“No, you don’t understand. It was my fault. I shouldn’t have gone there alone. I should have told him. Things could have turned out differently. This is my fault.”
“Honey, this was a terrible accident.”
“He took that bullet to save my life and because of it, he’s lost his ability to walk.”
My mother grabbed me by the arm and led me to the front door. “Let’s go inside and get you to bed. You need to rest. The baby needs you to take care of yourself.” I think she knew if she mentioned the baby I would snap out of my self-inflicted pity party.
When we got into the foyer, the sun was starting to rise. A bloody mess awaited us.
I covered my mouth with my hand and looked around. There was spatter on the walls and a puddle of dried blood on the hardwood floor. I dropped down to the floor and put my hand where Stosh had fallen. With my eyes closed, I thought back to how it happened. It was still so fresh in my mind.
This time, my parents picked me up and forced me to go upstairs. My mother pulled me up each step. “You need a nice shower and a good night’s sleep. I won’t take no for an answer. If I have to lay beside you, I will.”
She was kind while getting the water to a good temperature. She helped get the soiled clothes off of me and got me standing in the shower. I wasn’t weak from being beat up; I was weak from having a broken heart.
My mother waited in the bathroom until I was finished. Then she proceeded to wrap a towel around me and walk me to my old bedroom. Once I was dressed and under the covers, she brought me up a cup of hot tea. “It’s decaf.”
I sipped at the honey sweetened hot beverage and sat it down on my bedside table. “Thank you.”
“Sweetie, things are going to be okay. I know he loves you. His mother and I talked about tonight. He’s being stubborn, like every man does when something goes wrong. Be patient with him. Let him get used to what’s happened to him. He’s not going to let you walk away. I promise.”
“I wish I could get a do-over of the last five years.”
She stroked her fingers through my hair. “We all want one of those.”
“What if he doesn’t want me anymore? How will I be able to raise a baby? I gave up my new apartment and my job to be with him. We were going to run away and raise our child together.”
“You’re not alone, Willow. Your father and I will help take care of you and the baby. You can move in with us and find a job locally. Your dad and I have plenty of connections to get you started with something here. Please consider it.”
Since I had no other options and I couldn’t have a do-over, I knew it was my only choice. “I’d like that.”
She leaned down and kissed me. “I would too. Get some sleep. I’m right down the hall if you need me.”
“Mom?” She turned around and looked at me. “Are you okay? You’ve been so worried about me. I never thought to ask you.”
“Your father and I will be fine. After learning everything that your sister had done, what she did to us was minimal. I’m awfully thankful we’re all safe. Get some sleep.”
When she closed the door, I couldn’t help but cry a little more.
I found my yearbook in my bedside table where I’d left it. After flipping through a couple pages, I got to the seniors. Under each picture the students listed what they saw for their future. What Stosh wrote finally made sense.
Be successful.
Marry the girl of my dreams.
Start a family.
I traced over his words. That statement had been about me.
A love like that doesn’t just go away. I was going to wait for him, like he’d waited for me.
His life with my sister no longer mattered. I couldn’t let his past stand in the way of our future. Stosh was mine, and I wasn’t letting him go without a fight.
Chapter 28
Starting a new life.
My attempts at getting Stosh back fell flat. As unfortunate as it was, I had to keep trying.
For the first couple weeks, my family had a ton going on. Between my sister being arraigned and deciding what they were going to do about getting her a lawyer, they were completely on edge. My father wanted her to just magically get better, while my mother thought more rational. She knew Ivy required professional help. Whether in jail or a mental facility, she wouldn’t pose a threat. They argued every single night about posting her million-dollar bail.
I think what finally settled the quarrel was how I’d threatened to leave if she were to come home, even for a temporary stay until her actual trial.
It was hard for them to have to pick which daughter to help. I got that. I just couldn’t forgive like they wanted to.
My days of being friends with my sister were very over.
Ever since finding out the whole story, Stosh’s mother, and I had grown very close. She called every couple days and kept me optimistic about having a future with her son. I knew part of it was so they could have a life with their first grandchild, but it didn’t matter, because I wanted that too.
Stosh was having a difficult time. He’d been released from the hospital and had started physical therapy. Unfortunately, since the shooting, he’d not been able to feel anything below the waist.
His mother said he wasn’t even back to work yet. They’d paid his rent, so he wouldn’t lose his place. He was staying there alone and giving up on everything
It saddened me. We could be happy together, but he insisted on being so damn stubborn. I tried calling him, more times than I was able to recall. His parents even tried to talk some sense into him.
Nothing was helping.
Finally, sometime during the fourth week, I couldn’t take it any longer. Going against everyone’s advice, I found myself standing outside of Stosh’s home. I could hear the television on, so I knew he was there.
I knocked twice before I heard him yell to just go in.
I assume he figured I was his mom. The look on his face confirmed my inclinations. He creased his brow and shook his head. “You shouldn’t be here.”
I looked around and noticed all the furniture had been moved to allow a wheelchair to get around. Stosh was sitting on the couch with the chair right next to him. I sat down on the opposite end. “It was my decision, not yours.”
“Why did you come? Did you want to see how awful it is? Are you satisfied, or do you need to see me struggle to get a glass of water, or watch me trying to climb on the toilet to be able to take a shit?”
I wasn’t prepared to feel sorry for him, but that was exactly what was happening. Since he had no feeling below the waist, I knew maneuvering around was extremely difficult. “I can see it’s been hard for you.”
The room got quiet. I didn’t know what else to say to him. He was miserable and I couldn’t take the pain away. I thought about our baby and instinctively rubbed my stomach. Since I was jobless, all I’d been doing was eating. A little bump was starting to form and in just a few more weeks I would be having a sonogram to see what the sex of our baby was.
Stosh saw me rubbing my bump. “How are you feeling?”
I shrugged. “I’m not getting sick, but it hasn’t been easy. I’m not supposed to be stressed. My parents have been helping me. They offered to let me live with them until I can get back on my feet. They think I should wait until after the baby is born to go back to work.”
“Sounds like you have things figured out.” He flipped through the channels, refusing to look at me.
“I miss you.” Maybe I shouldn’t have waited a little while before being so upfront, but I couldn’t sit there any longer without expressing my feelings.
He shook his head and turned off the television. After running his hands over his face, he finally turned to address me. “Will, I’m not going to lie to you. I miss you, too. It’s just… I can’t see us ever being happy with me in a damn wheelchair.”
“Well, I can’t see us ever being happy without being together. I want you. I want every part of you. Don’t you get that?”<
br />
I knew he wanted to stand up and walk away, except he couldn’t and it was driving him crazy. “Don’t you think I’ve thought of every possible way for us to be together? Willow, I can’t feel anything anymore. Do you get what that means? I may never be able to give you what you need.”
My jaw dropped. “Do you seriously think all I care about is having sex? There are other things people can do to be intimate with each other. Besides, I want you, not your dick! How could you assume I’d be so selfish?”
Perhaps he was a bit shocked at what came out of my mouth. He waited a few seconds before answering. “It will get old. I can’t take the rejection. Do you understand how I’d rather not be together now, then spend five to ten years and have you leave me. I don’t want to taste happiness when I know it isn’t going to last.”
I got down on the floor and positioned myself between his legs. “There are no guarantees in life, Stosh. I could walk out that door and get into an accident. I could be hit by lightning and die. You can sit here and say you don’t want to try. You can act like a little bitch, but I know what I want. I know what we’re up against and all of it is worth it, if it lets us be together.”
“Did you just call me a bitch?” Out of everything I said, he’d picked up on that.
I put my hands on his knees and sat up, face to face with him. “Yes, I did. What are you going to do about it?”
He looked hurt as he reached out and touched my face. I closed my eyes, accepting his affectionate gesture. “You’re killing me.”
Slowly, while staring into his eyes, I brought his hand down my neck and left it sitting on my breast. “I’m not leaving.”
I leaned forward, pushing him back against the couch. It turned me on to be completely in control. I was careful as I climbed up onto his lap, even though I knew he couldn’t feel it. “Willow…”
I kissed his soft lips. At first, he turned his head. I kissed his jaw and then his neck. “Tell me what you want, Stosh.” I nibbled on his ear, before kissing it. “Tell me you want me to walk out that door and never come back. Is that what you really want?” I nudged his face with my nose and felt him bringing his lips toward mine. “Kiss me.”
He kissed me slowly, holding back from what I knew he was capable of. I pulled away and ran my fingers over his lips. He reached his hands around my waist and groaned. I swayed my hips back and forth and felt his fingers going under my shirt and up my back. “You could have someone else that can walk with you and satisfy you the way I never can.”
“They’ll never give me what I want. They can’t be you, Stosh. They’ll never be what I want.” I kissed him again, feeling totally satisfied with just being in his arms.
“I have nothing to offer you. How can I be a good father if I can’t even walk around?”
“You don’t think our son or daughter is going to want to ride around with their cool dad? I don’t care about the chair. I don’t care about taking walks, or what you may not be able to do. I’ve loved you for so long and nothing has ever changed that. I’ll never be happy unless I’m with you.”
He stopped letting me kiss him. I saw fear in his eyes, even before they started to fill with tears. “I’m scared.”
“Don’t be.” I tried to kiss him but he retracted again.
“I’m scared of losing you, Will. I’m afraid to let you in, because I can’t live with watching you go. I just want you to be happy, even if it’s not with me.”
“That is a lie. You will be miserable and you know it. Words can’t describe what I feel when I’m with you. I know you feel that way, too. My sister took a lot from me, but I won’t let her keep us apart. I won’t let anything keep us apart, Stosh. You’re my best friend and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I love you for so many other reasons.”
A single tear fell down his cheek. “Please don’t say these things to make me happy.”
I rested my lips on his forehead. “I’m saying these things because they’re true. What can I do to prove it to you?” I made him look me in the eyes. “Stop pushing me away. Be with me because you want it as much as I do. These past few weeks have been hell for me. I came here today because I can’t take living another second without you. Thinking about this baby growing inside of me, and knowing we made it together, makes my heart melt. I want you there when our child is born. I want you there for the first steps, for the first day of school, and sitting next to me when they graduate from high school.”
He cleared his throat. “You’re not asking for very much.”
I laughed. “I want it all!”
He ran his hands up and down my arms. “I can see fighting with you only makes you try harder.”
“I can sit here forever if I have to.” Of course, that was an exaggeration. I already had to use the bathroom and being pregnant wasn’t helping.
“I guess there’s only one thing left to do then.”
“What’s that?” I wasn’t going to let him push me away this time. I was there for one reason and it wasn’t to be rejected. I was fighting for my future; a future for my family.
“I guess I need to hurry up with that divorce.”
“Come again?”
“Willow, I talked to my lawyer when this stuff started happening. He said since Ivy and I shared nothing of value, once the separation period was over, we could sign the papers and be done. Ivy will be locked up anyway. She won’t be able to hurt us. I won’t let her.”
“Are you saying what I think you are?” I was afraid to blink.
“The way I see it, I don’t have a choice but to give you what you want.”
“It’s taken you long enough to see that.” I was so happy I couldn’t stop smiling.
He sighed. “It’s not going to be easy. I may never walk again and I’m having a hard time dealing with it. I’m going to have to move out of here, since I can’t take care of the main house, and that was how I got half taken off of my rent. I’ll do my best to try to keep you happy and to be a father, but with no legs it will be difficult. I’m going to need you to have patience, since I know that’s something you struggle with.”
I put my fingers over his lips. “Stop talking.” I giggled. “Just tell me what I want to hear. I want you to say it without all this explaining.”
“You were right, and I was wrong. I haven’t given up on us because you’re all I want. I miss my best friend and being without you is tearing me apart. I never considered that something like this could happen to me. I thought once your sister was caught, we’d finally be together. When I found myself in the hospital, crippled, I just figured you’d be better off without me. I knew you’d fight me on it, and it would be difficult. I just couldn’t imagine holding you back. I didn’t want to ruin your life.”
“It was never like that for me. I never even considered walking away. I’d do anything for you, Stosh.”
He pulled me into a hug and kept his lips near my ear. “Thank you for giving me the time I needed to see it. I’m sorry I hurt you, Willow. I know I promised I’d never do that again. Why you keep giving me chances is beyond my understanding. I don’t deserve you.”
“Well, your getting me anyway, because I can’t give you up. You’re all mine!”
We spent the rest of the afternoon cuddled up on the couch. Sure, I had to get up to use the bathroom, and I made us something to eat. I also had to call my parents and let them know we were working things out and I wouldn’t be home. They didn’t send back a reply because they knew I was right where I wanted to be.
Chapter 29
So long, farewell!
With each passing day my belly grew, and Stosh got used to being in a wheelchair. Days turned into weeks and weeks turned into months. We found a cabin in another town, off the beaten path. It was in the country, on a small piece of property. My parents helped out by putting a down payment on it. I think they wanted to do it because they felt guilty for their part in everything that went down, even though I knew better than to put the blame on them. We
were all equal victims. At any rate, we needed financial assistance. The deed was put in Stosh’s cousin’s wife’s maiden name to prevent Ivy from tracking us down, if it ever came to that.
Stosh finally went back to work for his father. He could do everything from his new home office. Since he was in sales, it wasn’t necessary for him to go into the office.
We decided I wasn’t going to work until after the baby was born. Stosh made enough to afford the mortgage and our other utility bills, so we weren’t stretched on money.
Once we’d moved in, everything finally settled down. Both sets of parents pitched in to help us furnish our new place. They didn’t want anything from the past reminding us of what we’d been through. A clean slate was a good beginning.
We were just happy and in love. The anticipation of the new baby coming brought on all sorts of late night cravings. Stosh had the delivery places on his speed dial and I was pretty sure they were on a first name basis.
His love for me was apparent, and the time we’d been apart soon was a lost memory. Each day was better than the one before it and I was grateful for the way things had turned out.
Ivy’s trial didn’t happen until three months after she’d been arrested. She started in the local county corrections center. My parents had come to us the week before the trial begging me to go see her. They said she needed to talk to me before she was sentenced. My, now showing, belly would reveal my pregnancy. Even though I’d told her I was expecting on that horrible night she’d tried to kill us, I don’t think it really sank in as being real.
Stosh and I talked for a long time about me going to see my sister. We owed her nothing, and the last thing I wanted to do was hear her bullshit lies. As the days went by, I started to reconsider. There were things I’d been dying to say to her. There were things she deserved to hear out of my mouth.
Stosh argued with me over it, saying things were better left unsaid. He said I’d just be stirring the pot, and he didn’t feel like giving her another second of our time.
Twinsequences Willow Page 20
