After Always (Always Series Book 5)

by Lindsay Becs

  “What are you doing here?” I toss back at him, irritated that he’s here with his sunny disposition. Can’t I have a night to drown my sorrow?

  “Nice to see you too, sugar tits,” he says, tossing me an air kiss.

  I fake grab the kiss and throw it back at him. “That’s sugar dick to you, asshole.”

  “I’ll take your word on that one.” He plops down on the couch next to me. “I came by to see if you wanted to go out for once. Actually put on clothes that aren’t coveralls, grease-stained jeans, or gym shorts.”

  “Nah, I’m good. Pen is sleeping anyway. You do remember you have a little sister who lives here, right?”

  “I love that kid, you know that,” he replies, annoyed with me. “Tate is on her way. I already called her. I knew you’d use it as an excuse. You haven’t had a night off in… I don’t even know if you’ve ever had a night off. Come on, let’s go out.”

  I groan, running my hands through my hair that needs to be cut. I know he isn’t going to let this go until he gets his way. “Fine. Let me shower and change.”

  “Fuck yes! We are getting laid tonight!”

  It's like a bucket of ice water is poured down my back. I freeze and Ollie notices.

  “Trav, I didn’t… I’m sorry. You know I run my mouth. Let’s go out, have a good time. I’ll get laid. You can come back to your sleeping angel upstairs. OK?”

  Gritting my teeth, I nod and force my feet to move, walking upstairs to get ready to go out with my best friend. I do miss hanging out with him and shooting the shit. Now that he’s closer to home again, working at a hospital an hour away, it’s nice to see him more. Most of the time.

  Stepping into the hot spray of the shower, I take a minute to try to relax and let Ollie’s comment get out of my head.

  Before Josie, I hung out with girls and slept with a few, but I’ve never been a player like Ollie. He’s allergic to relationships and anything that resembles dating a woman more than once to get in her pants. I don’t envy that.

  Me? I have zero desire to date. Hell, I barely have the urge to meet a new woman just to start a conversation. I would hardly say I’m going to step foot in a bar and want to fuck some bimbo I just met. That’s never been me, and it definitely doesn’t appeal to me now.

  I miss my wife. Plain and simple. It’s going to take a hell of a lot more than a night out with a buddy for me to want to screw someone. It makes me want to puke thinking about another woman touching me like that or kissing anyone that isn’t Josie. No thanks. I’ll keep my mouth on my bottle of beer instead of a pair of lips that I don’t know.

  I finish my shower and dress. By the time I head downstairs, Tatum is there talking to Ollie. I’m sure those two have their own agenda for tonight, but I’m not biting.

  Ollie and I head to a place not too far from my house. It’s strange; I haven’t been out like this in years. I feel almost itchy, like I’m doing something I shouldn’t being here at almost ten at night.

  “I’m getting the first round. Then, you’re buying my pretty face a drink, sir,” Ollie says as he skips to the bar. Yes, skips. And he is a doctor. I chuckle to myself, shaking my head.

  He comes back with four bottles for us, and soon a waitress drops a basket of their house kettle chips on the table with a couple of menus. Ollie orders a burger, and I give in and get one too. We sit silently at first, nursing our beers, but before long we’re talking and joking like old times. I do miss this. Not the bar scene but hanging out with Ollie like this. I miss laughing with him. He always could make me laugh more than anyone. Well, until Josie.

  “Hey, where’d you go? You were doing so well loosening up. I even heard an actual laugh come out of you,” he says, poking fun at me.

  I let out a frustrated breath. And now fun time is over. “You want another drink?” I ask, standing to head toward the bar for a minute away from him to gather my bearings again.

  “You do owe me.”

  “Daiquiri then?”

  “You know me so well, sugar dick.”

  “Fuck off,” I chuckle, walking toward the bar.

  “But I got you to laugh again!” he yells after me.

  A couple of hours later and I’m tired and ready to head home. I know Penny will be up early no matter what time I go to bed. Seeing as it’s almost one, I need to get home and attempt a few hours.

  Ollie has been flirting with a girl who walked in a little after us with a group of girls. He’s talking to her now as I settle my bill and call for a cab. I give Ollie a head nod in the distance and wave, letting him know I’m out. He returns with a nod of his own and a lip bite, letting me know he’s hot for the girl he’s talking to. She swats at him, and his eyes go back to her, making me laugh.

  Walking inside the house, I hear the lull of the TV playing in the living room, but Tatum isn’t in there. I make my way upstairs to check on my LP before I hit my bed for the night. Pushing open her door, I stop when I see two figures in her bed. Tatum is asleep, spooning her. I smile watching them sleep. I’m so grateful for her. She might not live with us anymore, but I’m so glad that Penny has her to look up to. Hell, even Ollie and his skanky ass.

  I pull the door closed and head to my room. After brushing my teeth and changing into shorts, I pull my treasure box from my closet. Leaning back against the headboard, I close my eyes and let my head fall back.

  “I need you tonight, Joes. I miss you, pretty girl, so damn much.”

  I reach in and grab a letter that I’ve read so many times I have it memorized, but I still read it from the paper so I can read from her hands and touch.

  Hey, baby,

  Miss me?

  Travis, I cannot even begin to imagine what you are feeling right now. What I do know is that if the tables were reversed, there is no way I’d be holding it together as well as you have been.

  If had to wake up without the promise of you next to me, I don’t think I could breathe. Just trying to think about that makes my heart ache in my chest.

  I’m so sorry, baby. I’m sorry I couldn’t beat this again. I’m sorry you have to see me sick again. I’m sorry I have to leave. I’m sorry I can’t be there to hold your hand or kiss your perfectly sexy lips. I’m sorry I can’t be there to help raise our daughter and my kids. I’m so sorry, Travis.

  But I’m not sorry for choosing you. Us. I’m not sorry about the beautiful baby girl we made together. I’m not sorry for a second of our life together. I’m not sorry for loving you, laughing with you, and living the last moments of my life with you.

  Don’t miss me too much, OK? I mean, I know I’m pretty awesome, but you got this. I know you do. Let in those who love you, and one day a few more people too. Love and be happy.

  I love you.

  Always,

  Josie

  Penny and I moved into a new house a few months ago, but I still can’t get used to it. It’s a three-bedroom house with two smaller bedrooms upstairs and the master downstairs. I gave Penny the master when we moved in. I keep a baby monitor still so I can hear her. Call me paranoid since she’s five, but I can’t help it. The rooms upstairs are mine. One’s an office/spare room and the other my bedroom.

  I needed not only to save money to help with the still-piling medical bills, but I needed to have a fresh start for Penny and me. I needed a place that wasn’t consuming me with Josie every second.

  I hit my limit of wallow when Ollie offered to take Penny with him for a while to give me time to get my shit together. I knew I needed to pull my head out of my ass and put my broken heart aside so I could be the dad I needed to be for my kid.

  It’s nice here. It’s still within the Graves city limits and close to the garage, but we’re more in the country here and I like that. I have a single house right next to me, which is empty, and I hope it stays that way.

  Penny loves being outside, and here she has so much more freedom to run and play. She’d sleep outside most nights if I let her. She wants to wear pink every day and made Tatum te
ach me how to braid her hair, but if she isn’t covered in dirt by the end of the day, she isn’t happy.

  “LP!” I yell out the back door for her.

  “Coming, Daddy!”

  She comes barreling around the corner at full speed when I catch her little body before she drags more grass inside. “Not so fast, stink bug.”

  “Hey! I’m not a bug!”

  “Sometimes you are,” I chuckle.

  “Daddy, that’s not nice.” She pouts, taking off her shoes.

  “Go get cleaned up for dinner, and then I have a surprise to show you.”

  “Is Tate eating with us?” she screams from the bathroom.

  “Geez, Pen, lower the screams a little.” I hear Tate answer her question and reprimand her for me in one breath. I’m going to miss her when she leaves soon.

  When she moved in and started helping me at the garage a while back, I had no idea how much of a help she’d be. She is really going to be missed by all of us, including my customers.

  Penny is bouncing in her seat all through dinner, and I know I have her on pins and needles. Once Tatum clears the table, I bring the bag in and set it in front of Penny.

  “Go ahead. Open it,” I encourage her.

  She reaches inside and pulls out the jar with the pink heart on the front. “Sw…swee…sweer. J…jaaa…rrr… jar. Sweer jar.” She tries to pronounce the words on the heart.

  “Good job with your sounds, LP! Swear jar,” I tell her with a grin. “You know how you are always yelling at us about saying bad words?” I ask her and she nods. “Well, your momma used to keep one of these. She’d make us pay every time we said a bad word. I thought it was time to get back to that tradition. Every time you catch any of us saying bad words, we’ll have to pay your jar.”

  “How much money?” she asks excitedly.

  “That’s up to you.”

  “A dollar!” She wastes no time answering.

  I chuckle and Tatum rolls her eyes. We both know we’re gonna go broke. “Fair enough, LP.”

  “Do I get to keep the money, or will I have to give it back?” she asks.

  I shake my head. “Nope. That’ll be your money to keep and spend as you want.”

  “This is so not fair,” Tatum grumbles. “Thanks for this, Trav.”

  “Don’t even try to sit there and say you didn’t make a fortune off of me and Ollie when you were little!” I accuse her. She gives a small purse-lipped grin and shrugs. Brat.

  I snuck out of the house for a little bit tonight. It’s nice out, and I needed a little time to myself. I don’t get it often. I sit down on Josie’s bench at the pond.

  Looking up into the stars of the night sky, I smile big and wide for the first time in a long time. “You’ll never believe what your fucking kids did.” I laugh, shaking my head, still in disbelief. “They named the garage. Pretty Girl Garage, after you, the original.”

  I still can’t believe they did that. I was so floored when Ollie and Tatum showed me the sign they had made. It was so much more than anything I could have imagined. And it was perfect.

  “Yep, named it and had signs made and everything. No longer the nameless garage. I know, I know. You always told me to name it, but I never could think of anything good, and Roger never called it anything other than the garage.” I huff a laugh thinking about it. “But they knew exactly the right thing. It suits the place too. Tatum is already ordering new business cards and everything. I had to stop her from getting throw pillows made, but I couldn’t resist getting new employee shirts.

  “I wish you could have seen it with me, but I’m glad you got to see it from where you are. Hell, you probably got the better view.” I pause and think about that.

  “I still miss you every day. That ain’t changing anytime soon, but I’m doing OK. We’re doing OK.”

  I finish the ice cream I picked up on my way and stand to leave. “I love you, pretty girl.” I turn toward my truck and a gust of wind swirls around me, and it feels like it’s Josie giving me a hug. “Always.”

  Chapter 4

  Travis

  Three Years After Josie

  A moving truck showed up yesterday to unload the new tenant’s belongings next door. Whoever they are, they didn’t seem to have much. Not my business though. I keep to myself, with the exception of my customers and family.

  “Daddy!” Penny screams from the bottom of the steps. Yes, screams. Like blood-curdling screaming. It’s become a thing.

  “Penny!” I reprimand. “You cannot scream like that unless it’s an emergency. I told you that,” I scold her as I pull a shirt over my head.

  “But there’s a lady in our house,” she tells me like this is normal. “She had cookies so I let her in,” she adds with a shrug.

  I turn quickly to see a woman standing inside my front door. I rush to pull my shirt down to cover myself, walking toward the stranger.

  “Can I help you?” I ask cautiously and a little annoyed.

  “I’m sorry for the intrusion. I just wanted to introduce myself. I’m Tilly Lane, and I just moved in next door.” I hear her audible swallow of nerves. “I made you cookies. I hope that’s alright.”

  “Can I have one, Daddy?” Penny asks, reaching for one.

  “No,” I tell her sternly, not taking my eyes off the woman in front of me.

  “I… I’m sorry,” the woman—Tilly Lane—stutters. “I didn’t mean to bother you. I’ll just go then.” She turns to leave, but then I feel bad. Josie would have my ass for treating a new neighbor, one who’s being nice, this way.

  I let out a frustrated breath. “You didn’t. Bother us, I mean. I’m sorry I’m being an ass—”

  “You owe a dollar!” Penny tells me with her hands on her hips.

  I don’t take my eyes off of Tilly as she turns back to me with a smile playing at the corner of her lips. Reaching into my back pocket, I pull out my wallet and hand Penny a dollar.

  “I got a dollar! I got a dollar! I got a dollar! Hey, hey, hey, hey!” Penny sings as she bounces into the kitchen to deposit her new dollar into the swear jar.

  “Oh, my gosh, that’s from The Little Rascals!” Tilly exclaims, pointing at Penny as she leaves us alone.

  “Yeah… Anyway, I’m Travis. That’s my daughter, Penny,” I tell her, shaking my head. “I’m sorry about before. We don’t have many people over,” I add and then regret how that sounds.

  “Well, here,” she says with a smile, thrusting a plate of cookies at me, “I bake. That’s what I do for a living. These are my signature cookies. I hope they make up for me busting in on you.”

  “Thank you,” I reply, taking the plate.

  We stand there awkwardly for a minute before she moves to leave. “Well, OK, nice to meet you, Travis,” she says, tucking her curly brown hair behind her ear. I don’t miss the blush on her cheek as she does either.

  “Nice to meet you, too. Welcome home.” I immediately regret my choice of words. I keep putting my foot in my mouth with this lady. What is my problem?

  Shaking my head, I turn to carry the plate of cookies to the kitchen once she’s out the door. “Can I have one now?” Penny asks when I get there.

  “Only if you get out the milk.”

  I pull down two glasses and fill them with the milk she carried from the fridge. Penny and I cheers with our cookies before taking a bite, each of our eyes going wide when we taste them. They are the best cookies I’ve ever had. I don’t even know what all is in them. They are sweet and salty and tart and buttery and delicious!

  “Oh, Daddy, these are good. Please be nice to her so she’ll make more.”

  With a laugh, I choke on a sip of milk I just took. “You got it, LP.”

  “She seemed nice.”

  “Yeah, she did.”

  “Wonder if she’s got kids,” Penny ponders out loud.

  “I don’t know,” I say, wondering if she’s married or not. Then I pause when I realize what I’m thinking. And that thought pisses me off.

  Ti
lly Lane might have moved in next door. She might even be nice. But I have no desire to get to know her. I’ll keep my distance from her like I do everyone else. Nothing will change. No matter how good her cookies are.

  I’m on my way to drop Penny at school and head to work when I hear the new neighbor curse with her head under the hood of her beat-up car.

  “Go get buckled up and I’ll be there in a second,” I tell Penny, turning to see if Tilly needs any help.

  “Need a hand?” I ask, making her jump.

  “Shit! You scared me,” she says with a hand on her chest.

  “Sorry,” I mumble, rubbing the back of my neck. “You having car trouble?”

  “It won’t start, and I’m late for work.”

  Pulling out my cell, I dial my tow guy, Sam. “Hey, I need you to tow a car to Pretty Girl for me. It’s my neighbor, so house next to mine. 2000 Camry,” I tell him. He agrees and we hang up. When I turn back to Tilly, she’s staring at me like I just went streaking by. “What?”

  “You didn’t have to do that.”

  “No big deal.” I shrug.

  “It is a big deal and thank you, but I can’t afford a tow or a mechanic right now. I need you to cancel all that,” she tells me, waving her hand at me.

  I give her a small grin. “I’m a mechanic. I own Pretty Girl Garage. It’s not a big deal. Don’t worry about it.” I shrug again.

  “I…” she starts but stops. “Thank you.”

  “You’re welcome. Maybe one day I’ll need a cup of sugar or something. It’s really not a big deal,” I say again.

  “I really appreciate it.”

  We stand there, each of us waiting for the other to move first. Then the horn of my truck blares, and Penny hangs out the door. “Daddy! We’re gonna be late!”

  My eyes drop to the ground, and I chuckle. “I need to go.” I look back up at her then, catching her eye. “Do you need a ride?”

  “I hate…” she starts again, but I raise a brow at her. “Yes.”