Prime Choice

by Stephanie Perry Moore

“I feel bad, but you can’t do this.”

  “What have I got to live for now?” she whispered.

  I wasn’t about to drive off and leave her so emotionally devastated. I held her and listened until she calmed down. One thing never changed, and that was her saying how bad I let her down. How I’d destroyed her world, and how she’d never be the same.

  As I followed her home, I could only hope to make things better for her heart somehow. However, knowing she was willing to end it all over me had probably scared me away for good.

  The next day I didn’t have time to reflect on what had happened. It was mid-October and school had been in session for a couple of months. My boys Damarius and Cole asked me if I wanted to hang out with them at the mall on Columbus Day. I was down with the plans since I needed some new threads. I was actually tired of the same old shirt popping up every other week. I needed to add some variety to my wardrobe with a couple of pieces here and there.

  I was nothing like my sister at the mall. She could stay there with my mom all day and night. I knew my boys only wanted to go there to hook up with some girls. Although my eyes might roam, my gaze never holds any real intention behind it. But I’d need some more cash to buy shirts, a pair of kicks, some jeans and some slacks.

  Since this semester started off a little rocky with my pops, I never got my full run of funds. I needed to correct that. So I headed to the dealership. He was having his Columbus Day sale, and I knew he’d be slaving away trying to make some things happen.

  “Don’t let your dad put you to work,” Damarius said through the receiver. “We need to hang now, bro, not wash dirty cars and stuff.”

  I was talking to him on the cell phone and trying to drive at the same time. He was so silly. The boy constantly made me laugh.

  “Man, I won’t be long. I’ma meet y’all at the mall.”

  “You coming in through Sears, right?”

  “Yep, in thirty.”

  “All right, slick. Tell your dad to cut me a few dollars, too.”

  “Oh, now you really got jokes.”

  Before I stepped out the car, I had to check myself. See, I loved to flirt with my dad’s secretary, Clarissa. She’d only been working at the dealership since the beginning of the year. However, she made most of the salesmen not concentrate on selling cars. Yeah, she was fine, and she wore some clothes that would make any customer stay too long in our showroom.

  But when I stepped into the showroom, she wasn’t at the podium. Phones were ringing off the hook, and I stalled for a minute or two to see if she was coming around the corner or from the bathroom. But that didn’t happen. I looked at my watch and saw I didn’t have much time to fool around.

  I headed up to my dad’s office and was surprised to find my dad’s office door closed. He always had it open so he could scream down at people. His office windows had blinds and they were all shut. Well, except for one. I went down to that window and peeked in. I was shocked to see my dad and Clarissa locking lips! I knew she was fine and all, but I didn’t know my dad thought so, too. Somebody needed to show his married behind how to keep his hands to himself. Guess I was the man for that job. I paced back and forth, trying to figure out what I was going to do.

  Talking out loud I said, “I can’t believe this!”

  What did this mean for my family? He was married to my mom, and he wasn’t going to do what he wanted to do. He needed to know I wasn’t going to have him disrespecting my moms. I tried to turn the knob, but it was locked. So I banged on the door.

  “Dad, I know y’all in there. Dad, open the door!” I shouted loud enough to shake the whole building.

  His door flew open, and I caught Clarissa trying to fix herself up. All of a sudden, she was disgusting to me. I actually hated that I ever saw anything in her.

  “Umm, Clarissa, that’ll be all. I’ll talk to my son right now. Thank you.”

  My father was trying to dismiss the whole thing.

  Stepping boldly to him, I said, “Save that mess, please! What’s your saying, Pops? ‘I was born at night, but not last night?’ What you think, I’m stupid or something? No, I’m the guy you’re proud of. The straight-A student that scored high on his SAT. Some stuff you can’t pull on me.”

  Clarissa slid by me. I didn’t even acknowledge her. When she was gone, I let my dad have it.

  “Son, I don’t know what it is you think you saw,” he said after I told him a thing or two. He went around me and shut his door. “All right, you think you know everything. I’ma lay it out for you. Me and your momma are having some problems, and it don’t have nothing to do with you.”

  “It had everything to do with me when you carelessly left your blinds opened so people could see. How long has this been going on?”

  “Ain’t nothing going on. I mean, we crossed the line a little, but that’s it. The stress level at home is just high, and I was a little vulnerable tonight. But I don’t need to explain this to my kid. Stay the heck out of my business and keep your mouth shut!”

  I went up to him and grabbed his shirt collar. “You cheat on my mother, and I will never forgive you. She may not be perfect, but she has loved you all these long years with all her heart. And with your actions you’re breaking it, and you’re breaking my mine, too.”

  “What did you come up here for, Junior?” my dad asked as he loosened my grip.

  “I was going to the mall with my boys.”

  “Well, here, let me give you a lil’ something.”

  “I don’t want your money, Dad.”

  I walked out of his office knowing I couldn’t look at my dad the same again. At least now I knew why I caught my mom crying. I never thought my parents’ marriage was really in trouble, but after what I’d just seen, my mom shouldn’t have been spending her time crying. She should’ve been packing. ’Cause she was just too beautiful and too special a lady to let any man, even my dad, treat her wrong.

  And as her son, I was going to have to protect her. Some way, I was going to have to figure this out.

  It was only Wednesday, and Amandi had called me over a hundred times. Most of her messages said the same thing: I want to get with you again, Perry. I just wished she understood how unattractive that was.

  My dad told me long ago, “Son, you never want a girl who takes the chase out of the relationship. You wanna be the man, the pursuing one. Fast girls are fun, but they’re the ones that cause you the most trouble. They don’t know how to leave you alone, and they end up being too needy.”

  I didn’t know why I was remembering anything he ever told me. For the last few days, we hadn’t talked at all. And I hadn’t even been in the same room with my mom. I’d been avoiding her so she wouldn’t sense what was on my heart.

  When the phone rang again at 11:55 at night, I instinctively grabbed it and said, “Hello.”

  “I don’t understand, Perry. What’s up? Why are you avoiding me?” Amandi asked.

  The chick was wild! Just talking fast, like ninety minutes an hour, sounding like she had drunk eight cups of coffee or something. Didn’t she get it? I wasn’t trying to get with her!

  “Amandi, look, it’s late. We gon’ have to talk tomorrow—”

  “Don’t you hang up on me! I been calling, and you ain’t called me back!”

  “All right, I’m listening. But I’m sleepy. What you gotta say, Amandi? Huh?”

  “You sound like you’re agitated with me, Perry. You told me the other night that we’d hook up again, and I was thinking about Friday night after the game.”

  “But you know I got a girlfriend.”

  “Friday night after the game, come to my house.”

  “What? What you sayin’?”

  “No, no. My parents gon’ be home. My dad’s a huge football fan. He’s barbecuing, and I know you’ll be hungry.”

  “Your dad still got the grill going in October?”

  “Yeah. He works at Hally’s BBQ. They got the real thing. Ribs, hash, rice—he wants to hook you up. He’s been on
me to ask you. So, you gon’ do it, or what? Can you come?”

  “Sure, whatever. Friday it is,” I muttered quickly, happy to finally say whatever to get her off my back.

  Thursday in school Amandi saw me two times and reminded me that I had agreed to see her the next evening.

  When she came up to me Friday after our win, I scoured the stands looking for Tori. But I didn’t see my girlfriend or her pom-poms anywhere.

  “So are you following me, or what?” she asked.

  “I ain’t gon’ be able to stay long, Amandi. My parents done set a curfew on me and everything. Plus I got a interview with ESPN early in the morning.”

  “No problem. My dad just wanna meet you, that’s all.” Damarius came up from behind me and hit me in the knee, bending me down and scaring me. “Boy!”

  “Oh, what’s up, what’s up? Your reflexes ain’t good?” Damarius teased.

  “You gon’ make me hurt myself.”

  “Well, let me stop, then. I ain’t got a million dollars to pay for what those knees are worth. So, what’s up? You done tapped that?” he asked, as he pointed at Amandi walking away.

  “Her?” I questioned, trying to throw him off.

  “Look at you wit yo head in the gutter. I’m talkin’ ’bout tappin’ them books.”

  “Oh, so now you got jokes?” I hit my boy in the arm. “Want to slide with me over to her crib? I’m just going over there to grab a bite to eat.”

  “Naw, man, I’m good. I’m finished taking all my ‘down there’ medicine,” Damarius said as he pointed to his zipper. “I was thinking ’bout having a party for myself tonight. Me and Ciara. It’s been a long time!”

  “You ain’t learned nothing?”

  “I’m straight for real,” he said as we slapped hands before parting.

  I followed Amandi to her house. When we pulled up it was pitch-dark. No lights or nothing. It looked like nobody was in the house cooking anything.

  Quickly, I jumped out the car. “What’s up?”

  “I think they’re trying to do a surprise thing for you.”

  “Surprise?”

  “You are this town’s biggest player.”

  She wasn’t making any sense, and I was so hungry. The whole drive over I couldn’t wait to smack on some ribs. When we opened the door, nobody jumped out and said, “Surprise!” She just shut the door, and I couldn’t see a thing. She found my lips and started heating up the place.

  “Wait a minute, now. Hold up, girl. Ease back. Is your pops here? I ain’t tryin’ to get no shotgun to me!”

  “Don’t worry,” she said as she grabbed my ear.

  I was trying to find the light switch on the wall, but my hand was unsuccessful. Then I pushed her back a little. I was upset.

  “Where’s the daggone light, girl? I’m hungry. I’m not here for this.”

  Still slobbering on my ear, she said, “I guess I’ma feed your appetite with this. Just relax and enjoy it. You don’t think I brought you all the way out here to eat dinner, did you? This ain’t my house. This is my cousin’s house. She works at night and is letting me use her place. Instead of being in an old cramped car, we got a bed this time.”

  “Amandi, look. Turn the light on now. Now!” I said even more forcefully.

  She quickly turned on the light. “I don’t know why you’re tripping. We were just together a week ago, and it was more magical than a ride at Disneyland.”

  “That’s a stretch, Amandi. I was just a brother trying to get his groove on and got caught by my girl. I thought about it and I ain’t trying to go there again with you. I’m sorry. I thought you would’ve got it when you called me all those times, and I didn’t return one. Maybe you needed to hear me say it. I ain’t trying to do that with you.”

  Right before my eyes, she started stripping! It was like she heard me say, “Okay, let’s do this.” Of course that is not what I said.

  “All right. I’ll just see you later ’cause obviously you don’t understand.”

  As I opened the door and left, I heard her slam it right behind me. The situation was getting real crazy. Before I reached my ride she opened up the door and ran toward the car, barely clothed.

  “You gon’ walk out the door on this? Go ahead and act like a punk! You don’t wanna cross me, Perry Skky! You need a second chance ’cause you already let me down once. You don’t wanna mess with me!”

  “You’re right!” I told her. “Now you’re getting it. I don’t wanna mess with you,” I said sarcastically, knowing she had meant something completely different. I gently pushed her to the side and opened up the car door.

  She yelled, “How could you do this to me? I thought you wanted me, Perry. I love you!”

  I really had a lot to deal with. Amandi could be so dramatic. The way she was trying to force herself on me made think something was really wrong with her. Uh-uh. I wasn’t going out like that my first time.

  And it was my fault. I did owe her an apology. I had led her on for a week prior. But I was a different me now, and she needed to respect that and understand that I felt bad for what I’d done to Tori. As bad as I felt about what my dad was doing to my mom. The apple didn’t fall too far from the tree, I guess.

  When I drove off, I noticed Amandi kneel down and curl up into a ball by her cousin’s door. Maybe I had been too rough on her. But I couldn’t go back and comfort her because she would get it all wrong. I just had to pray for her and hate that I was breaking her heart.

  10

  Hearing Tough Stuff

  I’d come to the conclusion that understanding females was a stress I did not need. I mean, who could figure them out? They couldn’t even figure themselves out most of the time. They were either dealing with cycles, mood swings, temper tantrums or some other form of drama. I figured it was best if I stayed my distance from them for a while. But as hard as I tried to keep away, somehow problems with a female found their way back to me.

  Amandi kept trying to reach out to me. It was just annoying. Every time my phone rang, it was Amandi calling with some more junk. Studying for my U.S. government test, I was startled when my phone rang because I thought I put it on silent. Turned out, I had it on high.

  “Dang, why she calling again!” I said, agitated that Amandi’s number showed up on the screen.

  I realized that I might as well talk to her. Looked like me trying to ignore wasn’t gon’ do anything. She’d just keep calling back. Her actions were close to stalking. What the heck was a brother going to have to do to put some distance between us? I guess the answer was to face her.

  So I said in a bland tone, “All right, what’s up?”

  “I don’t get a hello or anything?”

  “Naw. I think we way past that. You have been ringing my phone like crazy.”

  “So, you have gotten my messages?” she asked in a testy way.

  “Yeah, but I haven’t listened to them. But I do see that you’ve called.”

  “So why haven’t you called me back?”

  “I don’t think I owe you those kinds of explanations.”

  “It’s like that now, Perry?”

  “Look, I’m not trying to be mean here. We tried, and it didn’t work for me. What does a brother have to do to end this thing?”

  All of a sudden, I heard this rush of emotion come through the phone. Sorta psychotic and depressed, almost scary. “I thought you loved me,” she said through tears.

  “Amandi, quit trippin’! You couldn’t have thought that. You never heard those words once come out of my mouth.”

  “It was the way you kissed me that said that.”

  I replied, “Yeah, right. That was the feeling of a brother trying to get his groove on. Don’t make more out of it.”

  Then she showed me another side of herself. The crying stopped, and she went ballistic. “Fine, then, Perry Skky. You think you’re the world’s gift of Lucy Laney High School? I’ma take you down!”

  “Oh, so you threatening me now?” I asked, without backing
down.

  She didn’t even respond. I just heard a click. So many ungodly names came to my mind for that girl. I just shook my head and left it alone.

  I knew some girls didn’t take rejection well, but this chick was over-the-top crazy. It was cool that she hung up on me. Wouldn’t have to deal with her no more. And that would make hearing her little threat worth it. I mean, what could she do?

  When my phone rang an hour later I was so relieved that it wasn’t Amandi. And actually it made me smile when I noticed Tori’s number.

  “Hey!” I said in a real excited tone. “You been all right?”

  “Perry, let’s cut the fun and games. Don’t act like you’re all excited to hear from me.”

  “Wait, but I am,” I told her in the most sincere voice I could use.

  Tori said, “I just called to let you know that you wouldn’t have any obligations to me anymore. I wanted you to know I was okay, and I appreciate you following me home the other night. Since you’ve moved on, I’ve decided to move on, too.”

  I wondered what that really meant. Did she mean move on to date somebody else, move on and try to kill herself again or just simply move on? I didn’t know what she’d do with the rest of her life, but I hoped she was excited about having it in front of her.

  We both sat on the phone and held it for a minute. I couldn’t respond ’cause I really didn’t know what I was feeling. Sure, guys like to be the ones that end the relationship, but I didn’t wear my emotions on my sleeve like that. I mean, whatever made her happy was cool. She’d finally accepted that we were over. After dragging it on for an hour, and telling her I’d always be there for her, we hung up the phone.

  The next day at school, my name was mud. Everyone was whispering as I walked down the hall. I didn’t know what I had done, so I played it cool. Finally, Justin came over and nudged me over to follow him.

  “Man, what’s up?” I asked. “You know what all this is about? Why people staring at me? What’s going on? They staring like I just got out of jail or something.”

  “Naw, man, people ain’t looking at you like you into mischief. The word’s out that you’re scared to have fun.”