Liv, in the Moment

by Dale, Tracy

  For the first time, he believed he could be. Because he realized she already thought he was. She thought he was beautiful.

  * * * *

  At five-oh-dark-thirty she got a call on her cell.

  Connor.

  She hit mute.

  He called again. As she was forcefully pressing the mute button she thought she might have heard pebbles hit her window.

  She whimpered and prayed to the goddess of sleep to make it stop.

  She heard her name being called outside her window.

  She threw her covers off. "No wonder no one prays to you," she muttered, and thought if she actually believed in such a thing as a sleep goddess, she would have given her the finger.

  She marched downstairs and yanked the door open. She barely registered his mischievous smile before she spun around and went to the den to do a face-plant on the sofa.

  Connor followed her and stared at her sprawled on the couch in her little sleep shorts and tank top before he grabbed her waist and tried to roll her off the cushions.

  She kicked at him. "Go away." Her voice was muffled by the pillows. "I'm in training to sleep 'til ten."

  He lifted her. It was awkward, and he was sure she deliberately made herself dead weight, but he managed to settle himself on the sofa. She shoved him in the chest, and then stretched out again, her stomach draped over his legs.

  He waited until he was sure she was just about to fall asleep again before he said, "So where are those pancakes?"

  "Stop talking."

  "And what about the bacon? You can't forget the bacon."

  "Go do pushups."

  "Already did."

  She didn't respond so he tickled the backs of her knees. She jerked and barely moved her head to glare at him through one eye. "I'm going to hurt you."

  "C'mon, Lucky. Wake up."

  She buried her head again.

  He waited a moment for her to relax then grabbed a lock of her hair and brushed it softly against her armpit.

  Her arm yanked down and elbowed him in the side.

  He cracked up laughing.

  "Go run a mile. Or ten," she muttered.

  "Not without pancakes."

  "Leave me alone or I'm going to put laxatives in them."

  He tickled the back of her knees again. "I like living on the edge."

  "Of a toilet?"

  He grinned and started bouncing his knees. "Time to get up."

  He jumped when she sank her hand into his side and squeezed. He was ticklish too. "You could make one of your frou-frou drinks," he said.

  "You need a gag."

  "Kinky."

  She made a sound that was somewhere between a laugh and a snort.

  He continued, "We could take Darcy for a wa--"

  Her hand slapped over his mouth. "That is a four letter word you do not use at the freaking crack of dawn. Got it?"

  He nodded obediently, and deliberately made his eyes wide. As soon as she dropped her hand he called, "Walk, Darcy!"

  She buried her head in the cushions again. Connor shoved his arm under her shoulders and flipped her over. He could already hear her dog running. "You are still evil. And you should still be destroyed." She ended with a grunt because Darcy had jumped on her.

  He nudged Darcy out of the way and pushed her up until she was standing. "Lucky, you need to learn when to accept defeat."

  * * * *

  Two minutes later she was as dressed as she was going to be. Connor and Darcy were waiting at the door. As they walked, she tried to braid her hair over her shoulder. It was messy, but at least she looked less like a walking zombie. Not that she should really care. Her socks didn't match.

  They walked in silence for a while. Liv glanced at him, afraid he was starting to feel weird. Last night he hadn't actually said he wouldn't feel weird, and even though he seemed fine this morning, maybe he was just starting to fully wake up and realize they'd slept together.

  Okay, he'd slept. She'd taken advantage of his sick and vulnerable--and sculpted--form.

  She didn't even feel guilty about it.

  "So..." She wanted to feel him out. "Are we still going dress shopping?"

  He grimaced and rubbed the back of his neck. If he had a collar, he'd be tugging on it. "Unwillingly. But yeah."

  "You're still going with Ana?"

  "Well, I'm turning positively saintly--"

  "Wouldn't go that far."

  "--because that day I had dinner at her house was the same day I talked to her about going with you guys. Then two hours later, I broke up with her."

  "So she asked you to still go with her?" He seemed vague, like he wasn't telling her the full truth.

  "It's our senior year," he said. "You know, her last Homecoming. But I told her if she found someone else to go with, even at the last minute, I'd be cool."

  Definitely vague.

  Before she could press for further details, Connor tripped her and took off running.

  "Oh heck no," she muttered. She was going to catch his awesome butt and kick it.

  She never caught him. He was fast and fit. She was gasping by the time she reached her front door. He seemed only mildly winded.

  She gave him a breezy look as she walked past him. "I don't like running."

  He followed her inside. "Because you can't."

  She tripped him. Only he didn't trip. He patted her on the head. "You try so hard."

  She trudged upstairs to take a shower, but he caught her five steps up and carried her back down again. "You keep manhandling me today."

  "It's so easy to do."

  She rolled her eyes.

  He dropped her on the sofa, turned on "Spongebob Squarepants", and went to the kitchen.

  "You should have put on Aladdin instead," she said as he handed her one of the glasses of water he'd brought back.

  "Why?"

  "Because it's like a whole new world. You. Getting me something."

  He grinned. "I knew you still watched all those Disney cartoons."

  "Only when life starts to imitate art."

  "Yeah, what you said." He dropped down beside her, his side pressed against hers.

  They stayed practically glued together all day. When Mom made breakfast, they hung out in the den. They sat next to each other as they ate, and when Mom and Dad left to run some errands, they resumed position on the sofa to play videogames. Even when Jackson texted her later that afternoon, Connor was there leaning into her side to look at her phone. He made a face. "Butthead."

  "Nice visual," Liv said. "You still don't like him?"

  "Still don't trust him."

  "But I met his dad. How much like a player does that sound? Not at all." She started to text him back. Connor grabbed her phone and took off. "I am so not running again," she said as she watched him go.

  When Connor noticed she wasn't following, he went back to the den and sat down beside her. He still kept her phone. "Make him worry," he said. "Don't respond."

  Liv debated then shrugged. She'd text him later. Maybe waiting for a reply would be good for him.

  Two hours later, Jackson called.

  Connor still had her phone. He looked at the number and immediately shoved it under his leg again.

  "Who is it?" Liv demanded.

  "Jackson."

  "Give it to me."

  "Make him worry."

  "I already have!"

  "Make him worry more."

  Yes, he was deliberately trying to sabotage her relationship. Connor had a shadow of a thought that suggested maybe it wasn't the best thing to do. But Want Liv. Get Liv, was all that got through.

  She shoved her hand under his leg and tried to grab her phone.

  "A little further north, Lucky."

  It took a moment before she got it. She snatched her hand back, and her face went bright red. When the phone rang again, she shoved her hand back under his leg.

  He clasped his hands behind his head as she searched under him. The phone stopped ringing. She tr
ied to lift up his entire leg. He lunged, pushed her back on the sofa and lay on top of her. She was trapped.

  She tried to wiggle out from under him, but he settled more heavily, grinning the entire time. "Give up?" he said.

  "Give me a minute." She tried to buck him off.

  He laughed but suddenly he didn't feel playful any more.

  Liv stopped struggling and they gazed at each other. "What are you doing, Connor?" She sounded breathless.

  "Looking at you." His gaze dropped to her lips. "You have the hottest mouth I've ever seen."

  She licked her bottom lip. He stared, and then forced himself to ease off her. Take it slow, take it slow, he kept saying to himself, but he knew it wasn't going to be easy. He forced his attention back to the TV.

  Liv slowly sat up, uncertain what exactly had just happened, but Connor was acting like nothing had. He went right back to the casually affectionate way he was before Jackson's call and stayed that way.

  She tried hard not to feel confused, not to get swept up in Connorfication again. The night before, she'd congratulated herself for being able to lie with him and not get obsessed. She was afraid she wouldn't be successful this time.

  When he got up to go home that night, she walked him to the door, and held her hand out. He gave her phone back. "I'll text Jackson now," she said, even though she had no desire to. It was a defense, against Connor, against her apathy about Jackson.

  Connor slid his arm around her waist and pulled her close. He hugged her in silence. "Drop him, Liv."

  "What?" She pulled away. "Why would I do that?" Could he tell how she was feeling?

  "'Cuz he takes advantage."

  She forced a laugh. "All guys do. I can handle it."

  With obvious reluctance, he left. Liv went upstairs, spent five minutes trying to compose a text to Jackson then finally gave up. She texted Chelsea instead: Sooo nd 2 tlk 2mrw.

  Chelsea immediately called. "Connor again?"

  Liv groaned long and low. "I think he's my Jayden Crane."

  This time Chelsea didn't ask about Jackson. She understood well the idea that the heart wants what it wants. "You should end it with Jackson then."

  "I know but..."

  "You can do it after Homecoming."

  It had to be guilt that made them both laugh.

  Chelsea continued, "Just avoid any serious stuff with him. What happened with Connor?"

  Liv told her everything.

  "Oh man, if Jayden did that with me I'd be a total wreck."

  Liv felt like she was about to be. They agreed she should try not to read too much into what had happened. After she hung up and went to bed, she hardly slept, constantly replaying the day with Connor.

  By morning, she'd accepted that she didn't know if she could, in good conscience, lead Jackson on. She didn't want to miss Homecoming, but she could always go stag. Or maybe Ana would find another date and she could go with Connor.

  It was a plan. When Connor came by for breakfast, she knew she'd lit up at the sight of him. This time he seemed to do the same.

  "Best way to start a day," he said.

  "How?"

  "With you, smiling at me."

  A thousand stars lit up inside her. "Stop flirting with me. I'm gonna start thinking you've got it bad."

  He laughed. "Think away, Lucky."

  What did that mean?

  Mom came down and made them eggs on toast. She sat with them, sipping coffee. She pressed Connor on his studies, made sure he was going to catch up after missing a couple days of school.

  "Gotta go, Mom." Liv grabbed her bag and kissed her cheek.

  Connor did the same. Mom laughed and told him she expected it every morning now.

  Liv went to her car, but before she could open the door, Connor did it for her. He waited patiently while she sat down and buckled herself in before he swung the door shut. She started to back out of the driveway, but she realized she'd forgotten a book she needed. She pulled back in. Connor rolled down his window as she got out. "Forgot something," she said. "I'll see you at school."

  He nodded and drove away.

  She glowed as she went back into the house. He'd flirted. He'd opened her door. He was being downright chivalrous. Everything was starting to fit into something worth reading into. She hurried to school, wanting to spend a few more minutes with him before class began.

  Ending things with Jackson was going to be difficult but it was the right thing to do. She dreaded doing it, but the thought of Connor made it okay.

  She kept thinking of him lying with her, on her, as she walked on campus. She remembered him smiling, playing, tickling--

  She abruptly halted. Her heart beat so powerfully she could hear the throb of it.

  Connor.

  Was.

  Kissing.

  Ana.

  * * *

  CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

  Things Are Not What They Seem

  Liv stared at them, frozen. Her heart hurt, the beat was slow and hard. A pounding pressure resonated in her head, making her feel dizzy.

  She knew she was crumbling.

  She took off for the bathroom. She wiped frantically at her tears and as soon as she was in a stall, she pulled two wads of toilet paper and pressed them against the soft tissue under her eyes. She took great, deep breaths to ease her throat and overcome the sobs.

  I'm such an idiot! Such a freaking idiot!

  But the more the thought chanted through her mind, the more the tears leaked. She told herself to stop. That he was the jerk. That he was the one who lied about them breaking up.

  God, why would he do that?

  "Get a grip, Liv," she whispered. She didn't want to hide out in a bathroom stall while Connor was getting his face sucked.

  She took a couple more breaths and blotted her eyes. A quick glance in the mirror reassured her that her makeup hadn't run. She put her cool hands under her eyes to ease the puffiness, adjusted her flowing yellow top, fluffed her long hair, and left the bathroom.

  * * * *

  Chelsea bumped so hard into Connor, he knew it was deliberate. It made him stumble to the side, breaking Ana's kiss.

  "You're such an unbelievable asshole," she said.

  "What the hell, Chelsea?" Ana said.

  Connor stepped away from Ana. He scanned the campus before he focused on Chelsea. "What are you talking about?"

  "She called me last night." I know everything, her gaze told him.

  He stared back, unflinchingly.

  Chelsea looked at Ana. "I heard you guys broke up."

  Ana's laugh sounded fake. "It wasn't like that."

  "What was it then? Because Connor told--"

  "Where is she?" Connor said.

  "I'm not sure, now. A minute ago she was standing over there." Chelsea pointed in the direction Liv always walked on to campus. "Looking like she'd just been stabbed in the back by someone who pretended to care about her."

  "She saw?"

  "Everything."

  "Who?" Ana wrapped her hand around Connor's arm. "What are you talking about?"

  Connor shook her off like he would a pesky fly and stepped closer to Chelsea. Deliberately too close. Deliberately aggressive. "Where did she go?"

  Chelsea's lips curled with disdain. "Like you really care?" She picked up her backpack. "Such an asshole."

  Chelsea caught up with Liv at her locker. "He's a jerk, Liv."

  Liv forced a smile. "I feel like such an idiot," she said. "I was ready to end it with Jackson today."

  "Guess you really read into things after we talked, huh?"

  Liv knew she was trying to tease her and lighten the mood. It helped for a moment. "Do you think they even broke up?"

  "Ana said they didn't. In front of Connor and he didn't deny it."

  Liv's pulse was pounding again. "Why would he lie to me?"

  "Maybe he's one of those people who can't be alone. Since Ana was sick, and you were available..."

  He'd used her. God, her heart was
breaking. She sucked air through her tight throat. "I should still end things with Jackson."

  "No way."

  "Yesterday you said I should."

  "We have new information today. That means new rules."

  "He's not the one I really want, Chelse. It's wrong to keep acting like he is."

  Chelsea was shaking her head. "Okay, first of all, you guys aren't officially dating. You're having fun. So have fun. Second, how do you know you're the one he really wants right now? He could have a girl he was crazy about in one of the other places he lived and decided to move on with you. You never know. So maybe you should decide to move on with him."

  Liv had never thought of it like that. Jackson had blatantly come on to her the moment they met. His interest had made dating him feel immediately serious, but the more they went out, the more casual she realized he was. Fact was, he hadn't pushed to be serious at all. Even when she met his dad, he hadn't made a big deal about it. Neither had she.

  "I don't think I can see him today," she said. "But I won't end it."

  "Are you going to ditch?"

  "My mom would kill me. I'll stay in the library. At least I can take care of some stuff I've been putting off."

  "I'll make excuses to Jackson for you."

  Liv knew her smile was weak. "Thanks." She hugged Chelsea, and they went their separate ways to class. As Liv rounded the corner to her first period classroom, someone caught her elbow and spun her around.

  "It's not what it looked like."

  She refused to look at him. "I can't talk to you right now, Connor."

  "No. Look at me, Liv." When she didn't, he grabbed her chin and tipped her head back. She looked straight into his eyes. And saw--

  She wasn't sure what she saw.

  "Please don't-- It's not what you're thinking," he said.

  "You lied to me."

  "I didn't."

  "You used me."

  "No! Liv--"

  "I saw you with your tongue down her throat."

  "Her tongue. Down my throat--"

  "Oh, that makes it so much better!"

  "I wasn't kissing her!" He stopped, obviously fighting to gain control of his raising voice. "She grabbed me, Liv. I kept trying to pull away, but she wouldn't let go and I didn't want to make a scene."

  "You lied about breaking up. You got me-- I was starting--"

  "I didn't lie," Connor said. He couldn't stand hearing the pain in her voice. "We did break up, but I tried to do it gently. She was crying and saying how much she loves me and I didn't...couldn't... I said we should take a break. That's how it ended."