Tempting Sydney

by Corbett, Angela

  She smiled. “A little of both.”

  I quirked a brow. “Which parts did he actually say?”

  “That he’s careful about who he lets in, and you caught him off-guard. He knows he has to make changes if he wants you in his life—in whatever capacity that ends up being. But it’s going to take some time, and you’ll have to be understanding when he keeps things close to his chest.”

  I blew out a breath and took a long sip of my coffee, thinking. “It’s not that easy, Brynn. He’s impossible to relate to because he refuses to give me anything to connect with. Relationships require both people to open up. I get that he’s trying to change, but it’s really frustrating to spend time with him when everything is so one-sided.”

  “I know. And he knows, too. He’s working on it. The question is whether you’ll give him the time to figure it out. I hope you do.”

  I took another sip of my coffee, the smooth chocolate and java gliding over my happy taste buds. It was nice of Jax to think about me, and take the time to bring me a drink. “I’ll think about it.” I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt and be the person he chose to talk to, but I wasn’t sure how long I could wait. I hadn’t been successful at getting him to let me in yet, so it seemed futile, and felt like a waste of time. But I did like being with him, and felt like there was a strong connection between us. Only time would tell whether anything would eventually develop from it. It felt wrong not to at least give it a chance, though, and see what would happen.

  Brynn watched me puzzling it out and then smiled widely. “Admit it,” she said, grabbing another piece of dried fruit. “You like him.”

  I smiled. “No, I won’t admit it.”

  “That’s all right,” she said, breaking a piece of the fruit in half and taking a bite. “You don’t have to, I already know.”

  I sighed, conceding. I wrinkled my nose, unhappy with what I was about to admit. “Like doesn’t cover it. My ovaries tremble in his presence.”

  She laughed out loud. “Then you should hang out with him more often.”

  “I like him, Brynn. Maybe too much.” I played with the coffee sleeve, dropping it down to the table and pushing it back up for several minutes before coming to a decision. “Here’s the deal. I’ll hang out with him when I have time, and see what happens,” I shrugged and looked down at my coffee, “but he’s just another friend.”

  She shook her head, laughing softly to herself. “Did you see the way you looked down at your coffee when you said that? You couldn’t meet my eyes because even you don’t believe he’s just a friend—and friendship is definitely not what you want.”

  I really hated having a best friend majoring in psych. Her body language class alone was going to kill me. I couldn’t hide anything—not that I could keep anything from her anyway, but before the class, I could at least disguise my emotions better. I closed my eyes and leaned my head back against the chair. “It’s hard. I feel something for him, but I don’t have a lot of experience with this kind of thing, either. Are my feelings real, or is it my hormones? I don’t know. It’s not black and white, and I can’t find the answers written down for me somewhere. He’s not a book I need to study to get a grade. If he was, I’d probably be a lot better at this.”

  She smirked. “I bet he’d enjoy the studying part. You both would.”

  I glanced up at her. “It doesn’t matter if I’d like it or not. If I let myself get involved with someone, it will screw with my head. Even Jax as my friend has screwed me up six ways to Sunday. Relationships are hard, regardless. They’re even harder when the man you’re interested in refuses to tell you his history. I need to focus on school. It’s a lot easier to do that if I’m just his friend.”

  She leaned back and put her feet on the chair next to us before taking a deep breath and looking at me. “I’m going to say something that might not make you happy, but it’s because I love you, so don’t throw your coffee at me.” I was officially intrigued. She continued, “It’s easier, but while you’re busy planning for your future, you’re missing out on the present. You’re going to look back at this time in your life, and wish you’d experienced more than straight A’s.”

  That sounded a lot like what Jax had said, only less harsh—or maybe it seemed less harsh because it was coming from someone I knew loved me and had my best interests in mind. I knew Brynn was probably right, but I didn’t know how to change. I was the type of person who decided to do something, and threw everything I had into it. I wasn’t sure I was ready to throw that into Jax when I didn’t know if I could trust him to give it back. Commitment and communication weren’t his strong suits.

  Brynn watched my thoughts play out and shook her head. “You want him, and it’s obvious he wants you.”

  “Does he? Or does he just want the challenge? I’m afraid once he gets what he wants, he’ll be done with me. If it happens, then I’ve lost a relationship, a good friend, and my grades will probably be shot to hell. It’s a high risk to take.”

  “Everything worth having is risky, Syd. You just have to decide if you’re willing to jump in.” She got up from the table and grabbed her books. “Nothing is guaranteed. If I were you, I’d march over to his apartment, strip off my clothes, get some answers, and stop wasting time.”

  She grinned as she left me at the table, feeling more confused than ever.

  Though tempting, I hadn’t taken Brynn’s advice. I was pretty sure having sex would make Jax even less likely to tell me how he really felt. Sex was one of the ways he deflected. It seemed wise to wait on the naughty bits until we’d at least had a slight progression in the emotional department. I knew I wanted more than friendship from him. The question was whether Jax and I could both handle it. It meant I’d have to let love take a pretty big space between all of my other goals, and Jax would have to learn to let me in.

  I walked out of the house the next morning and almost tripped over a book-sized white box sitting on our doorstep, a red ribbon wrapped around it in a bow. My name was on a tag glued to the box. I untied the bow and opened the box. A notecard sat on the top. I picked it up and saw a crap-ton of Swedish Fish underneath. I smiled, opening the card. It read: I’m sorry...for a lot of reasons. I’ll try to measure up. –Jax

  I smiled again, thinking that maybe this might work out after all. I wasn’t sure what would happen as far as a romantic relationship went, but I’d missed Jax as my friend. I was willing to forgive him and move forward so I could get some questions answered. I was excited to see where things might go, and happy he’d be back in my life.

  I put the box on the table and grabbed some Swedish Fish on the way out the door. They’d make a great snack between classes, and an even better breakfast. Better tasting…not healthier. I smiled every time I thought of the gift during the day, and a warm feeling rushed through me when I stopped for gas and saw Jax. He came out of the work bay and met me as my car filled up. “Using candy to apologize. Smart man.”

  He smiled shyly, putting his hands in his pockets and looking down, like he was worried about the conversation, and how I’d react. “You said Swedish Fish were the way to your heart.”

  I lifted a shoulder. “Most guys wouldn’t have even listened, let alone remembered what I said. So thanks.”

  He gave me a sidelong glance, his gaze more intense than usual. “There’s not much you say that I forget.”

  I inhaled a shallow breath. This was a different Jax than the one I’d always talked to before. He seemed more…real. “Good to know.” I noticed dark circles around his eyes. He looked a little tired. “So…have you punched any strangers in parking lots since the other night?”

  He smiled slightly. “No. And I want you to know I did apologize to Collin after you left, and made sure he was okay.”

  I was surprised to hear that. “That was nice of you since you probably dislocated his jaw.”

  “You’re giving me too much credit.”

  I disagreed with that. I was sure the credit I gave him for a
plethora of things was well deserved.

  “I apologized to Collin, but I didn’t apologize to you—in person, at least. I’m sorry for what happened. After the haunted mine shut down, I went to Ice with some of the other actors to celebrate the last night of scaring people. I noticed you in the club, and realized you were drunk. Then when I saw you at your car and reaching in your purse, I just lost it. I couldn’t let you get hurt—or hurt someone else. Even the thought of it made me crazy.” He paused and looked away, then turned back. “The bottom line is I should have given you a chance to explain yourself, and not flown off the handle. I’m sorry, Syd.”

  I stared at him, eyes wide and stunned. This was more emotional development than I’d gotten from him in months. He seemed genuinely remorseful for what he’d done, and like he actually wanted to have a conversation instead of directing the topic to something else, or making a joke. “Thanks,” I said, pleased he’d opened up a little bit. “I really appreciate you talking to me and saying you’re sorry.”

  He rubbed a hand over his chin. “That’s not the only thing I’m sorry for. I’m sorry I said those things to you about being alone and having your priorities in the wrong place. You were right. I don’t open up to people. There’s a reason for it, but I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about what I want from life, and I’ve realized I don’t want to end up alone, Syd. If that means I need to learn to be vulnerable, I’m going to have to do that. And I’d like you to be the person I’m vulnerable with.”

  My mouth was on the ground. I couldn’t have been more shocked if someone had just handed me ten million dollars.

  “I…I don’t know what to say.” I stuttered out. “I mean, I’d like that, too—at least, I think I would. I don’t know how it will work, and it will probably be difficult for both of us. You were right, too. I need to stop being so rigid. Between the two of us, we have a lot of baggage to deal with…but maybe we can deal with it together?”

  He looked over at me, his lips widening in a smile, his eyes bright. “This isn’t going to be easy, Syd, but I want to try. I need you to be understanding, though. I have feelings for you…feelings I never thought I’d have. You’ve single-handedly rearranged my outlook on relationships, and I’m terrified. I don’t know where this is going, and I can’t make you any promises, but I want to be with you. More than anything. And I’ll do whatever it takes.”

  He reached over and took my hand. Sparks shot through me as my heart raced. He was saying all the things I dreamed about him saying. It was everything I wished he’d said in the past, and it was exactly what I needed to hear to commit to this…whatever it was. “You’re the only one who matters to me, Syd. I couldn’t do this without you.”

  That triggered a thought in my head. A question I needed answered before I could completely agree to a relationship with him. “Wait,” I said, holding up a hand. “Who was the gorgeous woman and cute little girl at the pizza place? Because it looked like you cared about them a lot, and if you have a wife and family, this—” I said, motioning between us, “—really isn’t going to work.”

  He laughed out loud. “So that’s where the wife and love-child question came from.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “Before you went home from Ice, you were pissed because of my wife and love-child. I couldn’t figure out what you were talking about.”

  I crossed my arms over my chest. “Yeah, well, now you know. Who the hell were they?”

  He smiled slowly. “Two people I hope you’ll meet. I would have introduced you that day if you hadn’t run out of the restaurant. She’s heard a lot about you, and really wants to meet you.”

  Now I was getting annoyed, and it was quickly morphing into pissed. He must have read it on my face, because he answered, “She’s my sister, Courtney. And that was her daughter, Paige.”

  Ooooooooohhh. His sister. I wanted to smack myself on the head. I’d jumped to conclusions just like Brynn had warned me not to do. I hated when she was right. “Well, that makes me feel better. She was so pretty and you looked so taken with her that I kind of wanted to punch you both.”

  He laughed again. “She’ll be happy to hear you stopped yourself.”

  “Me, too, since that probably wouldn’t have made us the best of friends. Does she live here?”

  Jax shook his head. “She was just visiting.”

  “Does she come to see you often?”

  “Sometimes.” He paused again and toed some gravel on the ground. I felt like there was more to the story, but I didn’t want to push. I was surprised when he went on without any provocation. “She needed to talk to me about some family stuff. I love her, and Paige is my favorite kid in the world, so it was really good to see them both.”

  His eyes lit up when he talked about his sister and niece. I knew this was a huge step for him, and I was glad he felt like he could talk to me about it. “Is Courtney married?”

  His jaw set in a firm line and he looked like he’d stopped breathing completely. “No. She’s not. And thank God for that.”

  “You don’t like Paige’s dad?”

  “No. I don’t. He’d be at the bottom of a lake if I had my way.”

  A potential murder seemed pretty serious and I waited for him to elaborate. He didn’t. “Let’s talk about something else.” The angry lines on his forehead smoothed as he leaned back against my car, and blew out a breath. “How was your day?”

  I could tell he still had a lot on his chest, but I felt relieved he’d decided to talk to me about it, even if he hadn’t gone into a lot of detail. I wanted him to realize talking could help him work through things better than holding it all in. Hold too much, and you eventually explode. I understood he was still getting used to opening up about things, though, and felt like this was a lot of progress so I didn’t mind the subject change.

  “It started out pretty damn excellent when I found some Swedish Fish on my doorstep. One of my classes was canceled so I had time to do some research in the library, and then I got to hang out with you. So, I’d say it’s been a win.”

  He laughed. “Only you would think having class cancelled so you’d have more time to study is a good thing. I bet most of the other students went home and took a nap.”

  “They’re probably not getting the grades I am either.” I still had a few of the fish I’d stuffed in a sandwich bag on my way out of the house this morning. I grabbed one before offering the bag to him.

  He grinned and took one, too.

  I bit the head off as he watched me. “You like to kill them quickly.”

  “No point in prolonging their pain.”

  He nodded, purposefully biting the tail first.

  “Torture isn’t very nice,” I said.

  He smiled slowly, a glint in his eye. “I’d say it depends on the type of torture and who’s doing it.”

  A flush crept up my cheeks, and my mind immediately went to bondage devices—I wasn’t sure how I felt about that. “It was probably too much to think the sexual references would go away?”

  “Yeah. You should lower that expectation.”

  “Noted.”

  I took the gas pump out of the car and put my gas cap back on before grabbing my receipt. As I turned and met Jax’s eyes, there was something behind them I hadn’t seen before, but recognized from men I’d seen with Brynn. It was a combination of desire and intrinsic need. I stilled, stunned Jackson West might feel something like that toward me.

  “Come see a movie with me on Saturday.”

  I widened my eyes. Considering the way he was looking at me, a movie wasn’t the thing I’d expected him to suggest. “A movie?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Like—another date?”

  He grinned conspiratorially. “That is what people in relationships do, right? Date?” He bit his lip, looking up at me knowingly. “I’ll pick you up at six.”

  My stomach suddenly felt like butterflies were rioting. I was anxious, excited, and flat out terrified all at the sa
me time. “Oookkaay.”

  “You seem a little nervous.”

  “Should I be?”

  He grinned again, his cheeks dimpling. He was sexy on a whole different planet than I was used to. “Always.” He tucked a piece of hair behind my ear and leaned into me, then kissed me lightly on the cheek. “I’ll see you Saturday.”

  I watched him walk away, wondering what I’d gotten myself into. I knew this was more than just a little date. This was a massive step into the relationship zone. It was exactly what I wanted, now I just had to be sure I was ready for it.

  The theater wasn’t crowded. We had the top three rows to ourselves, but chose the back row in the corner where we could put our feet on the bannister in front of us. The pink, knee-length cotton skirt I was wearing made that a bit difficult, but we were shielded in the corner enough that I didn’t think I’d flash anyone.

  “I can’t believe we’re seeing a horror movie,” I said. “It’s so cliché.”

  “What do you mean?” Jax asked, reaching for the popcorn I was holding.

  I looked over at him. “Horror movies were made for guys. They’re scary, so the girl jumps or grabs your arm all through the movie. Pretending to be her valiant protector, you put your arm around her to keep her safe.” I rolled my eyes. “It’s the perfect opportunity to show how alpha you are by protecting us from fake monsters on a movie screen that can’t really hurt us anyway. In real life, you guys probably wouldn’t even protect us from a spider. But still, the protective aspects are appealing to both women, and men, in the situation. It’s an illustration of how even if we think we’ve evolved as humans, primitive nature still has a level of control.”

  He smiled slowly. “I can see you’ve really thought that through. You should consider a dissertation deconstructing horror movies and their connection to the evolution of humans. I’m sure it would be a fascinating read.”