Stephanie didn’t believe her. She knew how difficult it would be for Meredith to accept any kind of sexual yearnings for somebody after what happened with Jameson West. She herself was confused by it. Somebody like Meredith, with her kind and caring nature, would undoubtedly have mixed feelings toward this reaction. Meredith needed time, and Stephanie would give that to her. She would not rush her. They both had things they needed to work through, and hopefully Meredith would not run away from this. After so many years of being alone, Stephanie had finally found somebody who brightened her world, made her feel excited for life, and she was not going to give that up willingly.
Meredith’s kiss on her cheek brought her back to the present. Stephanie’s hand involuntarily went to the place her lips had touched as she shook her head, mesmerised.
“Will you let me know when you arrive home?” Meredith asked.
“Of course. It may not be until late.”
“I don’t care what time of the night it is, you make sure you ring me.”
The panic in her voice did not go unnoticed by Stephanie. She gently cradled Meredith’s chin in her hand.
“I promise you, I will call you. Nothing will happen to me.” Her eyes bored into Meredith’s trying to make her believe that everything would be fine. She could see the worry in her face. After all, it was in York that they had both gone missing. “He’s in prison, Meredith, he cannot hurt us anymore.”
“I know, you’re right. I just worry.” The tension in Meredith’s body seemed to release as she sat back into her seat. She blew out a breath.
“Perfectly understandable. I’ll be careful.”
Meredith looked at her and smiled sweetly. “I’m going to miss you. You will keep in contact, won't you?”
“Every day.”
Meredith searched her face and Stephanie was pleased that she seemed to find what she was looking for. She couldn’t go without feeling those lips again. The memory of the taste of them had been teasing her since the day before, and she knew she would not settle until she tasted them again. She moved forward slowly, giving Meredith enough time to move if she wanted to if a kiss wasn’t welcome. To her delight, Meredith didn’t move away, just tilted her head and slid her eyes closed.
Stephanie didn’t touch anywhere else, she kept her hands to herself, not wanting to freak Meredith out. She gently placed her lips on Meredith’s and left them there. She made no attempt to deepen the kiss any more than what it was. A kiss of goodbye, thank you, and a promise to see you soon. She moved back and watched transfixed as Meredith opened her eyes, now darkened to deep indigo blue.
“Wow.” Meredith touched her own lips with her fingertips, the shock evident on her face. “I think you should go now, Steph.”
She didn’t answer but hefted her bag out from the back seat and grabbed the handle of the door. She yanked it open with more force than necessary, desperate to get out of the car before she decided to stay and never go home. If she didn’t leave now, she never would.
She ducked back and made eye contact with Meredith, who still sat with a hand to her mouth, eyes wide. “Thanks again. Speak to you soon.” Without waiting for a reply, she slung her bag on her back and quickly walked into the station entrance. She did not look back for fear that if she saw Meredith her resolve would disappear, and she would stay. All the unfamiliar thoughts and emotions jumbled up inside her, scaring her, and she struggled for air. She had never felt so much all at once before, and it terrified her to know she had no idea what she was doing.
She thumbed through the contacts on her mobile phone while waiting in line for her ticket and shot off a quick text to Fiona asking to meet with her as soon as possible. She needed to talk this through with someone and nobody knew her better than Joe’s wife.
Chapter Fifteen
“Meredith? What are you doing here?” Carrie asked as she opened her door.
“I know I should have called, but I came here straight from the train station. I’ve just dropped off Stephanie and I don’t know what to do.” Meredith was dismayed to feel tears brimming in her eyes and she had no choice but to let them roll down her cheeks.
“Jesus Christ.” Carrie grabbed hold of her hand and quickly pulled her through the foyer and straight into the lounge. She was quickly gathered into a hug. “What's the matter, honey?”
Meredith pulled back from Carrie, shaking her head. She gazed around Carrie’s new home, thinking the more intimate decor and furnishings suited Holly and Carrie’s new life together. She only knew them together, as a couple. Meredith had met with Carrie to discuss a new business property and house after she had left her job and was ready to set up on her own. She had met Holly a few weeks later when the two had got back together after being separated for a while, and Meredith thought them a wonderful couple.
“I'm not sure where to start.” She turned back to Carrie, whose face was creased with worry. She blew out a breath and pinched the bridge of her nose, trying to get her thoughts in order. Carrie led her to the sofa and made her sit.
“I’m going to make some coffee.”
While Meredith sat on her own in the living room, she tried to get her head around the feelings she was having for Stephanie. She wasn’t sure what to do about them. Stephanie was a beautiful, handsome woman, with her strong jaw and captivating eyes, and Meredith loved to just look at her. She was attracted to Stephanie, sexually, and that was the thought that was scaring her the most. She didn’t know how to handle this new development. After all, she had spent eight months being brutalised, her girlfriend had cheated on her, and now she had these new feelings for Stephanie. She hadn’t thought she would have these thoughts and urges ever again considering what she had been through, but just looking at Stephanie made her pulse race. This weekend was the first time they had seen each other since the hospital and Meredith was shocked at how much she already missed her. They had grown close with the emails they had sent back and forth over the last few weeks and seeing her this weekend solidified to her how much she enjoyed Stephanie’s company. She had her reservations, though. She wondered if her attraction stemmed from their time in captivity.
Before Meredith’s thoughts could travel any further in that direction, Carrie came back into the room carrying two steaming mugs of coffee. She placed one in front of Meredith on the small glass coffee table and took a seat next to her.
“So, what is going on?” Carrie asked as she settled into the loveseat.
Meredith took a deep breath and said, “I have feelings for Stephanie.”
Carrie didn’t reply. She just sat there blinking rapidly, absorbing the statement.
“Also, Kathleen came by last night and we broke up.”
“Wow.”
“I’m not sure what is happening. With everything that is going on I didn’t think I could have these kinds of feelings with anyone. That’s why I didn’t mind Kathleen cheating on me. Of course, I was upset that she did, but I was not overly worried by it. I was more concerned that she found me lacking somehow.”
“Mare, if there’s one thing I know for sure, it is that you are a strong, beautiful woman, and nothing that guy did will ever take that away from you. Kathleen is the one with the problem, not you.”
“Thank you. It’s okay, the way Stephanie looks at me makes me believe what you are saying is true.” Meredith reached out her hand and briefly touched Carrie on her shoulder.
“So, she feels the same?” Carrie asked and then took a sip of coffee.
“Yes. When she looks at me, I can see how much she cares for me. She has the sweetest lips, they feel so right touching mine.”
Carrie sputtered the coffee she had just taken a sip of back into her mug and went into a coughing fit.
“There has been kissing?” she asked between gasps.
“Oh, not really, just a couple of pecks whilst we’ve hugged. She makes me feel so safe, especially through the night—”
“You've spent the night together?”
Meredith blu
shed, and she could feel the heat creeping up her neck and settling on her cheeks. She recalled the two nights that she had slept peacefully in Stephanie’s arms, feeling protected and loved. She had not spent a peaceful night like that since she had been home.
“Not like that. I had a nightmare the first night she was there and she comforted me. The second night, I just needed to be close to her after what had happened with Kathleen. She is a really special woman, Carrie.”
Carrie studied her for a few moments and Meredith could see her trying to comprehend all of this. Her forehead creased as she drew her eyebrows together, her lips pursed.
“I'm going to guess that you are struggling with this new development.”
“Yes. You know how I struggle with people touching me? I still flinch if people are too close, but with her, it’s like the barriers are gone. When she holds me it just feels right, like we are connected on a deeper level, but I can’t help wondering if the connection I feel with her is a product of our kidnapping. I’m worried this is a false emotion and we have just latched onto each other.”
“What does Stephanie think?”
Meredith put her now empty mug on the table and crossed her legs under herself. She ran her fingers through her hair, scratching her scalp. “She thinks we should go slow, carry on getting to know each other. She doesn’t appear to be overly concerned about the way we met, she’s just happy that we did.”
“Perhaps she’s right. You both live quite a distance away from each other so it’s not like you’ll be seeing a lot of one another. Keep talking over the phone and email and see where it leads. You might find over time that you have nothing in common and run out of things to say. If this is because of the kidnapping, it’ll fizzle out once you are both in a better place.”
“You’re probably right. I am rather worried about her, though.” At Carrie's raised eyebrow, she continued. “Stephanie appears to have already moved on from the kidnapping and doesn’t relate her time there the same as mine. She gets angry when we talk about what he did to me but shows no emotion if we talk about her experience.”
“You think maybe she's suppressing it? Pretending it didn’t happen?”
“I’m not sure. She was in an accident as a small child, which, she thinks, stole her ability to have feelings or emotions about things. She can be empathetic to others at certain times, but she never feels anything for herself. Does that make sense?”
Meredith shook her head at her inability to explain the problems Stephanie had. Stephanie was adamant that it was due to the accident, but Meredith was sure it was the loss of her mother that led her to hide her feelings and not wanting to risk being hurt again.
“I think I’ll mention it to my counsellor at my next meeting, see if she has PTSD or something.”
Carrie glanced at her watch. “Holly should be back from the graveyard soon. Do you want to go out for a bite to eat?” Holly’s sister had died the year before and Holly visited her grave often, still missing the only blood family she had left. Meredith did not want to think about surviving that kind of loss, how devastating that must be. Her mind flashed to Stephanie. She had no family of her own either. If not for her good friend Joe, Meredith wondered who Stephanie would have become.
She realised she had zoned out for a moment when Carrie cleared her throat and nudged her with her sock-covered foot.
“Oh, sorry. Yes, that would be nice. Somewhere not too crowded, though. I still get a little panicky if there are too many people about.”
“No problem, I know just the place.”
†
Stephanie sat comfortably on the plush pink leather sofa in Fiona’s lounge while Fiona sat opposite her on a footstool. They both cradled a tumbler containing two fingers of whiskey. After Stephanie had arrived home from Meredith’s three days ago, she had spent that time working and sleeping, not wanting to visit her growing attraction toward Meredith. She knew in her heart that she had developed strong feelings for Meredith, but she didn’t want to entertain the idea that this attachment might be because of the ordeal they both shared.
Stephanie knew she had to talk to somebody and Fiona was that somebody. She supposed maybe she could talk to Joe; however, he would most likely say what she didn’t want to hear, that Meredith was right, that her feelings were due to the kidnapping. He was her best friend, but sometimes she just needed a woman’s perspective and there was no opinion she respected more than Fiona’s.
She had arrived over an hour ago, but she had yet to broach the subject of why she was really here. They had chatted vaguely about her visit to Meredith’s, but Stephanie had skimmed over the most important details. Fiona wasn’t stupid. Stephanie could see by the crease above her eyebrows and her pursed lips that Fiona knew something was going on.
“I’m not sure what to do. We had a really nice time together and we grew closer, closer than I’ve ever been with anybody. I’ve told her things that even Joe doesn’t know, and I’m scared of what this could mean.” Stephanie took another gulp of the whiskey, enjoying the burn as it slid down her throat. “I’ve never felt like this before with anyone. She is so beautiful and strong-willed, I just want to protect her and make her safe.”
Fiona stared at her unblinkingly. Finally, she took a deep breath, blinked, and shook her head. “I know you guys went through a lot together and you definitely formed a bond, but you can’t base a relationship on those things alone. You need to ask yourself if the kidnapping hadn’t happened, and you met randomly in a bar, say, would you still be attracted to her? Do you find her sexually attractive?”
Stephanie didn’t even ponder the questions, she answered instantly. “Yes.” She ran her fingers through her hair, a soft smile overtaking her lips. She thought about the weekend she had spent with Meredith and all the things they had talked about. The kidnapping was hardly discussed. They had spent the time having fun and getting to know each other. She knew without a doubt her feelings for Meredith were real.
“I think what happened to us probably did bond us together, but everything that happened after that, and the way she makes me feel, proves to me my feelings are real.”
Fiona was about to respond when Joe walked in. Stephanie looked at him standing in the doorway of the lounge and was dismayed by the look of disgust on his face. She could tell he was angry, his face getting redder by the second. She had never seen him like this before. For the first time since she had known him she feared him. She didn’t scare easily but seeing him like this terrified her.
“Did I just hear right?” Joe asked through gritted teeth, his voice unnaturally quiet for him. “You think you honestly have feelings for her?” He stepped farther into the room and Stephanie stood. They ended up face-to-face, only inches separating them. “I get why you might think this is true, but this is all just in your head. There is no way you feel anything for her except pity.”
Stephanie flinched at the last word, her own anger growing. She closed the distance between them and shoved Joe as hard as she could, sending him backwards flat on his ass. Before he had a chance to stand, she stood over him.
“Don't you say another fucking word about her! You don't know her or what we went through together. You’re supposed to be my fucking friend and support me. This is no longer up for discussion. I’m falling for her and I want to see where this goes, understand?” She stepped back from him and turned to face Fiona, who still sat in her chair, shock clearly displayed on her face. “Sorry about this, I guess I’ll be leaving now.” She leaned over to collect her phone and keys from the end table.
“You're making a mistake,” Joe said from directly behind her. She hadn’t heard him get up. She kept her back to him and didn’t respond. He continued. “Are you that desperate to find someone you’d take on any hopeless case?”
She couldn’t believe what he had just said. They had been friends for the last five years and this was the first time he had ever said anything so nasty to her. She didn’t think, she clenched her fist, and in on
e quick motion, turned and punched him in the face. The crack of his nose was unmistakable as blood spilled out over the carpet.
Fiona shot to her feet and rushed to her husband’s side. Joe had his head cradled in his hands. She turned to Stephanie and in a calm voice said, “You need to leave, now.”
Stephanie shook out her fist, her knuckles burning with pain. She wouldn’t be surprised if she had broken something. She’d never been one for fist fights. Yes, she had her fair share of scuffles in the past, but she had never punched anyone like she had Joe. He was her best friend, and they had never had a falling out like this before, but she refused to apologise. She would never let anyone talk about Meredith the way he had. Regardless of whether Stephanie had feelings for her or not, what he said was disgusting.
She grabbed her things and went to the front door. Before she could open it, she felt Fiona’s hand on her shoulder turning her around. She expected Fiona to be angry, furious, with her and was shocked by the kindness and sympathy in her face. She was dismayed to feel tears stinging her eyes.
“I…”
Fiona cupped her cheeks in her warm hands, and brought her head down, kissing her on her forehead.
“Steph, it's okay. He was out of line, but he’s worried about you. He just wants to protect you.”
“I know, and I am sorry, but I can’t deal with his negativity right now. Why can’t he just support me in this?”
“He just doesn’t want you getting hurt again. He loves you.”
After Dark Page 11
