Mary, Mary

by Ed Nelson

  I would get paid money but best of all I would get clothes. I would get one in my size of everything they made. I wouldn’t be allowed to wear anyone else’s clothes. Why would I? Mine would have my name on the label of each one. How cool is that?

  I asked how long it would take to start my new clothes. They told Mum that it would be easy. They had made the dress I wore in the ad, so all they had to do was make a new label to put on the dresses. Someone would come to the house and take pictures of me in some of them for their advertisements.

  When the two men showed up to take pictures they were surprised by our house. They said they didn’t know how rich we were. I told them I had heard Mummy and Daddy say they were comfortable. They said my brother Ricky is as rich as crocus. I didn’t know flowers could be rich.

  Anyway, they took a bunch of pictures of me. Some on Misty, some with Liz, all over the house and on top of the tower.

  Daddy and a man from his office, an accountant talked to me about my taxes. I don’t know why I have to pay taxes. I won’t be six until June. I don’t think you should have to pay any until you are older like ten.

  They explained to me that I could give the money to charity and not have to pay taxes on some of it. If I did that I would end up with more money than if I didn’t give it away. That made no sense to me, if I gave money away I would make more.

  The people who do taxes have a real problem with math. I bet they can’t even do division. I’m trying to learn that and it is hard.

  Daddy asked me where I would give my money to save money and that was easy. I would give it to feed the puppy dogs. He told me that there would be enough to feed a lot of puppies. I would have to have a charity named after me and the money would go all over the country to feed many puppies.

  I liked that. The accountant wanted to know the name of my charity. I told him that it would be, The Mary Jackson Charity to Feed Hungry Puppies. Daddy liked that.

  When he and the accountant told the clothing people what I was doing with some of my money they thought it was great. They even put it in the advertising that some of the dress money was feeding puppies. They even made some tee shirts that said feed the puppies. For some reason, Daddy thought that was funny.

  Soon after the advertisements came out about feeding puppies I started getting mail with money in them from other little girls. It would only be a dollar or so but there was a bunch of mail. Mum finally had them taken to Ricky’s office to be opened and kept track of. They were used to doing that for his fan mail.

  It was so much they had to hire a person and I had to pay them. Well, they took the money from somewhere and gave it to them and told me I was doing the paying.

  I asked Mummy if I had a person working for me, could they do my chores. She told me, “No!” I think it is the only time I have ever seen Mummy stamp her foot. I went and played with my dolls, it seemed the safer thing to do. I wonder if I could talk Daddy into letting me hire a maid.

  Billy didn’t tease me at school about my flowers anymore. Now it was about my dresses. I had so many I wore a different one every day. Billy said I had to because I was so stinky from holding silver bells and cockle shells. I think he may like me.

  Mary, Mary quite contrary

  How does your garden grow?

  With silver bells, and cockle shells,

  Chapter 4: And pretty maids all in a row.

  Mummy and Daddy had a very serious talk about what they would let me do. Mum had originally said I could do one project a year, a movie or an advertisement. Now I had been in a movie and several advertisements for pay and three free PSA’s.

  They decided that as long as I didn’t show signs of negative changes, kept up with my schooling I would be allowed to do outside things. I don’t know what negative changes are, I suppose if I started smoking cigarettes or drinking Daddy’s nasty beer they would think that was negative.

  Daddy doesn’t drink very much beer anymore and I know why. I snuck some from his glass and it was terrible. Nobody I knew smoked so I don’t know where I could get cigarettes. I had been places where people smoked and it made them smell awful.

  I think I will skip smoking. Billy would really tease me for smelling bad. But of course, he did that now, so maybe it wouldn’t matter.

  I couldn’t think of what else negative behavior would be. Maybe it has something to do with the film. I know Denny got in trouble because he was kissing a girl in his darkroom. Kissing is okay when you are big so it must be something else. Well, I will stay out of the darkroom so I can be in the movies and make ads and PSA’s.

  The television people had got more money to make new PSA’s because they were being received so well. Also, other groups wanted me to do one for them. I didn’t even know whales needed saving. I could hold a puppy but I think whales are too big.

  When the TV people called and asked if I could do more PSA’s, Daddy told them that it wouldn’t reduce my taxes any further. They told Daddy that we were mercenaries. I liked that, I was the same as Daddy. I still wonder about what mercenaries are I have to ask him someday.

  The clothing people called Daddy and told him the sales were going through the roof. I knew that meant they were going well. They wanted to know if I would do a series of commercials for my clothing line. Daddy asked me if I wanted to.

  I started to say does the bear…

  He stopped me and told me I had better not finish that or I would get a spanking.

  I didn’t finish it but what is wrong with, does the bear growl real loud.

  He told them I could do more advertisements but that they had to be filmed in California. They told him their ad agency only worked in New York so they didn’t know of a studio they could use. Daddy told them he would call Warner Brothers to see if they would be interested. He would get right back to them.

  After that Daddy did call Mr. Monroe and found out the studio would be delighted to rent their services. That was good because their makeup people were the best.

  While Daddy was on the phone Mrs. Hernandez came looking for me. Liz had jumped up on the kitchen table and stolen a chicken that was for dinner. She was not happy, I had to get that mutt under control or get rid of her.

  That scared me. I found Liz and told her she was in trouble. She knew she had been bad as she was hiding under the covers in my bed. When I told her to get down she did, but when she jumped off the bed she squatted and peed all over the carpet.

  I yelled at her and she cried and whined. That got me upset and I hugged her. I wouldn’t let them take Liz, we would run away together. Maybe we could go back to Ohio. I didn’t have enough money to buy an airplane ticket so I would have to hitchhike the same as Rick did.

  I had to clean up the dog pee or I would really get in trouble. I knew that they kept the cleaning stuff in a hall closet so I went there. I knew what some of the stuff was but couldn’t read all of their names. One of them I knew was Clorox. So I used that on the carpet. The pee stain came out along with the color in the carpeting.

  Now I would really catch heck so I moved a chair over the spot. I hoped no one would ask why I had a chair next to my bed. Then I took Liz outside for a walk so she could do her serious business.

  I had her on a leash because she always wanted to run to the horses. Ben told me if she bothered them too much they would kick her and kill her so I was very careful.

  If we moved slowly Misty would exchange nose smells with Liz. It is nice that my puppy and pony like each other. I wonder why Liz and Mittens don’t get along. Mittens would always run away from Liz. All Liz wanted to do was play.

  One day Mittens got caught in a corner and Liz was going to play and Mittens slapped Liz then jumped over her back and ran away. We didn’t see her in the house for two days. She has some good hiding spots, I found her best one. It was in Mrs. Hernandez’s room. Mrs. Hernandez must like cats and not dogs that is why she called Liz a mutt. She told Mum that Liz should be kept in a cage. I’m not sure I like Mrs. Hernandez anymore.

>   Mummy had a dog run made outside for Liz, she was to stay there while I was gone. I could have her with me when I got home each time. I was responsible for her actions. If she ate another chicken I had to pay for it.

  I asked Mum if it would be cheaper to keep live chickens for dinner. She told me that I could but I had to feed them and chop their heads off. Eddie thought that was neat but I didn’t want to do that. I would also have to pull off all the feathers and clean the insides. Yuck!

  Mum suggested I send Liz to obedience school. There she would learn to be a good puppy. Eddie wanted to send me to one of those schools so I would learn to be a good girl. I stuck my tongue out at him and crossed my eyes. Mum told me not to do that as my eyes might get stuck that way.

  So I ended up going with Liz to obedience school every day after my kindergarten. Jim and Sally would take me home we would let Liz out of her run. She would run wild for a few minutes then we got back in the limo and went to school. Liz did very well in school and learned to sit, stay, and walk with me quietly, laydown and rollover.

  At the end of the course, she got a certificate for graduation. Eddie wanted to know if I flunked out. I got him though. I made a really sad face and started the tears running. He told me he was sorry and didn’t make me cry because I failed. I laughed in his face and told him I didn’t fail. They had also given me a certificate as a qualified dog handler for one German Shepard named Liz. So there!

  Mum told me to quit being a brat. I thought about asking her why I should act like a German sausage but I’m not that stupid.

  The clothing people had arranged for their ad agency from New York City to bring their people to Hollywood to do my ads. We all met at the Warner Brothers studio. Mr. Monroe welcomed everyone then left so we could get to work. The New York people had brought a lot of equipment.

  This led to some serious sounding conversations about union rules. Mum and I went to the commissary and people watched. We left word for them to send a runner when things were settled.

  It took over an hour and two cokes each before the runner came for us. You could tell there were some upset people there but we went ahead. The New York people felt like they knew best and had agreed to pay union rates even though the picture people would just stand and watch.

  Mum told me that a lot of pride was on the line for the New Yorkers. This was their first Hollywood venture. All their work for the clothing company had been still shots so this was new territory for them.

  While the makeup girl was fixing my face for the second time today they were setting up the lighting. It was just like my brother Denny did with a lot of light reflectors.

  I was in my first outfit and they were ready to go. I walked onto the set and looked around. I just stood there. Their cameraman told me how he wanted me to pose. I just stood there. They were starting to wonder what was wrong.

  “Mary, why aren’t you taking your position?”

  “Ask the key lighting grip, he knows all the big words. All I know you are setting up for a shot where I don’t move, like my brother Denny’s still shots. The film will be rolling so the light will have to change. I have to go pee while you get this fixed.”

  Mum was a little upset with me, “Mary you don’t tell the whole world you have to pee.”

  “I know, that was called artistic contrast to get my message across. It sent a discordant note so they had to think about what I just said.”

  “Where did you learn that?”

  “On two different movie sets and many a casting call waiting room. Did you think all we talked about was our dollies and boys?”

  “I see, I think your father and I need to have another long talk about what you are doing.”

  “Oh, Mummy please let me do this.”

  “See I know about how to make you think about what I just said. Good job on the set now maybe they can get it right.

  They did when we got summoned from the commissary, where I was only allowed one glass of milk the two groups were working together. When it was my time to be in front of the camera they started with several still’s with me posed. Then they turned those lights off and moved the reflectors so the movie lighting could go in place.

  I called it movie lighting but they were using television cameras with tape so they could watch it in realtime and immediately back it up. The studio had started doing this with a combination TV camera film unit so they didn’t have to wait for the dailies to be developed.

  I never had to do more than three takes and most were only two with the second being the insurance shot. I was very careful in how I looked and what I was wearing ever since I forgot to take my watch off in, ‘Over the Ohio’. Ricky would still tease me calling me his little anchorism.

  He smiles when he says it so it can’t be too bad. Not like some of the words I have heard Mummy say. I wonder if her mother ever washed her mouth out with soap.

  The ads were played on TV and the stills in magazines. My clothing line was selling nicely. I was giving a lot of money to feed the puppies but still had a lot leftover. Daddy said we should invest some of it by buying stock in some company. I had learned that Purina was not part of the food but the name of the company that made it.

  I suggested we buy their stock as I was buying a lot of dog food. He thought that was a good idea and he would look into it. After looking into it he ended up saying I should invest in Coco-Cola and McDonalds. I like both of them so that is what we did.

  The clothing people had another idea they wanted to put on a fashion show for the young set. It was for kids the ages four to ten, both boys and girls. They would do it at Warner Brothers but it would be made for TV. Mr. Monroe told Daddy that this was good for the studio as they wanted a way to get into TV without hurting their movie business.

  The studio’s and TV thought they were fighting for the same audience so they didn’t want their movies on TV as people wouldn’t pay to go to the theater. They would stay home and watch it for free. That didn’t make sense to me. The movie people could guess how much they would lose by people staying home and just charge that much more for the movie. When the movie people owned the theaters it made sense to not have it on TV, but now they didn’t so why did they care as long as they got their money?

  I didn’t really think of that. I heard Mr. Wayne, Mr. Baxter and Ricky talk about it at lunch in the commissary one day.

  Anyway, a whole bunch of kid models were brung to the studio. We were all given clothes we were to show off. It was really strange the other kids treated me like I was special. We had separate changing rooms for boys and girls. They were just tents set up inside the large studio.

  They shared one wall between the two changing rooms. The boys would peek under the wall. I know this because I saw one of them when I was peeking. I didn’t really see anything.

  One of the girls said, “Let them look we don’t have anything to see yet.”

  The older girls all giggled and the littles wondered what was going on. I pretended I understood and giggled with them.

  At the end of the show, the boys all came out and bowed to the camera.

  Last all of us girls came out and waved standing in a row.

  Mary, Mary quite contrary

  How does your garden grow?

  With silver bells, and cockle shells,

  And pretty maids all in a row.

  The end for now