Again: A Young Adult Romance

by Rashmita Bhattacharjee

  “That’s . . . That’s, uh, great, Crystal. I’m happy for you.” I smile although such a simple act as smiling feels like the hardest feat right now.

  “And he told me that you’re the one who played cupid. It means a lot to me, Eleanor. Thank you!” She hugs me again.

  “You’re welcome, Crystal,” I say, struggling to keep my voice from breaking in pain.

  “I’ll keep you updated!” she says cheerfully. “I think I owe you that. See ya!”

  I drag my feet to class with a heart that seems to get heavier by the second. It’s gonna be very difficult, I always knew. But it’s for the best. And hopefully, time will someday make every inch of my being understand that.

  I’m glad Devon’s not in any of my morning classes that day. I try to keep him out of my head as much as possible. I don’t cross paths with him in the hallways either. Good. On a second note, Luke has skipped school today. No wonder. He’s like the crown prince who has fallen into a pit of utter disgrace. The whole school now knows what a big fake he has been all this time. I’m not being bothered with bitchy comments anymore. Everyone probably pities me now after the whole incident with the test papers yesterday. So yeah, it feels good to not find any awful sticky notes on my locker for a change.

  I make my way to the library during free period to write an English essay and unfortunately come across Devon in between the bookshelves.

  “Bonjour, mademoiselle,” Devon greets me in French with a tilted smile, as he puts the book he was reading back on the shelf.

  “Heard from Crystal this morning,” I speak solemnly. “I’m glad that you’re moving on.”

  “Who says I’m moving on?” he scoffs, walking towards me. “You should know better. I’m just killing time with this girl you threw on me while I wait for you to get jealous and snap,” he adds bluntly.

  “What?!” I splutter in horror and disbelief. Just the thing I’d feared. But it was even more terrible to hear him say that out loud.

  “Of course! This is the game I was talking about yesterday, remember? It’s a lot of fun.” He smirks. “I’ll be honest with you. I stole this plan from some cliché bad boy novel I happen to come across here in this very library somewhere. I don’t remember which bookshelf though.”

  I roll my eyes in annoyance. “First, there are no cliché bad boy novels in this library. And second, I’m out of here.”

  I turn around but Devon grabs my wrist from behind and pulls me towards him. His hands snake around my waist, and I melt in his heat as he presses his body against mine. Our faces get so close that it’s hard not to think of kissing him. But I have to fight myself.

  “Josh and I are seeing each other,” I blurt out the very first thing that crosses my muddled brain.

  “Liar, liar Sanchez on fire.” Devon’s gaze darkens with desire, looking at my face.

  “I’m tell―”

  I couldn’t finish as Devon claims my lips for a hard, unapologetic kiss. And I stand no chance at resisting his allure. Not when he knows very well how to use his mouth to make me crave for him. I hold on to his strong biceps as we kiss each other with vigor. My knees buckle in pleasure when he slips a hand under my shirt. And slowly I feel a tinge of wetness spread between my legs feeling him tease the hook of my bra.

  Devon lets go off my lips and pushes me against a bookshelf to nuzzle my shoulders with his enticing kisses.

  God.

  Church.

  Anything holy and less sinful than this.

  I’m such a breathless piece of mess right now. I feel disheveled and limp with arousal. All I can do is caress his amazing hair as he bites my neck in all the sensitive spots, making me want to moan his name.

  But it’s the library. No one is around yet though, but it won’t take long for someone to find us so high like this. Heck, that’s not even the reason why I shouldn’t be with him.

  “Devon, stop…” I croak but he doesn’t listen.

  I will my hands to hold his face and make him look up at me. “You cannot do this to Crystal,” I breathe heavily. “She really likes you.”

  “Fun Fact, Eleanor. She is on her way to the library,” he slurs, staring at me with dark hooded eyes. “How amazing would it be if she finds us making out?”

  I freeze. “No! That will hurt her so bad!”

  “Last time I checked, that was exactly my basic rule for your twisted game.” Devon smirks without flinching. But then his expression turns hostile. “You can still protect her, Eleanor. It’s not too late to call it quits. Let’s keep this between you and me. We don’t need to damage a third wheel for nothing.”

  “This is not a game, Devon. Not for me,” I counter sharply. “I want to forget you. I wish you’re able to see that soon.”

  And I walk away from there, struggling to tame my pounding heart.

  I cannot help but think about Crystal and feel guilty for having made out with Devon.

  Although I avoid him in English class last period, I can’t stop feeling distressed about everything that happened back in the library.

  That evening, I set out to have a walk down the neighborhood, hoping the cool breeze and the rustling leaves would help calm my nerves. It doesn’t help though ‘cause I feel so bogged down with every dreadful thought that keeps on popping up in my mind one after the other,

  Maybe it was a bad idea to get Crystal into the picture. I don’t want one more person to end up getting hurt because of me. But I had to do something to end it with Devon. I couldn’t go on knowing that we were not good for each other. I guess I was just being irrationally optimistic. I should have known better that this would backfire faster than I could count to ten.

  I exhale a deep breath and stuff my hands into my aquamarine sweatshirt dress. I stop in my tracks when I happen to spot Devon and Crystal on the other side of the street having a great time over coffee at The Mug.

  I totally forgot about Crystal telling me about their second date. Or did I?

  It doesn’t look like Devon is putting up an act. His laugh seems so genuine. I hope it is ‘cause Crystal looks hopelessly mesmerized. I know the feeling. I used to have it every time I was with him. I just wish for a miracle here. I hope Devon stops thinking of it as a game and really moves on. I hope he realizes that I’m not worth it. I hope that he does, and I don’t have to tell him that I don’t deserve him.

  I turn my forlorn gaze to the lane ahead and start to walk again with pain bridling my heart as the bright golden sun starts to sink into the horizon behind me.

  ***

  Later that day, after I finish doing homework at my study desk, I get a call from Crystal.

  “Okay, so I’m like playing One Direction songs loudly in my bedroom and I’m dancing on the bed ‘cause I had like the best second date ever with Devon,” she chirps from the other end.

  “Wow, that’s really nice,” I say, meaning it even though I don’t feel good.

  “I feel like things are moving way too fast with him but somehow it doesn’t bother me,” she continues. “I feel like it’s the right thing, that it’s really gonna work out. And you know what? He asked me out to this farmhouse party that’s happening this weekend!”

  “That’s amazing, and I really want it to work out for you two.” I nod trying to steady my breathing.

  After Crystal hangs up, I feel grim. I really hope Devon feels the same way.

  While I’m still brooding over the matter, my phone buzzes again. My heart misses a beat. It’s Devon.

  I don’t answer. He rings again. I don’t answer. And then, there’s a text from him, which I read. And the very next moment, I wish I hadn’t.

  ‘I just texted Crystal that I’m thinking about her but all I can think is taking your shirt off and kissing you again, Eleanor.’

  Chapter Nineteen

  I’d expected the worst to happen after that text but believe it or not, nothing happened. Not even one bit. It’s been five straight days, and let’s just say Devon and I don’t talk anymore. He has st
arted to leave me alone completely. He is going steady with Crystal. And seeing them together, I think that they did find the connection I was hoping they would. I think she has really got Devon interested in her now. And maybe it’s not a game for him anymore. Crystal has become real for him.

  Maybe Devon is starting to move on. I really hope I’m right.

  And how do I feel about this change that has set in? How am I dealing with him not being around anymore and not touching me anymore?

  I won’t talk about it ‘cause it really doesn’t matter. What matters is that he is not with me and that’s the best thing that happened to him.

  And I will keep my distance this time no matter how hard it gets.

  It’s weekend now. And I’m at this farmhouse party with Josh. I’m wearing a black off shoulder cocktail dress paired with wedges and my wavy hair cascades along my back. It’s the typical party scene here—the blinking red and blue lights, the music, the sweaty dancing bodies, the underage boozing and the going crazy, the puking, the passing out on the couch, and the whole groping each other weirdly and making out in the corners.

  And you thought suburban life in a neighborhood such as ours would be different. Well, think again.

  I’m not much for partying but I came to prove a point. Devon is expected to be here too. And I want to show him that I’ve totally moved on. That is if he even cares about that bit of detail.

  “Still can’t believe you lied to Parker that we’re dating,” Josh remarks incredulously, sipping from a red cup. “The guy intimidates me, and I love my life!”

  I roll my eyes. “I don’t know how to break this to you but you’re still pretty much alive without a scratch,” I drawl, “which means that Devon doesn’t care if you’re dating me or Frankenstein.”

  Josh scowls. “I mean no disrespect but whoever goes up against Devon Parker sure goes down.”

  “Stop shipping Devon Parker with Devon Parker.” I narrow my eyes on him.

  “You don’t unders―” he started to say before something caught his eye. “Check that out.”

  I follow Josh’s line of vision and see that Devon has walked in with Crystal. She is wearing a red dress and they…they are holding hands. It instantly feels like someone has drilled a lot of holes in my chest only to fill them with agony.

  I look away. But for some reason I can’t for long. So I see Devon going off to get some drinks for the two of them while Crystal makes her way over to me.

  “You’re looking hot, E,” Crystal compliments me with a huge smile.

  “You’re looking red hot too, C,” I greet, putting up a fake smile which looks very genuine.

  “Thank you! Devon told me I look beautiful.” She flushes. “And I am so happy he likes me in red because that’s his favorite color!”

  “Is it?” I struggle to breathe, let alone keep up the fake smile.

  “And guess what just happened when Devon came over to pick me up for the party. He literally went down on one knee and asked me to be his girlfriend!” She gushes dreamily. “And I said yes. Like I just couldn’t say no to that. I never intended to anyway.”

  I go numb hearing that. I can’t help but remember the time when Devon went down on one knee and asked me out on his birthday. A fresh wave of pain slices deep into my heart, as I realized how everything has changed.

  Luckily Crystal doesn’t notice my face turn pale. “So basically, I’m Ginny Weasley to him, and he is Harry Potter to me.” She giggles.

  “Yeah, and I’m Dumbledore to everybody,” Josh drawls.

  Crystal gives him a look. “You know I would very much like to stay back and debate with you on that if my boyfriend wasn’t waiting for me. So I’m gonna go.” Turning to me she adds cheerfully, “Bye, Eleanor.”

  “Hey…are you okay?” Josh asks me anxiously after Crystal left.

  “Yeah, I’m good, thanks,” I respond, trying to smile again. “Told you it will work out,” I add, looking over at Devon and Crystal who look really happy in each other’s company.

  “Yeah, I guess…”

  Crystal pulls Devon to dance with her. I feel a lump in my throat watching him kiss the back of her hand before her arms go around his neck while his snakes around her waist as they dance close.

  I look away, fighting every tear that starts to well up in my eyes.

  “You know what? I can’t believe Parker’s moved on from you,” Josh says grimly. “We need to do the Jealousy Test. Come on.” He grabs my hand and hustles me to the dance floor.

  “Whatever happened to you being scared of Devon?” I ask in amusement as we start to dance.

  “All I know right now is that my best friend is hurting bad,” he responds. Just when I thought this was the first ever serious statement of his life, he looks away to look at something else.

  “So, you’re planning to look at that girl’s ass to make Devon jealous of you being with me?” I raise a brow at him.

  Josh gives me a sheepish look. “I’m sorry.”

  But after a while, it feels as though Devon has passed the Jealousy Test, and it is I who fail it.

  “Man, Parker didn’t even look at us for once. He’s so into this Crystal,” Josh mutters in dismay. “I’m so sorry, Eleanor…I really am,” he adds as we get back to where we were stood earlier.

  Seeing Devon and Crystal as a couple isn’t even the worst part. Because the worst part is I don’t know what it will take for me to fix the mess in my heart. I don’t know if I even have it in me to do that at all. I wanted them to be together and I’m glad it happened. Guess I just wasn’t prepared like I thought I was to watch Devon and me end. But then this pain. This depthless void. This is what I deserve. So this is what I get.

  “I’m gonna go home,” I state with a deep breath. “Thanks for all your help, Josh. Really appreciate it.”

  He wants to drop me home but I refuse. I start to walk over to the exit. But as I reach it, I feel like looking back at Devon one last time. So I do that.

  And I see Devon and Crystal kissing. They are kissing. I curl my hands into fists at my sides but it doesn’t help. Instincts take over me. And the next thing I know, I march towards them, grab Devon by the hand, dragging him out with me.

  It’s only then that I realize what I just did. Feels like a thunderbolt hit me square on the face. I let go of his hand and stride ahead to stand next to the fountain that sparkles under the moonlight.

  Oh No. No!

  What did I just do? I promised I’d keep my distance no matter how hard it gets. Damn!

  “Long story short, you got all jelly and snapped in exactly six days.” I hear Devon’s cheeky voice from behind. “FYI, I’m a human not a mannequin in case if you’re planning to throw more girls at me.”

  I inhale deeply wrapping my arms around myself. “You should go back in there, Devon,” I say quietly.

  “Really, Eleanor?” he chuckles in amusement. “Do you really want me to do that?”

  I can’t answer that in any way. The line between right and wrong blurs in my head and finally fades away in a matter of seconds. I succumb to the deep adrenaline rush and retrace my steps back to him.

  And I kiss him. Raw. Intense. Insane.

  He responds like a raging ball of fire—reckless, unstoppable, like a blaze meant to diminish my every breath to ashes. God I missed him. I missed him so damn much. I pull him further against me if that seems plausible. His feel. His smell. His taste. His dark vibe. Everything pushes me beyond the realms of craziness. His long fingers tangle deep into my hair causing a furor of temptation in every pore of my being.

  I can’t decide exactly why it is so hard for me to resist him. Is it pure lust? Is it hot mindless passion? Or the fact that he is a forbidden sin in the midst of a grueling tempest.

  “Eleanor.”

  That sudden voice brings me on page with reality, and I pull away from Devon at once.

  “I’m so sorry, Crystal…” I gulp, expecting the worst when I see her. “I’m really sorry,” I repeat
as guilt replaces the adrenaline in me.

  I don’t know what happened. But did she just break into a…smile?

  Yeah, she is smiling. Why?

  Wait, was the whole thing a set up?

  “You don’t have to be sorry, E. I think I should skip school and be a Hollywood actress,” she muses, confirming my doubts.

  “I saw Devon unable to take his eyes of you at the school ball,” the redhead continues. “A week ago it wasn’t a dinner date; it was just Devon approaching me to play a stupid cupid role. After that, whatever you saw was just terrific actors putting up an Oscar worthy show. I’m sorry for all the lies I told you, E, including the biggest one today. I was following Devon’s script to the T.”

  “But you really like him, don’t you?” I ask anxiously.

  “Yeah, I do. And I also like One Direction and Zayn Malik. But sadly that wouldn’t give me five husbands in the future.” She sighs. “So yeah, I’m cool.”

  O…kay.

  “Thanks for the help, Crystal.” Devon snickers.

  “Thanks for the kiss, Devon.” She laughs and goes back to the party.

  “I’m sorry that I kissed her,” he apologizes. “I didn’t mean to. But you left me with no other choice. I couldn’t stand you walking away.”

  “You played me!” I accuse him.

  “Yeah, just like you did,” Devon retorts.

  I look away, feeling angry and frustrated.

  “What are you gonna do now, Eleanor?” he challenges.

  “I’m gonna go home, Devon,” I counter, starting to leave.

  “And think of something else to push me away?” he ridicules bitterly, getting in my way. “Why don’t you understand that you will never be able to do that, not with that heart of yours that wants me. I know it. You’ll keep coming back to me, Eleanor. Just like you always have. Over and over again.”

  “I won’t,” I look him, my eyes flashing. “I should have stayed home today ‘cause you’re nothing more than an out of sight out of mind situation for me!”