Choices (A Woman's Life)

by Marie Ferrarella

  “It was only for a few months and it wasn’t anything I wanted to use as a reference.” He swung around. “I left because I didn’t like what I saw.” Reid jerked a hand at the crumpled figure on the floor. “He’s a parasite, an opportunist. I couldn’t write speeches for a man like that, knowing they were just empty words to deceive people into voting for him. That’s not what I’m about.” He looked into her eyes, searching for the woman he loved. “I thought you knew that.”

  Tears stung her eyes. Yes, she knew that. She dragged her hand through her hair, sucking in a ragged breath. “I’m sorry, he just has me so shaken.”

  It was all he needed to hear. One apology and all the hurt was instantly washed away. Reid took her into his arms and just held her, letting her draw comfort from his presence.

  “Shh, it’s okay.” He stroked her hair. “It’s okay. I won’t let him hurt you.”

  “How very touching.”

  They both jumped when Jordan spoke.

  He was sitting up on the floor, nursing his jaw. Damn, he was going to have one hell of a bruise there by morning. “Well, now that we’ve both shared her, we both know she’s not much of a lay, is she?” He began to rise to his feet. “When you get tired of her, let me know.”

  Jordan suddenly felt himself being hauled up the rest of the way and slammed against the wall. Air whooshed out of him as his spine hit the flat surface. Reid was glaring at him, his face thrust an inch from his. Jordan had never seen such hatred in his life and shrank within himself. There was nowhere to go.

  Reid wanted nothing more than to choke the life out of him. Slowly. “You are never getting your slimy hands on her again. Never. Do I make myself clear?”

  Jordan was a survivor. Against all odds, he had survived before, and somehow, someway, he would do it again. He’d been threatened before. “Want to keep the goose that lays the golden eggs all to yourself, huh? You’re smarter than you look.”

  Reid tightened his grip around Jordan’s throat until panic set into the latter’s eyes. “If you so much as look at her, there’ll be so many little pieces of you around, nobody’ll ever figure out how to put you together again.”

  Jordan’s face turned a horrible shade of red as he frantically tried to pry Reid’s fingers from his throat. He couldn’t get in any air.

  A little longer, Reid thought. It would only take a little longer.

  “Reid, Reid, you’re choking him,” Shanna cried, pulling at his arm. She couldn’t budge it. New fear sprang up. She couldn’t let him kill Jordan. Reid’s whole life would be ruined. And all because of her. “Reid, please, he’s not worth it. He’s not worth it!”

  Sense returned. “No, you’re right. He’s not.” Reid shoved Jordan toward the door. “Get out before I change my mind.”

  Jordan stood, one hand on the door to hold himself up. He rubbed his throat with the other as he gulped in air. “I could have you arrested, Kincannon,” he finally managed to say.

  Reid knew it was just Jordan’s word against theirs. And Shanna counted. But the scandal could hurt her. “I don’t think you want the full story of your attempted rape to get on the six o’clock news now, do you?” Reid asked malevolently.

  Jordan retreated, but as always, he tried to save face. He squared his shoulders. “Those must be some speeches you write these days. You’ve got a hell of an imagination.”

  His shoulders ached where he had hit the floor and his jaw and temple were throbbing fiercely, but he managed to straighten his tie. And with effort, he picked up his raincoat and placed it over his arm. “Maybe I should have tried a little harder to hang on to you, too. More money, eh?”

  There wouldn’t have been enough money in the world to make Reid stay with someone of Jordan’s ilk, once he had realized what the man was about.

  “We all make mistakes, Calhoun,” Reid said, referring to his having come to work for Jordan at all. “Yours was in coming here. Don’t let it happen again. Ever.”

  Jordan gave Reid a final, contemptuous look, taking care to do it with the front door open, then turned to look at Shanna. “So you finally got your knight in shining armor, Shanna. Too bad you had to lower your expectations to do it.”

  “They couldn’t have been lower than when I was with you.” So saying, Shanna slammed the door in Jordan’s face. She turned and threw herself into Reid’s arms.

  Chapter 29

  Reid stood silently holding Shanna in his arms for a few minutes, allowing her time to pull herself together. When he felt that she could answer him, he asked gently, “Did he hurt you?”

  She was acting like a fool, she thought, but she couldn’t help it. Being with Jordan had brought everything back, the insecurities, the shame at the end. And, for a few terrifying moments before Reid appeared, she had thought Jordan was going to rape her. It was going to take her time to work all this through.

  Shanna looked up at Reid and shook her head. “No. Just scared me, I guess.”

  He still didn’t understand how all of this had happened when it could have been avoided so easily. “Why did you let him in?”

  She shrugged helplessly. She had been too eager to stop to look through the peephole. Her mistake. And she had paid for it royally. “I thought he was you.”

  Reid shook his head. There was no use in telling her that she should always look before opening the door. She knew that better than he.

  There was a bemused smile on his lips as he said, “I could take that as an insult, you know.”

  She let out a long, jagged breath, trying to calm down. The tremor within her wouldn’t be stilled. Shanna doubted she would be able to put all this behind her anywhere in the near future. The almost maniacally angry look in Jordan’s eyes was going to take a long time to erase.

  “When he rang the bell, I was hoping you’d changed your mind and decided to stop working. I opened the door without thinking.”

  Reid stood facing her. With his hands resting against her shoulders, he slowly stroked the sides of her neck with his thumbs. “You need a keeper.”

  “No, no keeper.” She didn’t want to be taken care of. Not anymore. She didn’t want to give up the independence she had struggled to forge for herself, against all odds. Against her own inclinations. “I keep myself.” She smiled up into Reid’s face. She knew every ridge and line now by heart, and just the sight of him could excite her. “But I do need a hero riding in once in a while to help out. The way you did tonight.”

  “Rent-a-knight?” he suggested with a grin.

  She loved the way he made her feel. The way he made her smile. “What’s your fee?”

  Instead of answering her, Reid nibbled on her ear. Her pleasured moan aroused him. God, he was so glad that she was all right. “The fee’s negotiable.”

  It was happening again. He was drugging her senses even as he was stirring them, working them up to a fever pitch. She wanted nothing more than to be with him tonight, lost in his arms, in his scent. “When do we start negotiating?”

  He took her hand and led her to her bedroom. “Now.”

  It was to have begun slowly, as it always did. But after what she had been through, something within Shanna didn’t want it to be slow, didn’t want to wait. She was eager for Reid’s touch, eager for his love. She wanted to lose herself blindly in it. She wanted to make love with him so that it washed away everything that had just happened. She needed to get so totally steeped in him that she couldn’t think, or feel, or know anything but Reid.

  She had never needed anyone the way she needed him tonight.

  As soon as they were within the bedroom, Shanna began to tug off his shirt, her hands shaking as she tried to work the buttons free. Reid caught her trembling fingers, surprised. She had never taken the initiative before. “Hey, hey, where’s the fire?”

  “Here.” She pointed at her chest, where her heart was. “Inside me. Take me, Reid. Take me fast, take me now.” Make me forget everything else.

  “Don’t do this, Shanna,” Reid warned her.
It had taken coaxing on his part, but she had told him what Jordan had been like as a lover. Insensitive, demanding, and much too quick to take his pleasure. Reid didn’t want to somehow fall into a trap where she could compare the two of them and find him lacking.

  He grazed her temple with his lips. “You know the best part of it for you is to draw this out.”

  He didn’t understand, she thought. He couldn’t begin to fathom her need for him. “No, it’s not.” Her eyes spoke silently to him, telling him of her need. “The best part of it is you.”

  It was as close as she had ever come to telling him she loved him and he savored it. Reid laughed softly as he framed her face gently with his hands. “I don’t think you need anyone to help you with your speeches after all.”

  He kissed her lips lightly, trying to coax her toward the inner peace she sought from the demon that had been raised tonight. “You do fine just on your own.”

  No, not without you. “Guess again.” On her toes, she drew his mouth to hers. Her kiss was hungry, searching, wanting.

  She had never been like this before with him. He could do nothing but try to hold on and give her what she needed. All of himself. There was no holding back for either of them.

  Shanna set the pace. Clothes were quickly shed and forgotten. Naked, they fell into bed as the hunger flared between them like a dried piece of wood touched with a match. It all but exploded, incinerating them both.

  Her hands were everywhere along his body, touching, stroking, reveling in her own boldness. It was as if she needed to reassure herself physically that he was here, with her. And that he wanted her.

  She couldn’t get enough of him.

  Her mouth savaging his, she straddled Reid and heard him moan her name against her mouth as she moved eagerly against him.

  He wove his fingers into Shanna’s tangled hair, drawing her away, holding her face an inch from his. “Something new?’

  She could hardly breathe. The frenzy taking over her soul was stealing her breath away. She didn’t even recognize herself. It was as if she had died and been reborn tonight. “Am I doing it wrong?”

  She was so precious to him, so very, very precious. “Shanna, you couldn’t do anything wrong. Except leave me.” He brought her mouth down to his.

  Shanna shifted slightly to receive him. He gripped her buttocks hard as she began the ride up the steep incline. The pace increased, the stars and heat radiated there as she ascended. Faster and faster until the final sensation burst upon her. Shanna’s head fell back as the explosion racked her, then set her free. She slumped down against Reid’s chest, her breathing shallow.

  He could feel her heart pounding against his. It comforted him just to have her like that, with him. But he knew that she needed more. She needed to be loved and shown that she was.

  Reid stroked her hair, wondering if she would ever be completely his, without the ghosts, without the fears that still haunted the recesses of her mind. He didn’t want her money, her family, or her name. He just wanted her. For always.

  “Now that we’ve done it your way,” he murmured against her ear, “I’d like a crack at it.”

  It took effort to raise her head. Shanna tried to focus on Reid’s face, still dazed from her ascent. “You’re kidding.”

  He grinned and his eyes shone. “I never kid when I’m naked.”

  Easily, he reversed their position. As she lay back into the cover they had just twisted up, Reid made love to her slowly, by inches, with his hands, with his lips. With his tongue. He raised his head for a moment and watched in fascination as she began to move with anticipation that overpowered her exhaustion.

  It was happening again. The excitement was bubbling, pulsing, seeking release. How could that possibly be after she had just used up every shred of energy she had? “Reid?”

  “Shh, no interrupting.” The words were murmured against the quivering muscles of her belly. His tongue languidly forged a moist path as he created an arc along the tops of her thighs. Each pass brought him closer and closer toward the center.

  Shanna groaned. Lava was pouring through her veins. She grabbed fistfuls of the blanket as her body went hurtling toward first one peak and then the next. He pushed her thighs apart. Very slowly, gently, he stroked her with his lips, each time a little closer, a little deeper, a little longer. When he plunged his tongue to her very core, she had to bite her lip to keep from crying out.

  Frantically she strove to hold on to the sensation Reid created, and just as frantically she reached for the end, the final peak, the final explosion. They just kept flowering into another one. There was no end.

  Her body sleek with sweat, she was draining beyond belief, still twisting against the bed. Against his mouth. “No more. I can’t,” she gasped.

  Reid drew himself up until he was next to her, his eyes on hers. He ran his fingers through her hair. “The human body is amazingly resilient. You’d be surprised what it can withstand.”

  Kissing only her lips, he slowly worked her up into a fever pitch again.

  She had thought she was too tired even to move. She was wrong. He was right. The human body was amazingly resilient. Her heart pounding crazily, she began to move urgently against him until he entered her again. Together, they reached another plateau in paradise.

  And Shanna felt safe. For now.

  There wasn’t a single cloud in the sky. It looked just the way it had the day of her grandmother’s funeral. It should have been raining then. It should be raining now.

  Shanna brushed away fresh tears as she looked at the gathering for Annabel Whitney’s funeral. Half of Congress had turned out to pay respects to the senator’s wife. She had died of cancer of the pancreas, succumbing almost as soon as she was diagnosed. Death had been swift and devastating to all those who had been left behind.

  It was a beautiful funeral. Annabel had touched many lives, had made many friends. Shanna doubted that the senator, cocooned in his sorrow, had really noticed any of it. Shanna’s parents were with him and he was supported on either side by his two sons. His cousin Whitney Granger had come, as well as Harold Whitney, the film director, along with other relatives too numerous to mention. A legion of grandchildren and assorted nieces, nephews, and their families all attended. All were grieving the passing of a gentle lady.

  But Senator Whitney was alone in his pain. It was a place no one else could enter.

  There were so many tears, maybe there were none left for the rain, Shanna thought, wiping her own away again.

  When they lowered Annabel’s coffin into the ground, Shanna squeezed Reid’s hand tightly. She looked toward Senator Whitney. The wide shoulders were slumped and he seemed like a little old man to her instead of the larger-than-life figure who had always populated her world. She watched as he cried, unmindful of his tears.

  Eventually the funeral was over. The beautiful words of tribute had all been said and the condolences had all been given. But the pain, Shanna knew, having suffered through Eloise’s passing, would last a very long time.

  The crowd began to disperse as everyone went on to pick up the thread of their lives.

  “Wait for me,” she said to Reid. He nodded as she began to make her way over to the senator. His sons stood off to the side, allowing their father privacy with the people who came to offer a few more words. They were all wrapped in their own shroud of grief.

  What could she say that she hadn’t already said? Yet she had to come by one last time. Senator Whitney turned just as she approached and they hugged one another.

  “Senator, I’m so very, very sorry.” It wasn’t enough. It was the truth and all she had, but it wasn’t nearly enough to help fill the dark abyss she knew had been created by Annabel’s death.

  Whitney nodded his shaggy white head. He took out his handkerchief and dabbed at his eyes. It was a useless effort. They misted again as soon as he stopped.

  “Thank you.” The senator took a deep breath, as if to stabilize himself. He tried to smile, but couldn
’t. “She was younger than me, you know. By ten years.” His voice was hoarse and cracked occasionally as he spoke. “She was supposed to take care of me in my old age. I married her thinking I’d never be alone.” He pressed his lips together. He was talking more to himself than to Shanna. “Guess you can’t make plans like that. God’s gotta have His say and He doesn’t have to tell us first.” He sighed heavily. “I’m going to miss that lady every day for the rest of my life.”

  Shanna wanted to tell him it was going to be all right. She wanted somehow to help mitigate the pain, if only by a little. But she knew there wasn’t any way now. Only time would do that. And never completely.

  “Is there anything I can do?” she asked him.

  He was silent for a long moment as he watched the black cars pull away from the cemetery without really being aware that he was looking at all. Then he turned to Shanna and took her hands in both of his. His were large and wide and so cold, as if the very life’s blood had been stolen from them.

  “Yes,” he said to her quietly. “There is something you can do.” Whitney’s eyes held hers, as if suddenly seeing her there for the first time. “Don’t miss out. Enjoy everything now. We never know if there’s going to be tomorrow.” He dropped her hands as he looked toward his wife’s grave. “I had a lot of plans for tomorrow that aren’t going to happen now.”

  And then he walked away, a broken man.

  Shanna felt Reid’s hands on her shoulders. She knew it was he without having to turn around, and was grateful for the bond that existed between them.

  “Let’s go home,” he said.

  Shanna nodded as he slipped his arm around her. His touch had never felt dearer.

  Bedlam.

  The best word to describe what was taking place around her this evening was bedlam, Shanna thought. Pure bedlam. Six floors below, in the Excelsior Hotel’s main ballroom, her campaign workers and well-wishers were partying as if the votes were already all tabulated and she had already won the congressional seat for which she had worked so hard.