Defying Fate

by Lis, Heidi

  “I came here to tell Sam I am quitting, of course he understands completely,” I say, crossing my hands over one another in an x motion as if to say that’s enough.

  “He is the only one who has the balls to let me in on the little secret all of you have kept from me. It’s sad, the people who love me the most are the ones always to let me down.” Realizing how true my words are, it wrecks me.

  “Oh my God!” I cup my mouth and let out a big cry, one hand covering my mouth, the other holding my stomach.

  Kara keeps saying ‘no-no-no’ as she grabs my shoulders. Shaking them lightly, she exclaims, “Listen to me, I have no idea what Sam told you, but it’s not what you think.”

  Oh, so she knows precisely what I am referring to, how lovely.

  Snapping my head back, I scream, “What? You’re kidding me, right?”

  It’s Braxton, who grabs me now pulling me toward him. “Izzy, you need to listen to me right now.” Braxton grinds his teeth, avoiding eye contact with me, his attention is solely centered on Sam.

  Not wanting to witness a bar brawl, Liam is quick to stand next to Braxton. Here I am in a standoff, all eyes are on Sam as Kara seems to be watching me a little too carefully. I can’t stand a minute more of this.

  “Oh please. Go ahead Braxton, explain to me how your dick just happened to jump into that witch.” My mouth curls as I sneer letting my anger get the best of me.

  Braxton goes white as a ghost. “What the fuck?”

  He can’t deny it, I’ve got a picture to prove it so I challenge him again. “What, go on explaining? I’m waiting.”

  Liam shakes his head in denial. “Izzy, none of it is what it seems. I know how much Brax has been beating himself up over this.”

  Oh wow, Liam’s confirmation has my chest heaving as a part of me wants to think the picture is false, that maybe this nightmare never happened. Now that knife in my chest just pierced my heart deeper. To dull my pain, I grab Sam’s full shot glass and down it rejoicing the burn as it slowly slides down my throat.

  “I never meant for it to happen Izzy. You have to believe that.”

  Braxton reaches out as his fingers dig into my shoulder. I recoil in discomfort, I know he doesn’t mean to be rough. He’s not in control right now, and he hates it. Not knowing how I’m going to react has him on pins and needles. The best way to get to the bottom of this is to show him my proof.

  “Okay,” grabbing for Sam’s phone on the bar I shove the image at Braxton. “Let me show you the wonderful picture I just got to witness.”

  Holding the image in his hand, he lets out a few swear words. “Jesus Christ.”

  Yep, that’s the answer I get. Raising my eyebrow in disbelief, I slowly look at Kara, and then Liam, and lastly Braxton. It’s the same shocked look I had at seeing this, but only mine is followed up with betrayal.

  “Fuck Brax, she took a fucking picture. Bitch wanted to make sure Izzy saw this.” Liam takes the phone and throws it against the wall smashing it to pieces.

  “Hey Fucker, that was mine,” Sam yells from behind the bar.

  Liam shrugs his shoulders, saying, “Yeah and I bet you couldn’t wait to show Izzy these pictures huh Sam?”

  There’s an awkward pause as Sam stays silent. I’m not sure if Sam told me out of concern for me or if he wanted to drive a wedge between Braxton and myself. Either way, it just sucks for me.

  “Well, now it’s out there. Fucking bitch got Brax drunk and took advantage of him, why stop and take the time to take a selfie?” Kara crosses her arms, nodding her head, before saying, “You know she did it for you.” Kara says matter of fact, like it’s not a big deal.

  I’m slightly drunk, but not damn near drunk enough for this to make any sense to me. In a moment of temporary insanity, I slap my knee laughing. No idea why, most likely its laugh or cry and I really don’t want to cry right now.

  Liam and Braxton both look stunned with their faces white and frowning. Kara just rolls her eyes and takes a drink. It’s Sam that looks like he wishes he was anywhere, but here. Thank God the bar is empty besides us, although this would provide some serious entertainment for the night.

  I stand up from my stool still laughing as I make my way to the pool tables. One, I need some space and secondly, its play pool, or I might start throwing stools around the bar. I want to hit something, maybe I should just haul off and take a swing at Braxton. Might make me feel better but instead I pick up the eight ball and roll it down the table. I can sense him before he speaks.

  “Play me? Play with me and talk to me?” Braxton says as he reaches out for me. I turn away from his touch walking to the other side of the table.

  Raising my eyes to meet his, my look is cold like my voice. “I don’t own the bar, do what you want.”

  “Baby, let me explain. Please hear me out, just don’t interrupt me, okay?”

  This time he speaks with more confidence, holding up his hand to stop me from answering. I swing my gaze back to Kara and Liam as they are staying near the bar. I’m sure this is intended to give us some much-needed privacy. I’m relieved because I’m too tired to talk to all three of them at the same time.

  I’m having trouble swallowing, hating to have this conversation with him. “And what? Listen to you tell me how you didn’t mean it? How it was a mistake, how she took advantage of you. Better yet, you don’t remember any of it? Does any of this work for you?” My hands are flying about as I speak.

  “Exactly,” He raises his voice. “It meant nothing. One night I was drinking to dull the pain of missing you, and she showed up, I drank more at the sight of her. The next thing I know I feel someone riding my dick…”

  Hearing him say this, I can’t help but cry out in betrayal and sorrow. Falling to the floor, I crumble to my knees clenching my fists to my chest. The image I have of hearing him say he felt someone riding him literally cuts me deep. It’s too painful as my head can’t stop that image mixed with his words from replaying it over and again.

  Tears stream down my cheeks as my sobs are hysterical. Not a second passes before Braxton cradles me in his lap. Not a second after that Liam and Kara are joining him.

  “God, baby. Please don’t cry. Oh my God, I just got you back. You have no idea what it was like for me, knowing you were being held by him. Not knowing what he was doing with you… or to you.” His voice crackles as his cries resonate throughout the bar.

  “Izzy, I’m so sorry,” Kara tries to comfort me. “I couldn’t find the strength to tell you. I discovered afterward, and only because I overheard Liam and Brax talking. I wanted to kill the bitch, and I will if I ever see her again.” Her hand continues to stroke my hair as she keeps telling me how sorry she is.

  Liam’s voice if full of disappointment and all his sarcasm and insults is geared toward Tiffany, his sister.

  “Izzy, you have to understand Brax was drunk most days after you went missing. He went off the deep end one night I was off trying to get some things worked out with Max. Found out Tiff came and saw Brax, I went ape-shit. I found him sitting buck ass naked on the couch with only a blanket passed out. Found out from Zeke, the ugly details as he found them later.” The beer Liam is holding is now thrown against the wall shattering it. He is voicing his anger towards his brothers for letting this happen at all.

  “You are cleaning it up dick, no more throwing shit in my bar. Jesus, just get the fuck out will you?” Sam is beyond furious.

  “Sam, you little prick. This mess is entirely your fault. You started this, so shut the hell up.” Liam was all over his shit.

  Me, I’m just silently crying, being rocked back and forth in strong arms. I know Braxton is crying as well as I can feel his tears as they hit my face cradled against him.

  “Izzy, look at me honey.” Liam gets down on the floor next to us on his knees. I refuse, I keep my face hidden, curled to my chest pressed against Braxton as he has me gripped tight to him. I’m just too tired and hurt to fight him off.

  “If you don’t
want to look, then just listen to me, and listen good. Braxton was not doing well, and it’s not an excuse. Most days he was keyed up and worthless, I know when I left that night it was a mistake. He was barely functioning, that is why I thought it was okay not to play babysitter for the time being. I left, and I also found out when I got back from Zeke that he saw Brax pushing Tiff off him. He kept telling her that it was only you. That pissed her off, she was more intent on what she came to do. She pushed more alcohol down his throat and then when he stopped fighting her, she stripped him naked and fucked him. Made sure she had proof, all to show you.” Liam is always so cool, calm and collected, but right now he is nervous and is almost begging me to believe him.

  Pushing myself off of Braxton, I can’t help but look in his eyes. He’s a mess, tears flowing, his eyes are bloodshot. My relaxed, confident man is not he man in front of me now, I almost feel sorry for him as much as I feel sorry for me, almost. Without a doubt, I know he is telling me the truth. I don’t like it, but I know he is not entirely to blame either.

  I notice the worried expression on Liam’s face before I ask. “Can you tell me, better yet, can you promise me she is out of my life for good? Is she out of Braxton’s life for good? Can you give me that Liam?” My sobs are more controlled as I struggle to find my voice.

  Wiping my tears with his hand, Liam says, “Izzy, honey, I know she is out of his life and yours as well. I made it crystal clear to her what would happen if she ever shows her face.”

  “Izzy, Brax loves you so much. You have to believe him. Do you honestly think I would let him live, let alone let you near him, if he weren’t?” Kara wags a finger at Braxton.

  I admit to her that I believe her, I also acknowledge I think Braxton is telling me the truth, otherwise he would not be on the damn floor crying with me. It’s not his style.

  Holding his hand to cup my face, Braxton sighs. “Izzy, I love you so fucking much it hurts. I didn’t want to admit it to you, I’m so damn ashamed.” He lowers his face to mine, looking deep into my eyes. “There was no way I was going to hurt you. I couldn’t lose you, not again.”

  His declaration of love is all I see in his eyes. There is no denying what he feels for me and how desperately sorry he is.

  I just need to figure out where to go from here. The more I shake my head back and forth I can’t seem to erase his words and the picture of her riding him. The harder I shake the image from my mind the louder it just screams back. The more I shake my head, the tighter Braxton holds me.

  “No, no, no Izzy do not shake your head at me. You are not leaving me. Sweet Jesus, God Almighty, YOU ARE NOT LEAVING ME.” He says panicked.

  Strong arms wrap me fiercely in a tight hold. His smell and brute force undo my resolve every time, and I can’t help but cry harder. No use in pushing him away, I can’t move a muscle.

  “What…what… happens now? I mean, what’s next, she always keeps coming back Braxton.” I mumble out because I am smashed into his chest. Pulling back, I slap on his chest playfully but straighten myself upright.

  “She took advantage of the situation. Did she put a condom on you?” My eyes widen in shock. “Do you even know?”

  I start to ramble as all sorts of things crash into my mind. “What about diseases, what about, oh my God, if you gave me some fucking disease from that bitch? I swear I will kill you.”

  My mind was playing all sorts of games on me. My luck I would end up with some disease. I barely survived Dominic, thinking he would be the death of me only to succumb to a disease from Tiffany where is the irony in that? Movies don’t even come up with this shit. As my mind continues spinning, I notice Liam and Kara are off having their own side conversation as Braxton keeps comforting me.

  “Izzy, no don’t you worry. I will get checked, swear to God, I will.” He says.

  “Oh my God,” I push his chest and yell, “it’s too late. You knew what she did yet you slept with me. You made love to me knowing she rode your dick. How could you?” Now I’m getting more upset by the minute. The ugly truth pisses me off at how careless he has been with me.

  “Let me go, you're a selfish prick. You may not have wanted it and you can regret it all you want, but what about me. ME?” I use my finger and jab it into my chest.

  “Izzy, please,” he holds out his hand to me. “I can’t give you a guarantee, but I will get checked first thing tomorrow.”

  Holding his hand out to me, well screw that. What comfort can he give me right now? None. Now that the conversation is heating up again Liam steps closer to us.

  “Izzy, my sister is one piece of work, but she would not do that.”

  Liam is defending his sick sister to me, oh hell no.

  Standing tall, I turn to face him. “Liam, how the fuck would you know? She came to get what she wanted, to fuck him and to screw with me. Why is this so far-fetched for you to imagine her doing it?” I’m ranting and raving in my most sarcastic voice.

  “Come on Izzy,” Kara says. “She knows better, she’s not that stupid to give a disease to Brax.”

  “Kara,” I say, rolling my eyes.

  Huffing out in frustration, Kara sighs. “I don’t fucking know.”

  “Liam, have you got any other word on her whereabouts?” Braxton interrupts asking him.

  “Fuck no, but don’t worry. Now that this charade is out in the open, I can have the guys talk freely. I’ll find her ass, don’t you worry about that.” Liam says trying to find something on his phone.

  “Hey,” Braxton says, “don’t get so worked up. We’ll both get checked out so you can have peace of mind, I need it too, I guess.”

  I whip my head as if taking a double take.

  “Yeah, well that’s not your only problem,” I say as he has no clue what I’m thinking.

  Holding his hand up, Braxton asks, “Babe, what else is there?” He’s trying to calm his voice.

  I eye him as if to challenge his intelligence. Gosh, men are transparently stupid sometimes.

  “Guess we will see if you're going to be a daddy once again.”

  I swear the look on his face goes white as a ghost.

  “Fuck a duck” Kara bellows out.

  Liam rubs his face. “Oh shit.”

  “Oh my God.” Braxton stumbles and catches the side of the pool table.

  “God can’t help you now,” I say as I walk back to the bar to find my purse and thank Sam for, well I’m not sure what the hell I’m thanking him for.

  “Listen Iz, you need anything. Let me know, yeah?” Polite as ever, Sam pulls me in for a hug.

  “Thanks for that Sam, but I think you did enough. I’m not mad at you and thanks for letting me work here. I might be back, not sure what I am going to do right now.”

  “Sparkplug.” Braxton hollers out walking toward us. “What do you mean you’re not sure what you are going to do now? You're coming back to work for me, to be with ME.” His dominance is surely returning.

  Turning back to him, I sigh. “Not sure what I am going to do, you all said your peace. I thank you for being honest.”

  “Of cou…”

  I cut him off.

  “But you did not tell me yourself, I had to find out from Sam. That hurts me more than knowing what happened in the first place. You,” I point at his chest. “You should have told me yourself, right away.”

  “Izzy.”

  I cut him off again.

  “No. You had your say, now I’m telling you, that I don’t know right now. I have no idea what I’m going to do.” I say as the tears spill again, I’m such a mess.

  “Girl did you not just hear a word I said to you. I fucking love you, no matter what the hell happened. You are MINE.”

  “I’m no one’s. I believe you with what happened. I do. But it doesn’t stop the pictures screaming in my head. The fact that she was with you intimately makes me sick, she took a part of you that belonged to me.” My words are almost a whisper, as the hurt in them is easily heard and felt.

  Shaking
his head. “Honey, she didn’t take shit.”

  “Oh, we both know that is not true. Guess we will find out in a few months if you're so called seed, grew a baby, another baby Braxton.” I gasp visibly shaken. “It will kill me. I won’t come back from that, not sure I can now,” I say looking down at the floor.

  I’m suddenly hauled into his arms as Kara is swearing ready to throw her stool across the room. All of us just stare.

  “Fuck her Izzy, you have been through worse dammit. You do not let her win, you hear me? Grab a hold of your man and show her that he is yours. You get what I’m saying to you?” Kara angry is never a good thing when it is directed at you.

  I let a laugh escape my lips. Braxton wants me to go with what she said.

  “Listen to your girl Izzy. She is right, and you know it. I’m not letting you go, so deal with it, process it, and then throw the shit away. End of fucking story.”

  I pull away from him slightly and look at all three of them. They are all close enough to be in a huddle. Sam and Liam continue to share pleasantries with one another, as Kara’s making sure she gets her voice heard.

  “Let me ask you something Braxton? How would you feel if the roles were reversed and you found out Dominic screwed me when I was passed out? Would it be easy to deal with, process it, and simply throw it away?”

  I can feel his body tense, and his facial expressions turn murderous.

  “Fuck, I get it okay. I hate it, and there is not a goddamn thing I can do about it. The idea of him with you is the reason I was drinking all the time. It was the only way to numb the pain. Can’t you get that Izzy? It-Fucking-Killed-Me.” The only thing he can do is rub the tension off of his face with his hands, rubbing his forehead like he might rub off some skin.

  I whisper as we are face to face. “I get it, I get you. I am so sickened by it, I want to either vomit or slap you. This hurts Braxton, I’m fucking hurting here.” I wrap my hand around his face leaning my forehead against his.