Flicker (Defying Death Book 1)

by Courtney Houston

  “It hasn’t come up,” Telor said to Denny between his teeth and turned to me. “The ring is mine or at least it was; I lost it three months before I died. My grandmother gave it to me the last time I saw her. She told me it would bring me luck.”

  “Luck is for the stupid and ill-informed,” Denny said, sounding thoroughly disgusted.

  “If Destiny exists, does Luck exist also?”

  Life or Death, Chaos or Order. It would stand to reason that Destiny also had a counterpart.

  “Unfortunately,” Denny answered dryly. “Let’s not sully the night with talk of she who will not be named. She has the habit of inviting herself where she isn’t wanted.”

  My mind spun. Could I be angry about the ring? Yes, I could. The question was really, should I be angry about it? Instead of saying anything, I just crossed my arms and returned my attention to Denny. Angry or not, this was not the place to talk about it.

  “Well, now,” he said. “This explains exactly what I thought it would.”

  “Not a damn thing?” I asked. Again, rather than finding me rude, Denny seemed amused, which only added heat to my simmer.

  “When Telor holds the ring, his soul doesn’t show.” He handed it to me. “And when you hold it, yours doesn’t show. It’s why the Guides are following you rather than him. Now hold hands.”

  Telor reached out and threaded his fingers with mine.

  “Amazing. When one of you has the ring and you touch, neither of your souls show.”

  Telor and I wore identical looks of confusion. Neither of us could see what the ring had to do with anything.

  “So normally souls aren’t visible?” I gave into my curiosity.

  “When you’re close, they have a faint aura to them,” he said. “They aren’t beacons at a fifty-mile radius like yours.”

  I wasn’t sure if I should have felt like a freak or like the chosen one.

  “Unfortunately, I’ve no idea why the souls are following you in the first place, only why they’ve singled one of you out. It’s troubling, to say the least. Every Guide is a set of eyes for Tori.” Denny’s expression soured a little when he mentioned her name. “It’s possible that she’s sent them to gather information. If that’s the case, the bigger question is why she hasn’t done anything about it yet.”

  “Where does the ring come into play?” I think I only took in every third word he said. This was too much information to follow in such a short timeframe.

  “It’s an anchor,” Denny said. “Anchors are items that are significantly important to both parties. By serving as a link between you two, it brings the wearer the protection of the other. All soul mates have them, though they usually have a pair. One item originally belonging to the other party. With the two of you, I’m willing to bet that there is only one.”

  Telor held his hand out for the ring and Denny pooled the chain in his hand, letting the ring fall on top, and then tucked it into the pocket of his shirt.

  “But why are our souls showing if it’s not the norm?” I asked him.

  “It’s the way your souls were introduced. One dead and one still technically alive, it caused some type of reaction. I won’t pretend to be an expert on the matter, but that’s my best guess.”

  “So, what you’re saying is that we are sitting ducks until you can come up with something to help us?” Telor asked. He seemed to want to say more but stopped at that.

  “Basically. Though, I’ll offer a suggestion to one of your issues, the issue of your souls belonging to Tori. I can only see of one way, but I don’t think you’ll like it.”

  “What is it?” I asked, not containing my curiosity. I was willing to do a lot of things to keep him here. And me here.

  “Well, if you could find a soul to replace yours, your timelines could easily be exchanged.” Denny shrugged. “One for Lina to replace her going into The Other, and one for Telor to replace his spot coming out of The Other.”

  He wanted us to kill someone, and then trap another soul in the afterlife. I think I might have found something that I wouldn’t do. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself. Telor, on the other hand, didn’t say a word. He just stared pensively at Denny.

  “Can you actually be considering this?” I asked, incredulously.

  “I’m finding it hard to dismiss something that could keep us together,” he said, sounding only mildly apologetic. “Forgive me for considering our only option so far.”

  Denny’s eyes snapped up to the back of the balcony and went glassy. “You two need to leave. Out the back, now.” He stood abruptly and motioned for us to follow him. “Meddlers are in the club. It’s best to not let our connection be that obvious. I will be in touch, but in the meantime, I need you to do three things for me. One, act as though you know nothing. Continue the lovesick newlywed routine you were playing downstairs. Changing now will raise red flags and there are eyes everywhere. Two, both of you ignore the Guides. I don’t care what they are doing to you, pretend like you can’t see or feel them”—he looked pointedly at Telor—“And three, stay together as much as possible. Remember, the ring will shield you both as long as you’re touching. Keep that in mind at night.”

  We reached the back door, and Denny practically shoved us out before shutting and locking it. We hurried down the stairs and around the building to the empty sidewalk. The cold February air bit against our skin as we ran. Finally, after a safe distance, we slowed to a walking pace.

  Telor slipped his hand into his shirt pocket and pulled out the ring. “Here, keep this with you at all times.” I shoved it back at him. “No, you keep it.”

  “Dammit, Cariad, please, take it,” he said, stopping and pulling me to a stop with him. “Humor me and let me give you the only protection I have to give you.”

  “What about you? Why would I take the only protection you have for yourself?” I asked. He was insane if he thought I was taking that ring.

  “There’s no me after you, Catalina!” he yelled. It was the first time I’d ever heard him raise his voice. “You are my purpose, and I will gladly tear this world apart looking for something that doesn’t exist if it will keep you safe and us together, but for now all I have is this. Please take it, and don’t fight me on it.”

  “Do you really have so little faith?” I asked as tears threatened to fall. He didn’t meet my eyes, and I almost thought he wouldn’t. When he finally did look at me, I wished he hadn’t. All I saw was pain.

  “I have all the faith in the world in you.” He left the rest of it unsaid. He didn’t believe our situation was fixable.

  “I have faith in you, too.” But if he had already given up on a better ending for us, we didn’t have a chance.

  “And for that, I am truly sorry,” he said, full of regret.

  Lina 31

  We came to my turn off and Telor turned in the opposite direction, pulling me along with him.

  “My house is that way,” I said, pointing behind us. He pretended not to hear me and continued to lead me away from home. Was this how it was going to be? I stopped walking and almost face planted. “Telor, stop.”

  “You heard Denny; we need to stay together as much as possible. I figured we could stay at my place tonight, since you’re avoiding Gavin.” My eyes widened and he rolled his eyes. “We can stay at your place tomorrow, if you want.”

  He wanted me to stay the night...with him...at his place. Denny did say that. I shook my head; I didn’t need to justify spending the night at my boyfriend’s house. I was twenty-one and an adult. I could do whatever I wanted. It was not like I was a virgin or anything, though, as he pulled me along toward his place, I grew more and more nervous. Boyfriend. That word lingered in the forefront of my mind. Is that what Telor was? He seemed to be so much more than that. But I couldn’t very well go around calling him my soul mate. I guess boyfriend would have to do for now.

  Telor’s place was on the top floor of Park Plaza, a large apartment tower in the heart of downtown, only a block or so from the museum
. We stood in comfortable silence while the elevator moved us closer to the top. Telor quietly sang along with the song. He was adorable. Something he said to me before clicked for the first time.

  “So you were the lead singer?” I asked. “In your band?”

  “That would be me.” We were getting closer to his ‘before’ life and I knew that he wasn’t going to answer any more questions on the matter.

  The elevator dinged, letting us know that we were at his place.

  The apartment was decorated with the same taste as the loft in Serendipity. I had a feeling that Denny was responsible for this, as well.

  “Let me give you the grand tour,” Telor said, taking on a docent voice. “Here, we have the living room, straight ahead we have the kitchen and dining area, to the left we have the guest room and bath, and to the right, is my favorite part of the place, my bedroom.”

  Telor pulled me along down the hall and opened the door to a large space centered by a king-size bed and a set of French doors across the room. There was nothing special about it, but the fact that it belonged to Telor had me freaking out a little.

  The whole room smelled like him, like jumping into a sea of Telor.

  “If you want to take a shower, the bathroom is right there.” He motioned toward the door next to a chest of drawers.

  “Um, yeah, a shower sounds good. I should have taken one earlier,” I answered. “Can I borrow a shirt or something to sleep in?”

  “Uh, as much as I would love to see you sleeping in nothing but my shirt,” he said, strolling over to the other dresser with the mirror, “this dresser is full of clothes for you.”

  He opened the top two drawers and revealed undergarments and pajamas. I gave him a questioning look, and, “Denny,” was his response. So, I was right, this apartment was compliments of Denny.

  “Take a shower; I’ll be in the living room.”

  For a split second, I almost asked him to stay and invited him to take that shower with me. There was something about his demeanor that stopped me, though. He didn’t seem angry, merely pensive. He needed a minute. So, I just nodded and gave him a quick peck on the lips as he left.

  The hot water felt good against my body, working out the kinks in my muscles. I stayed in the shower until the water started to cool, and my fingers were pruney. After dressing in a pair of gray yoga pants and a pink tank top, I headed to the living room to find Telor. He was sitting in an armchair, feet on the matching ottoman, with his arms folded across his chest. At first, I thought he was sleeping, until I got closer and realized he was just staring at the wall.

  “You okay?” I asked as I approached. I wished he were sitting on the couch, or even the loveseat, so I could sit next to him.

  “Just fighting some inner demons,” he answered, holding his arms out for me. I take back what I said, I like this seat better. I folded myself into his lap and laid my head on his shoulder.

  “What demons are those?” I had a feeling I already knew, with the way he shrank away from the waiter carrying the drinks earlier. I could see the yearning and the torment in his eyes. I also knew by now that he didn’t answer personal questions.

  “I was a vice whore,” he answered, to my utter shock. “You give me a vice, be it drugs, drinks, or smokes, and I’ll take it, not just a little, but until I become so numb that I can’t feel anything. It’s a miracle that I lived as long as I did.”

  He was an alcoholic. I couldn’t see it. Well, now, of course, I could, with the torment in his eyes as he admitted it and eyed the beverage cart behind me.

  “You said was. Does that mean you don’t want it anymore?” I asked and snuggled closer to him, loving the way he held me tighter, as if he too couldn’t get close enough.

  “Not so far. As a Guide, t doesn’t affect you the same way. It’s like drinking water. I want it, I won’t lie. But I don’t need it the way I used to,” he said softly. “I think it’s you, you make it better. Make me better.”

  “Does it make it harder for you when you’re around other people who drink?” I asked, feeling guilty about earlier.

  “No, not really,” he said. “Are you hungry?” And end questions. Despite my disappointment, I was okay with his boundaries. For now. He didn’t need to tell me everything at once.

  “I could eat.”

  Telor made us each half a sandwich and a small bowl of soup, which we ate quickly as we sat in comfortable silence. Was this how people in love felt? This connection and sense of belonging? The way we talked and moved together, I couldn’t doubt that we were made for each other.

  I hopped off the barstool at the breakfast bar and made my way to the fridge. A sharp, stabbing pain radiated through my foot. My blood stained the large piece of broken glass that was sticking out of my flesh. I didn’t remember screaming, but Telor was at my side.

  “Wrap your arms around my neck, Cariad.” He scooped me up in his arms and made his way to the bathroom before gently setting me atop the closed toilet seat.

  Telor had the focus of a surgeon, inspecting the gouge in my foot as he told me, “This might hurt for a moment.” Using a pair of tweezers, he removed the single piece of glass, and squirted the hole with peroxide. He grabbed the towel on the bar and wrapped my foot in it, patting it dry, and then covered it with gauze and tape.

  “I’m sorry, Catalina.” He leaned his forehead against mine. “That shouldn’t have been there.”

  “You don’t have to apologize.” It was not like he stabbed me in the foot or anything. I tried to smile and laugh it off, but the anguish on his face was obvious. I figured there was something he was leaving out. Though, it was obviously not the time to bring it up. “Let’s go to bed.”

  He carried me gently to bed and lay me down before climbing under the covers on the other side. When we were settled in and the lights were off, we lay facing each other, content in the moment of nearness.

  The moonlight illuminated his face, and I ran my fingers over his cheek and jawline. I still couldn’t get enough of his eyes. They mesmerized me.

  Slowly, he reached out and cupped my face between both of his hands. Inching his face closer to mine, he stopped right before our lips touched.

  “How far in that memory did you make it?” he whispered, as if someone might hear us.

  “Right after the face kisses.” I couldn’t help but smile a little. His mother seemed so loving, doting even.

  Bringing his face closer to mine, he lined his left eye up with mine so our eyelashes were touching. “Blink,” he whispered, and when I did, he repeated it with the other eye, and said, “One day you’ll be a butterfly and fly. For now, you’re a caterpillar and you’re mine, mine, mine.”

  “What was that?” I asked around my thickening throat. I could feel the swirl of emotions coming off him. Half happy and half painful. I knew the feeling of grief all too well.

  “It’s the rest of that memory,” he said. “The eyelash thing is called butterfly kisses. My mum used to do it. She called me her caterpillar. I just thought that you should have the whole memory.”

  “Can I ask a favor?” When he nodded, I said, “Sing to me.”

  “Why do you want me to sing to you?” he asked, gathering me in his arms and pulling me close. No matter that it was a king-size bed, we were huddled in the middle, tangled in each other.

  “Hearing your voice reminds me that you’re still here,” I said, feeling the pull of sleep. “Please?”

  “Your wish, Cariad.” And he began to sing.

  I didn’t recognize the song at first, but when I did, I smiled against his shirt. Randy Travis’s “Deeper than the Holler” was not what I expected from my Guide, but oh, how it was fitting. The south must have rubbed off on him. My eyes grew heavier with every word he sang. By the time he was down to the last notes, I was almost completely out.

  “Go to sleep, Cariad,” he whispered. And so I did.

  Telor 32

  I couldn’t have moved if I wanted to, not that I did, but I was slee
p trapped. Her head rested on my chest with one arm and leg draped over my body, like she was trying to keep me as close as possible to her. I wasn’t complaining. I could very well live the rest of my life in her arms and die a happy man.

  Live the rest of my life. That was a new ambition. Definitely only one Catalina could have elicited from me. The gauze on her foot grazed against my leg and a heavy feeling in my stomach made me sick, like someone punched me. That broken glass was on the floor because I threw it there, right after I punched the fridge. Had I not been tempted to drink, she never would have gotten hurt. I must have missed a piece when I haphazardly cleaned it up. Granted, it was mostly a superficial wound, but it was still unacceptable.

  The few AA meetings I went to were full of discussions about these revelations that the other alcoholics had. These singular events that made them say, “Hey, I’m done.” I always scoffed at the idea of that happening—goes to show how much I knew. This was my moment. Anything that had the potential to hurt Catalina was something I could do without.

  She moaned into my bare chest and nestled her head deeper into me.

  “I love you, Cariad,” I said, stroking her loose brown hair. “I’ll try to prove your faith in me.”

  “Don’t leave me,” she mumbled. For a moment, I thought she had woken up, then she nestled her face into my chest, still sleeping like the angel she was. “I need you, Telor.”

  “I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere,” I told her softly. “I’m here.”

  At some point, I must have dozed off, because the annoying alarm roused me from my comfortable sleeping position. Before I could shut it off, Catalina’s hand shot out and successfully beat it quiet and then returned to her side. How did she manage to make it to work on time?

  Her back was pressed to my front, and my arms were around her. She rolled over and sleepily opened her eyes before smiling shyly at me. Her petite hand brushed my hair away from my forehead. I planted a small kiss on her palm as she did so.