Mary, Mary

by Ed Nelson

  Jim told Sally, “There is a lot about the Jacksons that you don’t know yet. The Viscountess and the Queen are good friends.”

  “Oh, you mean I might have to go to Buckingham Palace?”

  “There is a good chance.”

  “But I don’t have anything to wear. What does one wear to a Palace?”

  Sally was nice so I decided to help her.

  “I wore a pinafore the last time.”

  Jim butted in, “There you go Sally, good fashion advice.”

  We pulled up to the Veterinary place so Sally didn’t get to reply. I think she was going to use one of those words that I’m not allowed to say.

  The Vet as they called Dr. Pol was very nice. I told him that Liz wasn’t broken and that he shouldn’t try to fix her. He explained that it was a little operation so that she wouldn’t have puppies.

  He explained that German Shepard’s grew big and that they wouldn’t fit in our house. I tried to tell him we had a big house but I don’t think he understood.

  He gave Liz her shots. I don’t like shots but I know you will get sick if you don’t get them. Liz was even able to look at the needle when he stuck it in. She is braver than I am.

  We were leaving Liz here for several days so she could be fixed. I still wasn’t certain about that. I like puppies.

  There was a sign in the lobby where Sally was paying the bill. It said the shelter needed money to save the dogs.

  I asked about that. It seems some people don’t like or want dogs so they give them to the shelter. The shelter was running out of money so they might have to put them down.

  “They won’t be able to sit on your lap?”

  Sally told me, “No honey they will put them to sleep.”

  “What if they aren’t tired and want to play.”

  Dr. Pol was standing there and he explained it, I don’t know why people are afraid to say things.

  “If they don’t have money to feed the dogs they will give them a shot to kill them. It is kinder to do that than letting them starve to death.”

  That made me want to cry but rather than cry I wondered if I could do something about it.

  “How much do they need?”

  “Right now they need several thousand dollars. That is a lot of money.”

  “I have that much, I will go home and have Mum write a check.”

  I don’t think Dr. Pol believed me.

  When we got home I told Mum about the starving dogs and that I wanted to save them.

  She told me that I couldn’t save all the dogs in the world.

  “I know I can’t, but I can save these. You told me I have a bunch of money in the bank from my pictures and advertisements. I know that I say I want to spend it on toys and candy but that is kid stuff. I want to do something grownup. Helping animals is grownup.”

  Mum looked thoughtful for a moment.

  “You are right Mary that is a grownup thing to do, let’s go back to the Vet and talk to Dr. Pol.”

  So Jim brought Mum’s car around. It was her little green sports car. It was fun to ride in. I think I will get one just like it when I can drive. I think you have to be at least twelve before you can do that.

  Anyway, Mum had a bunch of questions for Dr. Pol. I wanted to go play with all the pets they had but she made me sit and listen to her questions.

  She made sure that the people who ran the place were good people and would really take care of the dogs and not steal the money.

  I would have never thought of that. I was glad Mum let me hear these questions. That way the bad people wouldn’t get my money and the dogs wouldn’t starve.

  The building for the starving dogs was across the street so we walked over. It was very clean and didn’t smell bad. I thought it would stink because all those dogs would poop. Well if they didn’t feed them they wouldn’t poop and the place wouldn’t smell. I had better check this place out.

  The people there seemed nice. They gave us a tour. The storeroom for the dog food had a bunch of bags there. I asked what dog-chow was. I could read those words. I didn’t know what Purina was. It sounded kind of yucky but dogs must like it.

  A bag was open so they showed me. It was dry dog food. Since it was time to feed the dogs I was allowed to help. We measured it out in bowls and put a little water on it. It seemed yucky to me, but the dogs really ate it fast. Maybe they were starving.

  I asked Mum and she told me that dogs always ate like they were starving. I bet Liz would be lady-like when she ate.

  After our tour, Mum explained that I wanted to help feed the dogs. They told her every little bit helped.

  When Mum wrote out a check they got all excited. It was enough money to feed all the dogs for six months. They would have time to find them homes.

  When I heard they needed homes I thought about how big ours was and that we had a bunch of room for them. When I asked Mum if we could take them all home she said no.

  That made me a little mad so I stamped my foot.

  Mum shook her head and said, “Mary, Mary quite contrary.”

  “But Mum I want to help the dogs.”

  The lady standing there spoke up, “You told us that Mary made her money doing advertisements. We would like to do a PSA for TV. The station would run it for free but we couldn’t afford a spokesperson.”

  Mum asked, “Mary would you like to do a PSA for the dogs?”

  “Yes I would, what is a PSA?”

  “It is a Public Service Announcement. The Radio and TV people are required to do so many each year to keep their broadcast license.”

  “I can do that. Someone will have to write the words and help me remember them because I can’t read very much yet.”

  “Does Daddy have to have PSA’s on his radio and TV channels.”

  “Yes, he does.”

  “Maybe I could help with those.”

  “We’ll see dear.”

  It took several weeks and Jim, Sally, Mum and I went to a TV station. It wasn’t one of Daddy’s. A man there helped me learn the words I was to say. There weren’t very many. I just had to look sad when I said my lines. I had learned to look sad and had practiced it at home. I even fooled Ricky one day.

  The man told me I was good at looking sad. I told him I could cry if he needed that. He didn’t believe me, so I thought real hard and had tears running down my cheek.

  That put me in front of a camera. I had to try three times because I kept forgetting the words. It is hard to say words when looking sad and crying but I did it.

  The adults were all excited about me being able to do that. The man said it was positively heart-rendering, one of the best PSA’s he had ever seen. He thought it might win an Emmy. I don’t know her.

  Liz was home and running around the house. I guess fixing her didn’t break anything. Her table manners were terrible. She would gobble down her food and then try to sneak some of ours. I was told I couldn’t feed her from the table so I didn’t. Besides I found out she didn’t like Brussel Sprouts any more than I did.

  Mum and I would go to the Human Society ever week to see how the dogs were doing. When they started running the PSA people really adopted a lot of dogs. They only had half the dogs they had and these were all new.

  There were so many mean people that gave their dogs away. I said that to Mum and she told me that maybe the people weren’t mean, they just didn’t get their dog fixed and they couldn’t keep that many puppies.

  I didn’t think of that, maybe it was good that we got Liz fixed.

  My friend Patti came home from school with me last night for a sleepover. We had fun. We played at getting married. I found some lace curtains sitting on the bed in a spare bedroom. They made a wonderful dress and veil for my head.

  At breakfast, Mrs. Hernandez asked if anyone had seen the new curtains. Patti and I ate our cereal real quick and left the table. I had left the curtains in my bedroom so I grabbed them real quick and ran them back to the spare bedroom. They were a little wrinkled but I don’t thi
nk she will notice. And I’m sure the Kool-Aid stain will come out.

  After school, Mrs. Hernandez was waiting for me with the curtain in hand. She asked if I knew anything about them. I knew if I lied I would get in real trouble so I told her that Patti wanted to play a wedding and that we needed a dress.

  She shook her head and told me I was too young to get married. I told her I knew that it was Patti marrying Billie. I was the Maid of Honor and Davie was Best Boy. I don’t understand how Warner Brothers have best-boys and they are all grown up.

  At dinner, Daddy told me that the cost of the lace curtains was coming out of my weekly allowance. I told him that seemed fair so that ended that. I would rather pay for the curtains than get a spanking for lying about them.

  Daddy told me I seemed to be growing up. I didn’t try to get out of trouble by telling a lie. I had rescued a puppy. I had helped a bunch of dogs with my money and had even done a PSA for them. Of course, I still had a way to go. I had to watch my language and quit hitting people. He said those were the weeds in my garden.

  Mary, Mary quite contrary

  How does your garden grow?

  Chapter 3: With silver bells, and cockle shells,

  The boys at school were still saying I had a brown thumb and that the poem had it all wrong. Billy said it should be:

  Mary, Mary quite contrary

  How does your garden grow?

  With devils weed, and evil seeds,

  and stinky toadstools all in a row.

  It made me so mad I wanted to hit him, I wasn’t allowed to do that or say the words I wanted to. I had asked Davie to beat him up but he wouldn’t do it. He said that Billy was older than him so he would be certain to lose the fight. I asked Patti to tell him she wouldn’t like him anymore but she told me she didn’t want to lie.

  What is a girl to do?

  I asked Mum at dinner about what could I do to stop them from saying all the mean things. I had tried everything I could think of. I had even thought about going to a teacher and crying about how mean Billy and his friends were but the teachers had seen me practice crying.

  Mum told me she had been planning to do something for a long time and now was the time. She was going to start a flower garden with a greenhouse. I wonder why it has to be green.

  After dinner, Mum took me to a book store where she bought books on growing flowers. She was interested in Silver Bells, Cockle Shells, and Maids all in a row. She showed me their real names Halesia, Prosthechea Cochleata, and Auriculeas but I couldn’t say those words.

  She told me that we were going to grow those flowers. That sounded like fun! Mum bought a whole bunch of books. I hope I didn’t have to read all of them, they had a lot of big words and some of them looked very funny.

  The next day at school I told Patti that Mum and I were going to grow the flowers in the poem. She told Davie and he told the other kids.

  When I got home I told Mum at lunch about all the kids making fun of me. I really am mad at Patti she promised me she wouldn’t tell anybody. Mum explained to me that revenge was a dish best served cold. That made sense as I didn’t think you could cook revenge, maybe it was some sort of desert, like Tam Tattlers Tart. Mum always promised those but never gave us any.

  After lunch Mum had our driver and my new lady guard, Sally, take us to a garden center. It was a big one with all sorts of plants indoors and outdoors. There was even a big fountain. It was fun to splash the water. Mum didn’t like me getting my dress wet but thought it would dry out quickly.

  She spent a lot of time talking to a man. He took us around the lot and showed us a building that was all glass. He called it a greenhouse. The front was painted white so I wonder why they named it greenhouse. Maybe the green family lived in them.

  When I asked Mum explained they were used to grow plants in all types of weather. When it snowed the plants stayed green, and that is how it got its name.

  “Are you going to buy one?”

  “Yes dear, I have been planning on it ever since we moved to Jackson House. This gives me a reason to do it.”

  “How long will it take to grow the flowers?”

  “Normally a long time, but we are going to cheat.”

  “Ricky won’t let me cheat at monopoly will he get mad at us?”

  Mummy laughed and said, “No dear, not that type of cheating, we are going to buy plants that are ready to flower.”

  “Oh, do they sell them here?”

  “We have to order them from different greenhouses around the country. They will ship them to our new greenhouse.”

  While Mum talked to the man about buying the greenhouse and having it set up I wandered around the store. Sally followed me everywhere. I don’t know what I will do when Davie decides to like girls.

  They had statues and garden gnomes and a bunch of other stuff. There was a row of rough looking knight’s armor. They didn’t look like those I had seen in England. These were pieces of metal welded together to look like armor. No one could wear them. They would make a silly decoration.

  I was curious as to how heavy they were. I pushed one on the end just a little. It tipped over onto the one next to it. That started the whole row of them falling over with a terrible clang and clatter.

  Sally grabbed my arm and walked us away as people came running. When we got back to Mum, Mum asked if we knew what all the noise was. Sally told her someone had knocked over a row of fake knight’s armor.

  For some reason, Mum really looked at me. I pretended as I did at home when Eddie and I did something. I just kept thinking he did it, he did it. Usually, it didn’t work with Mum but it did this time.

  I turned to Sally who had just winked at Mum for some reason. I think I’m going to like Sally.

  Two weeks later the greenhouses had been delivered and were all in place sitting on concrete Dad had installed. They had water, heat, air conditioning along with a sprinkler system. There were three of them behind the garage. Mum explained it was so we could have different limats. I don’t know what a limat is, but it must be important to plants.

  The flowers arrived several days later. There were a whole bunch of them, Silver Bells, Cockle Shells, and Maids all in a Row. They are all pretty but the Maids smelled the best.

  They started arriving on Wednesday and the last came in on Friday. They all looked wilted when we got them but by Monday they were all standing up and looking better.

  The greenhouse has a sprinkler system inside to water the flowers. The water goes on the plants and some of it goes on to the greenhouse floor. It also washes some of the dirt out of the plants to the floor. It makes a real muddy mess that is fun to stomp your foot in.

  It splashes everywhere. I had fun doing that until Mum saw me. She got upset because I had on white tights under my pinafore. They were a little dirty. Okay, they were a horrid muddy mess.

  The plants looked better each day. Finally, the flowers started blooming. On a Wednesday Mum decided they were ready for Show and Tell.

  Mum gave me a note for my teacher and suggested that I asked to be able to show my flowers at Show and Tell on Friday.

  I was so excited Friday morning. Mum and I got up early and cut the flowers. She had display vases for them. When Mum said the word, it sounded like the word was with a V in front and a long A as in Spanish. When Dad said it, it sounded like base. One of them talks funny.

  When it was my turn at Show and Tell my driver and Sally came in with the vases full of flowers. I told them what they were and how they were grown and what limats they liked and how much food and water they needed.

  I finished up with saying, and that is how my garden grows. After that, I held up my hand. Mum had taken one of my white gloves and dyed the thumb green so I held it up in the air.

  Even Billy looked impressed. At recess, he asked if I could be his girlfriend since Patti was now mad at him for making fun of me. I told him that I was mad at him and had written a poem about him:

  Billy, Billy is silly Billy.


  Hanging on a bull’s tail,

  When the bull has to pee

  Billy has a cup of tea.

  Daddy helped with that but I can’t tell Mummy.

  I said it loud enough on the merry go round that his friends heard it. They liked it and started chanting it towards him. He took off crying. I felt bad about making him cry. This revenge thing is hard.

  The television studio had me come back and make several more PSA’s for them. They were about the puppies and I got to hold several during the filming. I enjoyed it until one of them peed on my dress, right on my lap. It was wet and uncomfortable and I wanted to go home.

  One of the ladies who worked there brought out a hairdryer just like Ricky had invented and dried my dress off. It had a stain but wasn’t uncomfortable so I agreed to stay and finish.

  Someone said, “The show must go on.”

  I thought that was silly, what if the building caught on fire.

  Mum was with me along with Sally, poor Jim always had to wait in the car. Usually, he had a book with him but he forgot it, he had to listen to the car radio. He must get lonely out there.

  When we were finished and going home Jim told us he heard my PSA on the radio. They had written it so it could be used both on TV and Radio.

  Mum said Mr. Baxter had called her and let her know it was being aired nationally. She and Mr. Baxter were waiting on the Neilsen ratings to see if people remembered the ad. If it went well it could get me better jobs. Mum was undecided.

  She liked the idea of me making something of my self but worried that I might be too young. She and Daddy had been talking about what they should let me do. I wanted to do more stuff in movies and television. I wonder if I can get emaciated like Ricky.

  Mum got a phone call from a clothing company. They had been getting requests from stores for pinafore dresses just like the ones Mary wore in the ads. The ads were on TV and in magazines all over the country. They wanted to know if we would be interested in a Mary Jackson line of clothing.

  Mummy and Daddy talked about it and couldn’t see any reason why not. They asked me and I wanted to know what I would get out of it. Daddy told me I was a little mercenary and he loved it. I wonder what a mercenary does, but I want to be one if Daddy loves it.