Lessons of the Heart

by Jodie Larson

  That familiar spark is back in his eyes, making my blood heat and run faster through my veins. I love it when he looks at me like that. He presses his lips to mine and I can feel him smile against them.

  “You’re going to be the death of me, you know that?”

  I nod. “Same goes for you. So take me around town for the next few hours before we’re both six feet under.”

  He signs the credit card slip for our food and wraps an arm around my back, escorting me out of the restaurant.

  “Jackets first, then tour,” he says, walking us back to the elevators.

  “I knew I liked you for a reason. You’re so smart.”

  He kisses my temple and I melt into his side. A morning with James all to myself without worrying about repercussions? Sounds like heaven to me.

  “THAT WAS THE BEST CONCERT ever!” Penny loudly cries out in the car. I can barely hear her anyway due to the ringing in my ears from the noise inside the venue.

  “Babe, it was awesome,” Travis says. He reaches over places his hand on her knee. I’m thankful I’m in the backseat so I don’t have to see if it moves or not.

  “Agreed. Best concert ever.”

  “So now what do you want to do?” Penny asks, craning her neck to look back at me.

  “I don’t know. Go to bed? I’m exhausted.”

  “How can you be exhausted? You didn’t even make our lunch date,” she says. “What exactly did you do all day?”

  The flashing lights of the passing cars draw my attention. I don’t want to lie to my best friend, but I know that I can’t tell her the truth either. “I lost track of time while I was out and about. I told you that I could entertain myself and I did.”

  “Who were you with?”

  “Huh?”

  She turns halfway in her seat to look at me. “You heard me. Who were you with? Travis and I saw your head in the restaurant this morning while you were laughing about something and we saw someone sitting with you. Who was it?”

  Oh shit. Quick, think up a lie. “It was just someone who wanted to sit with me, you know, out of pity for being alone this morning.”

  My comment makes her cringe. “Shit, I’m sorry. Really. We should have waited for you instead of rushing off. Can you forgive me?”

  I wave a hand in front of me. “Don’t worry about it. Plus I don’t want to be your third wheel. You know how much I love Boston and can always find something to do.”

  “How was the shopping?” Travis asks, pulling into our hotel parking lot.

  “It was good. Lots of window shopping, though. Clothes weren’t working for me today.”

  “Eat too much with your mysterious stranger?” Penny asks, getting out of the car.

  I smirk and laugh to myself. “Something like that.”

  We walk toward the entrance and make our way to the elevators. “Well was he at least good looking? Tell me more about him.”

  “What’s there to tell? I only had breakfast with the guy. It’s not like we were out on a date or something.”

  Penny wraps her arms around Travis and places her head on his chest. “The mere fact that you even ate with someone is a big deal, Ms. I-Never-Date-Anyone. Seriously, was the guy hot? Ow!” she squeals. I assume Travis pinched her for that one.

  We enter the elevator and hit our respective floors. “Yes, okay? He was hot. Majorly hot. Like I could totally date him kind of hot.”

  “Nice! So did you get his number?” My cheeks flush and she giggles with excitement. “Holy shit. Britta Fosse picked up a stranger in a hotel restaurant. Wait until I tell Cami about this one.”

  I roll my eyes as the elevator slows to their floor. “Don’t tell anyone. It’s not a big deal.”

  “Whatever. What time do you want to meet up tomorrow for breakfast?”

  “Nothing too early. How about we plan on ten so we can check out and then leave right after?”

  “Sounds good.” Travis pulls Penny into the hall. “Come on babe, let’s get to our room.”

  “Text me tomorrow morning,” Penny calls out as the doors close.

  I wave goodbye to them and sigh against the wall. It sickens me to watch it, especially since I know that it’s killing my brother right now. I should call him and check in to see what’s going on.

  Hitting his number, I walk down the hallway while I wait for him to pick up his phone.

  “Yo.”

  “Yo? What kind of greeting is that?” I ask, opening my door.

  “What do you want?” he asks gruffly.

  I toss my purse on the desk and kick my shoes off. “Nice to hear from you too, big brother. Yes, I miss you too and am glad that I’m still safe in the big city by myself.”

  The loud voices in the background make it hard to hear, but then they drift off suddenly. I assume he’s moving away so we can talk without interruption. “Shit, I’m sorry Britt. It’s just, you know.”

  I sigh and sit on the bed. “Yeah, I know. I’m sorry you’re going through this.”

  “It’s my issue so I’ll deal with it the best way I know how.” There’s a pause and I hear him shuffle something over the phone. “How was the concert?”

  “It was great. You know the Foo would never suck. All in all, my whole day was awesome.”

  “Even being the third wheel?” he slurs.

  “I wasn’t exactly the third wheel today,” I say cautiously.

  “What do you mean? She let you wander around Boston by yourself?” he growls.

  “Calm down, Liam. Penny didn’t leave me by myself, but she thinks she did.”

  “Okay, I’m a little drunk so you’re going to have to dumb that down for me. What do you mean she thinks you were alone?”

  I chew on my bottom lip and take a deep breath. “I was with James.”

  “Who the hell is James?” he asks.

  “Shit, you are drunk. How much have you had already?”

  A loud thud sounds over the phone. “Damn. Never mind that. Who is James?” There’s a pause and I’m assuming it’s because recognition has finally set into his inebriated mind. “Wait, your teacher?”

  “Ex-teacher,” I correct.

  “Still a teacher. Britta, are you insane?”

  There’s a knock on my door and I move to answer it. “Don’t worry. I’ve got this under control.”

  James is standing in front of me, looking absolutely edible in his flannel pants and a dark gray t-shirt. If I weren't on the phone with my brother, I would be throwing myself at him.

  “Liam, I have to go. I’ll see you tomorrow when I get back.”

  “Britt, promise me you’re not doing something stupid.”

  “Come on, it’s me. I’m smarter than that.”

  “Not when it comes to this,” he says. “You’re playing with fire.”

  James follows me into the room and sits beside me on the bed. “Maybe I like the burn. Just trust me, please?”

  “Okay, I trust you. Have fun and stay safe. I worry about you.”

  I look at James and smile. “I’ll be okay. Thanks, Liam. Love you.”

  “Love you too, little sis.”

  I end the call and toss the phone up toward the pillows. “Hi,” I say shyly.

  James leans over and kisses my lips. “Hi.”

  “We’re kind of lame, you know that?”

  “Yeah, but we’re our own unique kind of lame.” He laughs and links his fingers with mine. “Who were you talking to just now?”

  I sigh and move further up the bed. James follows as we prop ourselves against the headboard. “My brother. He has a hard time dealing with the whole Penny situation.”

  He arches an eyebrow. “Penny situation?”

  Leaning my head against his shoulder, I start to explain the tale of Penny and Liam’s rather strange relationship.

  “So let me get this straight. She likes him, he likes her, but they won’t be together?”

  “Yep.”

  “That’s stupid.”

  “Sort of.”
/>   “What do you mean sort of?”

  I lift my head and look at him. “I’m part of the reason why they’re not together. They don’t want to hurt me or damage my relationship with either of them so they won’t pursue anything. Yet.”

  “Yet?”

  “Liam told me that he knows Penny is in a different place emotionally than he is. He’s not looking for a picket fence and kids right now, but he’s looking for something more than a pickup. He’s convinced he’s going to marry her. And because she’s still in high school, he doesn’t think she’s ready, which I have to agree with. Penny’s looking out for Penny right now. She’s not thinking of the long-term guy. She’s looking for a short-term solution.”

  “Ah, I see,” he says and kisses the back of my hand. “And what about you? What are you looking for?”

  A calmness washes over me as I look into his eyes, easing the tension right out of my body. “I don’t know what I’m looking for. Do I think I’m mature enough to know when I’ve found my forever guy? Yeah, I do. Am I thinking about marriage right now? Heck no.”

  “Do you want to get married someday?”

  “Of course. Someday I do. I’d like to wait a few years to even think about it, though. Two years into my undergrad would be nice.”

  James releases my hand and pulls me close to his side, kissing the top of my head. “I agree. You definitely should wait until then. Those first two years will keep you busy enough.”

  “Let’s find a different topic,” I say and lean my head back on his shoulder. “What do you want to do tonight?” My eyes travel up and down his body while my hand rests on his stomach. “Obviously we’re not going out.”

  He laughs. “No, not going out. I thought maybe we could just watch a movie on TV or something. I just don’t want to sit alone in my room knowing that you’re alone in yours too.”

  I sit up and smile. “I’d like that.” I start to stand, but he tugs lightly on my hand with a questioning look. “Don’t worry. I’m just going to change into my pajamas and get out of these concert clothes.”

  He tugs again and I rest my knee on the mattress for balance. “Not those same ones from this morning? Please tell me you have something else.”

  Loving his discomfort, I pull my hand away from his and look over my shoulder seductively as I open the dresser drawers. “I guess you’ll just have to wait and see.” I grab the clothes and hide them behind my back as I walk toward the bathroom.

  “You’re killing me,” he says, throwing his head back.

  “You love it,” I say before shutting the door. I quickly change into what I grabbed and brush my teeth and hair before stepping back out into the room.

  The minute his eyes find mine I know my whole world has shifted with just one look. It’s not the same look I’ve been getting from him – the platonic look of our school relationship. It’s something else, something deeper and warmer, familiar and comforting. It’s like home or a place of belonging. And I know that whatever happens after this is going to change us. We can’t go back to what we were before. We can only go forward as something new from now on. Not just Mr. Dumont and Ms. Fosse. We’ll be James and Britta. And I love the way it sounds in my mind.

  “Better?” I ask, crawling back into my spot beside him. The way his eyes trace my every movement sends the butterflies fluttering in my stomach again.

  “Much.” James kisses my temple and links our hands together again.

  “Not exactly sexy,” I say, looking down at my own flannel bottoms and tank top. James twists my head back to meet his eyes, which are dancing with delight.

  “You’re always sexy. Remember that.”

  Our lips touch softly, barely a whisper between them while feeding more into my addiction of James. My growing need for him increases with each kiss, each stroke of his tongue against mine, each breath he steals straight from my mouth.

  My free hand reaches around to grasp the back of his neck, pulling him closer to me. His arm snakes around my back, bringing our bodies flush with one another. It’s been a while since I’ve simply made out with a guy and not have it lead to something else, but right now all I want to do is this. I want to make out with James, feel his body pressing against mine as our lips and tongues dance together.

  Soon enough James groans and moves away from me. “If we don’t stop now we’re going to move into a territory we aren’t ready for yet.”

  My short sporadic breaths make speech impossible so I just nod my head in agreement. Calming down more, I tuck some hair behind my ears and swallow hard. “You’re right. We’re not ready for that yet.” I grab the remote once we adjust ourselves, propping up against the headboard again in a slouching position. “What do you want to watch?” I ask, flipping through the channels.

  “Stop. This one,” he says pointing at the screen.

  I laugh as I set the remote down on the table next to my phone. “I love this movie. It’s my favorite of his.”

  I snuggle into his arms and close my eyes when his lips meet the top of my head. “Mine too. I mean who could pass up The Waterboy?”

  “No one that’s sane. So many great one-liners in this movie. I could probably recite the whole thing from memory.”

  We laugh together at all the funny parts while still holding onto each other. My ear rests against his chest, enjoying the feel of his heart pounding against it. Soon enough it lulls me into a deep sleep, filled with smiles and contentment.

  The bright sun shines through my still open curtains and I blink awake with a grumble. Why did I forget to draw the shades last night? I try to move but I’m stuck in my current position. What the hell?

  “Morning,” James says, kissing my forehead.

  “Mmm, morning,” I say on a stretch. “You stayed here all night? Wait, don’t answer that.”

  He laughs and releases his hold on me. “We both fell asleep watching the movie. Then I woke up in the middle of the night and couldn’t bring myself to leave.”

  I sit up and cross my legs while running my fingers through my hair. “You know technically someone would say that we slept together.”

  James props himself up on an elbow. “Technically I suppose we did. Actually we fell asleep together. There’s a big difference when you add that one little word.”

  I roll my eyes and stand from the bed. “I don’t think people would be in a technical kind of mood if anyone got wind of this.”

  “Probably not. But we won’t have to worry about that because no one knows we’re here together. So it’s a moot point.”

  “Moot point? And I thought I used old fashioned words a lot,” I joke as I enter the bathroom, shutting the door on his soft chuckle.

  When I re-enter the room, I find him standing by the window. The bed is already made up and the small coffee pot is brewing the life-giving brown liquid that I know we both need.

  “What time are you heading back?” he asks, pouring me a cup. I take it and sit in the chair at the small round table in the corner.

  “I’m meeting the two lust birds at ten for breakfast and then we’re leaving after that. What about you?” I take a tentative sip of my coffee and wait for the burn to settle in my mouth.

  “I’ll probably leave before you. I don’t think I could handle being here without you again.”

  I swallow hard and brace myself for my next question. “What are we going to do when we get back home?”

  “What do you mean?” James tilts his head to the side, taking a sip from his Styrofoam cup.

  “I mean, of course, we won’t have days or nights like this again and it’s going to be hard to pretend that nothing happened between us.”

  His fingers play with mine on the tabletop.

  “Hey, look at me,” he says softly. I raise my eyes to his smiling ones and whatever tension I had leaves me instantly. “We’ll figure it out. Everything will be okay. You’ll be my assistant this next trimester so we have that at least. For one whole hour, I’ll have you to myself.”

&nb
sp; “At school. Not exactly ideal I would say. Plus we’d have to have the door open the entire time. Do you know how much trouble we’d get into if someone caught us in your office with the door closed? You could get fired.”

  “Let me worry about that. I told you I won’t let anything happen. You believe me, don’t you?”

  I nod.

  “Nothing will happen. We’ll find a way to make this work.”

  He’s so optimistic about this whole situation. Maybe we really can make this work, whatever this thing is that we’re doing.

  I glance at my watch. “Damn, it’s nine already. I need to get ready, which means you need to leave.”

  He nods and moves to leave but braces himself against the opened door. “Text me when you get home, please? I want to make sure you get there safe.”

  “I will,” I say.

  James bends down to kiss my lips while my hand reaches up to cup his cheek, my thumb gently brushing over the crest of the bone.

  “Bye, Britta,” he says, backing away to his door.

  “Bye, James.” I blow a kiss to him as he enters his room. He smiles and places it against his heart, making mine beat that much faster.

  When his door shuts, I back into my room and sag against my closed door. I’m not sure what happened this weekend between us, but I know that going forward is going to be challenging and yet exciting at the same time. I just hope we can make it work.

  “SO HOW WAS YOUR WEEKEND?” Chase asks me as we walk to our first-period class together.

  I do my best not to be annoyed by his presence. So I turn a fake smile at him and shrug. “It was all right.”

  “All right? Dude, you went and saw the Foo Fighters. It had to have been more than all right?”

  “Of course that part kicked ass. I mean, it was a concert. You go there to party and rock out. Outside of the concert it was good, though.”

  “Too bad I couldn’t make it. That would have been fun for us to hang out and do things together,” he says.

  My heart clenches, thinking about how the weekend could have been different had Chase been there. If that had happened, James and I would never have been able to connect as we did, spend our time freely without worry of being found out or judged. Memories flood me instantly, remembering our day of shopping and sightseeing, of him stealing kisses on every street corner and holding me close at every opportunity. A smile crosses my face as I remember his lips on mine while we watched our movie and the feel of his hands as they traveled up and down my arm. All while my ear was pressed against his chest, listening to the calming beat of his heart, beating solely for me.