After Dark

by Samantha Hicks

  Meredith watched Stephanie leave the room again, glad they were at least trying to get back to normal, but also knowing she was a coward. She had always been able to talk to Stephanie, and now should be no different. She couldn’t help but wonder why she couldn’t do it this time. She poured some more wine and opened the fridge, trying to find something nice to eat even though she didn’t really have an appetite right now. She hoped she could deal with this and not keep taking it out on Stephanie.

  †

  “I don't know what is going on with her, Fiona,” Stephanie said into her mobile phone as she stood in line at the supermarket. It had been three days since the argument about her shoes, and although they both had tried to move past it and act normal with each other, Stephanie could tell there was still something bothering Meredith. She had tried to talk to her about it, but Meredith always said she was fine, for Stephanie to stop worrying. That was asking a lot because Stephanie always worried about Meredith, she couldn’t help it.

  They had run out of milk and some other ingredients, so Stephanie had offered to go out and pick some up while Meredith started preparing the steaks for dinner. The issues that Meredith was obviously facing were wearing heavily on Stephanie’s mind. She thought about ringing Joe to see if he could help but knew he would only give her shit for moving in so soon, so she rang Fiona instead.

  “Have you tried talking to her about it?”

  “Yes, a few times. But she just says everything is fine and I know she is lying to me. I can’t help but think maybe she is having regrets about me being here.”

  Fiona chuckled. “You’re kidding, aren’t you? When you were both here it was clear to see how much she loved you. You know this. So, whatever is going on with her I imagine it has nothing to do with you or your relationship.”

  Stephanie was silent for a few moments as she tried to recall anything that might be upsetting Meredith. The only thing she could think of was the words Kathleen had said to her. Could that be the reason why she was so off with Stephanie recently? She shook her head. They had already spoken about Kathleen and Stephanie knew Meredith had gotten past that, or so she claimed. Stephanie let out a frustrated breath. She could stand here all day trying to come up with reasons why Meredith was so off, but until Meredith decided she wanted to talk to Stephanie about it, there was nothing she could do. She would just have to make do with Meredith’s outbursts.

  “I love her too, and as much as it’s driving me crazy, she’s hurting over something, I know I have to wait until she comes to me. No matter how much I try and talk to her, she just blows me off.” Stephanie unpacked her basket on the conveyor belt and slowly moved down the line. “Anyway, how are things with you and Joe? How is he getting on at the gallery without me?”

  “He’s doing okay, although he did say the other day that he is looking forward to you coming up and looking at the accounts. I told him I would try and help him, but he said he’d rather wait for you. I get the feeling he doesn’t trust me with it all.”

  “I doubt it’s that. We got into a routine of things there, and you know Joe, it takes a lot for him to make a change.”

  “Yeah, well, I think he’s just using it as an excuse to wait for you as he misses you so much.”

  “It’s only been a few weeks, but yeah, I miss you guys too.” Stephanie reached the checkout and the cashier began scanning her products through the till. “I’ve got to go, I’m being served.”

  “No problem. Call me anytime if you need anything. I hope you manage to work things out with Meredith.”

  “Thank you. I’m sure it will be fine. I’m going to give her some more time to see if she speaks to me about it. I just hope she doesn’t have second thoughts about us.”

  †

  Later that night they were lying in bed together. They were in the usual position, Stephanie laying on her back, holding Meredith in her arms. Stephanie wasn’t sure what had awoken her, however, it didn't take long to realise that it was Meredith’s hand stroking her breast that was rousing her from sleep.

  “Meredith? What are you doing?” she whispered. Meredith didn’t give any indication she heard Stephanie as she continued her ministrations. Stephanie couldn’t help but flinch as the same hand trailed down her stomach and cupped her intimately. She squirmed as Meredith’s hand was working its way under her sleep shorts. “Hey, wait a minute. Slow down.”

  “I need you.”

  Meredith's voice was roughened by sleep and it sounded sexy as hell to Stephanie. As much as she wanted to be with Meredith, she knew this was wrong. She knew neither one of them was ready for this so she tried to push her away. She took hold of her shoulders and pushed, but Meredith was too eager, too insistent, and pinned her down by pressing her body weight on top of her. She took her mouth in a bruising kiss and it sent Stephanie's hormones soaring. She couldn't help but kiss her back, and as her blood pumped hard through her veins, she felt herself grow wet.

  “Please, Steph. Make love to me. Make it go away.”

  Stephanie could hear the desperation in her voice and she knew she had to stop this. Something was going on and this was not the right time to be doing this. She knew Meredith would regret it in the morning. Using all the strength she could muster, she bucked her hips and managed to flip Meredith over onto her back. She straddled her waist and pinned her wrists above her head.

  “Meredith,” Stephanie shouted, trying to break through Meredith’s resolve. Her eyes were wide, her pupils nearly black. She struggled underneath Stephanie, lifting her head off the pillow, trying to capture Stephanie’s breast with her mouth. “Meredith. Stop!”

  The harshness of her voice must have penetrated through as Meredith stopped struggling and the passion that Stephanie saw was replaced with fear. She instantly let go of her wrists and climbed off her, not wanting to scare Meredith any more than she so clearly was.

  Their breathing was ragged and Stephanie asked, “Are you okay?”

  Meredith looked at her and her eyes filled with tears. “I am so sorry. I just wanted it to go away. Why can’t I be over this yet?”

  Stephanie gathered her in her arms and held her close while Meredith wept. Clearly, she was still struggling with everything that had happened with West and Stephanie didn’t know how to help her.

  “Do you think maybe you need to go back to your counselling sessions?” She asked cautiously. She herself was pretty much over it. She was not a captive as long as Meredith had been, and he hadn’t tortured her as much. Stephanie had gone to a few sessions with her own counsellor and found them useless, as she knew they would be. Knowing West was going to trial meant he could no longer hurt anyone. It was clear, however, that he had gotten into Meredith’s head, and as much as she had improved over the last few months, there were still things going on. There was a good chance Meredith might never get over it. Stephanie was okay with that. She would help as much as Meredith needed or wanted, and she would never think of her as broken. But for her own sake, Meredith needed to find a way of coping with it. More counselling was all Stephanie could think of.

  “I hate how much he has ruined my life. He’s going to go to prison, yet I still can’t let go of what he did to me. I’m worried I’ll never be normal again.”

  “Of course you’re normal. We had some horrendous things happen to us, and that isn’t something you can easily get over. Meredith, you were there for eight months. You went through a hell of a lot of torture and mind games. I’m sorry, but I don’t think this is something you can just forget.”

  Meredith pulled away from her and wiped the tears from her face. “You seem to have managed to forget it, why can’t I?”

  “You know how I was back then. I was closed off to every feeling and emotion. I blocked out the things he did to me and stuffed them away so they couldn’t hurt me. My way isn’t exactly the healthiest way of dealing with it, but it works for me. You’re more sensitive than I am, you were there a hell of a lot longer. It’s going to take time. But I promise
you, we will get through this.”

  Meredith lay down, pulling the duvet up to her neck. “I’m sorry I accosted you like that. I just wanted the pain to go away.”

  Stephanie snuggled down into the duvet as well and pulled Meredith into her arms, kissing her forehead. “Never apologise for wanting me. You had me pretty wound up there for a few minutes.” She kissed her forehead again and gently rubbed Meredith’s back, lulling her into sleep. She lay there awake for a long time after thinking of ways she could help, and ways she could kill Jameson West.

  Chapter Twenty-two

  Meredith stood at the sink swilling out her coffee cup. She jumped when a pair of hands touched her shoulders and lips pressed to the back of her neck. Without thinking, she threw up her elbow, connecting to the jaw of the person behind.

  “Ow! Shit, Meredith. That hurt.”

  She spun around and was dismayed to see Stephanie standing there rubbing her rapidly swelling face.

  “Oh God, Steph. I didn’t realise it was you.”

  “Who on earth did you think it would be?”

  Meredith went to her and gently caressed her cheek. “I’m so sorry. My mind was elsewhere. Let me get you some ice.” She went to the freezer and pulled out the ice tray, then rummaged around in a drawer to find the bag to put the cubes in. She was shaking, on the verge of hyperventilating, her breath coming in quick gasps. She had been thinking about what she had tried to do last night, feeling ashamed for forcing herself on Stephanie. Meredith hadn’t heard her walk up behind her. This whole thing with Jameson West was slowly driving her insane. All she wanted was to get back to normal and have a regular relationship with Stephanie, without the events of the last year playing in her mind.

  She put the ice cubes in the bag and then guided Stephanie into a chair. Stephanie’s eyes were guarded. Meredith could tell she was wary. Stephanie wouldn’t quite meet her gaze, her head lowered. Meredith couldn’t believe she had elbowed her in the face. Stephanie was the last person she wanted to hurt. This was just another reason why she wished she had never gotten that damn flat tire. If she hadn’t got out of the car, he would have never been able to take her. Then the realisation dawned on her. He must have planned it, the kidnapping. It would be a rather strange coincidence that her car happened to break down right where he was waiting to kidnap somebody.

  Meredith slumped to her knees in front of Stephanie and whispered, “Oh my God.”

  Stephanie’s gaze connected with hers and Meredith could see the worry on her face.

  “What is it?” Stephanie asked.

  Meredith shook her head, not wanting to talk about it. It was bad enough she hit her in the face and accosted her last night. She didn’t want to add to any more of Stephanie’s worries by talking about the day she was taken. She still hadn’t mentioned the anniversary that was coming up in a few days, and discussing it now, when her nerves were so frazzled, wasn’t something she wanted to deal with.

  “Nothing, I can't believe I hit you so hard. Your face is already beginning to bruise.” Meredith placed the bag of ice against Stephanie’s jaw.

  Stephanie furrowed her brow, knowing Meredith was lying to her. She took Stephanie’s hand and placed the ice pack in it. She stood and turned her back to Stephanie, gazing out the kitchen window.

  “Look, Meredith, I’m not sure what is going on here, but it’s pretty obvious there is something you’re not telling me. You’ve been snappy for weeks and you always look lost in thought. Is it me? Do you want me to leave, but don’t know how to tell me?”

  Meredith spun around and sank to her knees again. The worry on Stephanie’s face wasn’t hard to miss. She placed her hands on her thighs and gently rubbed. “Of course not. I’m sorry if I made you think that, but please believe me, you being here is the best thing ever to happen to me and I never want you to go. I love you.”

  Stephanie blew out a breath and quickly looked away. “Then why won’t you talk to me? I’d do anything to help you.”

  “I just can’t at the minute. I’m sorry.” She stood and gently kissed her on the forehead. “I need to go to work for a few hours. I’ll see you later.”

  Without another word, and without looking back, Meredith fled from the kitchen, grabbed her coat and keys, and was out the door.

  †

  Just after lunchtime, Stephanie was lying on the sofa, resting another ice pack on her face. She still couldn’t believe Meredith had run out on her that morning. There was something going on with her and it was driving Stephanie insane, thinking about what it could be. She knew the trial date coming up had thrown her. However, they had always been able to talk about Jameson West, and Stephanie didn’t understand why this could be any different. Her only conclusion was that Meredith wanted her to leave but didn’t know how to tell her. Although she had said that wasn’t true, Stephanie was still unsure.

  She sat up, placing the now defrosted ice pack on to the coffee table. Just as she reached for her laptop, there was a knock at the door. Glancing through the peephole, she didn’t recognise the woman standing on the other side of the door. She took the chain off and opened it wide.

  “Can I help you?” The woman was about five feet six, with thick auburn hair brushing her shoulders.

  “You must be Stephanie. I’m Carrie, a friend of Meredith's.”

  “Oh yes, she’s told me about you. Please come on in.” Stephanie stepped aside so Carrie could enter. “Meredith isn’t here at the moment. She’s had to go to work.”

  Carrie turned around and faced Stephanie. Her eyes went wide and she gasped.

  “That’s okay, I just popped by on the off chance she was here. What happened to your face?”

  Stephanie’s hand automatically went up to the bruise in question and she could feel her cheeks flush red with embarrassment. “Meredith accidentally caught me with her elbow this morning.” At Carrie’s raised eyebrows, she rushed on, saying, “I think I may have scared her. I came up behind her to give her a morning hug and I guess she wasn’t expecting it. Her mind was elsewhere.”

  “Well, that’s hardly surprising considering it’s the anniversary tomorrow.”

  “What anniversary?”

  Carrie’s eyes went wide again, and Stephanie knew in an instant that Carrie knew why Meredith had been distant and snappy recently.

  “What's going on?”

  Carrie rubbed her forehead, indecision written on her face. “I’m sorry, but it isn’t my place to say. I assumed she talked to you about it since she said she was going to.”

  “Talk to me about what?”

  “I really think you should talk to Meredith about this.” She tried to sidestep Stephanie, but Stephanie was too quick and blocked her passage to the door.

  “Tell me,” Stephanie demanded as she grabbed Carrie’s shoulders. Her voice was harsh, she knew this, but she didn’t care about coming off as a bitch. She needed to know what was going on with Meredith and this was the only way.

  “Tomorrow is the fifteenth of October. It’s been exactly twelve months since Meredith was kidnapped.”

  Stephanie dropped her arms from Carrie and walked backwards, not stopping until her knees hit the sofa, then she collapsed onto it. “Oh my God, I can’t believe I forgot.”

  Stephanie rested her head in her hands, feeling like the world’s worst girlfriend. The kidnapping was the worst thing ever to happen to Meredith and was the thing that brought them together. If anybody should have remembered the date, it should have been her.

  “Well, that explains why she has been so distant lately.”

  Carrie placed her handbag by the front door and then came to sit by Stephanie, placing her hand on her knee. “It’s okay, I forgot the date as well. She wanted to talk to you about it, about how she's been feeling, but she didn’t know how. I guess with it being the anniversary, it has brought up all of the bad emotions.”

  “We have always talked about everything. That was one of the main reasons our attraction grew so quickly. I can’t
believe she couldn’t talk to me about this.”

  “Well, now you know. The question is, what are you going to do with this information?”

  Chapter Twenty-three

  Meredith arrived home a little before five o’clock. Going to work that day had been a good distraction from everything she had been feeling. It was bad enough trying to cope with the anniversary of the kidnapping, however, trying to force herself on Stephanie the night before, and hitting her this morning, had pushed her over the edge. She had managed to get quite a lot of work done and that was the only plus side of this whole debacle. During a short lunch break, she had gone for a walk to clear her head, to sort through her feelings regarding the kidnapping. She was still unsettled by it all, but the all-consuming fear she had about it had dissipated. In the end, all she could do was focus on the positive. The positive being that Jameson West was locked up and she was free to pursue her life with Stephanie. She would start by apologising to her for being an asshole.

  Meredith opened the front door and the first thing to hit her senses was the smell of roast chicken. The lights in the lounge were dimmed and soft piano music came from the stereo. She closed the door, and then placed her raincoat and shoes in the closet. She chuckled to herself when she noticed three pairs of Stephanie’s trainers lined up perfectly.

  “Steph? Are you here?” She walked farther into the apartment as Stephanie rounded the corner of the kitchen, wiping her hands on a tea towel. She looked freshly showered, her hair still slightly damp, and her cheeks had a glow about them. She looked delicious.

  “Hey, Meredith.”

  Before she could say anything more, Meredith grabbed hold of her and hugged her tightly, kissing her fiercely on her lips, careful not to hurt the swelling that was still prominent on her cheek.

  “Not that I’m complaining, but what was that for?”