The Unbelievable Mr Brownstone Omnibus 3

by Michael Anderle

  Huh. I definitely don’t want my wedding in or near a fucking forest. Crossing that shit right off the list.

  Shay frowned and tapped her foot. Even though her fiancée instincts filled her with worry, James had already bonded Whispy, which drastically lowered the chance of him facing any real physical danger. If anything, he was probably the single most dangerous being in the forest. Between her weapons and her shields, she wasn’t concerned about much either.

  Should I just keep looking for the cobza and try to find James after that, or should I look for him first? I don’t have a decent plan to find James other than wander around blindly.

  Damn it, I’d kill for a working drone and active support right about now. Got to figure out some sort of solution that works when we are in interference situations.

  Shay grimaced and dropped her hand to the hilt of her sword, her shoulders tightening. She sensed someone or something watching her from behind. Even if she’d gotten a little softer in recent months, her killer instincts never truly went away.

  Whoever or whatever is watching me, it’s not James.

  She spun around, ready to draw her weapon, but blinked at the source of surveillance. A pale, handsome man with a dark beard and mustache stood several yards away, his hands folded behind his back and a cheerful smile on his face.

  “Huh?” Shay managed.

  The man’s red loop-button coat, wide-legged black pants, and high boots were a few hundred years out of date, but the large sapphire set in the middle of his forehead was the most striking detail. It matched local lore concerning at least one type of creature.

  Okay, I’ll let him run his lines to give him a sense of security, then I’ll make it clear who is in charge.

  “Who the hell are you?” Shay asked.

  The man opened his mouth and started talking and gesturing. Shay didn’t understand what he was saying, but it sounded like the man was speaking some sort of Romanian dialect.

  She grabbed her phone out of her pocket and pressed the button to turn it on, but nothing happened.

  “It was worth a shot. So much for translation.” Shay stuck the phone back in her pocket. Even if she’d managed to get the phone on, the chance of her getting a decent connection in the forest was likely slim to none.

  Those guards had a decent connection, though. Who knows? Maybe Peyton has some ideas about boosting signals reliably.

  The man eyed her quizzically and spoke a few more sentences. He gestured to her and then to him.

  Even if this guy can’t speak English, I bet he can lead me to the cobza or James, even if he is what I suspect.

  Shay shrugged. “I speak a few languages, but Romanian, and probably an older dialect of Romanian at that, is not one of them. Sorry, pal. We’re gonna have to figure something else out for communication.” She pointed to her mouth and then her ear.

  The man tilted his head with a frown and the sapphire flashed.

  “Can you understand me now?” the man replied in perfect English, a faint hint of a New York accent, of all things, in it. “It’d break my heart if such a beautiful silver-glowing woman couldn’t understand me.”

  Okay, that’s weird, unless he’s drawing off me somehow with some sort of direct translation spell. I might suppress my accent most of the time, but it’s still there when I’m not being guarded.

  Good thing he doesn’t get what the silver glow is. I can use that to my advantage. Well, and I have this long-ass sword.

  “Yeah, I can understand you.” Shay frowned and kept her hand on her sword’s hilt. “Who are you?”

  “Don’t worry about my name, beautiful if unusual maiden. You’ll learn in time. First I want you to appreciate everything I have to offer.”

  Shay blinked. “Huh? Are you serious right now?”

  The man smiled but remained stiff, his hands still behind his back. “It’s rare that I see a striking and unusual beauty such as you enter this place. I don’t know why you would disguise your natural gifts with such mannish clothes, but they don’t conceal the glories of your feminine form and face. I see you’ve received magical blessings from others, but I can provide more; much, much more.”

  Shay rolled her eyes. This was so not helpful, especially if the man was what she suspected.

  “Look, your lordship or whatever, I don’t have time for this,” Shay replied. “I’m already spoken for, and I need to know where James is. You might have seen him already. He’s got on a bulky gray coat. Big guy. Lots of tattoos. He might be wearing something that kind of looks like silver-green armor.”

  “James?” the man echoed. “This crass James can’t provide you what I can, even if he is a warrior. I can give you a life of wonder and riches and introduce you to nobles, and even the king.” The last few words came out uncertain. “Or whoever the grand leaders of your homeland are.” He nodded, the full smile returning to his face.

  Ok, you’ve only got the one spiel, and you’re still learning to adapt it for modern times, aren’t you? I wonder if that means you’ve been waiting around a long time or just don’t see people all that often.

  I suppose it doesn’t matter, but if this wasn’t an artifact raid, I’d love to ask you more questions.

  “I…” Shay frowned and stared at the man, her eyes narrowing. No reason to let someone continue with obviously suspicious behavior. “Why won’t you show me your hands? You’ve had them behind you the entire time.”

  The man scoffed. “It’s more elegant than simply letting them hang to the side like a commoner. I’m showing you respect.”

  Shay shook her head. “Show me your hands. That’s how you’ll show me respect.”

  The man’s face twitched and he lowered his hands to his sides. Long white gloves covered his arms almost up to his shoulders, but the fingers in the gloves were unnaturally long, and she assumed the fingers inside were too. Unusually long fingers in human form were another legendary characteristic of the type of creature she suspected he was.

  Damn. The Romanians apparently got a lot of shit right. Wonder why the vampire shit seems so off? Maybe the vampires were aliens, and they left back in the day.

  “Is this sufficient?” the man asked, with a deep frown and offense in his eyes. “A suspicious manner doesn’t suit a beautiful woman.”

  “Wait, are you seriously trying to tell me you think a woman shouldn’t be suspicious of a random weird guy in the middle of a forest with a reputation like this one has?” Shay laughed. “Oh, come on. Even you can’t believe that makes any fucking sense, given the circumstances.”

  The man sneered. “You have a very active tongue, woman. A very foul one, at that.”

  Shay shook her head. “See, here’s the problem, asshole. You’re used to dealing with a different sort of woman. I’m sure your spiel worked on peasant girls in the twelfth century or whatever, but I’m a modern woman, and I’m already engaged. I’m actually surprised you haven’t updated your tactics a lot better, but you could have just woken up, for all I know.” She waved a hand. “Not only that, but I know what you are, so if you don’t want to get your ass kicked, Zmeu boy, you better back the fuck off and help me out. I’m not here to cause trouble, but that doesn’t mean I can’t bring it.” She patted her sword hilt.

  The man scoffed. “Spare me. You aren’t able to use that blade. Beautiful women spend their time and effort concentrating on frivolities such as makeup and fashion. You’re no warrior.”

  “Believe what you want, but yeah, I’m no warrior. I’m a tomb raider, and I used to be a killer.”

  The man’s face twisted into a hungry grin. “And you claim to know what I am?” He looked her up and down, a mixture of fascination and faint irritation on his face. “What kind of creature are you, then? Your silver glow comes from some sort of beauty spell, I assume, and I doubt you’re a human if you know what I am and show such little fear. Are you trapped here as well?”

  Shay shook her head. “I’m not trapped here. I came from the outside. I’m looking for s
omething—a magical cobza. Would you happen to know where it is? Maybe we could cut some sort of deal.” She held up a hand. “And, no, before you ask, I can’t get you out of here. If I tried, soldiers with anti-magic weapons would kill you.”

  “You want to make a deal?” The man laughed. “You don’t understand what your position is, do you, girl? I don’t care what frivolous power you think you hold.” He licked his lips. “It’s been so long since I’ve tasted succulent flesh. Maybe longer than I thought if I understand what you’re saying. I’m sorry, but you must die. If you come here right now, I’ll take off your head so you won’t suffer. That’s my mercy, and that is the only deal I’m offering you.”

  “Will you now?” Shay raised an eyebrow. “How generous of you.”

  “Yes. I don’t know what has happened, but I’m hungry. So hungry.” The jewel flashed, and the outfit disappeared. A dark-green bipedal reptile replaced the man. He held up one hand and a black metal sword appeared in a puff of thick, dark smoke, a faint pungent odor accompanying the smoke.

  “So you were a Zmeu in the end.” Shay sighed. “I was hoping for something cooler, but I also assumed your kind would infest these woods, from my research.”

  “You came here knowing there were Zmeu? I don’t know if I should praise your bravery or mock your stupidity, girl.”

  “I wouldn’t worry about it.” Shay smiled. “It’s not gonna matter very soon.”

  “That is true, girl.” The monster flicked its tongue. “Now come. If you don’t, I’ll eat you while you’re still alive. I find it spoils the meat when the victims scream too much, but I’m also very hungry, so make this easy on both of us.”

  Man, this asshole is really asking for it. It’s like someone recreated Durand in reptile form.

  Shay sighed and walked toward him. A few jagged cracks appeared in the air several yards away, but they vanished without moving either person.

  “Yes,” the Zmeu hissed. “Give in to your fate. You can’t fight me. You must know that, foolish girl. Did you seek a glorious death at the hands of my kind? Is that why you truly came here?”

  “I told you that I came here to get a cursed cobza, but now I’m going to make the forest a little safer for the next person.” Shay burst into a sprint, drawing her sword as she ran. The Zmeu brought his own weapon up, but it was too late. She swung her blade at his neck, and his head flew off and landed in a nearby bush. His body fell forward and hit the ground with a soft thud.

  “That’s what you get for thinking the sword was for show, and I took your head so you didn’t suffer,” she muttered. She frowned. “Wait. You didn’t think it was for show, did you? You just thought you’d be immune to it. No wonder you weren’t afraid.” A cold snicker followed. “But none of that solves my earlier problem. There’s no way something like you took James out, so that means he’s here somewhere.” She sheathed her sword and considered her options. “But where?”

  I’ve got no good way to track James directly, but I can both get to the cobza and back to the main gate.

  Screw it. James is a big boy. I’ll concentrate on recovering the instrument, then run to any screams of the dying when I hear them because that’s where he’ll be. Or he’ll catch up.

  Shay nodded, satisfied with the new plan.

  18

  Trey let out a contented sigh as he shifted under his blanket, Zoe’s warm, soft body next to him in the bed. No matter what happened in Vegas, he was happy that he was able to wake up every morning next to the witch. It’d be a good day. He could feel it.

  There won’t be any crazy-ass bounty hunters or other assholes messing with me today. I just know it. Great day to be alive and working a job I love.

  Zoe’s hot breath fanned his ear.

  Now what’s she up to?

  “Trey, wake up,” Zoe whispered. “I need you.”

  He yawned and picked up his phone. Seven am. Earlier than he wanted to get up that day, but not crazy. They hadn’t stayed up late the night before.

  “Damn, baby,” Trey replied. “I know you want some of this, but I think I need a little breakfast first before anything goes down. Fair enough? I need my protein to fuel my stamina.”

  Zoe laughed quietly. “I always want some of you, my little supernova, but in this case, I’ve woken you up because someone has tripped the external wards and is coming toward the front door. I’m not expecting anyone. Are you?”

  “No.” Trey sat up with a frown, his heart rate kicking up.

  “Whoever they are, they lack magic,” Zoe replied, still smiling. “So I’m doubtful they are of any serious concern, but you should still be careful.”

  “Yeah, I’ll be careful. If this is real trouble, I’m gonna be seriously pissed off. They should know better than to fuck with a man at his home, and this was supposed to be my nice day to wake up.”

  Trey grabbed his gloves from the nightstand and slipped them on, his current look ridiculous since he was only wearing boxers. He rolled out of bed and grabbed a gun from Zoe’s closet. That and the gloves would be enough to defeat most common thugs; Zoe had already confirmed that the enemy wasn’t magical.

  Hope they didn’t let that motherfucker Jared out. He’d best not be coming for vengeance, or we’re gonna need a more permanent solution.

  Someone knocked with loud urgency at the front door.

  Trey’s frown deepened. “Damn it.”

  He headed toward the living room as the new arrival knocked again, this time even louder.

  “Hold on, I’m almost there,” Trey shouted. He stepped to the side so he wasn’t lined up with the front door. He wanted to make sure no one would open fire now that they’d confirmed someone was inside and close by.

  No bullet storm came. That was promising. A soft knock came instead.

  Don’t let it be Jared or any of my informants. Or, fuck, even one of the boys.

  That last didn’t make sense once he thought of it. Any of the other bounty hunters in the agency would just call him.

  Unless some really big shit was going down.

  Trey arrived at the door and looked through the peephole. Three large men in suits stood outside, the one in the center wearing a tie and the guys on either side sporting gold chains. Trey recognized one of the chain men as local Mafia, so he assumed the other two were the same, or at least closely allied.

  He sighed and shook his head. It wasn’t as bad as he’d feared, but it was nowhere near “no big,” like he’d hoped.

  What the fuck? Did I sell the Mafia out in a previous life or some shit? Is that why they’re so far up my ass lately?

  He considered that thought. While Vegas did have an unusually large concentration of Mafia, particularly Italian Mafia, the post-Oriceran chaos had led to opportunities for organized crime. It wasn’t like LA lacked such groups, but somehow the Family men in Vegas seemed far more interested in irritating Trey.

  Huh. James has been working LA for so long that maybe those assholes are just used to staying out of the way of all things Brownstone.

  Trey hid his gun behind his back as he opened the door. “It’s too early in the morning to sell me cookies, guys. You’ll need to come back later when I’m awake and hungrier.”

  The man in the center, whom Trey still didn’t recognize despite trying to place him, chuckled. “We apologize for the early arrival, Mr. Garfield, but we thought this approach would be best. It lowers the chance of other shit happening, such as dangerous misunderstandings, especially with people in our line of work.” His gaze dipped to Trey’s visible hand, and he frowned slightly. “Or with you, for that matter.”

  “I don’t know about all that, but what’s this about?” Trey asked. “If this is about starting something, I really, really wouldn’t recommend it. You guys can’t win at this range.”

  “No, nothing of the sort. Like I said, we want to avoid any misunderstandings. My boss has made that very clear.” Mr. Tie raised his hands in front of his chest. “We mean no harm. Really, pal. Far from it.�
�� He cleared his throat, a nervous look on his face. “Now, I’m going to reach into my jacket and grab a card for you. I’m telling you that because you seem a little jumpy. I’m guessing those gloves on your hand are the magic ones people have been talking about, and you obviously have your gun behind your back and are itching to shoot us.”

  The other two men tensed, and their hands moved, but Mr. Tie threw up his hand and they stopped.

  “What are you idiots doing?” the mobster asked, frowning. “We didn’t come here for that.”

  Trey looked at all the men and nodded slowly. “What would you do if three random guys showed up at your house early in the morning?” He narrowed his eyes on Mr. Tie. “Especially when you already have a rep and people have challenged it, mainly Family men.”

  The man sighed and shrugged. “Probably the same. Can I get the card now?”

  “Yeah, but slowly.”

  The Mafioso reached into his jacket and inched out a business card. He held it out in his palm.

  Trey snatched the card with his free hand and glanced down at it, now even more confused. “This is just a handwritten address and time. What the fuck does it mean?”

  “The date of the meeting is tonight,” the mobster explained. “You’re to come alone, or the meeting is off.”

  “The meeting for what? I don’t know about no meeting.” Trey frowned. “With who? And why?”

  “It’s to your advantage to come to the meeting. No obligations will be incurred for coming, so it’s win-win for you.” The mobster shrugged, a bored look on his face. “Coming would be the smart move anyway. I was ordered to not say anything more than that, and I always follow orders.”

  Nah, it’s the fucking opposite. It’s like I’m Mafia catnip all of a sudden. Or is this shit about taking down Cantu? They pissed that I messed with their operation? But if they were pissed, they’d probably just try to gun my ass down right here. They have to know I’m gonna be well equipped and expecting trouble at this little meeting. Or are they depending on that shit?