After Always (Always Series Book 5)

by Lindsay Becs

  After Always

  Book Five

  Lindsay Becs

  Contents

  Playlist

  Important Note

  Prologue

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  Chapter 13

  Chapter 14

  Chapter 15

  Chapter 16

  Chapter 17

  Chapter 18

  Chapter 19

  Chapter 20

  Chapter 21

  Epilogue

  Tilly’s Signature Cookies

  Special Notes & Thanks

  About the Author

  Other Books by Lindsay

  Copyright ©2019 Lindsay Becs

  All rights reserved

  No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system without prior written consent of the author except for the use of brief quotation in a book review.

  The characters and events depicted in this book are fictitious. Any similarity to real persons, living or dead, is coincidental and not intended by the author.

  Cover Design and Formatting: AB Formatting

  Editing: Tricia Harden

  Proofreading: Mercedez Velez

  To those who have loved and lost.

  To those who have found love more than once.

  To Always and Forevers.

  For first loves lost and second loves found.

  Each are loved into their own eternity.

  Playlist

  Perfect- Ed Sheeran

  See You Again- Wiz Khalifa ft. Charlie Puth

  Somewhere Over the Rainbow- Israel Kamakawiwo’ole

  Close to Me- Ellie Goulding, Diplo, Swae Lee

  Love Someone- Lukas Graham

  In My Blood- Shawn Mendes

  Need You Now- Lady Antebellum

  Good Old Days- Macklemore ft. Kesha

  Consequences- Camila Cabello

  Head Above Water- Avril Lavigne

  Whatever You Want- P!nk

  Don’t Say You Love Me- Fifth Harmony

  Let You Love Me- Rita Ora

  Give Me Love- Ed Sheeran

  Set Me On Fire- Bella Ferraro

  Important Note

  After Always is the fifth book in the Always Series and a standalone in itself. After Always follows Always You, which is the fourth book in the series.

  Although you don’t have to have read Always (Always Series: Book One), I highly recommend that you stop and read it first before you continue on with After Always. Even if you don’t want to read the three middle books of this series, please read Always first to fully understand and embrace these characters and this story.

  There are spoilers in this book and I’d hate to ruin the experience for you.

  Thank you so much for taking the time to read this series.

  <3 Lindsay

  Prologue

  Travis

  I knew I met the woman of my dreams, the love of my life, when I was sixteen. Only problem was that she was married and my best friend’s mom. Yeah, I’m that guy.

  Most people looked down at us, thought we were crazy, disturbed, gross, evil. That she should have been the adult and not ‘taken advantage of me.’ I mean, I grew up having sleepovers at her house with her son, right?

  What most people didn’t understand was that because of her guilty conscience and fight against all of my advances toward her, we lost two years together. Two years that I wish like hell we’d had. Our time together was too short. Although, even a lifetime with Josie wouldn’t have been enough.

  Now, don’t get me wrong; I wasn’t trying to send her cute ass to jail. I waited until I was going on nineteen to make my move on her. She still pushed me away. Tore my fucking heart out time and time again.

  Until she didn’t anymore.

  That day was equally the best and worst day of my life. I found out she had cancer from Ollie, my best friend and her son, when he showed up at my door. And when he left, I ran to her as fast as I could because I couldn’t imagine another day without her in it.

  Cancer was a blessing and a curse because she stopped fighting us. Instead, she leapt with me. She fought breast cancer like a damn superhero. Beat it, too.

  Her stubborn ass wouldn’t agree to marry me until she was cancer free, so I waited. But once that day came, I put a ring on it and married my girl. Not long after, she gave me the best gift, our lucky Penny, my LP.

  Only problem was that the cancer came back and took her beautiful soul too soon. We had three years of wedded bliss before heaven got a new angel. I was left with a fiery little girl to raise while my heart became ash, crushed from losing my love.

  Life wasn’t as vibrant anymore. Nothing sparked. I didn’t care about much other than my daughter, and even with her, I knew I failed more than I did right most days.

  I gave up. I didn’t want to feel what Josie had given me only to have it ripped away again. I let work at my garage consume me. Pretty Girl Garage was named by Josie’s kids, Ollie and Tatum, as a gift after the nickname I had for her. I worked and took care of Penny, and that was all I needed. That was enough.

  At least I thought it was.

  Other people might not have understood us, but to us, we were perfectly in love.

  And I will love her my whole life.

  Always.

  Chapter 1

  Travis

  First Days After Josie

  She’s gone.

  “Dance with me, baby,” she says, looking up at me with those damn blue eyes. The ones that I’ve swum in since I was sixteen, drowned in every night for the last almost six years with her by my side.

  I pull her into me, holding her tight against my chest, partly to keep her warm and partly because I never want to let go. My nose goes into her hair, and I inhale all that is Josie, the smell of lavender and honey invading my senses. Her warmth surrounds me, and I can’t imagine my life without it. It’s what keeps me whole, grounded.

  We start to slowly sway together as one, in harmony as our bodies move. They always flow together, made for one another, a perfect fit.

  I tilt her head up and look down at her, taking in every inch of her face. When I can’t wait any longer, I take her mouth with mine, kissing her lips deep and soft. I want to memorize what every part of her kisses feel like, every swipe of her tongue with mine, every taste of her lips and mouth.

  In the blink of an eye, all the promises to be there, that it was always us, vanished.

  I’m so deep in Josie, I don’t even feel it coming when the emotions that I’ve held back for months take over me. I rest my forehead on hers, and a sob rips through me, through my heart. I slide to my knees, my head against her stomach as I cry for the impending loss of the only woman I’ve ever loved and wanted.

  Her fingers rake through my hair. “Shhh… It’s OK, baby. It’s OK.”

  “I don’t know how to live without you.”

  “But you will. You’ll go on and have a beautiful life.”

  “How can I have a beautiful life when you’re the reason my life is beautiful?”

  The family we made together torn apart.

  “Because I’m leaving you with our lucky Penny.”

  “I can’t do this without you, Josie. I don’t know how. I need you. I need you so much,” I continue to sob, holding her tighter and tighter against
me, afraid to let go.

  The love we shared and craved from one another, crushed.

  She bends down to meet me on my knees. “Travis, don’t you see? You were what was missing from my life. Everything made sense once you were in it. Once you showed me your love. I didn’t know love until I knew you. You have so much love to share, Trav. Share it with Penny, with Tatum, with Ollie, and when the time comes, with someone else. I’ll always be in here,” she says, placing her hand on my heart. “You’ll never lose me. Not fully.”

  “I love you so damn much.”

  “That was all I ever needed and wanted -- your love.”

  “Always. Always, always, always.”

  There is no more always.

  She was my always.

  She was going to be my forever.

  She was my beginning and end and everything in between.

  There isn’t any love left in me to give.

  “Travis?”

  I look up in my haze to see Tatum standing in the doorway of the bedroom I’ve shared with my wife in our home. It feels so cold and empty without her here.

  “The lawyer is here to go over Mom’s will. Ollie is with him. They’re waiting for you.”

  “Where’s Penny?” I croak out through my raw throat. I spent the night yelling into the empty air around me as I let my emotions take over for the first time since Josie left us.

  “I just got her down for a nap. I’ll keep an ear out for her.”

  I give her a short nod as I stand my weak body up to make my way downstairs. When I reach the kitchen table, my eyes meet those of my best friend, red-rimmed like mine. None of us are doing well.

  “Mr. Gellar, I’m Eli Stone, Mrs. Gellar’s attorney. There isn’t much to go over, but we do need to wait for Mr. Duncan to join us.”

  My head snaps up to meet his. “Why the hell is he coming into my home?”

  “There are things in the will that pertain to him. I’m afraid he’s needed in order for me to go forward with the reading.”

  “He isn’t welcome in my home.”

  “I… I’m sorry, Mr. Gellar. I didn’t know. I’ve already asked him to join us today. Otherwise, I would have made this at my office.”

  “I—” I begin, but I’m cut off by the doorbell.

  Ollie stands from the table. “I’ll get it,” he says, pulling on his hair as he walks to let his father in.

  I grit my jaw to keep my anger down. I hate Josie’s ex-husband. He’s a selfish motherfucker, and Josie told him years ago that he wasn’t welcome in our home. I hate that he’s about to step foot here now.

  “Travis,” Adam quips as he sits down next to me. He’s never respected Josie or me, and it shows in every word that drips from his mouth.

  Mr. Stone takes in the tension and hostility in the room and begins to read Josie’s will to us. He goes through the usual information about the house, car, and her belongings. All the typical things I could care less about.

  Tatum, as I suspected, will have to live with her dad unless he gives her permission to stay with me. I know that hell will have to freeze over before he’ll let that happen. That girl will put up a fight, I’m sure. All I can do is be there for her whenever she needs me. But until she turns eighteen, there’s nothing more I can do.

  He goes on about what Josie wanted for her celebration of life party. Party? Ha! Sounds like my girl, but damn, Joes. There will be no party or celebrating coming from me. It’s a tragedy that the world lost her, not a celebration.

  “Lastly, I have boxes for each of you,” Mr. Stone says, then pauses. “Well, Mr. Duncan, there isn’t one for you. Your part is finished. You’re free to go if you wish.”

  Adam scoffs as he stands. “Yeah, thanks. Where’s my daughter?”

  “She’s upstairs keeping an eye on Penny,” Ollie answers for me. “I’ll bring her over tomorrow. She’s going to need time to pack and get used to the idea of leaving her home.”

  “Oliver, don’t make it some dramatic event. She’ll be fine. She already has a room at my house.”

  I keep my eyes down so I don’t stand and punch the fucker in the face. Ollie stands and gets eye to eye with his old man. “I said, I’ll bring her tomorrow.”

  They continue staring at each other for a few minutes, neither one wanting to back down. Mr. Stone’s eyes volley back and forth between them.

  “I don’t have time for this immature act, Oliver. Fine. I’ll see you both tomorrow.”

  My cheeks puff as I let out a frustrated breath when the front door slams shut, and I hear Penny wake up from the sound. I start to stand, but Ollie stops me, putting his hand on my shoulder. “Tate has her. Let’s just finish this, OK?” I nod and try to relax now that Adam is out of my house.

  “I’ll make this quick; we’re almost done,” Mr. Stone says, sounding flustered. “Actually, if the girls would like to join for this part, that might be good,” he adds.

  I give him a quizzical look, and he returns a small grin while Ollie heads upstairs for Tatum and Penny. They all come into the kitchen to join the stale quiet of the house that I now hate. Ollie is carrying Penny as she rubs her sleepy eyes and cuddles into his chest. These three are the only good things left in my life.

  “Alright, so I’ll just finish up and get out of your hair,” Mr. Stone begins as he reaches down next to him.

  He proceeds to put four wooden boxes on the table. They are all nearly identical with the exception of each of our names carved into the top respectively: Travis, Oliver, Tatum, Penelope. My heart is in my throat as I stare at the foreign objects on the table before us.

  “Mrs. Gellar left these for each of you. She gave them to me not long before she passed. She instructed I give them to you after she was gone. They seemed very important to her. There aren’t any further instructions, just to give you each the box assigned to you. I truly am sorry for your loss. She was a wonderful woman.” With that, Mr. Stone gathers his things to leave.

  I show him out and thank him for… I don’t know what exactly. When I go back to join the others, Ollie and Tatum both are just staring at their boxes.

  “Did you open them?” I ask as I reach for Penny, needing to feel her warmth. She’s fallen back to sleep on her brother. Smoothing down her hair, I let my lips linger on her soft skin as I kiss her forehead.

  Tatum reaches for her box, pulling it closer to her. Ollie does the same, looking at it like it’s going to explode if he opens it. He slowly lifts the lid and then snaps it shut. “It’s letters,” he whispers.

  Tatum rushes then to open her box, her hand covering her mouth when her eyes take in the envelopes lined up inside, filling the box. I watch as her shaky hand reaches in to pull one out. “Prom Night” is written on the crisp paper. “I can’t believe she did this,” Tatum says in wonder as tears begin to fall down her face.

  “I can,” I say with a small grin. It’s a very Josie thing to do. “She wasn’t done being your mom, Tate.”

  “Or your wife, Trav,” she adds to me.

  I cough back the emotions pulling at me. “Yeah, I guess so.”

  Josie’s funeral is tomorrow. I’m not ready. I think I’ve been on auto-pilot the past few days. I can’t sleep, and when I do, my dreams are filled with Josie but always end with her being ripped away from me.

  It’s after two in the morning. Penny is soundly sleeping in the quiet house. It became quiet when Josie left. It got quieter still after Tatum went to her dad’s, kicking and screaming. I’m going to miss having her around telling me what to do.

  My exhausted body sinks to the floor, my back against the bed. My tired eyes focus on the wooden box I’ve been avoiding. Now’s as good a time as any, I suppose. Pulling the box into my lap, I run my callused fingers over the top, tracing the letters of my name. Opening the lid, my senses go into overdrive when I’m enveloped in Josie. Closing my eyes, I let lavender and honey surround me. Fuck, she’s only been gone a few days and I already miss this smell so much, the smell of her.

&n
bsp; I open my eyes and see a letter on top. “First This One” is written on the only envelope that’s lying on top of the others that line the inside. I choke back a sob, placing the box next to me and pulling that first letter from the box. Bringing it to my nose, I try to feel her with me as much as I can smell her.

  My Amazing Travis,

  Baby, I don’t even know how to begin this. How do I say goodbye to my best friend, my husband, my soulmate, the father of my child? What began as one letter for each of you became an obsession. I couldn’t write to each of you enough. I hate so much that I’m going to miss so many moments. I wish like hell that I could be there.

  So, I will be, as much as I can anyway. I’m sure I’ve missed some, but I tried to think of everything I would miss and would want to be there for. The times that any of you would possibly come to me for advice or want to talk, all the life events that I would normally take hundreds of pictures of, and all the things that kill me to be absent from.

  But through all of that, I know that you’ll still be there. Ollie, Tatum, and Penny, they’ll still have you, and you’ll still have them. You all have letters for each other too. Don’t think I didn’t give great thought to this. You all are so uniquely different, yet the perfect group to band together and be there for one another. Hold tight to each other, and lean on one another when you need it. Don’t push away; pull closer together.