by Wood, Lauren
“We can go somewhere else, if you want to get something stiffer.”
If we were going to have this conversation, I had a feeling that it would be better if there was a little alcohol involved, but Blair told me that she was fine and that she didn't want anything.
“So, what do you get here, water?”
“No, they have an herbal tea that's really good and that'll be fine.”
“Drinking hot tea now?”
“Don't look so surprised. It’s supposed to be really good for you.”
“Yeah, but when has that ever mattered?”
I thought it was a comment that she would understand, and she would just smile back at me, because I was just joking, but she then got a little bit too serious. Something I had said, trigger the expression on her face and I had to wonder what that momentary lapse was for.
“It just matters now Scott. That's all. I am trying to be more conscious of what goes into my body.”
“Okay, well let's go get you some tea then.”
I walked into the coffee shop and we were both blasted with anything strong smell of fresh ground coffee beans. I could tell why she liked to be here, especially since she had given up her most precious brew. That was something I never thought she would do. In such a short time, it seemed like she had changed a lot.
She ordered her tea and I ordered the same, just curious what she was drinking now, anything to feel connected to her again.
It wasn’t good as I imagined it would be. She laughed at me when I made a face on my first sip and I was happy to see that she was starting to relax enough to take off her coat. She stood up to hang it on the back of her and I stopped misstep. I couldn't believe what I was saying.
“Blair are you pregnant?”
Blair
I was cursing myself now, because I had completely forgotten that I wanted to keep the coat on. I was starting to show now, and there was nothing I could say. This was a situation I knew was going to happen, but I wasn’t ready for it. Not even now.
When I met at his gaze, there was a bit of shock and suspicion there. I'm sure that he was doing the math, just like I had done when I’d found out I was pregnant. Me and Dominic were living together now, and thing were going pretty well, but I still had to wonder. The time matched to around Valentine's Day lunch. It was a day that changed everything, and I had a feeling that it changed even more.
“Yes. I found out a little while ago.”
“How far along are you?”
“Few months.”
“Is it...?”
I didn't want to say one way or another if it was or not. The truth was, I really didn't know and that was bad enough. I didn't know what to say to him because I had promised Dominic that we wouldn’t speak anymore. If I started talking to Scott again, it was going to cause problems. If he found out about Scott, Dominic would want to break up and I wasn’t ready for that yet. I was confused and now I was being pressed for answers that I simply didn’t have. I don’t know what the heck I was doing most days now.
“I don't know Scott.”
“When were you going to tell me?”
“I don't know. I would have eventually, but I didn't figure there was a point now. It will be months until we find anything out and I didn't want to stress out the situation more than it already is. Why stress about something that we can't figure out till later anyways?”
It was a good idea to me, but it didn't look like he was too pleased to hear it. I have to admit that there was a very small part of me that was happy he found out. I didn't want it to happen this way and I wanted a little more time to prepare, but now it was out there, and I didn't have to worry about it as much.
“So, what are we supposed to do about this?”
“There is nothing to do Scott. Like I said, there is a very small chance that it is yours and we can do a paternity test after the baby is born. I am with Dominic and you are with, God only knows who. We can talk later when the baby comes and there's actually something that can be done. Okay?”
I really wanted him to say that it was okay.
“Are you happy with him?”
All of the things I thought he would ask, that wasn't one of them. I don't know why, but I was a little confused to hear it.
“Yes.”
“Happier than you would be with me?”
“I was happy with you Scott. But like I said many times before, it was a long time ago. Things have changed and we have changed. Dominic is good for me.”
He was closer and put his hand on me. I knew what he was trying to do and even with that knowledge, I could still feel the electricity from me to him.
“Don't Dominic.”
“I just wish you could understand how I feel about you Blair. Now that you’re carrying my baby with him. I don't know what to say.”
“That is why I wasn't going to tell you until it was time, Scott. You know that I wouldn’t keep this from you, but I didn't want it to me the wrong time. And you don’t know if this is your baby or not.”
“Is there a right time?”
“I guess there isn't. I would have picked a better time than this though.”
“So now what?”
He kept asking that and I really didn't have an answer for him. There was nothing that could be done and every time I was around him, I ended up doing something that I regretted. I didn't want to keep doing that.
So, I pulled my hand away because it felt strange in his. I know that Dominic wasn't around, but there was still a large amount of guilt associated with Scott. Because of what I had allowed to happen.
“We do nothing Scott. We wait till the baby is born and then we go from there. I don't want to make it any more complicated than it has to be. All the doctors are telling me that I need to keep the stressed out at all cost.”
“And I’m stress?”
I shrugged and let him answer his own question. Of course, he was stress. He was walking, talking stress that I couldn’t get away from.
“This isn't fair Blair and you know it. The only reason that I keep coming here is because I can't believe that I lost one of my best friends this way.”
“This is what has to happen because you told Dominic about our past. Some things should just be kept there and forgotten about.”
I wasn’t just talking about what had happened in the past, but what happened a few months ago as well. I still was trying to figure out what that was, but I knew the best thing to do for both of us, was to forget that it ever happened.
“Is there really no other way?”
His hand was on mine again and he was leaning towards me. I was thankful for the table in between us, because I don't know what it was I would have done. He wanted to touch me and that was the last thing that I needed to be subjected to. A touch from Scott always meant more than it was supposed to. I wasn't going to be able to fight it.
I sipped the tea that we had bought, and it had taken so long to get any of it, that it was already starting to get cold. I should have known the first time that I saw him outside of this place, that I should just find a new place to go. But of course, this was the only local area that I could find tea that I liked. This is what I told myself anyways. Maybe in fact, I just wanted to run into Scott again. Whatever the reasoning was, I was regretting it now because the meeting was not going as planned. I had wanted to see him so badly, that I had forgotten the reason why I’d taken off in the first place.
“Blair do you really expect me to walk out of here and never see you again? After all these years, do you seriously expect that from me? Knowing that you might be carrying my child? How can you ask that of me?”
“I expect you to do what I ask. This is my life after all and if I don't want to see you, I shouldn’t have to. I've made the decision and I chose Dominic.”
“And what if the baby is mine?”
The question made my heart clench, because there was no answer for that. I didn't even really want to think about it, because I knew that Scott was dangerous. Domini
c cheated on me and did quite a few things that hurt my feelings, but at the end of the day, he really couldn't hurt me. I didn't love him enough to be hurt by him. Scott was different. His betrayal had cut deep.
“We will cross that bridge when we get there.”
Scott
I was never one to have much patience. But I was learning. I really didn't have a choice. Being with Blair, or even trying to be with Blair, meant that I spent a lot of time waiting. For six months, I had been waiting to find out if the one time we were together was going to trump all the times that Blair was with Dominic. It didn't seem possible, but I had somehow found a way to wait it out. Hoping that something great was going to happen.
When I finally got the call, it wasn’t from Blair. We had talked a couple of weeks after the baby was born and she gave me an address for a lab, where they were going to be doing the testing. I gave my sample and now I’d been waiting for several days for it. It was one of the technicians on the phone when I finally answered.
There was a little science talk that I didn't understand in the beginning, but it quickly became something that I understood rather well. The baby was mine. I now had a daughter. She was mine.
After I got off the phone with the testing company, I blew out a breath loudly. I swear I’d been holding it since Valentine’s Day. I don't know what this meant, but before I could really think about it, I called Blair. There was no other reason to keep me away anymore.
“Blair, it's good to hear your voice.”
“Did you get a call from the testing people?”
“Yeah, they called me about twenty minutes ago.”
“So, I take it you've gotten the news?”
She said it in a way that made it crystal clear that Blair was not happy about the change of events. Since she was still with Dominic, I had to imagine that she had not told him much of anything. I doubt very seriously that she had told him about our affair.
“I think it is time that we made up and have a conversation Blair.”
“You're right. I know you're right, but can you at least give me a day? I have a whole lot that I need to talk to Dominic about. I really need some time to do it. I owe him that much.”
“You can't keep putting this off Blair. You have been putting me off for months now. This is going to happen.”
I don't know where I got all of this sureness all of a sudden, but I did know that I was sick of playing these games with her. She was going to be mine and now there was just one more reason on my pros list. We had a baby together and I was ready to meet her. I was also ready to bring her mother back under my spell.
“I don't want to prolong it anymore.”
“Well I guess I do, but seriously only one day. We will meet up tomorrow and you can meet Renee.”
“Are you sure you don't want me to be there with you when you tell Dominic?”
I was trying to put myself in his position and even though I never had like the guy, I certainly felt bad for him. He was going to come home from work today and think that everything was fine. I was very quickly going to change because of our affair. Their whole world was going to be altered forever. I knew that it was all my fault, but I couldn't truly feel guilty about it. Not when it meant that I was going to get her in the end. She was all that mattered.
“No, I don't need you to be there. Dominic is going to get upset, but it's not like he's going to do anything. You'll see, it'll be fine.”
It sounded like the final words in a horror film, like when the actress said that she'd be right back. And that moment, I didn't want her to say that because it didn't feel like it was going to be fine. My gut told me that it was going to be anything but fine.
“Well once he is out of the way tomorrow, give me a call.”
I was already bubbling up with excitement, because I knew that I was finally going to get what I wanted. I have been wanting her for a long time now and it was finally going to happen. All because of one very special Valentine lunch.
“I don't know what you're thinking Scott, but just because I have to tell Dominic that your Renee’s father, it doesn't mean that we're going to get together.”
I felt my insides deflating and I just pushed it out of my mind, telling myself that it was something she was just saying. She obviously didn't mean it.
“I know Blair, but you have to admit that this just makes us even more destined to be together. We have a baby together now, a family.”
She waved me off with a disparaging sound and told me that she would talk to me tomorrow. I got off the phone, not really sure how to feel, but I knew that it was finally moving in the right direction. If the baby hadn't been mine, I know that any chances that I might have had with her would have been gone. Then I wouldn’t be wrecking a relationship, but a whole family and I'm not sure if I would've been able to do it.
But now, Blair was finally going to be mine…
Tomorrow.
Blair
The scene that played out later that night was a mess. I knew that it would be. How could it be anything but? Dominic was pissed off, hurt, confused and I felt horrible. I had told him something about it when I was about six months pregnant. I hadn’t been able to keep it in any longer, but he’d stood by me.
He wanted to stand by me now, but I knew that it was the wrong thing to do. I don’t know if I thought about Scott when I told Dominic that we were going to leave. I just said it. It came up, rolling over my tongue with a quickness that I wasn’t able to stop. I wanted to, really, I did. Everything with Dominic was perfect. He was generous and nice, sweet to Renee, knowing the possibilities. He stood by my side through it all, but in the end, it was all for nothing. I should have tried to work it out, but there was one tiny thing missing. The tiniest of things really.
I didn’t love Dominic. As much as I wanted to, I just couldn’t.
So, I packed up a couple of bags for me and my daughter and went to my parent’s house. It wasn’t a move I wanted to make, but for the time being, it was the best option.
Renee was still sleeping a lot, so that was helpful in the move, but I was broken inside from the decision I’d just made.
The next morning, I woke up with a feeling of hope and dread. It was a strange mixture and I knew that it would go one way or another very quickly. I don’t know how this was all going to work out. I didn’t know what to think or how to feel. I’d promised him that I would go see him though. That much I had to do.
Instead of anticipating it all day, dreading it really, I decided that I would just call him around noon and see if he wanted to meet for lunch. It was a good time; the places would be so full if we went later.
When I called him, he was willing to meet me and I was able to take some time and prepare myself to see him, while Renee slept peacefully. I’d wished more than once since bringing her into the world, that I could ever be as peaceful as she was. Her whole world was about to change, and she didn’t even know it. Right now, it was just peace and I wanted that so badly.
Instead I was so damn nervous that my hands were shaking, and I was unable to truly pull myself together. I had so many scenarios that were running through my mind. They were the same ones that I’d been thinking about for a long time, and now it was all coming to fruition. I didn’t know how to feel about all of it. I just knew that I was freaked out.
About the time that I was supposed to leave to meet up with Scott, Renee woke up and she wasn’t happy at all. I had to call Scott and tell him that I was going to be late. He didn’t want to wait and instead, decided that he was going to come over.
“I’m staying with my parents now.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, I moved out of Dominic’s a little while ago.”
“I’m sorry to hear that Blair.”
“No, you’re not.”
“No, I’m not. I will be there in a little while. Are you above the garage?”
I stopped for a minute and sighed to myself. He knew everything about me, and I was again r
eminded how close we had once been. Scott was right when he said that it was hard to walk away. I missed my friend as well and now there was so much more between us. It was hard to fathom how this was going to work.
“Yeah, that’s where I am. I will see you in a bit.”
I got off of the phone and rocked our daughter against my chest. I knew that the news of this would rock our little world, I just didn’t know that it would be like this. Now it was feeling like it was falling in place, instead of falling into pieces. It could just be hope creeping back again though.
I waited and rocked for a little while and I heard the door opening in the front room. I was staying in the converted space above the garage. It was a place that we knew well, because he would sneak up here and we used to meet here long ago. It used to be our place. What was it going to be now?
“I’m in here.”
I hollered through the house to let him know where I was. I tried to steel myself for seeing him again, but it did me no good. I immediately drank him in, and I couldn’t get enough of him.
His eyes were darker, his hair was longer, and there was this raw need in his face. He looked like a man that hadn’t eaten for several months and I wondered if the look was because of me.
“I can’t believe you are finally here. I have waited so long for you.”
He came up to me, kneeling down and kissing me on my forehead, before kissing my lips. It was quick, passionate and gone. He was pulling back and staring down at Renee. It was his first time seeing her and he was transfixed, just like I was the first time I saw her.
“She has my hair and your eyes. Quite a combination.”
“We always were.”
Shit. Here he goes.
Scott
Now that I was here, Blair in front of me, our baby in her arms, I knew exactly what had to happen. Whatever the cost, I had to convince her that we were meant to be together. It was just that simple. I wasn’t going to spend another night without her next to me. I refused.
