Silent Love

by Casey Clipper

  While Sean stayed vigil by her side, Ryan took over getting his new clinic ready. Well at least accepting the deliveries. When Mike and Jill went to the cafeteria for coffee on a Tuesday, Ryan stepped into the room.

  “How’s she doing?” his brother asked. Sean watched Ryan approach Beth, lean down and kiss her forehead, then whisper something unintelligible into her ear. For some reason, it eased the people close to her to speak to her, even though she couldn’t possible hear a single word professed.

  “Her oxygen levels are the best they’ve been to date. They’re talking about possibly taking her off the vent in the next few days if her carboxy hemoglobin levels keep improving,” Sean said.

  Ryan eyed him. “You look terrible. You need to shower, shave, and get some sleep. I’ll stay with her.

  “No,” he bit out.

  “Sean, you’re no good to her if you’re exhausted.” Ryan took a step towards him.

  “I will not leave this hospital room until she does,” he said firmly.

  Sighing, he knew his brother understood that the argument would be a losing battle. “All right, but if you need to leave, I’ll stay.” Ryan pulled up a stool and sat next to him. “You’re equipment came today.”

  “Shit,” he mumbled.

  “Courtney signed for it.”

  Sean’s head snapped to his brother. “I don’t want her involved in my business.”

  Ryan sank back, almost deflated. Really looking at his brother, dark circles under his eyes along with red rims showed Ryan was as exhausted as he felt. “Sean, I can’t do everything, and she offered to help. You have to stop this. She loves you and is scared to death you’re gonna lose Beth. She doesn’t want that for you.” He said softly, “She doesn’t want you goin' through that kind of pain. She understands it all too well.”

  He couldn’t respond because he wasn’t gracious enough at the moment to forgive her. More pressing issues controlled his thoughts and emotions, those all belonged to Beth and the anxiety that he might lose her.

  “Don’t mention her name to me again, Ry,” he growled.

  "I talked to the fire marshal today," his brother said after a loud, long sigh.

  His head snapped up. "What did he say," he breathed.

  "Electrical fire, said it started in the kitchen. Something about the refrigerator and the outlet it was plugged into wasn't updated with the rest of the house when her security system was put in. The house was very old, and apparently whoever did the original work did a shoddy job," his brother answered.

  "What about the security company, can they be held liable?" Sean growled.

  Shaking his head, Ryan said, "It was just one of those odd situations where looking at all the wiring wasn't needed. Her phone system was set up in the living room. The fire alarms were set up in the ceilings as well as the lights flickering for the doorbell and the strobe lights."

  Sean wasn't happy about that answer. He wanted someone to pay for Beth's condition and the terror she must have gone through.

  "It was an unfortunate accident, Sean," Ryan said empathetically. He probably knew what was rambling in his head. "She's alive. You need to concentrate on that."

  Yeah, if only it were that easy.

  ***

  Two days later, seven days after the fire, Beth's oxygen blood levels were within limits that the hospital could attempt to take her off the ventilator.

  When the staff came into the room to take out her tube, Sean and Beth's parents were asked to step out of the room until they were finished. Reasonably, he understood why. Taking the tube out of someone's throat wasn't the prettiest sight, and if something went wrong, they couldn't have family there in case they had to quickly put the tube back in or other drastic measures were needed. But it still didn't set well with him to be tossed out of the room. He was a doctor. Shouldn't there be allowances that granted him access?

  As they stepped into the waiting room, Sean was surprised to find Courtney seated in the corner. Alone. Staring out the windows at the bright, sunny day, she didn't notice him. Still he couldn't find it in himself to approach her.

  Sean paced that damn room that was far from comfortable. Outdated furniture, old magazines, the scent of stale coffee, and cheap wall art reminded him of exactly where they were.

  For forty-five minutes, they impatiently waited. Mike wanted to kill someone. Literally. He muttered about taking out the entire hospital staff if someone didn't give him good news on his daughter soon. Jill didn't bother with the impossible task of containing him.

  Finally a doctor and nurse came out to the waiting area.

  "You’ll be able to go back in a moment, once the nurses and respiratory finish," the doctor said.

  "How is she?" Sean quickly asked.

  "She's doing well," the man answered. "She did good coming off the vent. Respiratory is keeping a close eye on her. We're going to get an updated CT scan as soon as possible. She's still on oxygen and will be for a few more days at least, and she'll receive breathing treatments, but we're pleased with her progress."

  Jill flung her arms around her husband and outright cried for the first time in his arms. Sean wanted to feel elated, but they still didn't know if there was any permanent brain damage. There was still a waiting game, but as parents, their daughter was alive and that's all that mattered to them. Sean feared if there was damage, he still might lose his girl.

  Sagging into the nearest sticky chair, Sean ran an exhausted hand down his face. This waiting game made him feel like he aged ten years, but he'd take it if Beth would just be all right.

  20

  After the doctor left, they waited for a nurse to return and tell them they could go back into the room. That was the agonizing part. How was Beth? Since she'd be awake, off the sedation and ventilator, the hospital staff would be in there questioning her to get her responses, see if she was able to communicate, and overall evaluate her. Was she responding? Was there brain damage?

  Finally, a nurse who was all smiles, walked into the area. "You can go back now. She's asking for all of you."

  Jill cried out, while Mike yanked his wife past the nurse, through the doors. Sean glanced over his shoulder to find his cousin watching the scene, tears streaming down her face. But she remained seated and didn't say a word. Such a rarity for her. She didn't try to steal the spotlight or make it all about her. Maybe she was genuinely concerned about Beth. Subconsciously he noted her normal entourage was mysteriously missing.

  Spinning on his heels, he marched straight back to Beth's room to find her mother sprawled across her daughter, hysterical. Mr. Connors didn't bother to hide his sheer relief with his own tears sliding down his face as he held his daughter's hand.

  Feet planted in place, Sean was unable to move. Beth was alive. His chest constricted, and had to catch himself, throwing a hand out to the wall to keep from falling over. Finally she looked over to him. Those big blue eyes were now dull with tears spilling down her gaunt cheeks.

  "Sean," she croaked. It would be days before her voice got back to normal, but at least she could talk.

  As if he was drawn to her by a string she held in her hand, own their own accord, his legs went to her. Her mom slipped out of the way. Their eyes locked into each other, Sean gently grabbed her face in both hands and placed gentle kisses on every inch.

  "Beth," he breathed. "Oh, god, Beth." Falling into the crook of her neck, Sean fell apart, sobbing unmanly tears. Those soft, fragile hands of hers tried to wrap around him, but her grip was weak and tired. He didn't care.

  "I love you," she said hoarsely. "I was so scared."

  Pulling back, he wiped his face. "So was I, baby, so was I."

  Their eyes searched each other, pure relief evident on their features.

  Their room bustled with hospital staff coming in and out, but that didn't matter to anyone in the room. Beth was back and her health would return.

  "That's it, as soon as you're out of this hospital we're getting married," Sean blurted.

>   Eyes still shedding tears, Beth nodded. "Okay."

  "Now wait one minute." Mr. Connors cleared his throat. "I'll have none of that. I'm walking my daughter down the aisle in a church ceremony."

  "We'll up the date, sweetheart," Mrs. Connors interjected. "So everyone gets what they want."

  "Yes," Sean agreed and turned back to his girl. "So I can keep an eye on my Beth."

  "She was my Beth well before you came along," Mike challenged.

  "Michael," Jill said softly.

  So much for his camaraderie with Beth's father. They were back to their pissing contest over the woman they both loved, only with a more respectful banter.

  ***

  Two days later, Beth was transferred to the step-down unit. Every four hours she received breathing treatments from respiratory who didn't care if she was sound asleep in the middle of the night. They woke her religiously. Exhausted, her parents finally went home in the evening to get some rest, but assured her they'd return first thing in the morning. Sean refused to leave her side.

  Feeling lethargic, she hit the remote to position the bed into a lying back posture. The television sound was turned down low, and the lights in the room were dimmed. Sean sat in a chair next to the bed that he dwarfed. There was no possible way he was comfortable.

  "You don't have to stay," she said softly. Slowly her voice started to return to normal though still had a scratchy tone. She could feel the pain subsiding, which was why she tried to keep the talking to a minimum for the time being.

  "Yes, I do," he said and gave her a look that said he wasn't to be trifled with.

  "You look uncomfortable."

  "It's nothing comparably," he said.

  Tilting her head, she didn't understand what he meant.

  He seemed to comprehend she didn't grasp his meaning. "I mean, I'll put up with the pain so long as you're alive."

  "Oh," she breathed.

  Lips quirking, he said, "Yeah, oh. Get some rest. You look tired, honey."

  "Thanks," she said sarcastically.

  His smile grew wide. "You're welcome. I say that because you have dark circles under your eyes, and you're starting to look pale again. That's all."

  Sighing, she closed her eyes. "You're right, as usual."

  She imagined he loved hearing those words spill from her mouth. Succumbing to the onset of exhaustion, her body drifted into a deep sleep. Well, at least for four hours.

  ***

  After only a couple of days, Beth's condition continued to rapidly improve, which got her transferred to the general admission floor. The doctor even said she'd probably be discharged within the next day or two, that sent her mind back to her home. According to Sean and her parents, her house was destroyed. A pile of charred debris. Everything she owned, ashed. Sadness crept over her. She hadn't had much in the way of material objects, but what she had she was proud that she'd earned it on her own without help. But worse than anything, the loss of her home was causing an argument between her father and her fiancé.

  "Beth will come home with her parents until you're married. That's final," her father ranted. His jaw clenched, his chest puffed out, and he menacingly crossed his arms over his chest. She watched her mother swoon and lick her lips. Good lord.

  "She can move in with me and get acclimated to living together," Sean said.

  "We're both home to take care of her. You have to get your office up and running. How long will you be gone during the day? Hours at a time? Not only that, she can't be left alone in your house until you get that system installed," her dad demanded.

  Sean stiffened, his chest puffed, and he grew a couple of inches in stature. Was this what her life would be like with these two men?

  "She'll be perfectly fine. My brother will be there to look over her as well. What better care could she get than from a doctor and a nurse?" he said.

  "Wait...you're brother is living with you." Her dad turned to her. "You're moving in with him and his brother?"

  "Dad, they're very close. They need each other, and if you saw the two of them together you'd understand. Ryan is a good man. He acts like my big brother, something I've never had," she said softly. Her father visibly melted sympathetically. It wasn't as if her parents didn't want more children, but her mother suffered complications after having her and couldn't get pregnant again. “I love Ryan, too, Daddy.”

  "There isn't some weird ménage stuff going on here, is there Elizabeth? Because I'll drag your ass back home and lock you up." Her dad pegged her.

  "Dad!" She cringed.

  "Michael!" Her mom clearly shouted.

  Sean came up to her side of the bed. "Mr. Connors, your little girl will be looked after as my wife and as a sister my brother has never had."

  She looked at Sean, mentally arguing with that comment. Courtney was the sister they never had. From what her mother told her, their cousin had been a constant presence at the hospital while she'd been in bad shape, but Sean refused to accept her compassionate concern. Her mom explained how Courtney helped in getting the equipment delivered to his office settled, and how she offered her assistance in any manner to her parents.

  An ardent intensity enveloped the room. Her father and Sean refused to back down. Beth understood her father's concern, yet she empathized with Sean's need to have her in his arms at night, knowing she was safe and unharmed, and he could protect her. Men.

  "I'll stay with Mom and Dad until we're married." Beth finally broke the tangible standoff. "That way you and Ryan can oversee the system installed," she said softly. God, she hated having to admit she needed special equipment to help her live life daily. But it was that hardware that saved her life.

  Mr. Connors grinned in triumph while Jill rolled her eyes. Sean's shoulders deflated. Beth grasped Sean's hand into hers. "I love you."

  He dissolved into a pile of mush in the palm of her hands. "I love you." He leaned over and kissed her gently.

  ***

  Surprised her parents and Sean weren't waiting for her the moment visiting hours started, Beth sat on the edge of her bed ready to be discharged. Today was the day she was going home. Her vision blurred. How close she'd come to death. From what she was told, she’d been on the edge but somehow survived. Sean constantly looked at her with a gaze of pure admiration while her father treated her like a piece of priceless glass. Her mom was a combo of the two. Then there was Ryan, who joked about her going to need an iron lung in a few years and how when she got angry, smoke literally blew out of her nose and ears. Beth had been in stomach cramping hysterics during that mindless discussion. She supposed she should get used to her future brother-in-law's sense of humor.

  Out of her peripheral vision, someone stood at the doorway to her room. Glancing over, Courtney stood with flowers in hand.

  "Can I come in?" she asked.

  Beth nodded, taken in by her beauty. God, she was stunning. Perfectly coifed hair, designer jeans, long sleeve tee shirt, and heels. Confidently she glided into the room followed by an extremely handsome man dressed in a dark, tailored suit. Beth recognized him as one of the men who'd been in Sean's home when Courtney's husband beat the snot out of him. The man leaned against the wall, out of their way, and shoved his arms into his pants pockets. His stance was anything but casual.

  Courtney approached and handed her a striking bouquet of wildflowers. "For you."

  "Thank you," Beth said softly.

  "May I?" Courtney motioned to the end of the bed.

  She nodded.

  Propping herself on the hospital bed, Sean's cousin smiled warmly. "I wanted to visit before you were discharged and Sean arrived."

  "I see," she said.

  Glancing away and gazing out the window at the bright day, sadness was evident in Courtney’s amazing blue eyes that matched Sean’s. Turning back to her, she said, "I'm grateful how strong you are, Beth, to survive that fire. I don't want to upset you, but I drove by your home. To see the destruction, my heart aches over what you must have gone through."
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  Beth didn't want to think about it. That terrifying night assaulted her constantly, especially when she closed her eyes. The pure panic she still felt to her bones.

  "I owe you a sincere apology. I'm sorry for my actions the night of the dinner," Courtney said, her eyes beseeching. "I have no excuse for my behavior." Her shoulders curled inward. "Sean's right though, I have turned into someone different." She smiled, but it didn't reach her eyes. "Surrounded by men who'll drop anything they're doing the minute I ask, tends to go to your head. My husband wouldn't have it any other way though."

  "I'm sorry, Courtney, but I don't understand what you want," Beth said, knowing the visit wasn't purely to ask for forgiveness. The woman wanted something, and she had a feeling what it was.

  Sean's cousin slid a glance to the man standing against the wall, and Beth's gaze followed.

  "That's Smith, last name, of course. I left the house without telling anyone. My husband is probably sending out the cavalry right now in search of me. I turned off my phone so he couldn't track it. I called Smith to escort me so when I get home I won't be in too much trouble since I took precautions," Courtney said.

  Beth looked at her quizzically. Was she rambling or complaining?

  "I miss Sean. My children miss him." Courtney looked down at her oversized wedding ring then back into her eyes. She was amazed at how Courtney made eye contact with everyone. So sure and aware of herself. "I understand and respect the fact he'll choose you over me. That's the way it should be. That's how he was raised and how I was raised. I'd never ask him to pick me over the woman he loves, but I'm asking for your forgiveness so he can forgive me, and I can have him back in my life. Sean has been a staple in my world since the day I was born. Our history isn't like cousins, it's more along the lines of brother and sister."