Choices (A Woman's Life)

by Marie Ferrarella

  Here, in the suite she had reserved for the occasion, there was enough noise and confusion to rival the Mardi Gras celebration in New Orleans. But no matter how large the cluster of people was in any corner of the room, all life was centered on one thing. Everyone kept an eye on one or more of the three television monitors scattered throughout the room, each tuned to one of the three major networks.

  Everyone who mattered to Shanna was here, stuffed into this ornately decorated suite. Her family was here, her friends, key staff members of her campaign.

  And Reid.

  There was no category for him. He had turned out to be all those things to her and so much more.

  Ever since Annabel Whitney’s funeral, Shanna had had trouble getting the elderly senator’s parting words out of her mind, even during the last few hectic weeks of her campaign. Was she being a fool, refusing Reid’s proposal? She knew she had turned him down because she was afraid of change. Afraid to change what there was between them by altering their situation. She was afraid that change would take the man she loved and make him into someone she didn’t know. Jordan turned out to be someone he hadn’t initially appeared to be. It didn’t seem possible that the same would happen with Reid. But things were going very well between them. They might change if they were married. And one traumatic experience was enough.

  Yet Senator Whitney’s words kept echoing in her mind. And there was the fact that changes kept happening, no matter what. Life went on. There was no doubt in her mind that she wanted to spend hers with Reid.

  Figures toggled on the screen she was watching, bringing her attention back to the immediate present. Nerves jangled close to the surface as she watched the early lead that had been projected for her during the first hour slip a little as they entered the second.

  But that was only on one channel. The other two stations, her father told her as he stopped to see how she was holding up, still had her leading by a reasonably healthy margin over the challenger, Edward Chamberlain.

  “Want to bring out the champagne early?” Reid asked, coming up behind her. Shanna only shook her head as she continued watching Channel Four’s projections. “Hey, you’re stiff as a board.” He leaned closer and whispered in her ear. “That’s my role.”

  She laughed. The tension that had her in its grip loosening for a moment. “Not here.”

  Instead of the aforementioned champagne, Reid handed her a glass of diet soda. She took it gratefully and sipped. She might as well have been sipping water. She didn’t taste anything.

  She was a beautiful nervous wreck, Reid thought. “We’ll win,” he assured her.

  And after that, he had no idea what was going to happen. Shanna had been almost continuously busy before. How frantic would her pace become after she took office? And where would his place be within the structure of her life? He had his own clearly defined career with the senator. He was there to give Shanna moral support and help edit her speeches on occasion. But beyond that, he hadn’t a clue. She had turned down his proposal once, asking for more time. Time had gone by and she had said nothing. Was there an unspoken message in that?

  Though he wanted to settle things between them, he wasn’t going to spoil the evening for her. It was hers to savor and enjoy.

  “Remember Dewey,” she reminded him, the way she had on the night of the primary. Then she had won, but she was afraid of counting on lightning striking twice in the same place.

  He gave her an encouraging smile and whispered. “I’d rather remember you and the way you were last night.”

  Shanna didn’t say anything. She just took his hand and held it, her fingers wrapped tightly around his. Having him here with her would see her through this evening, win or lose.

  She looked over toward the sofa on the far left of the suite and saw Jane standing over Jessica. The little girl was apparently giving an animated rendition of a story to Senator Whitney. Instead of being sleepy, Jessica appeared to be completely awake, her eyes open wide as if she had somehow stumbled into some sort of strange wonderland. Shanna had felt the same way at her father’s election-night headquarters the first time she had been there.

  In a way, Shanna thought, she felt a little like that now.

  She smiled as she saw the senator take the child and place her on his knee, bouncing her gently up and down. Jessica clapped her hands together in glee. Shanna could remember another evening just like this one, years in the past. But then she had been the little girl on Whitney’s knee and his hair had been a deep, chestnut brown. She smiled as the memory warmed her.

  “Well, the son of a bitch finally got exactly what he royally deserved.”

  Rheena’s voice, etched with triumph, surprised Shanna. She turned just as her mother dropped a copy of a Virginia newspaper on the marble table in front of her. Shanna looked at her mother quizzically. “What are you talking about?”

  “Front page, dear. Always read the headlines, if nothing else.” Rheena looked at her daughter. There was no criticism in the statement, only a small note of affection. “That way they’ll always think that you’re well read.”

  Shanna looked at the big block letters across the top of the newspaper, CONGRESSMAN INDICTED:JORDAN CALHOUN CAUGHT TAKING BRIBES.

  Rheena only smiled as Shanna raised her eyes to her mother’s face in utter surprise. This time there was a touch of vindictive pleasure in the older woman’s eyes. “It was about time that he got what was coming to him.”

  There was something about the way her mother looked as she said the simple statement that immediately had Shanna suspicious. The scarlet smile was just a tad too self-satisfied. And why would her mother have even bothered to look at a copy of a Virginia newspaper anyway? Why would Rheena think to keep such close tabs on Jordan now?

  “Mother, you didn’t have anything to do with this somehow, did you?”

  Rheena looked at her only child and delicately placed her manicured hand to her breast, the picture of injured innocence.

  “I? The Justice Department was investigating him. Do I look like a member of the Justice Department?” And then the generous, scarlet mouth curved ever so slightly. “Of course, I do know people in the Justice Department. But then,” she said with a vague, weary sigh as she began to move toward someone she had just noticed in the room, “I know people everywhere.”

  Somehow, someway, her mother had set the wheels in motion. A whispered word there, a hint here. Shanna still had no idea just how many strings her mother had at her disposal when she needed them. Just as in Hollywood, where more deals were struck at cocktail parties than in studio offices, more business was taken care of at Washington parties than could ever be managed on the floor of the House or Senate.

  Reid picked up the newspaper and reread the headline. He shook his head as he let the paper drop again on the table. A hint of admiration was in his eyes as he looked in Rheena’s direction. “I certainly wouldn’t want her holding a grudge against me. Do you really think she had something to do with all this?”

  Shanna nodded. “I don’t ‘think.’ I know. I know what Mother is capable of.” She looked at the grainy photograph of Jordan surrounded by several of his lawyers. There wasn’t a single note of sorrow within her. No sadness for what he was going through, no memories of the past to soften her. He was, as her mother had pointed out, getting what he richly deserved. Shanna wouldn’t have done anything to him on her own. It wasn’t her way. But a part of her was secretly glad it was her mother’s. “Can’t say I’m sorry.”

  The evening dragged on, each minute slowly dripping into the next, despite the pulsating excitement all around her. It took another agonizing hour and a half before the torture came to an end. The soda and tension mixed badly, sending Shanna off to the ladies’ room far more frequently than she would have liked. And her stomach was threatening to make short work of the one hastily consumed sandwich she had eaten all day.

  As she walked out of the bathroom for the third time, Reid grabbed her hand and pulled her toward him
before anyone else had a chance to claim her attention.

  “Missed me that much?” she asked, caught off guard.

  “Always.” His grin told her that he had news.

  “What? What?” She was in absolutely no mood to play any games. Tension had completely shredded her nerves into confetti.

  He placed his hands on her shoulders and turned her in the direction of the closest monitor. “Channel Two just declared you the winner.”

  She wasn’t sure if she gasped. It was growing too noisy for her even to hear herself. Shanna’s hand went to her lurching stomach. She turned toward Reid. “It’s only what, nine-thirty?”

  He checked his wristwatch. “Nine twenty-nine.” Didn’t she understand the magnitude of what he was saying? “Time has nothing to do with it.” He pointed toward the monitor as the figures flashed on again.

  “You’ve got a clearly impressive lead.”

  She tried to keep it all in perspective. “What about the other channels?”

  As she asked the question her father approached her from her left, his smile broad. Frantic movement to her right drew her attention toward Doreen, who was eagerly waving at her from across the room. The campaign manager was pointing to the television monitor directly in front of her and giving Shanna the high sign.

  “Channel Seven says the job’s yours,” Senator Brady informed his daughter. “Shanna.” He placed his hands on her arms in lieu of an embrace. Outright displays of affection in public were hard for him. “I’ve never been more proud of you than I am at this moment.”

  “I haven’t done anything yet,” Shanna replied nervously. “Be proud of me when I manage to get something accomplished.”

  Reid let out a sigh. “Don’t you know by now that you will?”

  There was something in Reid’s tone that bothered her. It had a touch of exasperation in it. She was going to ask him what was wrong when Doreen shoved the portable telephone receiver into her hand.

  Doreen covered the mouthpiece with one hand. “It’s Chamberlain. I think he wants to concede.”

  Numbed, Shanna placed the receiver against her ear and listened to the stern, gruff voice congratulate her on “a campaign well run.”

  The words were perfunctory. Shanna knew that Chamberlain thought her an upstart, a usurper. Still, the game had to be played. “Thank you, Edward. It was a good race. You were a very difficult man to beat.” A curt thank-you and the line went dead.

  Shanna handed the telephone back to Doreen. “We won.” She said the words, but she didn’t quite believe them.

  A feeling of euphoria began to take hold of Shanna. It started at her toes, working up from her toes, swirling up her ankles, through her legs, up her body, like a shadow that was lifting from her by measured inches.

  “We won.” She turned to Reid, excitement now throbbing through her. “We really won!”

  Cheers went up throughout the room as people were hugging, crying, vicariously sharing in Shanna’s triumph. Her father kissed her cheek and several people embraced her, saying things she couldn’t quite hear.

  Reid waited until the initial furor had died down somewhat. When it came to Shanna, he didn’t want to be part of the mob. “Is a member of Senator Brady’s staff allowed to kiss a congresswoman-elect in public?” Reid laughed as she threw her arms around him and squealed.

  Shanna looked up into his eyes, his soft, wonderful green eyes. “He’d better!”

  “Later, you two.” Doreen came between them, splitting them apart. “There’s a ballroom full of people downstairs who need to hear you tell them the news.” Excited, triumphant, Doreen was laughing and tugging Shanna toward the hallway.

  Shanna looked over her shoulder at Reid, and suddenly everything became clear to her. All of this was wonderful. It was everything she had dreamed of, but it was nothing without him. She made up her mind, hoping that it wasn’t too late.

  “No, wait,” Shanna pleaded. “Not later.” She pulled her hand from Doreen’s. “Give me a minute, please.” The woman gave Reid a measured glance, then stepped out into the hall.

  Shanna waited until the suite had all but been cleared as people went down to the ballroom below. Only her parents and Jane and her daughter remained and they stood off to the side.

  Suddenly afraid that she had waited too long, Shanna said in almost a whisper, “Is your offer still open?”

  He wasn’t sure he understood. He didn’t want to jump to a conclusion that had no foundation. “What offer?”

  It was too late. She swallowed back the bitter bile of disappointment. “The one you made to me in the meadow,” she said without enthusiasm. Why had she waited so long to come to her senses? “In Virginia.”

  She didn’t have to explain any further. Why did she look so stricken? “Always.”

  Shanna’s mouth dropped open. It wasn’t too late. It wasn’t. It was all right. She grinned, not even noticing the tears that were sliding down her cheeks. But as she moved toward Reid, Doreen was whisking her away down the elevator.

  “C’mon, already,” Doreen urged.

  “Bring the baby, please,” Shanna called to Reid, hoping he heard her.

  Red, white, and blue balloons were everywhere, with identical streamers strung in between. Laughter flowed as easily as the champagne. There was a stage set up on one side of the ballroom with a podium in the middle. Shanna took the two steps up to it shakily, her cheeks flushed, her spirits exploding within her. As she came up to the microphone the applause was deafening.

  “Wait,” she cried, hands outstretched, quieting them. “Like I said to my father when he congratulated me, I haven’t done anything yet. Save your applause for then.” She tried to still the urge to shed happy tears. “Right now the applause belongs to you.”

  Shanna looked at the sea of upturned faces, so many people she didn’t even recognize, so many who had selflessly helped her because they believed in her. “Because if it wasn’t for you, your hard work, your faith, and your time, I wouldn’t be here.”

  As she waited for the next burst of applause to die down, she saw Reid enter the ballroom through the rear door, holding a sleeping Jessica in his arms. Love flooded through her and she felt so grateful to be given this second chance at life.

  Their eyes locked and held as Reid made his way slowly toward Shanna.

  “I promise to try to live up to all my promises. And to not make promises unless I can live up to them. I promise to justify your faith in me.” She smiled and stretched out her hand toward Reid. Behind her were her key campaign workers. In front of her was her whole world.

  “I feel very humble now, very proud, and very happy. Outside of the evening my daughter was born, this is the happiest night of my life.” She drew in a long breath as Reid joined her with Jessica. “Not just because you’ve elected me your representative, although that’s pretty heady stuff for a woman whose only credentials for the job up to three years ago was eavesdropping on political discussions in her father’s den.”

  Blinking back tears, Shanna looked at her father in the front row. He was standing next to her mother. The senator’s arm was around Rheena’s shoulders and they were smiling. It was the most natural show of unity Shanna had ever seen between her parents. Shanna could have sworn there were actually tears in her mother’s eyes, but that might have been due to the lighting.

  Shanna waited again for the laughter and noise to dissipate.

  “As I said, this is the happiest night of my life only because you’ve elected me, but because a wonderful man, who’s very aware of every one of my faults, my flaws, my shortcomings, still wants me to marry him.”

  She turned to look at him, the man she loved holding the child he had helped to deliver. “The answer is yes, Reid.” Her voice softened but still carried throughout the ballroom because she whispered the word over the microphone. “Yes.”

  Anything else she might have said was drowned out by the cheers and the clapping of the crowd. The balloons were released and fell down upon
the ballroom occupants like colored raindrops.

  Stepping away from the podium, Shanna murmured, “I’d like that kiss you promised me, please.”

  Reid handed the sleeping child to Jane. Because of the din, Reid read Shanna’s lips rather than heard her voice. And then he wasn’t reading them anymore. He was too busy kissing Shanna as the cheers and balloons engulfed them.

  Marie Ferrarella

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