No Love Lost

by Lynn Bulock

  “Not yet. If you stay awhile maybe I won’t yell as much.” Worth a try, anyway.

  Sounds from outside indicated that someone with large feet climbed the stairs, then the doorknob rattled and Ben stepped into the room. “Hi, Mom. Hi, Mrs. Parks. I hope I didn’t worry you too much. We totally lost track of time.”

  “You must have. Is there anything else you’d like to tell me?” Ben smiled a bit dreamily.

  “Yeah, I guess there is. I think I’m engaged.”

  Linnette excused herself quickly before the yelling began. She left just in time. Actually what followed wasn’t as much yelling as it was very one-sided discussion in a louder tone of voice. Ben shut down when I started firing questions at him, preferring to give me one-or two-word answers.

  None of them informed me much. It took an hour’s worth of long questions and short answers for me to get anywhere. “So let me see if I’ve got this straight.” I tried to relax my jaw so my words didn’t come out from between clenched teeth. “You and Cai Li sat up all night, first in the park then in her living room and then at a diner where you had breakfast and the two of you decided to get married?”

  His bright blue eyes, blazing with defiance, reminded me why similar looks from his father helped lead to a divorce all those years ago. “You make it sound dumb when you put it that way. We’re in love, Mom. We both know we want to be together.”

  “Forever? I mean, I haven’t shown you the best track record, Ben, but you have to go into something as serious as marriage knowing that this is the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. It’s not a decision I’d recommend anybody make at nineteen or twenty.” I knew Cai Li was a little older than Ben, and I gave him the benefit of his next birthday, coming up in a few weeks.

  “You did. Dad did. And your parents let you.”

  “Not happily, they didn’t. And they were right. We didn’t have the maturity we needed to stick together when things got really rough.” I understood now why Ray and guys in general ran their hands through their hair in frustration as if they wanted to pull it out. Talking to the stucco wall out back would have given me more results.

  “We’re different. We know what we’re doing. And besides, we’ve got God on our side.”

  Okay, now that I couldn’t argue with. Maybe things would have turned out a whole bunch differently if Hal and I had been more religious back then. Maybe if he’d read the Bible more Hal would have really gotten that part where it says that a man should leave his mother and become one with his wife. Right, as if that would have magically solved all our problems.

  I felt as though I’d run out of steam. “We’ll discuss this more at length today, I promise you. But I told your dad we’d call him when you showed up. How about doing that while I get us something cold to drink?”

  Ben looked nonplussed. It felt good to surprise him, even though his surprise right now didn’t hold a candle to what he’d sprung on me. “Fine. I’ll do that.”

  He stepped across the room to the corner, not as much to avoid me as to get into the spot where our cell phones had the best reception. While he did that I went over to the kitchen and got two glasses, ice and some lemonade out of the refrigerator. That way I could work off some of my excess energy and I wouldn’t be tempted to eavesdrop on his conversation with Hal.

  He was just closing his cell phone when I brought in our glasses of cold lemonade. “I think we’re going to want to put this in travel mugs.”

  “Oh? What’s going on?”

  “Dad says Nicole still hasn’t shown up but her mom and sister have. And he wants me to go over there to talk. I’m not sure if he wants to yell at me or if he just wants somebody on his side with the in-laws there.”

  “Okay, that explains why your lemonade is going in a travel mug. How about me?”

  Ben had a sheepish grin. “You have to explain to me what’s going on with Nicole in the first place. It didn’t sound like a good thing to ask Dad right now. Besides, I’ve been up for about thirty-two hours. You don’t really want me to drive over there, do you?”

  I didn’t. So the lemonade went into mugs with lids, and I explained as much as I knew about Hal and Nicole’s situation until Ben fell asleep in the front seat, looking more like a boy than a man who was contemplating marriage.

  *

  This time we went inside the two-story front entryway of Hal’s mansionette. I stilled any desire to make comments about the decorating style, where a spare modern palette in white, red and black reigned in the living room on one side of the hall. Warring with that, the dining room held what I knew were the Harris family treasures in cherrywood with damask seat cushions; a set of furniture I’d never expected to see anywhere but Tennessee.

  Obviously, Nicole rated higher with Lillian Harris than I ever had to get the heirlooms. I wondered what would happen if Hal’s mother caught wind of this last-minute disappearance of her soon-to-be daughter-in-law. If I got a minute I’d ask Hal when his mother planned to make her appearance. Or his father, for that matter. They’d been divorced for a number of years and I didn’t always keep track of them the way I should have.

  He looked as if he would welcome his mother right now. “So you think you’re engaged?” he snapped at Ben the moment we cleared the threshold. “Don’t you think I’ve got enough on my mind right now without this kind of nonsense?”

  Standing together Hal and Ben looked to be the same height, somewhere a bit over six feet. Ben, of course, had the lanky frame of youth but with the promise of the solidity his father already showed. My son’s face still sported spots of color high in his cheeks from sleeping in the car, and further fueled by Hal’s remark.

  I wanted to rush in between them before anything was said they’d regret later, but at the same time I knew that I couldn’t help either side of this argument. Still, it hurt to watch. “Did you ever stop to think that this wasn’t about you, Dad? That maybe it was about me, and Cai and what we want together?”

  “You’re not old enough to know what you want. Neither of you is. What brought this on, anyway? She’s not “

  “Hal, don’t go there.” I couldn’t let him finish that thought. “You’re upset about Nicole and this surprise on top of it. But take a minute to think straight, okay?”

  He sighed. “Right, Gracie Lee. I forgot that all of you are such serious churchgoers that stuff like a shotgun wedding isn’t possible. Certainly not with your son involved, anyway.” He spit the word with more ferocity than I expected and for a moment I could feel pain there, the pain of a man who knew he wasn’t the biggest influence in his son’s life.

  More than fifteen years of raising Ben on my own with only occasional input from his father should have prepared me for this moment but it didn’t. “Hey, reach back that far and at least remember what prompted us to get married, Hal. You know as well as I do that it wasn’t an unplanned pregnancy, so that shouldn’t be your first thought with Ben and Cai Li, either.”

  “No, the unplanned pregnancy part came later. When we got married it was just because we were young and stupid. Which is what I’m trying to point out to you.” He turned to face Ben. “Do you want to blow your whole future, both of you? She can’t be worth it.”

  It was all I could do not to yell at him. I mean, he’d managed to hurt everybody else in the room in one shot. And his words obviously didn’t convince Ben of anything except that his father knew nothing. Ben looked at me and I could see the anger rising in him. I was praying silently, fervently now for the wisdom to do and say the right things here. The pain between us felt like a living thing.

  I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “You know, I’m really afraid that we’ll all say things here that we’ll regret in a big way if we keep this discussion going. Maybe some of us already have said more than is needed. One thing that we can all agree on is that your dad and I both want what’s best for you, and we love you, Ben. It may be difficult for you to see that right now because we aren’t expressing ourselves
very well.”

  “You can say that again,” Ben said, almost under his breath. At any rate, I’d managed to defuse the situation a little. He still looked like an angry young man, but with a bit more control now.

  Hal stood silently, looking at the two of us. “I hate to say so, Gracie Lee, but you’re right for a change. Ben, I’m just so uptight right now with everything else happening that if we keep talking about this I will say it all wrong.”

  Ben’s expression clearly said he didn’t think his father would say the right thing even without being under pressure, but at least he didn’t voice it. “So if we don’t talk about this anymore do you want Mom and me to go home?”

  “Not right away. Back there in the guesthouse my future mother-in-law and Nicole’s sister Paige are ready to eat me alive. I could use some backup.”

  I hadn’t met Nicole’s family but I could guess why they were angry. “Are they blaming you for Nicole’s disappearance?”

  Hal exhaled noisily. “Of course. Perfect little Nicole wouldn’t have done this without provocation from her horrible old fiancé. And they certainly are rubbing in the ‘old’ part.”

  Ben shook his head. “Dad, what do you expect? I met her sister Paige once, remember? She’s way closer to me in age than to you. And she makes Nicole look like a rocket scientist.”

  I shot Ben a glance to tell him not to malign Nicole. He nodded almost imperceptibly. “Sorry, Dad. That wasn’t a nice way to put that. I mean, Nicole is plenty bright. But her sister isn’t going to be looking for deep reasons for Nicole’s not showing up.”

  Hal sighed. “I hate to say it, but you’re right there. That’s why I’m asking you to stick around awhile. You two at least won’t blame me because Nicole isn’t home. Will you?” He had a sad-eyed-puppy look that had won him a lot of arguments when we were married. By now I’m immune.

  “That depends. Is there anything you haven’t told us yet about last night? You two didn’t get into an argument or anything, did you?” Hal had matured some in the last fifteen years, but he still tended to snap more quickly than he should. Given a sensitive young woman like Nicole, whose job led her to read meaning into everything he said to her whether it existed or not, that could mean trouble.

  “No arguments. At least not over anything big. I mean, we’re two weeks from a wedding that her mother is determined to make the production of the century. There’s bound to be arguments over stuff like that.”

  “True. I can still remember what we went through with your mother and mine even over a small wedding last time. So how do you think Ben and I will help defuse things?”

  Hal sighed again. “Maybe you won’t. But at least come out there with me so that I can introduce you. If I’m lucky they won’t take any more potshots at me with company present.”

  I wasn’t so sure he was right there, but I went with him anyway, Ben following behind us. We only made it halfway across the pavement toward the guesthouse when the door flew open and a woman charged out. Her progress was only partially checked by noticing Hal wasn’t alone. She stopped a few feet from the door, glaring at him.

  If I hadn’t been out here in Southern California for a few years I might have thought this woman wasn’t very upset by her daughter’s disappearance. Her expensive knit pantsuit showed more disturbance than her face. But out here everybody over forty has had some “work done” it seems, and botox injections are as common as bottled water. And if I did the math right, Nicole’s mother had to be in her early fifties.

  “Tell me you’ve heard from Nicole and that’s why you’re out here,” she said frostily.

  “Sorry, Ellie, but I haven’t heard any more than you have. I just wanted Ben and his mother to meet you before they went home.” Hal tried to look as placating as possible. I knew what a task that was for him.

  A second woman appeared at the doorway to the guesthouse. While Nicole didn’t look much like her mother except in slenderness and stature, this woman who I assumed had to be Paige was definitely her mother’s daughter. Paige’s hair color looked more realistic in ash-blond, and her face was still naturally unlined. “Is she home? I heard noise out here.” When she saw us her look was a scornful duplicate of her mother’s expression. While Ellie glared at Hal, Paige was looking past him to the two of us.

  “Oh. You.” Maybe this wasn’t anybody’s finest moment here, but Paige’s disdain for Ben made me want to shriek at her. That would have solved nothing, so I just let her mother quell any further remarks with another glare. This caused Paige to toss her two-hundred-dollar haircut around and huff out air, flaring her nostrils like a thoroughbred filly. “Well, I thought it was maybe family.”

  Before anyone could say anything else the sound of a phone ringing filled the air. Hal reached into his pocket and answered it. The lowering of his shoulders told me immediately it wasn’t Nicole on the other end of the conversation. “Yes, it is. I called because Nicole hasn’t been here today. Do you know where she is?”

  He listened a moment, shoulders slumping even lower. “Yes, her car is here. She didn’t say anything strange that you remember?”

  No one else said anything, all listening to his end of the conversation and filling in the blanks for ourselves. It was over soon enough anyway and Hal closed his phone and put it away. “That was Cat from the hospital where Nicole works. She was one of the two women that went out with Nicole last night. She says she hasn’t seen Nicole since about one when they all went their separate ways.”

  I realized with a start that I’d met the person Hal was talking to. She was the nurse from the courtyard, the first day I’d taken Linnette for her therapy session. Before I could say anything, Ellie jumped in.

  “Cat. Would that be Catalina?” How anybody that much shorter than Hal could look down her nose at him as effectively as Ellie Barnes did was beyond me. “I wish you’d said something while you were still speaking with her. I’ve got things to say to that young woman. She never showed up for her last bridesmaid’s dress fitting.”

  Okay, that did me in. Her daughter is missing and the most Ellie Barnes can say is one of the bridesmaids is remiss in her fitting appointments? Nicole’s mother didn’t seem to think much of me anyway, so I had nothing to lose. I resolved to tell her right now what I thought of her. I wasn’t on the guest list for the wedding anyway, so she couldn’t uninvite me.

  Hal could still sense my thoughts enough to know what I’d say next and for once I felt relieved when he broke in before I could say anything else. “I think it’s time Ben and his mom went home. We can do formal introductions once Nicole is back, Ellie.” He turned his back on his future mother-in-law before Ellie could tell him how rude he appeared. He must have shot Ben a look to communicate something over my head as he grabbed my elbow, quite gently given the circumstances, and ushered me away. I’d never been walked to my car as quickly as it happened now. I didn’t even get a chance to tell him “thank you” for keeping me out of more trouble.

  Ben and I were on the outside of the subdivision before we spoke again. “Wow. I think Dad’s seriously outclassed there. I hope Nicole shows up soon. Otherwise Dad and her mom are going to get into it a whole lot worse than we were going to back there.”

  I couldn’t agree with him more. If Nicole Barnes still wanted to get married with everyone on speaking terms, she better not let the sun go down before she got back home.

  FIVE

  Ben and I stayed in the apartment together on Saturday night, but there wasn’t much talking. There was plenty of glaring and some short starts at conversations that didn’t go much of anyplace. He napped some and spent a good deal of time on his cell phone with Cai Li, or on his computer in the bedroom with the door open, all the sounds from the machine indicating that he was doing a fair amount of instant messaging.

  He agreed to get up and go to church with me on Sunday morning as long as I would go to the service where Cai Li played in the praise band. I didn’t see any problem with that, and when Pastor George’
s sermon topic was “Forgiveness” I imagine each of us was thinking the same thing that the other person probably needed forgiveness more. It took me a few minutes afterward to feel bad about my thoughts and to do a little fence-mending with Ben once the service ended. He still answered pretty brusquely but we managed a brief hug and a bit of a smile at each other. Then he went up front to talk to Cai Li and I headed to the fellowship between services to hang with my friends and find some sympathy.

  “If we didn’t already have a meeting scheduled for Wednesday I would call one just for you,” Linnette said, coming up to give me another hug. “Maybe instead of going to any of the adult Bible study classes this morning, a few of us need to have our own private meeting instead.”

  “I wouldn’t argue with that. Dot should be here anytime and I’ll look for Heather if you’ll look for Lexy.”

  Linnette nodded. “I’ll try to round up Paula if I can and maybe even snag us a private pot of coffee.” Now I knew she was on the road to recovery. Linnette was back to being the social director of our little group of friends. Here was one facet of my life that showed some improvement this morning.

  Fifteen minutes later the Christian Friends, at least our small group of Wednesday night regulars, gathered around a table in the fellowship hall. As good as her word, Linnette poured coffee into everyone’s cup while Dot passed the plate of cookies she brought to the table.

  “Nobody thinks best on an empty stomach and I bet you haven’t eaten much of anything in the last day or so.” Leave it to my landlady to get to the heart of the matter.

  “You’re right. Between Ben being gone most of yesterday and his announcement once he got home, I haven’t paid much attention to food.” Dot waved the plate of oatmeal-raisin cookies under my nose and I took several. She knew enough about me to pick my favorite, and these looked home-baked, loaded with plump, golden raisins.