Wild and Blue

by Callie Cole

  Most of the talk is that he was a good man who did so much for the community, but I have to wonder if his reputation as a good cop has fooled everyone. There have to be people who knew what he was like toward his wife, and I have no doubt his cheating didn’t go unnoticed.

  Richard Cooper didn’t seem like the kind of guy to keep his ego under wraps. My guess is he bragged about it, and it sickens my stomach to think how many secrets this guy went to his grave with.

  I call Jason to offer my condolences, but since he doesn’t answer, I leave a message instead. With all the information I have about his father, I wish I knew what the details of his death were.

  Word around town is that he died of a heart attack. Where was he when it happened? Was he on the job, or at home? Was he alone? Those facts are not written about in the paper, but I bet the women who work at Noah’s house know every salacious detail.

  I want to ask Nicole to find out more but think better of it. Considering how gossip has a way of getting distorted by the time the information gets to its final destination, it might cause more trouble than it is worth.

  The funeral is on a rainy Monday. I ask Nicole to come with me so I’d have her to lean on. True to her good nature, she was already thinking about telling me there was no way I was going alone.

  We take my car, and as we slowly drive into the cemetery, I wonder whether I will have a chance to talk to Jason. I don’t want to get into anything serious, but I need to see him and to hear his voice. Of course he has no idea how much I know about what kind of man his father really was, and the funeral is not the right place to talk about it.

  As people come out of their cars, it starts to pour. Steam coming from the pavement and the exhaust of the limos makes it hard to see the front of the line. People start up toward the burial spot, and as Jason begins to follow, he turns and sees Nicole and me. He says something to his mother, and then walks toward us.

  My heart pounds in my chest, and the sight of him makes me want to cry.

  “I’m so sorry for your loss, Jason. How is your mother holding up?”

  “She’s fine. Thanks for asking. She... We’re going to be fine. I’m taking a leave of absence from the force. So much has happened lately, I need some time.”

  “Of course, that makes sense. You shouldn’t go back to work so soon after. Your mother will need lots of your support. I think it’s a great idea.”

  “Thanks, Bella.”

  Nicole speaks up. “Please tell her we’re thinking of her, and that we’re very sorry for the loss of her husband.”

  “Of course I will. Thank you, Nicole. Well, I’ve got to get back. Thanks again Bella, Nicole, I really mean it. I appreciate that you guys came.”

  I want to chase after him and run into his arms and tell him how much I love him and that I always will. Instead, I stand, holding my umbrella in such a way as to keep both Nicole and me from getting wet, but I still feel like a drowned rat.

  “Bella. Look over there, near the tree. Do you think that’s his girlfriend?”

  Far off in the distance I see her. She is standing under a tree with no umbrella. There’s no doubt she doesn’t appear to be part of the larger funeral attendees.

  “I don’t know. I suppose it could be her. She looks so sad. I know she’s the ‘other woman,’ but I feel sorry for her. If it is her, she’s a victim as much as anyone else in this mess.”

  It seems like the whole city came out to say goodbye to Jason’s father. It’s hard to reconcile the abusive, cheating husband with the man who provided protective service to his community for over thirty years. Jason’s father didn’t die in the line of duty, but his was an honorable burial nonetheless.

  As we watch a full police escort with traditions befitting a hero, I can’t help wondering what Jason is feeling. I search his face for a clue, but he is stoic standing beside his mother, holding her arm.

  When the funeral service is over, we walk back to my car and I look over at Jason. He smiles at me and I hold up my hand and smile back. It’s all I can do.

  After seeing Jason again, I can’t focus on anything but him. I need to see him and tell him what I know, and how I understand so much better what he’s been dealing with. I take a week before going to his house. I don’t want to bother him or his mother, knowing they must be dealing with his father’s estate.

  We can’t go on like this indefinitely. There is so much between us, so much that hasn’t been said. One way or another, we need to find out what the future will be for us. I love him, and I know he loves me. It’s time to do something about it.

  Everyone knows when someone dies you have to make tons of food for the family. I’m not the best cook in the world, but my heart is definitely in it. I decide to make a lasagna and take it to Jason’s mother in the hopes that I might have a few minutes to talk with him.

  As I pull up to their house, I can see his car in the driveway.

  Great, he’s home. It’s now or never. Don’t lose your nerve, girl.

  I ring the bell, and Mrs. Cooper opens the door.

  “Bella. How nice to see you. Please come in.”

  I step inside, and the smell of pumpkin spice hits me.

  “Something smells great.”

  “Oh, that’s a pumpkin spice candle I’ve got going in the kitchen. It’s one of those comforting smells to me. I love this time of year. The leaves changing colors and starting to fall, the crisp coolness of the air.”

  I hand her the pan. “I hope you and Jason like lasagna.”

  “Oh, thank you. We do love lasagna, but Jason isn’t here. He said he needed some time to be by himself. I understand how he feels.”

  Looking slightly embarrassed, she looks down at the floor.

  “He said he knew I’d be safe now. What I mean is he said he wouldn’t worry about me anymore. We called my sister Linda to come and stay for a while. She went to the market to get a few things. She should be back any minute. We’ll have your lasagna tonight for dinner.”

  “Did he say how long he’d be gone?”

  “Not really. He packed his bags and took his motorcycle. All he said was that he needed to get away for a while.”

  “Motorcycle? When did he get a motorcycle?”

  “I’m as surprised as you. He bought it right after the funeral. I thought it was impulsive, but he’s a grown man and can decide for himself. I think he bought it knowing he would be leaving.”

  She places her hand on my arm. “I’m sorry, Bella. I know how you feel about him.”

  Choking back tears, I say, “He won’t talk to me.”

  “Listen, Bella. It’s not you. The truth is, I know he’s in love with you, but he hasn’t been the same since he killed that man. I’m so sorry about Cole. I never got to tell you that. He was a sweet boy.”

  Not wanting to worry her, I smile.

  She knows how I feel about her son. Does he?

  “Wait. Bella. Before you go. I’ve got an idea. I have that GPS thing on my cell phone. Jason made me put it on my phone so he and I would know where each of us were at any given time. Perhaps we might be able to pinpoint exactly where he is?”

  She grabs her phone and shows me the app. My heart practically leaps out of my chest I’m so happy.

  I know exactly where this is.

  I pull her to me, tightly hug her, and whisper in her ear, “Thank you.”

  Chapter Eight

  Jason

  Now that Mom’s okay, I know I can leave. I’ve rented a lake house for a week. I love camping and rustic living, and it’s been years since I’ve been able to surround myself with this much nature. For the first time in so long, I feel happy to be alive.

  The ride up to the lake clears my head. So much has happened in the last few years, I don’t think I’ve done more than react to it all. Stepping back and taking some time to think is what I need.

  I gave the owner of the lake house a list of items I would need for the refrigerator, a pretty awesome perk of this particular rental. />
  Thinking about the past, but more importantly, my future, has me longing for Bella. She must hate me. I’ve pushed her away for so long, denying my feelings for her. I’m torturing myself with thoughts of her smell, the curves of her body and her smile.

  As if the way she looks isn’t magnificent enough, the woman is smart, and tough as any guy I know. Remembering the look on Connor Devlin’s face when she punched him in the nose has me laughing into the air.

  It takes no more than two hours to get to the log house, tucked deep in the New Hampshire woods with a view of Lake Winnipesaukee from every room. Wood stacked on the side of the house is evidence I’ll have no problem keeping a fire going all week long. The sound of a loon on the lake is calming music to my ears.

  I change out of my heavier coat and grab the lighter leather jacket that once belonged to Cole from my bag.

  Well buddy, it looks like you’re still here with me after all.

  The jacket feels heavier on one side, as if there is something in a pocket. I put my hand inside but find nothing. There is another pocket on the inside. I feel something heavy and find what I assume is Cole's old cell phone.

  I pull out my phone charger, hoping it will work to charge the phone. It does. Since it will probably take a while, I decide to look around the property, checking the fridge for the items I ordered.

  As beautiful as this place is, I wish I had Bella with me to share it.

  Twenty minutes have passed and it's getting colder and darker by the minute. I blow on my hands to warm them and decide to head back inside, stopping to grab some wood for the fire. There is plenty of newspaper and matches in the basket next to the fireplace, so it doesn’t take long for me to get a good fire going.

  Pouring myself a glass of wine, I remember about Cole’s phone. More than enough time has passed for it to have a good enough charge. I turn the phone on and see that there isn’t much reception at the house, so I doubt I’ll be able to see anything.

  I click on Messages.

  Several messages appear. A few between Cole and me. I read them, laughing at a few of our stupid ideas. The things we thought were so important back then seem petty and self-indulgent now.

  I open a message from Bella.

  As I read the exchange between them, I’m shocked to see that Bella confided in Cole about her feelings for me, but what has me more overcome with emotion is Cole’s words to her.

  “Jason has a lot going on in his life Bella. I wouldn’t take anything personally. I can tell you this, though. I’m convinced he is as much in love with you as you are with him. Nothing would make me happier than to see the two people closest to me be together. I hope one day I’ll be walking you down the aisle on the day you marry him. Don’t you think I’d love it if he was my brother-in-law? Hang in there and give him time. It will all work out. Love you.”

  I take a sip of wine, put the phone down, and walk to the window, looking out over the lake.

  He knew all along. He knew and was telling me that he wanted me to take care of Bella as my wife, not just as a friend.

  I’m so lost in my thoughts that I don’t hear the car pulling up to the house until the car door slams shut. I run to the front window and look out. It’s dark and difficult to see who it is. A woman approaches the front door.

  Bella.

  Chapter Nine

  Bella

  I knew the minute I stepped into the Cooper home that I was going to see Jason and nothing was going to stop me, but I wasn’t surprised to hear that he had taken off to be alone. That’s what Jason does—he pushes everyone away—but this time, I’m not letting him do that to me…to us.

  I had plenty of time to rehearse what I would say to Jason when I got to his cabin. The whole way up to New Hampshire, I thought about all the things I wanted him to know. That I knew what his father had done to him and to his mother. That I finally understood the reasons that he never wanted to be like his father, and that the rage he felt for my brother’s killer was perfectly normal. I wanted to make him understand that killing that man didn’t mean that Jason was violent, or anything like his father.

  I’ve never been afraid of anything except losing Jason for good. Nothing is going to stop me from helping him see that we have a future together. Even if it’s the last time we ever speak to each other. He needs to hear me say that I love him and always have, and together, we can overcome anything life throws at us.

  I pull my car around to the side of the cabin. Jason’s motorcycle is in the driveway. Taking a deep breath, I get out of the car and walk around to the front of the house. Jason is standing at the open door, waiting for me.

  “Bella, what are you doing here?”

  “I went to your mother’s house to bring you both something to eat. She told me where you were. I needed to talk to you.”

  “I can’t believe you drove up here at this time of night all by yourself. Come in. It’s freezing out there.”

  Jason takes my coat, and I walk into the living room.

  “Do you want something to drink, something hot maybe? I’m having a glass of wine, if you’d like to join me.”

  “Yes, wine would be nice. Thank you.”

  “Let’s sit in front of the fire. You’ll warm up faster that way.”

  We move to the sofa, and I realize I couldn’t have picked a better location to have this talk. All I see are images of the two of us naked in front of the fire making love. I take a sip of wine.

  “What’s so important that you needed to come all this way?”

  “Do you love me, Jason?”

  “Of course. You know I do.”

  “Not like a friend. I want to know do you love me?”

  Jason moves closer to me. “Bella, we’ve been friends practically our entire lives. I’ve loved you from the first time I laid eyes on you, and I haven’t stopped, but there's been something keeping me away."

  Jason looks into the fire. “It’s not easy to kill a man. In the moment, you do what you have to do, but once you pull the trigger, your life changes forever. I'm glad I killed that guy. Cole was my best friend, and I would have done anything to save him, but I couldn't. Finding his killer and ending his life was the only thing I could do, but that wasn't the only time I wanted to kill someone.”

  I listened, letting Jason get it all out.

  "I almost killed my father the day he died. I pulled a gun on him because he was beating my mother. I had to make him stop. It’s a ridiculous thing to say, but his heart attack probably saved my life. I would have killed him.”

  “I know about your father, Jason. I know you think you’re becoming like him, but you’re not. You're a tough, strong, confident man, but you also have a loving heart. You could never be anything like your father.

  Do you remember that bloody nose I gave the guy at that party? I would have pulled a gun on your father too, if I was in your shoes. What you did, or felt like doing, is perfectly understandable. Your father could have killed your mother. You wanted to stop him. Anyone would have done the same thing, and as a police officer, it was your duty to protect her.

  As far as Cole’s killer, you followed the law. You took an oath, and you've been honoring that oath every day you put that uniform on.”

  “I was happy when my father died, just as happy as I was when I shot Cole's killer. Doesn’t that make me a killer?”

  I take Jason’s face in my hands. “No. It doesn’t. It makes you normal.”

  Jason kisses the palm of my hand, and I lean into him, feeling the warmth of both the fire and his embrace.

  Chapter Ten

  Jason

  Every obstacle thrown in our way has led us to this moment, and nothing is going to stop me from making love to this woman. My overwhelming need for her, growing.

  My thumb grazes her full pink lower lip, and I lightly kiss her mouth. She nips at my lips with her teeth, flaming my already hot desire.

  She whispers, “Do you want me to beg for it?”

  Her words awak
en the animal instinct I’ve been keeping at bay all these months. I pull her hair, forcing her head back, and kiss her again, my tongue delving deep, sliding against hers. My cock hard and throbbing, and I can’t wait any longer to feel her skin against my own.

  With the pull of my belt and the unbuttoning of her top, we move quickly to remove our clothes and fall into each other on the rug. Our bodies are on fire, my tongue tasting every inch of her. I want to be inside her, but I take my time so I can savor every minute.

  I can’t rush this.

  I pull back just enough to admire her body. Bella looks up at me, and although she always takes my breath away, tonight she is more stunning than ever before. Her beauty is magnified by her glistening skin against the fire’s embers.

  Breathless, Bella tells me what I already knew.

  “In case you were wondering, it’s my first time. I wanted the first time to be with you.”

  “Our first, Bella. I’ve never been with anyone before. You’re the only woman I’ve ever loved, the only one I’ve ever fantasized about. I’ve wanted to do this for so long.”

  I take my time kissing and caressing her body. Her nipples are hard and erect, and I take one into my mouth while I play with the other. I hear her moan, and it tells me she’s loving what I’m doing to her. My hand moves down between her legs, and I feel her wetness. I play with her clit, moving in circles and taking direction from her responses.

  “You like that don’t you, baby?”

  “Oh, God, yes. Don’t stop, it feels so good.”

  “I need to taste you, Bella.”

  Bella bites her lip, and I can tell that the thought of my mouth on her pussy, licking her clit with my tongue, is intoxicating.

  I move her knees up, her feet on the floor as I position myself between her legs. My hands cupping the supple cheeks of her ass, I savor the taste of her juices.