Avenge

by Sarah M. Ross

  My eyes opened and I prayed I didn’t see something on their expressions that would set me off. It was really hard for me to admit all this, and I felt like a failure. I couldn’t stand if they thought I was too, and I knew if their faces showed any hint, it would cause me to explode. They both kept their expressions neutral, and I was thankful.

  “When did you first notice any…changes?” Cassie was taking this well, almost clinically, like she was a doctor diagnosing me. She steepled her fingers and placed them in front of her mouth.

  “You mean when did I first start going all cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs?” She and Adam both laughed hesitantly. “I guess it would be after you found me wandering around in the woods. I didn’t feel any differently when I was captured. I didn’t even lash out when I was being tortured.”

  “So what do you think triggered the change?” Adam asked. “Was there ever a time while you were there that they could have done something to you? Implanted something in you or something?”

  I shook my head. “Unless it was when I first got there, no. I was conscious for the rest of the time except for once, but Max was there then and he would have said something.” I paused for a second, remembering my last few moments with Max. “When he was there, it was like everything was perfect again. My heart practically burst with happiness and the sense of peace that I always feel when he’s with me filled me. If I was turning evil, wouldn’t I have felt it then?”

  Adam rubbed his chin and thought for a minute. “You said you noticed the change after being dropped off in the woods. Never before then? Never had any outbursts while you were there?”

  “Well yeah, I screamed bloody murder and almost beat the crap out of Alastair after he turned Max…” I trailed off, becoming lost in my own thoughts for a minute. “Do you think…” I was almost too afraid to speak the words and dropped my voice to barely a whisper. “Do you think they did something to Max, and somehow I’m feeling the effects?”

  “You said that they turned him into a vampire, right?” The word alone caused me to wince like I’d been hit. I couldn’t reply, so I nodded yes. “And they turned you once too, right? To get your bracelet off?”

  “Yes, but they turned me back. And they were going to turn him back too. They said they wanted to…” Again, I couldn’t make myself finish the words. They were caught in my throat like a golf ball sized lump and no amount of swallowing would make it go away.

  “Adam, what are you thinking?” Cassie turned her head quizzically, trying to make sense of his line of questioning.

  “I’m remembering that Max had an outburst too. Remember? He went off on Lola, screaming at her something fierce when Lucy first went missing.”

  “That’s right! He did. He even made her cry, he yelled so hard. It was so unlike him. I’d forgotten about that with everything else that happened.”

  “What are you saying, Adam? I don’t understand what you mean. What did Max do?” I attempted to follow the direction he was heading but felt lost.

  “I’m thinking, he had that little outburst not more than an hour after you were taken. Probably right around the time that you were being turned so they could get your bracelet off.”

  My hand flew to my mouth as I gasped out loud, suddenly catching on, but Adam continued. “What if it’s some kind of effect of being turned? You don’t remember any of your time when you were a vampire, right?”

  I hated that he said it so casually, like it was a normal or okay thing. It made me sick. My stomach rolled and bile rose in my throat at the idea. But I sucked it up because didn’t want the fog take over. I wanted to help fix this. “I don’t remember any of it,” I whispered. “I was as shocked as everyone when Alastair told me what he did.”

  “And how did Max act when he was turned? Did he say anything to you?”

  I thought back a moment recalling it. I spent so much of my effort wanting to kill Alastair for ruining what Max and I had that I wasn’t thinking about watching what Max did. “No, he didn’t say a word. He sat there and played with his fa-fangs, like he was trying to figure them out or something.”

  Cassie clucked her mouth on the couch behind me. “That doesn’t sound like Max at all. The Max I knew was inquisitive and would have been asking—no, demanding—answers. He was never a laid back or ‘go with the flow’ guy. He’s pure alpha, through and through. He would have wanted to assert some type of control, especially if he thought you were in any type of danger.”

  “He didn’t even look at me. I called his name, but he never looked up. I thought he was in shock or something so I didn’t push it. I was too focused on wanting to kill Alastair.”

  Adam stood up silently and walked over to me. He knelt, so we were eye-to-eye and he took my hand. It wasn’t romantic or anything—it was like what a big brother would do.

  “Sweetie, I think we may need to consider the option that Max is still a vampire.”

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  “Why?” I demanded. I closed my eyes, lowered my voice and adjusted my tone. I didn’t want to go all black-eyed again. “Why would they do that? Alastair said—repeatedly—that he wanted to use Max to drink from. It was the one thing that kept me hopeful these last few weeks. If I could last through almost a month of that torture, I knew Max could last at least three times as long. He’s the strongest person I know. But we would find him, and he would be okay. Why would they keep him a vampire?”

  I didn’t notice tears were pouring out of my eyes until they splashed onto my legs. Cassie handed me a tissue and Adam kept hold of my other hand, squeezing reassuringly.

  “I don’t know, sweetie. But I think this is a good start. If we know the why, we can begin to figure out how to fix it.” Adam patted my knee and stood up. He kissed Cassie on her forehead and started for the door. “I’m going to go talk to James for a bit. Cassie will stay here with you, and then I’ll be back in a little bit.”

  I nodded and leaned into Cassie a little more. I had been through the emotional wringer tonight and was ready to crash. “Will you take Frenchie with you? She hasn’t gone on a good walk in a few days. “

  “Of course. I’d be happy to. We’ll even stop by the Commons. They’re baking fresh doggie treats in the bakery now since so many people are getting dogs. C’mon, girl.” Adam patted his knee, and Frenchie took off running, dancing in circles around his feet. He hooked her collar on and they set off.

  “You want to make some popcorn and watch a movie?” Cassie asked, seeing the tears threatening again and wanting to distract me.

  I rubbed my eyes as fatigue sunk in. “No, I think I’m going to lie down for a bit. Wake me when Adam gets back from talking to James.”

  I walked to my bedroom and lay on top of the blankets. I needed to rest for a bit. No matter how long I laid there, sleep eluded me. I couldn’t seem to slow my mind, and after a half an hour of tossing and turning, I got back up and went to sit with Cassie. She was curled up watching The Princess Bride.

  “Again, Cass? Haven’t you seen this about a thousand times by now?” I plopped down next to her and she opened up the blanket for me to snuggle in with her.

  “It’s been at least two thousand, but I can never get enough Buttercup and Westley.” She handed me the bowl of popcorn and I took a handful as we watched the Dread Pirate Roberts prepare to save the girl.

  Ten minutes into watching, I fell asleep on Cassie’s shoulder.

  *****

  “Lucy? Wake up, sweetie. James and Elizabeth are here.” I opened my eyes and wiped the side of my mouth to make sure I hadn’t been drooling. Adam, James, and Elizabeth were sitting around the small kitchen table while Cassie sat on the coffee table getting my attention.

  “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to keep anyone waiting.” I sat up and threw the blanket off me, taking a second to stretch my arms. I didn’t know how long I was out for, but the TV was now off and Cassie cleaned up the popcorn and drinks from earlier.

  “Don’t worry about it. You needed the rest,” Jam
es assured me. “We heard from Adam what you discovered, and we want to go over a few things with you.”

  I stood up to find my shoes so we could go to the Gideon facility, but no one moved. “Shouldn’t we take this…elsewhere? I mean, it’s not really safe to talk here, right?”

  “We have Lola, Zander, and Marco strategically placed around this floor and the complex itself, so if anyone even comes close to your room to eavesdrop, we’ll know. We also did a sweep for any recording devices or anything else that could be used to spy, and the place is clean.”

  “Why go through all that trouble? Why don’t we head over to the meeting room we’ve been using?”

  James and Elizabeth glanced at each other and shared a silent conversation. I worked hard to push away the irritation that quickly was becoming annoyance and anger. They were doing things behind my back that obviously concerned me. “Someone want to fill me in? Before my eyes change to all black and I want to rip your heads off.”

  James nodded at Elizabeth and she turned to come over to where I was sitting. “After talking to Adam, and seeing how you’ve been…feeling recently, we think it best if you remain here for now. Somewhere that brings you comfort, but also where you won’t be a danger to anyone.”

  “Elizabeth!” James admonished. “Why would you say that? We talked about—”

  Elizabeth shrugged her shoulders and cut him off. “It does the girl no good to coddle her, or leave her in the dark. So I think honesty is best here.” She turned away from James and looked me in the eye. “I don’t want to upset you, Lucy, but the fact of the matter is that we have no idea what will set you off next. Or how far you will go.” She paused for a second and looked me in the eye. “Right this moment you’re on the verge of losing it. We all know how hard you’re working to control your emotions, but what happens when you slip? It’s best this way.”

  I hated that she was right. I would be devastated if I became a liability or hurt someone. I closed my eyes for a few minutes and pictured Max’s loving face, the passion in his eyes, the dimple on his cheek when he smiled at me. I calmed down. Pulling the couch pillow closer to me, I hugged it to my chest. “I understand. And I don’t blame you. I only want what’s best for the team.”

  Elizabeth gave James an “I told you so” look and turned back to me. “I know that Adam gave us a recap, but tell us in your own words what you’re experiencing. James and I are both older and may have a few ideas that could help.”

  I took a big swig of my now cold latte and went through with them again, filling in as much detail as I could. All the while when I was speaking, I couldn’t stop thinking about what Elizabeth had said. How dangerous was I? Could I really harm my best friends? Would whatever was inside of me override the love I felt for them all? Should they even be near me anymore?

  “Max is a part of me. He’s the very best part of me,” I explained. “Whenever he was near me, I could feel it. My skin practically hummed when he would come toward me. He and I are halves of a whole, and when we’re together it’s like I’m invincible. Everything is perfect because he is perfect for me.

  “But with his soul…compromised like it is right now, I can feel that too. I didn’t recognize what it was before. I thought it was my own anger at the situation and my own grief at everything that has happened. I didn’t realize before tonight that he was still…” I couldn’t finish that thought.

  “But everything we’ve ever seen says they only take the souls of the departed to make new vampires. How do they make one out of a Patronus?” Cassie asked, pulling her knees to her chest and leaning back into Adam.

  “I think they honestly pushed the vampire soul into him—forcefully. The vampire who did it collapsed afterward and never woke up.”

  James took a few steps toward me. “So what happened to Max’s soul? If they pushed a vampiric soul into him, where did his go?”

  Everyone sat silent, not having the answer. It was Elizabeth who finally spoke up. “It’s still in there—fighting for control. That’s why Lucy has stretches of calm and tranquility. And why she has bouts of extreme hatred and rage. It’s the only thing that makes sense.”

  “Oh God,” I cried, glad I was sitting. “What does this mean for him long term? I’m so worried. When I talked to the vampire who took over my sister’s soul, it was like no part of her remained. For weeks while I was chained to that cell wall, I attempted to find even a shred of the sweet girl I knew her to be, but all she ever showed was vile hatred and contempt.”

  “Lucy, we’re all worried about him,” Cassie interrupted. “But I’ve talked to members of the Retrieval team. They have seen souls turned for centuries and ones that have committed the most evil and vile of crimes. But none of them were beyond redemption. It’s why free will exists. People may do horrible things, and think the worst, but no one is one hundred percent evil. We are born pure and innocent, and we can return that way again. Each one of those souls was able to have its goodness and purity restored. Jessica will be fine as soon as we get her back, I promise.”

  It was beyond a relief to hear her say that, but she misunderstood my main worry. I shook my head. “No, I know that. But what if we don’t get Jessica and Max back soon? What will happen to my soul? Am I supposed to fight this for years, or centuries? I can’t continue to be a Patronus like this. You said yourself that I am a danger to others. What happens to me now?”

  I looked hopefully at James and Elizabeth, but I could see in their faces that the answer was not going to be one I liked.

  “For now, let’s focus on doing what we can to keep you calm while the rest of the team searches for them. We still think that the best plan is to find the spy first. If we do that, all the other pieces will fall into place.” James stood, nodded his head at Elizabeth, and walked to the front door. Elizabeth pushed back in her seat and joined him. “We’ll be back tomorrow. For now, relax and let us do all the hard work. We’ll keep you posted if there are any developments.”

  Three days passed, but nothing new was reported. James, as promised, stopped by at least once a day, but without any news to share, the visits were pretty much pointless. I watched every movie we owned on DVD and slept as long as I could. I was growing restless, and the longer I stayed cooped up, the more cabin fever set in.

  Cassie was almost a permanent fixture in the apartment with me. She only left when Adam came to relieve her, and even then it was only to go shower and change clothes in her own apartment, grab food for each of us from the cafeteria, walk the dog, and hurry back.

  My stomach churned knowing I was keeping her there, and fire burned in my gut when it dawned on me that my best friend was reduced to a full time babysitter. It wasn’t fair to either of us. I’d only had two more “incidents” where I lost myself in the anger and hatred, but while it was only two, they both lasted a significantly longer time. I threw and broke several dishes during the second one, and Adam physically restrained me for a few minutes so I didn’t hurt Cassie.

  I tried everything I could think of to shake off the dark thoughts that plagued me before they turned serious. I did yoga, meditated, took so many baths my skin was probably permanently pruney, tried breathing exercises, and prayed. But unless I was doing one of those things at all times, the darkness seeped in like a cockroach. It was impossible to get rid of no matter how hard I stamped it out. I was rotting from the inside out.

  “Luc, you want Kung Pao Chicken tonight or Fettuccini Alfredo?” Cassie was slipping her shoes on to head on a dinner run. I tightened my bathrobe and grabbed a bottle of lotion to rub into my skin now that I was nice and clean.

  “Um, surprise me.” I told her, and headed into my bedroom. Once inside, I flopped down onto the bed and punched the pillow a few times. It helped to let the anger out and I really wished I could go for a long run or swim to work some of it off. Adam was asleep on the couch, and before reason could change my mind, I decided that this was my shot.

  I was going to head to the pool and do a few laps. This
time of day, it was doubtful that anyone else would be there and I wouldn’t be a threat. I knew if I did a couple of laps, I would be more relaxed. It worked for years when I was in high school and college. And the more exhausted I was, the better I would sleep tonight. I was tired of the nightmares I woke up from each morning. As long as no one caught me, I would be in and out before anyone even noticed I was gone.

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  I quickly changed into my swimsuit and cover up, and grabbed my goggles. As I tiptoed out the door carrying my flip flops, Frenchie woke up—tongue and tail wagging.

  “No, not time for a walk, sweetie. Stay nice and quiet for me. Don’t wake Adam. I’ll bring you back a treat, okay?” The puppy licked my face and I scratched behind her ear. “Back to bed, Frenchie,” I ordered, and I scooped her up and plopped her down. “Now shhh.” Once in the hall, I slipped my shoes on and took the back stairs down to the rear exit.

  The pool was located a few hundred yards passed the Gathering Hall, a large community room where groups of souls gathered to play cards or chess; sometimes they held impromptu dances, or simply gossiped about everything under the sun. I knew it was tempting fate to pass by all those people, but I kept my head down and jogged passed before anyone noticed me. The pool itself was an indoor Olympic sized pool that contained two whirlpools outside of the shallow end and even had a sauna connected. This was open to be used by anyone and was often crowded.