Bears of Burden: STERLING

by Candace Ayers

  "You want to talk about it?"

  "About what?" she asked.

  He rolled his eyes. "About all of it. Why are you living in that... place? And what happened to Harvard and law school?" Logan felt his blood boiling. "And what happened to us?" He took a step towards Mia and she wished she could pull her eyes away and run, but something about his face glued her to her seat. "The last time I saw you..."

  Mia knew what he meant. The last time they'd seen each other was her eighteenth birthday party, when they'd made love and declared a commitment that seemed naïve now. There had been promises made... to always be together, to always be honest with each other. Mia had broken each of them.

  Logan read the memory in her eyes. He could almost always tell what she was thinking. "Why did you dump me like that?" he asked.

  "I..." Mia had started to say she didn't, but of course that wasn't true. She'd sent him an email saying they couldn't be together anymore and blaming her friendship with Rachel as the reason. Was it too late to tell him about Emma? She'd come this far alone. Even if she wanted to tell him, now was not the time. "I told you why."

  He shook his head and sat on Rachel's bed, dropping his head between his knees. "Fine," he said. "Don't tell me. But you owe me, for the way you left. Do something for me."

  Mia stared at him, her breath caught in her throat. "What?"

  "Be my date for Rachel's wedding."

  "I can't," she said without thinking it over. "I have to work."

  "At Smart Mart?" he said, sounding cynical.

  "Yes," she said, getting defensive. "At Smart Mart. And there's nothing wrong with that. I have to make money somehow. What do you think? That me and Em—" Her face went white as she realized what she'd almost said.

  Logan was watching her, looking confused. He opened his mouth and she interrupted. "Fine," she said, hoping to stop him from asking whatever was on the tip of his tongue. "I'll go with you to the rehearsal, not the wedding."

  "Okay," he said, "sure." In the back of his mind though, he thought that if he could get her to the rehearsal, he could get her to the wedding too.

  Chapter 8

  Logan decided that being back in Oakville definitely had some advantages. He just couldn't decide if Mia was one of them or not. She'd broken his heart when she left him, and every woman he'd hooked up with since then had been but a pale comparison. He realized now that he'd been trying to fill Mia's void with meaningless relationships so he wouldn't get hurt again.

  He opened the door to the Steak Shark Bar and Grille. He wasn't surprised to find that it was still here—Oakville was only so big. Once a store opened in a small town, it generally stayed open. Everyone knew the owners of Steak Shark. If someone from an outside town had tried to put up a new bar, no one would have gone.

  Logan raised his hand and waved to his old friends as he entered. Johnny saw him first.

  "Hey! Look who's here, the wild man of football." His friends started chanting and yelling, "Uuhhooough Uuhhoough," and soon the whole place had their eyes on Logan. He had to admit, it felt good being the center of attention.

  "A round for everybody," he shouted to the bartender. "On me!" He'd always wanted to say that. The crowd at Steak Shark cheered and someone shoved a beer into his hand. He thought a beer sounded like a great idea, maybe even something a stronger. If he drank enough, maybe he'd be able to forget about Mia for the rest of his trip. It was only a couple more days.

  Soon Logan was walking lopsided. How'd I get so drunk so fast? He wondered. I've only been here a few minutes. He pulled on Rob's arm and when Rob turned his head, Logan asked what time it was.

  "Midnight thirty," Rob said, laughing. He was drunk too.

  Logan did a double take. Twelve-thirty? That meant Logan had been here at least three hours, not three minutes.

  "I gotta go," he said. His words slurred together but they were clear enough that his friends understood him and started shouting.

  "What do you mean go?" Anthony asked loud enough to draw attention. He sounded angry.

  "Yeah!" someone else he couldn't identify yelled. "The least a money bags like you can do is buy another round for us working stiffs."

  "That's right," Rob chimed in. "And I need a new car." He laughed but his eyes were hard and looked at Logan like he was a dollar sign instead of a person. Logan was suddenly uncomfortable. He signaled to the bartender to give everyone another round on him, then began gathering his things.

  "Now, really. I have to go." Logan said, making his way to the bartender. He asked how much his tab was, and was floored to find that it was over a thousand dollars. One thousand dollars in three hours? That didn't seem possible. He started to call Johnny over to help him sort it out, when suddenly he realized that most of the town who was over twenty-one was here in this bar. And they were all buying drinks off him. These people were using him. And the bartender was a part of it.

  He felt disgusted and handed the bartender his credit card with a slow churn growing in his stomach. Better to just pay and be done with it. Outside, he stood beside his car for a minute, wondering whether or not he was okay to drive. When he realized he was seeing two of everything, he decided to walk.

  He took River Road, startled by the unchanged landscape around him. The cross street up ahead was Harvest Road. Mia. The thought struck him like a lightning bolt that Mia was the only one in this town who hadn't asked him for anything. She hadn't even wanted to see him when he'd turned up at her job. She was the only one he could really trust... except that he knew she was keeping something from him.

  His feet veered down Harvest without even thinking about it. He stood outside Mia's building, a combination of anger and passion swelling inside him. "Mia!" he shouted. "Mia!" He was going to get some answers tonight. He didn't know what her problem with him was, but he wasn't leaving until he found out.

  "MIA!!" he screamed at the top of his lungs.

  A light went on in a fourth floor window and Mia's head poked out. She rubbed her eyes. Good, he'd woken her up. "Logan?" she asked, blinking.

  He felt like Romeo and Juliet. Sudden inspiration hit him. He ran towards the fire escape that scaled her building and started to climb. Mia's initial reaction was to shut the window. She couldn't let him in. He saw her close it but kept climbing, not caring. When he got to the fourth floor her window was shut but not locked. He pried it open and put one foot through. She stood staring at him.

  "Logan! You can't come in here. What are you doing?"

  "I'm saving you," he said, not thinking about his words, just spitting out the first thing that came into his head.

  "Saving me from what?" she demanded.

  "Yourself," he said, climbing the rest of the way inside. Mia tried to push him back out but it was too late. "I'm not leaving until you tell me what the hell is going on," he said.

  "Oh crap. You're drunk."

  "Yeah I'm drunk. So what?"

  "Logan. Lower your voice."

  "Why? Scared your neighbors will hear? Well I DON"T CARE! LET THEM H—"

  That was when a sleepy, dewy eyed toddler with blonde hair and Mia's skin walked into the living room. "Mommy?" she asked, looking frightened.

  Mia glared at Logan, who stood with his mouth hanging open. "It's okay sweetie," Mia said, going to her daughter. "This is Logan. He's a friend of Mommy's. Logan... this is Emma. My daughter."

  Logan's heart stopped beating. Emma smiled tentatively at him, and he thought he smiled back.

  "Let's get you back into bed, alright? Logan's sorry he was so loud and rude." She threw him a look and took Emma into the back. Logan stood there feeling numb. He didn't know what to think. Emma... Mia's daughter. She was small. Maybe three or four at the most. When did Mia...

  Mia walked back into the room and Logan watched her move. It was like he was seeing her for the first time. "Emma..." he said. "How old is she?"

  Mia turned her head a fraction of an inch so that he couldn't see her eyes. "Three."

  Logan
gulped. Suddenly he was sober. "Is she... mine?"

  Mia laughed, then shook her head no, but she refused to look at him.

  "Is she?" he repeated.

  Finally, Mia looked up and said, "You're drunk. There's a pillow and blanket on the couch. You can sleep it off here if you want, but leave before Emma wakes up please." Then she turned and left him alone with crazy thoughts that scared him more than the idea of never playing football again.

  Chapter 9

  Mia laid in the dark with her eyes open. She listened to her breath and felt the weight of the situation she'd made for herself. What a mess. What was she supposed to do now? Was she really going to lie to Logan forever? Was it fair to Emma? Especially with Logan in the next room? She felt sick and wished this was all a bad dream.

  She'd been in bed for at least an hour and was sure that Logan must be asleep by now. She couldn't resist because she couldn't stop thinking about him. She got out of bed, wrapped a robe around her nightshirt, and stole a peek at him on her couch. His breath was shallow and worried, his brow furled against the cushions. She leaned closer to him, wanting to see how much of him was in Emma. She was close enough to feel his breath on her face, then his eyes flew open and Mia screamed.

  "Shit!" she said, putting her hand over her mouth. "Don't scare me like that."

  "Don't scare you?" he whispered. "You're the one hovering over me while I sleep."

  "Pretend to sleep," she said. "Weirdo."

  "Crazy woman." They glared at each other for a second before the corners of their lips curled up and they started laughing. It felt so good to laugh again that for a second Mia forgot all about the lies and secrets and doubts.

  "Sshh," she said. "Emma will wake up."

  "Let's go to your room then."

  She hesitated. "We can close the door," he said. "It'll be quieter. I'd like to talk a little."

  Finally, she nodded. He followed her into her tiny room with her twin bed and old dresser. She was embarrassed when she realized there was nowhere for him to sit except the floor or the bed. He chose the bed. She sat next to him. The energy in the room was buzzing. She felt the air move around them, saw lightning strike, heard thunder inside her head as Logan breathed next to her.

  "She's really not mine?" he finally said, breaking the silence.

  Mia considered her answer. She'd missed Logan. She'd never gotten over him. But she didn't want him suddenly back in her life just because she'd gotten pregnant. That wasn't fair to any of them. "She's really not." Then, just for good measure, "I slept with lots of guys in high school. You weren't the only one Logan." She hoped she sounded sincere, but he just laughed.

  "Yeah, you were a real pro that night we were together."

  She looked at him with wide eyes. "What do you mean? Are you saying I was bad in bed?"

  "On the contrary," he said, looking at her with deep blue eyes that sunk into her like a stone on a lake. "That night was the best night of my life."

  Mia wanted to laugh, but couldn’t find voice enough to do it.

  "Tell me you don't still care about me," he said.

  She looked away and he reached out with his hand, placing it on her cheek, and forced her to turn back to him. "Don't look away. Just say it. Tell me."

  She felt her eyes trying to run from his and knew she couldn't lie. Not now. Not when they were so close, when his hand was pressing against her face. "I've never forgotten you," she said.

  Logan smiled. "Knew it," he said. Then he reached out and tickled her. It was so unexpected that Mia cried out and jumped back in her bed. Logan got on top of her, straddling her while his hands ran over her clothes, up and down her body, covering her with tickles. Then the tickling stopped, and Logan was moving his head towards her.

  Mia tried to draw away from him but his hold was too powerful. She wanted him too much. His lips brushed hers and her body trembled. She felt his hands shake as he pushed a strand of hair out of her eyes. "You know I still love you," he whispered.

  She nodded and opened her mouth, uncertain what might come out. "I..." but she couldn't finish the thought. The fact that she'd started the sentence was enough for Logan, for now. He pressed his lips to hers and she tasted honey. His skin was warm and tan and his muscles made her feel safe when he took her in his arms.

  Logan was the only person Mia had ever slept with. She thought she'd never have these feelings again, for anyone, but when he pushed the robe from her shoulders her heart quivered and her mind didn't protest. Her nightshirt was large and hung past her thighs, but stopped above her knees. Logan lifted it up and her breasts fell out, creamy except for the strawberry nipple that stood at center attention. Mia couldn't believe this was happening. Her heart ran a race inside her chest, beating against her like a drum. Logan's tongue ran over pink soldiers and carried waves of undiluted passion through her blood, landing at all the most important ports.

  Mia's thighs clenched and unclenched. Logan's body was so hard. He pressed his core against her and Mia shuddered under him. Tears welled up as she remembered the last time they were together. She'd been so happy that night.

  "Mia," Logan said, alarmed. "Are you okay? Did I hurt you?" She shook her head, feeling foolish. "I'm fine, I just... I don't think I knew how much I needed you till now."

  Logan caressed her neck with his tongue and with his hand reached between Mia's legs. He found her soft mound and rubbed its center with delicate strokes of his large fingers. Her body melted and when she opened her eyes they burned with a dormant passion that she had to fulfill or die trying. She lifted Logan's shirt over his head and was astonished at the mass of muscles under the cotton. She'd thought chests like this only existed in Photoshop.

  She reached towards him with her tongue, wanting to taste him. His body quivered as she licked him. He was champagne and strawberries as she ran her tongue across his abdomen, examining the nooks and crannies of his muscles as she went. When his chest wasn't enough for her anymore, she undid his belt and helped him kick his pants to the floor.

  Chapter 10

  Logan felt Mia's body tremble under his and it nearly undid him. He'd dreamt of this moment since the last time they were together. He didn't want to rush things. He sensed she had an enduring strength beneath her soft skin and moist, pink lips—it took a strong woman to care for a child on her own—but someone had hurt her. They'd left scars along with Emma. If he ever found out who it was that had left her alone with a child to raise, he'd break their body in half.

  He found the tip of Mia's nose and kissed it tenderly, drawing more giggles from her. Her laughter was like music to him, and he let his ear drums swallow the sound like she was a concert pianist playing just for him. His hands ran up and over her breasts. They were cream colored satin under his fingers, rising towards him like mountains. He didn't remember them like this and wondered if they'd gotten bigger after the baby. It didn't matter. Small, medium, or large, she was more of a woman than the over-plasticized bleach blondes people thought he was so fond of. It was incredible to have someone so warm and real in bed with him. He'd missed Mia more than she would probably believe.

  His lips ran over her skin, sailing across her abdomen and over her hips, down to her thighs. He found that special spot between them that made her body thrash. His tongue flicked along the delicacy of her sex. She still tasted like mangoes to him, even after all these years. Mia placed her hands, so soft and warm, on his head, holding him to her. The sweetness of her body was like soft electricity charging his erection, and when her thighs clenched he knew he was fully charged. He took one last draw of her mango scent before moving back to her breasts, and then her neck.

  The rest of her smelled like cinnamon. He used to think it was something in her body wash, but now he knew her skin simply cultivated sweetness. He slid his tongue along her body, around her nipples, like sweet pink strawberries. They seemed to be standing there waiting for him to suckle, and he didn't want to disappoint them. Her body was the magic he'd been waiting for the
last three years, the magic that he needed to make him feel whole again.

  When she lifted his shirt over his head he thought his heart might burst. Finally, it wasn't just him chasing her, it was her chasing him back. A fervor like he'd never known gripped them both. Mia's fingers tore at his belt buckle and undid them with hands so soft he thought they must be made of cotton. Mia's panties, a faded pink silk, were on the floor the second after his pants were off. She pressed herself against him, wrapping her legs around him and pulling him to her. He felt her desire and craved her with the same passion.

  "Are you sure about this?" he asked. He told himself the question was for her sake, but really it was for his. She'd broken his heart once, was he ready to give it back? What would she do with it a second time?

  But her breath was so sweet and her golden hair shined in the moonlight like a treasure chest. When she said, "Yes, do it," and spread her legs for him, he couldn't have stopped his body if he'd wanted to. Thankfully, his mind decided to play along for now, and let him believe this was all real.

  He slipped into her with the ease of a practiced lover, though they'd only been together the one time. It was like their bodies had been created for each other. She moaned and arched her back. Logan tried to control himself. His heart throbbed in his chest and his ass clenched tight as he moved against her. She brought her hips up to meet his, reaching around him and grabbing his backside, guiding him into her. Her skin was so soft outside, and inside her body was the warm bath he'd been waiting for since leaving Oakville three years ago.

  The room was dark except for the moon and stars that refused to be kept out, invading their space through a cracked window in the corner of Mia's room. The light began to pulse around them as Logan pressed his manhood to her, Mia receiving him like a good massage. Her hair whipped wildly around her head, as if a strong wind was blowing her, an unseen force in the sensual darkness.

  Electric heat sprung from their bodies as they molded themselves together. Logan moved his body faster and felt Mia tighten. The light pulse surrounding them quickened, flashing with a growing urgency, getting brighter and brighter until Mia dug her nails into Logan's back and moaned under him, her back arching like an acrobat's. Her skin was warm and soft and when she smiled it was like she'd offered him a slice of apple pie. Logan saw a billion stars. He felt as if he'd suddenly been shot into space and was seeing what only the privileged few got to see in a life time. Their bodies rose together far into heaven and everything around them went white.