Lessons of the Heart

by Jodie Larson

  “Yeah, too bad,” I murmur. Chase looks fallen and I realize that I was still smiling when I said that.

  “Well don’t seem so happy about it.” The hurt is evident in his words.

  “Shit, Chase, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that. I just remembered something that happened on Saturday and I guess I got caught in the moment.”

  Chase steers us down a hallway and leans into me. My back is pressed firmly against the wall while I clutch my books in front of my chest.

  “Go out with me?” He leans his head close to my ear and I want to shove him away. The tiny hairs on the back of my neck stand on end as I fight the urge to do so. I just want to get to class, get through the next few hours so I can see James.

  “Chase, I-”

  “Is there a problem here?” a strong familiar voice says to my right.

  I turn my head and widen my eyes at the sight of James standing there, arms crossed and a less than pleased look upon his face. He almost looks angry. Definitely annoyed with his flashing eyes and lips turned down into an almost sneer. Chase backs away from me, shoving his hands in his pockets.

  “No problem, Mr. Dumont. Britta and I were just talking.”

  James’s eyes turn to me, softening slightly around the edges. “Is that true, Ms. Fosse?”

  I nod and swallow hard while trying to stay upright. My legs are shaking so hard I’m not sure I’ll be able to pull off the wall and walk normal after this.

  “Yes,” I whisper. “We were just talking before heading to class. Right, Chase?”

  He nods and backs farther away from me. James is shooting daggers at his head, challenging him to try to come after me again. This must be the jealousy thing he was talking about before. In a way, it’s kind of hot but definitely not something that I want to repeat again in school.

  “You two better get to class. The first bell is about to ring,” James says. His biceps flex under his dress shirt, making my mouth feel like the Sahara as I watch the muscles bulge and relax. Remembering those arms around me and feeling those muscles flex while holding me gently causes my eyes to close ever so briefly at the memory. My body tingles and slides marginally toward him, needing some sort of contact now that I’ve seen him. Anything will do. A touch of his finger, a press at my back, even a cordial handshake would suffice. I just need him.

  “Come on, Britt. Let’s go,” Chase says as he turns to walk toward our classroom door.

  I start to push myself off the wall, but I’m stopped by a hand at my elbow. My head twists to the side and I look at his troubled face, concern etched across his beautiful features.

  “Are you okay?” he asks softly.

  “I’m fine.”

  “What did he want?”

  “He asked me to go out with him.”

  A disapproving noise can be heard and my heart flutters at his jealousy. “And what did you say?”

  I tug at my elbow slightly. “I need to get to class.”

  His fingers tighten around me. “What did you say, Britta?”

  “James, not now. We’ll talk later, okay?”

  He releases my elbow and walks away in a huff. No goodbye or retreating glance. Nothing. I can feel the blistering anger roll off him even though he’s already down the hall and out of sight. He wasn’t kidding when he said that he gets jealous. And I didn’t help matters any by avoiding the question.

  “Fuck,” I whisper to myself.

  I jog down the hall to make it to class on time and find the only available seat left is conveniently right next to Chase. Double fuck.

  “What took you so long?” Chase whispers.

  “Nothing.”

  “Bullshit. What’d he want?”

  “Nothing,” I hiss, needing him to drop it.

  “Nosy bastard. Besides it’s none of his business what we were doing. Who the hell does he think he is?”

  “Mr. Woodward?” Mrs. Thompson calls from the front of the class. “Is there an issue?”

  Chase’s cheeks pink up as he shakes his head. “No ma’am. No issue.”

  “Good.” She resumes writing the various poems and poets on the board that we’re to learn this trimester and I take out my notebook to start copying everything down.

  My phone vibrates in my pocket and I discretely check the message.

  I’M SORRY.

  It’s from James. I quickly type a response without garnering attention from either side of me.

  IT’S OKAY.

  His response is almost immediate, as if he was waiting for it.

  FORGIVE ME?

  As if he needs to ask.

  ALWAYS.

  I shove the phone back into my pocket and continue my note taking while following along in the book. Chase looks over at me several times throughout class and I do my best to ignore it, even going as far as angling my body away from his even though it hinders my view of the front.

  The next few hours crawl by at a snail’s pace, even though they’re classes that I enjoy. Calculus and physics have always been exciting to me but today they were just okay, not holding a candle to what I know is waiting for me during fourth and fifth periods.

  When the bell rings, I bolt out of my chair and practically run to my locker to deposit my unnecessary books and grab my lunch.

  “Hey, Speed Racer, what’s your hurry?” Penny calls out to me.

  I slow my pace, not wanting to seem overly eager to get to my assistant job and throw things off.

  “Nothing. I just don’t want to waste any time.”

  “So you’re really Mr. Dumont’s assistant for the trimester?” she asks, opening her locker after she dragged me back to it.

  “I am. It was sheer luck that I got it too since Mrs. Davis is out on leave.”

  “Isn’t that weird, though? I mean, he’s new and seems smart enough to not need an assistant. Not that I’m saying you don’t do a kickass job or anything.”

  “Uh huh, sure. Nice backtracking. Love you too.”

  She laughs and nudges my shoulder. “You know what I mean. But you are one lucky bitch to get to work next to him. I would give my left tit to be in his office for two hours. You think he’ll make a move on you?”

  My spine stiffens, but I try to brush it off. “Oh, whatever. There’s no way he’d be interested in me. I’m nothing special.”

  “Says the homecoming queen and the more-than-likely prom queen as well.”

  I roll my eyes and start walking toward the teacher’s lounge. “If you say so. Look, I need to get in there because I have no idea what he’s going to need me to do. Catch you after sixth period?” I call out to her.

  “Definitely.”

  I give her a thumbs up and step quickly down the hall to the lounge. I don’t want to seem eager, but I’ve been dying to be here all day. To be in the same room as James without the watchful eyes of twenty other students is going to be a relief. We won’t have to pretend because we’ll have a fair amount of privacy afforded to us. It helps that his office is towards the end of the hall and the surrounding rooms are almost always vacant during the fourth period.

  Various smells assault me right as I walk into the commons area from the handful of lunches being eaten by the teachers.

  “Hi, Britta,” one of the teachers calls out to me.

  “Hi, Mrs. Hamilton. How are the girls?”

  “Oh, they’re good. Say, are you available to babysit in two weeks? Richard and I have theater tickets.”

  “Sure. I don’t have anything planned that weekend. What time would you need me?” I walk closer to the table so we’re not shouting across the room at each other.

  “Around five, if that’s okay? It will probably be a late one as our friends are coming with and they want to have drinks afterward.”

  “That’s no problem. I’ll be over at your house by then. Saturday right?”

  She nods. “You truly are a lifesaver, Britta. The girls will be so excited. They haven’t seen you for a while.”

  “I’m excited t
o see them too.”

  The air changes subtly and I know it’s because James has just walked in. My body’s recognition of his takes over, sending a delicious chill up my spine at the same time warmth covers my stomach before traveling further south.

  “Well, Richard has been out of town so our date nights have been pushed to the side. But I’ve finally pegged him down so we’re able to do this,” she says before turning her attention to the man standing behind me. “Ah, James. Nice to see you. How was your weekend?”

  The warmth of his body wraps around me, even though we’re not touching. It takes all that I have not to lean back into him and feel his hard chest against my body. I can hear his smile as he answers Mrs. Hamilton’s question.

  “My weekend was excellent, Gail. It definitely turned out better than I could have expected.”

  “How was your friend?” Mrs. Sanderson asks, stabbing at her salad.

  “My friend was great. We spent a lot of time together catching up and I really enjoyed it,” he says.

  I turn slightly to face him, so I’m not rude and acting like I’m ignoring him. His eyes catch mine out of the corner and his lip curls up slightly, giving me a hint of the boyish charm that has captivated me from the beginning.

  “Well, that’s good to hear. It’s always nice to visit friends,” she says, placing her fork to the side in favor of the bottle of water.

  “Yes, it is. But I’m afraid I must steal Ms. Fosse from you ladies. We need to figure out our working system for the next two hours.”

  “Oh yes, I heard that Britta’s your assistant. You’re a lucky one, James. All of us just adore her and she’s such a hard worker. I can say we were all quite jealous of Stacy for that reason,” Mrs. Hamilton says with a smile. She winks at me and I blush with embarrassment.

  “I am lucky to have her that’s for sure.” He looks at me and smiles sweetly. “Shall we?” He extends his arm toward his office and I nod.

  “Of course. Bye, Mrs. Hamilton, Mrs. Sanderson.”

  They wave goodbye and we walk in silence down the hall. My body hums at his close proximity and I wonder what’s going to happen when we’re inside the small confines of his office. We round the corner and I walk through first, pushing the door open then stand off to the side until James enters. He closes the door halfway so it doesn’t draw attention. Then he’s on me instantly. His hands cradle my face as my back lightly hits the wall behind the door. I cling to his shirt, careful not to put too many wrinkles in it. The slow seductive dance of our mouths warms my insides again, making me fall further into him with each nip and bite with his teeth. The moment our tongues collide, stars explode behind my lids and I surrender to the feelings inside me that are begging to come out.

  My hands slide up to his shoulders, pulling him closer to me, needing to feel the full press of his body against mine. It’s been too long since I’ve felt the hotness of his mouth, the silkiness of his tongue slide against mine. It’s been too long since I’ve fed my addiction and the withdrawal is starting to show, as evidenced by this morning’s incident with Chase.

  “You have no idea how long I’ve waited to do that,” James says against my mouth. Our movements slow, but the hard evidence of our lust pressing against my stomach makes me want to continue, to push the moment further, and explore the uncharted territory that is James Dumont.

  “I think I have a good idea. I would guess since the moment we stopped outside of my door back in Boston.”

  His lips travel across my cheek to my ear, lightly sucking on the lobe, creating a surge of heat to flood between my legs.

  “It’s been killing me not to be able to kiss you like this in public as I could in Boston whenever I wanted to.”

  My short panting breaths beat against his neck and I’m brave enough to lick a small trail from the collar of his shirt to his ear. He groans in pleasure and I savor the sweet taste of his skin against my tongue.

  His hips roll into me slightly when I repeat the move and I gasp when his firm thigh hits a rather tender spot between my legs. Our eyes connect and lock onto each other with desire and passion floating between us.

  “James,” I whisper, feeling his skin pebble as I lick my lips and moan softly. I want to throw caution to the wind. I want to take this man with everything I have. I need to feel everything with him. I just need him.

  “Britta, I want you too much. And it killed me this morning to see you with Chase.”

  “Nothing happened,” I say, still clinging to his body for support.

  He leans his forehead against mine and reclaims my lips in a sweet, soft kiss. “I know, but the fact that he had you pinned against the wall was enough to drive me crazy.” I raise an eyebrow to him and he quietly laughs. “This is different.”

  “Why? Because you’re the one pinning me to a wall?”

  “Yes.”

  And with that one simple response, I’m lost to everything except for James. I press my lips against his once more and sigh at his immediate response. His jealousy, his need for me furthers my need and addiction for him.

  “I would never go out with him. He’s not the one I want,” I say. “He’s not the one who lights my eyes up when I see him, who sends heat coursing through my veins with just a smile in my direction. He’s not the one I wish was in my bed at night, holding me close, letting me feel the steady beat of his heart.”

  “Who is?” he huskily asks, cupping my cheeks once more while looking directly into my eyes.

  “It’s you. It’s always been you. Ever since that first day when you knocked me off my feet, it’s been you.”

  “This is going to be difficult,” he says.

  “I know.”

  “I’m having a hard time controlling myself around you anymore.”

  “I know.”

  “I want to be with you.”

  I swallow hard. “I know.”

  “Is this our thing?” he asks. “When we open ourselves up to each other, the automatic response is ‘I know’?”

  “Everyone needs a thing.”

  The distant chattering of teachers draws our attention and we reluctantly pull away from each other. I smooth the few wrinkles on his dress shirt and straighten his tie, creating another one of those devilishly handsome smiles to pop up on his face.

  “I suppose we better start working,” he says. “I don’t want to get you in trouble. Your colleague could report you for your poor work habits.”

  I poke him in the middle of his chest and laugh. “I didn’t hear him complain three minutes ago.”

  James’s arms wrap firmly around my waist, pulling me close again. His warm cheek rests upon mine and I cling to his shoulders once more. “Definitely not complaining.”

  “Good because we have work to do. Come on, let’s get to it.”

  I boot up his computer and he starts going through his papers stacked on his desk, showing me everything that I need to do. For being a smart man, he sure does fall behind easily in his homework grading. Or perhaps he’s doing it on purpose as a way to keep me busy to perfect the ruse we’re doing. I mean, a man who graduated a year early and is halfway through his Masters program at the age of twenty-two isn’t someone who strikes me as a slacker.

  James glances down at his watch and sighs loudly. “I need to get something to eat before my class starts in fifteen minutes. Do you need me to heat up your lunch?” he asks, stretching his arms above his head.

  “No thanks. I’m okay for right now. Plus I’ve hit my stride and I’d rather not break it.” I barely glance up at him as I correct the papers from his classes this morning. A hand comes down, blocking my view and forcing me to look up at him. I cock an eyebrow in silent question and he smiles.

  “Don’t work too hard. You’ll be running out of stuff to do at that pace and then you’ll be bored being in here for the next hour.”

  I look around the room and smile. “I don’t think I’ll be bored. Your office may look different though when you return. I tend to nest when I’m
left alone too long.”

  “Nest?” he asks.

  I nod. “Nest, as in clean or decorate. I have issues with blank walls.”

  He rolls his eyes and pauses at the door. “Just don’t make it girly if you do.”

  I salute him with a smirk. “I make no promises.”

  And with that, he leaves to me to my own devices. Several ideas pop into my head at the same time and I work quickly on the task at hand so I can follow through next hour on my ideas.

  “YOU DID WHAT?” LIAM ASKS me. He tosses a basketball into the air out of boredom while I’m sitting at my desk working on my homework.

  “I redecorated his office,” I repeat.

  “Why would you do that?”

  I shrug and write down my calculus answer quickly. “Because there was nothing in there. It felt like I was trapped in an insane asylum. All white walls and minimal furniture. I mean, who can concentrate in that kind of environment?”

  The ball slips from his hands, bouncing several times until it rolls toward my door. “Are you stark raving mad? You can’t decorate a teacher’s office. Are you trying to get found out?”

  I turn in my chair to face my now red-faced brother. “It’s not like I did this overnight you twat. I mean, I’ve been assisting him for the past several weeks. It’s been a gradual thing. I didn’t bring in a crate of shit one day and start posting flowers and hearts everywhere. Give me some credit, Liam.”

  “Oh I’ll give you something all right,” he says.

  “Whatever.” I throw my pencil down once the last problem is complete. “What are your plans tonight? Last night before winter break must mean big parties around here somewhere.”