when I got to Lisa’s, I'd probably had a bit more to drink than I should have. She didn't mind and opened a bottle of wine to get us started. It was Valentine’s day after all and since we weren't with the people we wanted to be with, we were committed to getting drunk together instead.
We were sitting down, and the movie started playing when she told me that she had just gotten off the phone with Blair. At first, I figured that she had a reason for bringing Blair up, but then I realize that she was one of us, the three musketeers and of course, we were going to talk about her. I was just feeling guilty and a little self-conscious about whatever went down between us.
If I was any other man, she certainly would have told Lisa by now what happened between us. I had to wonder if she did or not. Lisa wasn’t giving anything away, so I was left to wonder how much she knew.
“So, what was she getting into?”
“I don't know. I guess she was going out with Dominic tonight. But she sounded weird on the phone. You should've heard her.”
“What do you mean? How did she sound weird?”
She looked at me a little strangely for a minute and I realized I was being too anxious to hear about her. Even though it was all I wanted to hear about, I didn't want Lisa to know that I was too interested. I was only supposed to be interested as a friend, not a recent lover.
“I don't know exactly. She just sounded weird. She was kind of distant and I don't know… you know how she gets sometimes.”
I chuckled and I told her that we were never going to figure it out, if it came to her. Anything to get her to stop looking at me like she was at the moment. Like she knew.
“Have you talked to her recently?”
I shook my head and told her that I hadn't. I didn't like lying to Lisa, but even in the state I was in, I knew that I shouldn’t be saying anything about what happened today, to her. It would just make everything more complicated. More than that, I probably didn't want to hear what Lisa had to say. She never was one to hold back and she knew mine and Blair’s history.
“Well she has been talking about it for a month up to her birthday, that Dominic was going to ask her to marry him. You remember the receipt?”
I nodded that I did remember the receipt, but I personally didn’t want to talk about Dominic. I was sick of hearing that guy’s name.
“She made such a big deal about that receipt and when I asked her about it today, I think she actually had forgotten it all together.”
I was just kind of nodding and hoping that she would continue. It was like she was trying to say something without saying it, and I wasn’t any good at reading minds. I really had no idea what she was talking about.
“She forgot about the receipt?”
>
“I know, that is super weird right? Especially as much as she was obsessing about it. It's like she's not even worried about Dominic asking her anymore. Has she said anything to you?”
My knee-jerk reaction was to say that she hadn’t said anything to me. Deny. Deny. Deny.
But then I knew that getting defensive would only make Lisa more suspicious. I don't know what it was about her, but she knew me better than I knew myself and she had that look on her face. I was going to have to do a better job of not showing my emotions.
“No, she hasn't said anything to me about it. I kind of tune her out when she starts talking about Dominic anymore.”
“Well, I don’t get it. One minute, that's all she can worry about. It was literally all she talked about for a month, but now she doesn't even care? I think something happened. I just don’t know what.”
I perked up a little bit and ask her what she meant by that. I was just playing it down, like I had no idea what was going on. Inside I was dancing though. Something was happening between us and I wanted to believe that this was why Blair was acting different. I wanted to be that reason.
“I don't know what happened, but it was enough to get a three-year relationship and a marriage proposal out of her mind. Had to be something good.”
She had that expression on her face again and I just turned away like I was suddenly engrossed in the movie. I had watched it three times already. Lisa knew that and I could see her smile in my peripheral vision.
We sat like that for a while and I started to think that it was going to be fine. She wasn't going to be able to pull anything out of me and she wouldn't know anything. And I would have to explain myself and confront the fact that I slept with Blair only a couple of hours before. And then accept the fact that she was out right now with Dominic, doing God only knows what.
“So, what is it that you're not telling me Scott?”
“What do you mean?”
“You keep saying that. I think you know exactly what I mean.”
I could have told her a million different thing, but the truth was, I wanted to tell Lisa. We had all been friends for a very long time. She knew us when we were together beforehand. If anybody would have good advice on the subject, I knew it would be Lisa.
“We kissed on her birthday.”
The look on Lisa’s face widen, something like the Grinch and I knew then that I was glad I hadn’t started with the last bit that happened today. I think that her mind would have exploded.
“Oh my God! I have been waiting for this to happen for so long! You two idiots have been tiptoeing around this. What happened?”
She was firing questions at me like a bullet and the movie on the screen was long since forgotten. We were friends from long ago and now we would have never known each other. Our lives were so different, our circles would have never interlaced. But somehow Lisa was exactly who I needed to talk to about it. Dennis had been the worst person to talk to.
“So, what are you going to do?”
That was the question and I didn’t have an answer for.
“The hell if I know Lisa. You know I don't really think things through.”
“You should. Especially if you want to be with Blair. You know that she did a pro and con list on you many years ago. She probably has already done another one. Blair isn’t the type of woman that you can ‘wing-it’ with. You have to be ready like she is.
I snickered a little bit because I knew Lisa was right. I most likely had been the subject of several list, now and then. Taking her over lunch and then running off was the worst thing I could have done. Blair wants safety and consistency. Why would she pick me at the rate I was going?
Blair
After I had skipped out on Dominic for my birthday, I knew that I couldn't do it again for Valentine’s Day. I was going to have to face him, even though I knew it felt like it was going to be impossible. I don't know what I was going to say to him, and I was sure that he was going to take one look at me and in two seconds, know what I had done. I never did have a good poker face.
Dominic got there on time like always. He was always punctual, and I'd always appreciated that about him. Scott was the type of person who would come in thirty minutes late and give me a dirty look if I said anything about it.
The two men were so different and as soon as I got into the car, I started comparing the two in my mind. I was comparing them like I had a choice of one or the other and I knew that wasn't the case. I was going to lose one, because of the other and because of what I had done. I should have known better.
We went to a restaurant, one that we had been to many times before, but tonight felt different. Dominic kept looking over at me, judging my expression and my mood. I was being quiet, because I was afraid that I was just going to tumble out with the fact that I cheated on him. I had almost forgotten about what we were there to discuss when he brought it up.
“So, I want to talk about you and Scott.”
Right. That's what he wanted to talk about. That is what had started all of this and why I was supposed to meet with Scott. He was supposed to tell me what was said, but that never really happened like it was supposed to. We’d gotten sidetracked and he’d taken off before I could find anything out.
“What do you want to talk about Dominic? Like I told you before, me and Scott are just friends.”
“Yeah, but he made it seem like there was something more between the two of you in the past.”
“We dated.”
I was trying to keep it as short and sweet as I could. I wasn't a good liar and I didn't want to lie to Dominic, so it was easier just to answer directly instead of embellishing any at all.
“For how long?”
“It was off and on mainly.”
Once again, I was trying to answer the question, but just enough to keep it going. It wasn't enough though, he wanted more details.
“So how long was that?”
I didn't want to say it, but I finally told him that it was about six years.
He whistled and sat back a little bit in the chair. He was leaning back so much away from me, that I thought he might actually fall.
“That is a long fucking time, Blair. Why did you tell me about this before? You don’t think I would want to know?”
I was a bit shocked that he cursed at me, because he wasn't really one that used derogatory language that much. I was bringing it out in him, I knew that.
“Because it was a long time ago and we have been friends ever since. I didn't want you to ever suspect there was anything else going on, because there isn't. Were just friends.”
I have been saying that a lot lately, but what I had just done with him was not something that a person did with her friend. It certainly wasn't something that I did with Lisa.
It was a lot to take on and this was not the moment I wanted to do it. It was Valentine’s Day after all, and I didn't want to sit here and talk about Scott to Dominic. I was trying to forget about Scott, so a conversation about him with my current boyfriend, after what we did today, wasn’t something I was going to get behind. I just couldn’t.
“So, you didn't tell me, because you knew that I would not like it?”
“That is a simple way of saying it, but yes.”
I usually like to be blunt like he was, but right now I was not liking it at all. The last thing I needed was to rip the band aid off. I wanted to mainly beat around the bush a little bit. I really didn't want to talk about it at all.
“Not only did you date a long time, but he was your first, correct?”
For everything that I thought he was going to say I wasn't expecting that. I couldn’t imagine Scott telling Dominic something like that, but I knew that he had to of. It was the only way that Dominic would have found out in the first place.
“What?”
“He told me that he was your first.”
I know I was shocked, and my mouth was probably opened like I was an idiot, but I couldn't believe that he would say so
mething like that. Why would he tell Dominic something like that? That would have been something that I would have liked to have gotten a heads up on.
“He told you that?”
“And you’re not denying it. Why can't you just answer the question Blair?”
“Yes. He was my first. We dated a long-time, starting in high school, and we dated until the end of the first-year college.”
I know that I was probably looking shocked, but it was mirrored in the man sitting across from me. While he had known about it, I guess he thought that I was going to tell him that Scott was wrong. From the look on his face, I would imagine that he surely wanted that to be so.
“I never would have seen you and Scott together. I just can't picture it.”
“That's because it was a long time ago, we were completely different people now.”
Dominic shook his head, but I could tell that he was still reeling inside with the news. I would be too, if he told me something like that. Dominic didn't even have any female friends, so it was hard for me to imagine how I would feel if one day I found out that she had taken his virginity away. There was a connection there that was hard to deny and impossible to escape.
“I can't believe this Blair.”
“I'm sorry you found out this way Dominic. I'm sorry that he said that to you. I don't know what he was thinking or why he would say something like that. It wasn’t for any good, obviously.”
Dominic shifted in the seat and he had the barest grin on his face. It wasn’t a true one though. The rest of him told me that he was not happy at all. His arms were folded against his chest, biceps flexed as he shook his head a little in amazement. Like I just didn’t get it.
“Do you really not know why? Are you really that blind to everyone around you Blair? I’ve seen it before when we are out and about, but how can you no see the way he fawns over you, how everyone fawns over you everywhere we go?”
