Liv, in the Moment

by Dale, Tracy

  "But I wanted to meet his friends," she continued. "He's coming to terms with the secret getting out."

  Liv glanced over at David and saw him looking at them. He looked worried.

  Liv started laughing again as they walked over to join the guys.

  The rental guy walked them through the basics of paddle surfing. Before he handed Liv the paddle, he told her she could leave her stuff by the dock.

  Time to undress.

  Jackson was watching closely.

  She turned her back and pulled her tank top off. And felt incredibly exposed. She almost didn't take her board shorts off, but... Marina was in only her bikini. So was just about every other girl.

  Down the shorts went. As she was stepping out of them, she heard Jackson make an "Mm," noise. She looked over her shoulder and caught him staring at her backside. She did have a nice butt. Small perhaps, but very perky. He was noticing, he was liking.

  He finally looked in her eyes. "My girl should be a model."

  She didn't think he meant because she looked like a bobble head.

  Heaven.

  Liv climbed on her board and pushed off from the dock. She was very proud of herself for not falling. The entire hour they were out, she stayed firmly on her board. Marina didn't. Forty minutes in, she looked back at David, lost her balance and fell in the water. David's reaction was the most riveting.

  He jumped in after her.

  Liv stopped paddling and watched them. David helped Marina get back up on her board, and then climbed onto his own. Side by side they went back to the dock.

  David was in love.

  "I can't believe my eyes," Liv said when Jackson paddled up beside her. "He always talks like he's the real Pimp Daddy. Did you know about Marina?"

  "Yeah he told me about her. But he didn't tell me he was whipped."

  Liv couldn't wait to tell Connor.

  When they got back, David and Marina had set out a blanket and were lying next to each other in the sun. "Let's get the stuff," Jackson said to David. As they walked to their cars, Liv sat next to Marina. "What stuff?"

  Marina sat up and shook out her saltwater-clumped hair. "We're having a picnic." She sighed. "I have the best boyfriend."

  It seemed like it. Liv was still in shock. "Has he said he loves you yet?"

  "Oh, he was so cute when he said it. He kind of blurted it, but he was so nervous." Marina leaned closer. "What about you and Jackson?"

  "We just started going out."

  Marina's brows wiggled. "He looks at you like he wants it bad."

  Liv blushed. "Well we haven't--it's so new--"

  "We haven't yet either."

  "What?" This was David she was talking about, right?

  "I'm not ready. I used to think I wanted to wait until marriage. Sometimes I still do, but sometimes I don't."

  She seemed so comfortable about it, Liv wanted to yell at the guys when they walked up to go away so she could talk to her longer.

  "I hope you're hungry." Jackson dropped an enormous wicker picnic basket in the middle of the blanket. "Cuz we got the goods."

  And there were a lot of goods. It was loaded with gourmet sandwiches, hummus spread and pita chips, fresh fruit and sparkling water. And chocolate dipped croissants.

  "Before you get too impressed," David said. "My mom helped put this together."

  "Helped how?" Marina said.

  Jackson smiled. "We gave her the money."

  Best kind of help they could have given. The food was amazing.

  When they were finished eating, Jackson asked Liv to go on a walk. He took her hand as they walked along the water. "So, Liv," he said after a few minutes, "you know how Homecoming is in a coupla weeks?"

  Was he finally going to ask her? "Yeah?" She was careful to sound only curious. Not ecstatic. Or even a little bit impatient.

  "Well, uh, you already know I was going to-- Would you go with me?"

  She knew she had a huge smile on her face when she turned to him and said, "Yes!"

  He hugged her. Then his hands roamed down her back, over her bottom and back up again. He leaned down to kiss her. His tongue immediately tangled with hers. It was intense, and quick. Liv was glad. They were right at the water where people could easily see them.

  He took her hand again and walked back to David and Marina. Liv was sort of surprised they weren't seriously making out. They were both lying down again, David leaning over her, but he was laughing at something Marina was saying.

  "Hey guys," Jackson said. "I've gotta roll. Family thing."

  They said goodbye and when Jackson took her home he apologized for not walking her to the door, but he was running late.

  Liv didn't mind. She had to hurry too. She had soup to make.

  On the drive home she'd thought of one really big reason she needed to speak to Connor.

  Dresses.

  Okay not really. But it was an excuse she could use.

  She made a simple chicken noodle soup. She left a note for her parents that she would be at Connor's, packed the food into a bag and hurried to his house. She knocked. Rang the bell. Knocked again. And again.

  She knew someone was there. She could hear sounds of movement behind the door, saw the peephole darken as someone looked at her.

  She pounded on the door.

  Connor's stepdad finally jerked it open. His eyes were bloodshot, he already looked drunk. "Whad?" he slurred out. Liv caught a waft of alcohol and bad breath.

  "I need to see Connor."

  He stared at her for a long time. If he wasn't so drunk she would have been creeped out. Instead, she considered all the threats she could throw at him to get that door open.

  He turned and walked away. And left the door open.

  Liv walked in. The house wasn't as bad as she expected. It was cluttered. Random boxes were piled in the corners. The dining table was covered with old mail. Liquor bottles overflowed from a trash bin by the back sliding glass door. Still, it was clean.

  She walked down a dark hallway. The first door was an office that looked more like storage, it was so full of junk. Another door was the well used, but clean bathroom. At the end of the hallway were two remaining doors. She tried one and saw his mother so deeply asleep it had to be drug induced. Liv's hand tightened on the doorknob. She closed it harder than she had to.

  She opened the other door and saw Connor sprawled face down on his bed. His shirt was off, he wore only cotton pajama pants. He lifted his head when she closed the door behind her.

  "Liv?" He dropped his head back down. "What are you doing here?"

  There were no other bruises on him, the ones on his back already fading. Guess he really was sick. "I brought you some soup."

  He raised his head again. "No cookies?"

  She almost laughed. "Without you there to demand them, I haven't made any."

  He groaned and rolled over. "Punishment for being sick. Not fair."

  Liv set the soup down on his bedside table. He immediately reached for it. "Why didn't you text me back?" she said. "I was getting really worried." She was trying not to stare at his chest.

  "Love does that to a girl. Ow!" He'd gulped the soup straight from the container.

  Liv handed him a spoon. "I brought a book for you too. Utensils for Dummies."

  He smirked and dipped the spoon in. "You've missed me bad, haven't you. I was really sick, Liv. Today is the first day I almost feel not dead."

  She sat down on the side of his bed. "Has anyone been taking care of you?"

  Connor looked at her. "You."

  It made her heart ache, but then he muttered, "As always, right?"

  And for some reason, it really pissed her off. "Shut up!"

  "What?"

  "You and your 'poor me, Liv cares'. Well screw you. I do care, and I don't look at you like some poor abused kid. But I do worry because, hello, you were hit by that drunk in the other room." She abruptly cut herself off. Probably because he was staring at her like she lost her mind.

>   "You've been thinking about that all this time?"

  "About the conversation that made you take off to have dinner with Ana and not talk to me for days? Why would I still be thinking of that, Connor?"

  He tossed the spoon down and gulped the soup. Clearly, that incident was long gone from his mind.

  Irritated? Or amused? She couldn't decide.

  When he finished the soup he said, "Bring anything else?"

  She reached into her bag to pull out her hardly eaten chocolate dipped croissant.

  He snatched it from her hands. "Where'd you get this?"

  "I had a picnic with Jackson."

  His lips curled into a disgusted sort of snarl before he ate half the croissant in one bite. "How'd it go?"

  "He finally asked me to Homecoming."

  "I can't wait to pick out a really ugly dress for you." He eyed her outfit. "Why are you wearing a bikini under your clothes?"

  "We went to the beach." Her eyes lit up. "I met David's girlfriend. He's in love, Connor. Way in love. And all that sex fiend stuff he was claiming? Total crap."

  "Yeah, I know," he said absently, seeming far more riveted by the rapidly disappearing pastry.

  "You--you know? Why didn't you tell me?"

  "Man code."

  She paused, hoping he'd say more. "Okay. What's man code?"

  "I can't tell you."

  "Let me guess. Because it's a 'man only' kind of thing."

  "You're quick today, Lucky." He finished the croissant and licked his fingers, and then wiped them on his pants. "You forgot a napkin." He eased all the way back down onto the bed and slung his arm behind his head. "You should probably go. I don't want to get you sick."

  "Well I'm not ready to go and you're too sick to make me."

  He closed his eyes. "She really missed me bad."

  Liv put away the soup container and got up to look around his room. It was pretty sparse. No posters or pictures. Just furniture and electronics. She turned back to Connor and saw him watching her. "Has Ana come by at all?"

  "She's sick too."

  "The perils of shoving your tongues down each other's throats."

  "You should know."

  "Jackson and I are nowhere near as bad--"

  "Pretty close."

  "Hardly. I even told him I wanted to take it slower."

  His muscles went taut. "What'd he say?"

  "He was okay with it." She probably shouldn't tell him more, but he was her best friend. And he knew Man Code. "It's still a little fast for me, though." She walked back to the side of his bed and sat down again. "I'm nervous because he's way more experienced than I am and won't want to wait."

  "He probably won't."

  That wasn't what she wanted to hear. "David did."

  "David thinks she's his perfect angel, put on earth to make him see what Heaven's like."

  Her jaw dropped. "No way."

  "Saw him text it."

  She was dazed by the revelation. "And he's hid it so well."

  He closed his eyes again. He was clearly still not feeling well. "Don't let Jackson push you, Liv. You'll regret it."

  "How do you know?"

  A smile quickly formed and disappeared. "My mom used to make me watch those after school specials." Back when she was coherent. "They always said that stuff. But my last girlfriend said that about her first time too. Figured it must be true."

  "Would you wait?"

  His eyes popped open. He looked dumbfounded. "For you?"

  She didn't just blush. She purpled. "No, no, I'm not, asking if you'd wait for me specifically." She dropped her head in her hands. "Oh God."

  Connor didn't say a word.

  The bed started to shake. If she hadn't felt the vibration she never would have known he was laughing. She shoved him in the stomach.

  Rock hard stomach.

  She swallowed. "You should put a shirt on."

  "No can do. I'm finally hot. I've been freezing my ass off for days. Have any water?"

  She immediately put her hand on his forehead.

  "Fever was gone this morning," he said, and closed his eyes.

  Liv pulled her hand away. She dug in her bag for her bottle of water and set it against his arm.

  "It's like a Mary Poppins bag," he marveled before he drained the bottle. "Yeah, I'd wait. I'd really, seriously hate it, but I'd deal."

  "Would most guys?"

  "Some would, some wouldn't."

  "That's helpful."

  He shrugged. "Want to snuggle?"

  She gaped. "What?"

  He rumbled with a laugh that said he was so fatigued he couldn't manage to burst out with it. "I'm tired. You're here and apparently not leaving. A plus B, Liv."

  "Good thing I'm not Brody."

  He rested his arm over his eyes, a smile still on his lips.

  "Who says 'snuggle' anyway?" she said.

  "If you'd watched all the Snuggie commercials I've seen, you'd be saying it too."

  Snuggle with Connor. Oh she wanted to. "What about Ana?"

  "What about Jackson?" he countered.

  "He's not my boyfriend." Officially he wasn't.

  "Ana's not my girlfriend."

  She couldn't have heard him right. "Are you...serious?"

  He barely lifted his arm to look at her. "She was talking about waiting for me while I was in the army, and I knew I wouldn't wait for her. I started to feel bad." He dropped his arm over his eyes again. "Told her she should look for someone else, but we can still hang out if she wants."

  Liv felt like she'd taken a bowling ball to the chest. "You honestly broke up?"

  "Your fault." He was sounding drowsier. "I knew I was being kind of a jerk to her. But you make me want to be a better person. Be as good as you and your parents are to me." His voice trailed off on the last words.

  That was when Liv knew without a doubt he was really, really sick. Too unwell to care about speaking so plainly. She wished he'd get sick like this more often. Ooh. That's bad. She cringed at her thought.

  "I'm fading fast, Liv," he murmured. He didn't want to wake up and have her gone. He didn't want her to just sit there and watch him while he slept.

  Connor felt the bed shift.

  She was lying down.

  * * *

  CHAPTER SIXTEEN

  Denial, What?

  Connor peeked at Liv as she carefully lay down beside him.

  He couldn't have stopped from grinning if he tried. She was trying to play it cool, lying there stiff as a board.

  He turned to face her and jostled her around until she was on her side, her back to him, his arm under her head. Then he pulled her in close and held her.

  And she fit. Well.

  He thought she'd lay there awkwardly for a while, but she immediately relaxed. Seemed to sigh into him as she curled her hands around the arm under her head.

  He fell asleep with a smile on his face.

  He woke up to the feel of her hand on his chest, her leg tangled in between his.

  At some point they'd shifted, he on his back, her rolled over, facing him. He wasn't sure if she was asleep, until her hand stroked softly over his chest. Goosebumps rose on his skin and he felt her lift her head slightly to look at him.

  He pretended to be asleep.

  She kept softly stroking his chest. He could have stayed like that forever. When he slit his eyes open again, he noticed how short her shorts really were and how long and sleek the leg draped between his was. Her tank top had shifted sometime during his nap too. He could feel patches of her skin pressed against his.

  He snapped his eyes shut and concentrated really hard on math. Equations. Anything to stop from responding. He was failing. His thin cotton pajama pants wouldn't hide much.

  He pretended to wake up. "That feels nice."

  Liv briefly tensed. She stopped stroking but she didn't remove her hand. "Your chest is so smooth."

  "My grandparents were Apache."

  "You're part Indian?" She lifted her head to lo
ok at him. Her hand reached up to trace the hard angles of his cheekbone and jaw. "I can see it now."

  11 X 2 = 22 He kept his math simple.

  She laid her head back down. "I have to go soon. My mom texted me while you were asleep." She sounded disappointed.

  "I'll be around tomorrow."

  She tightened her arm around him and slid her cheek against his chest.

  It reminded him of a cat that rubbed up against you. He liked cats.

  He looked down at her. She smiled, and then chewed that full bottom lip he was starting to think about way too much. "You aren't going to be weird about this tomorrow, are you?" she said.

  "Why would I be?"

  "You're unpredictable that way."

  His lips twitched. "Am I?"

  "It seems like it." She waited expectantly as if she wanted him to explain.

  They did a position shuffle again. He propped his arm behind his head. She rested her head on her hand.

  They were in this warm cocoon where it felt right to be honest. "You know you mean a lot to me," he said. "And I don't ever want that to get messed up."

  "Why would it?"

  "Because I'm a guy and you're a girl and...things...can get in the way."

  She sighed and traced his cheekbone again. She was silent a moment then said, "You're so beautiful to me, Connor."

  He knew he was supposed to laugh at that. Make a mocking comment about being called beautiful. But he couldn't. Because it moved something inside him. He felt things for Liv. Things he had never felt for another person.

  He cupped her cheek, let his fingers slide into her hair and stroke down her neck. "You're beautiful to me."

  They stared at each other. After a while she whispered, "I have to go."

  She rolled out of his bed and grabbed her bag. She stopped with her hand on the doorknob. "Pancakes tomorrow?"

  "And bacon?"

  She sounded happy when she laughed. "I'll see you in the morning."

  He stared at the door long after she closed it.

  He didn't know what exactly love was, but if ever there was someone who could make him feel it, it would be her.

  Connor was not freaked out at all by the sudden clarity, because really, it afforded him only two thoughts: Want Liv. Get Liv.

  She had so much light and goodness in her, in her life. And he had so much darkness. But maybe, if he did enough good, he could begin to be good enough for her.