Broken Angel

by Lee Heaven

  “I love you, Chrissy, don’t ever forget that.”

  “Love you too, Sarah. Now go before I have to spend twelve hours in a car to kick your ass.”

  With a snicker we hang up and I head for the bed to get the dress. Slipping it on, it falls to just above my knees. Oh my God this fabric is so soft. I choose the pair of black five-inch heels from Jimmy Choo. Oh this is gonna take some getting used to. I haven’t been in heels this high for years. Please God don’t let me make an ass of myself and fall or break my ankle.

  I did my hair and makeup then stood in front of the full length mirror. Once again my mouth has dropped open, what is this like the fifth time in two hours that I’ve had this look on my face. Damn, for once in my life I actually feel sexy and pretty.

  I snap that picture and send it off to Chrissy. I choose the black and purple Coach purse and stuff my makeup, small brush, a few other items, my phone, and iPod in it, grab a black and purple wool jacket from the rack and head for the bedroom door. Just as I reach for the knob my phone dings.

  *Damn girl if I was a lesbian I would so be doing you tonight. You look freaking sexy. Go have fun and call me by Monday.*

  All right let’s do this and not break our neck and make a fool of yourself while we’re at it. I smoothly and amazingly don’t wobble as I head to the living area.

  ~~~

  “When was the last time you wore heels, Sarah?” Decker laughed at me as my ankles wobbled when I walked toward the elevator to leave.

  “Leave me alone. I haven’t worn heals in thirteen years. I never get to go anywhere nice or play dress up. Plus when I do I’m given the fifth degree and asked where my boyfriend is taking me.”

  “He doesn’t know how good he has it and has abused you for years. I wish you would see this and leave him.”

  “Where am I supposed to go? How am I supposed to live? You were my first job in seven years and it’s over in two weeks. Plus what I’ve earned is not nearly enough to support me and Josie.” God how I wished I could just stay here with him, but I’m no where good enough for this man.

  I can see wheels turning in his head, but he didn’t continue he just changed the subject instead. “Getting to the restaurant will be peaceful, but when we go to leave the paparazzi will be hounding us. Just keep your head down and stick close.”

  “Ok.” I smiled. “I do have to say though they make me nervous. Just the thought of them chasing me…you…us…uh to get a story makes me shudder. I’ve seen how they hound on the news and it can be scary.”

  Laughing at me he replies, “Don’t worry you’re fine just stick with me.”

  ~~~

  “Per Se! Per Se! You’re taking me to fucking Per Se!” Damn my Jersey trucker mouth. “Sorry didn’t mean to swear, old habits die hard.”

  “I’ve gotten used to your Jersey language. It’s kind of funny watching someone so tiny shoot her mouth off like she’s some three hundred pound hairy trucker.” He laughs at me.

  “Hey, just because you’re a gigantic six-foot three god, doesn’t mean my five-foot two goddess status is any less powerful.” Even in my five-inch heels I barely came up to his chin.

  God I love joking with this man. It was like we were friends for years and he wasn’t just my boss. Smiling at me he laughs. “Whatever you say,” and slips out the door handing the valet kid his keys. Slowly rounding the car and opening my door, the valet kid finally realizing who he was, was now staring mouth to the ground.

  As he took my hand and helped me out of the car I asked, “Why did we have to drive, it’s only three blocks I could have walked.”

  “Not in those heels,” he answered laughing. “Plus it’s faster to leave by car when the cameras are chasing us.”

  Walking in Decker is greeted and we bypass the people waiting and are seated right away. Heads turn and people are staring. Oh so it begins the stares and people wondering what such a plain Jane is doing with a sex god. Per Se! I’m at fucking Per Se! Per Se! Oh Chrissy is going to flip when she hears this.

  “I can’t believe you brought me to Per Se! The fanciest place I’ve ever eaten at is the local Longhorn Steak House.” My voice betrayed the calmness on the outside and all my nervousness came pouring out.

  “You’ll be just fine.” He smiles at me. “However is there anything your allergic to so we know not to get it for you?”

  Staring at the menu that only featured two sets of nine course meal offerings, I said, “I don’t even know what half this stuff is. Fish, shell food, and strawberries. I’m allergic to all three and it sucks, sorry stinks, because crab legs are my favorite.”

  With his nod a waiter walks over and fills our drink order. Decker rambles off the food we’re going to eat without even blinking. Oh God this man is sexy and here I am in one of the most elite restaurants in the city with him. I can see the eyes of other people on us and a few are holding the camera phones at weird angles which I know means their taking pictures. There may only be a handful of tables in this restaurant, but you can always tell a tourist indulging in a meal they can’t really afford by the looks on their faces and phones that appear when a celebrity is around. Here I sat with the sexiest one I could possibly think of.

  Worry and fear creeping into me I rubbed at my necklace, he must have noticed I was a little uncomfortable when a frown appeared. “What, what’s wrong? You only play with your necklace when you’re nervous or upset.”

  Man, has he learned all my ticks already. “It’s nothing really.” I pick up my glass of pink moscato and took a long sip, hoping to hide my feelings.

  “Don’t lie to me. I don’t need you having a nervous breakdown or panic attack here.”

  He must be remembering the time when we – during my second week of work – were at the doctor’s appointment and the clumsy intern nurse dropped a tray of instruments. The loud clanging noise started a panic attack. He learned then I wasn’t really put together. Why this man kept me on and didn’t replace me I’ll never understand.

  “Do you need your iPod? Did you bring it?” He remembered when a panic attack sets in one thing that calms me is listening to Bryan Adam’s (Everything I Do) I Do It for You. “Here, I downloaded it on my phone if you need it,” he continues as he pulled his phone from his pocket and slid it across the table.

  Really he actually made sure to put it on his phone. He was that worried I wouldn’t have my iPod at some point when I needed it. Oh what have I gotten myself into? What am I going to do? I cannot fall for this man. He would never have feelings for me.

  “It’s just people are already taking pictures. I knew it was going to happen. I was just hoping to get to eat first,” I whispered with my face looking into my lap.

  Decker nodded for the waiter and in what seemed like a millisecond he was across the restaurant and bending over as Decker whispered into his ear. Within seconds after that the manager was making his way around the room and without a word being said the phones were being put away. The panic was starting to subside and calm was taking over.

  “Thank you,” I said shyly and slightly embarrassed.

  “Never ever hesitate to ask or tell me anything,” he said as he put his hand on top of mine and rubbed his thumb across my knuckles. Sending heat shooting up my arm and making me look wide eyed into his gaze.

  There was that skin to skin contact again. The heat was scorching. I wanted nothing more than to rip his clothes off and just press my body against his so I can feel that heat all over. Fuck, stop it!

  Over the next two hours we dined on cheese puffs, crispy pork jowl fritter, Calotte De Boeuf, Grilled Cheese Pain Perdu, an assortment of chocolate truffle jewelry box, macaroon truffle, Per Se’s iconic donuts, and other delicious foods. I couldn’t possibly eat any more. I think my outrageously expensive dress is going to split I ate so much.

  Shoving the last of the truffles in my mouth and moaning like an orgasm is about to hit, Decker looks at me with a panty dropping smile on his face. “Good?”

  “Oh
, Decker, I don’t think I can ever cook for you again. This is five thousand times better than anything I could ever make. Do they do take out? Because if they do I’m ordering every night.”

  “Baby, your cooking is just as good,” he said without skipping a beat and lacing his fingers with mine on top of the table.

  Baby, did he really just call me baby? He has never called me anything besides Sarah or Ms. Starr and he stopped calling me that after my panic attack the second week. Now he’s calling me baby! Baby!

  Gathering our coats Decker turns to me. “This is where it’s going to get hairy. By now the news of us being here has hit and there will be a ton of cameras flashing as soon as we hit that door. Stick close to me and if you want plug your iPod in now and crank it.”

  “This I was expecting. I think I can handle it. It’s only a few feet to the car right? Just don’t let go and leave me behind.”

  Tucking me under his arm I fit in to his arm pit. I have never felt so safe or so protected in my life. Looking down at me he smiles and says, “All right, let’s go home. Keep your face down and don’t let me go.”

  Home?

  When did his house become home? My home was in Jersey. Some place I didn’t even want to be any more. A place that I have grown to loath and hate. A place I don’t want to return to any more but have no choice to for now. I’m stuck with having little money of my own.

  I can hear them yelling before we’ve even reached the door.

  “Here they come.”

  “What’s your name, miss?”

  “Decker, can we get a statement.”

  “Miss, wanna give your statement?”

  “Look this way.”

  “Decker, over here.”

  Keeping me tucked tightly under his arm he guides me to the waiting car. Smoothly he opens the passenger door and quickly tucks me into the car and closes the door. He makes his way around and climbs in. Smiling at me he asks, “Are you ok?”

  “Amazingly I am. That wasn’t as bad as I thought, they didn’t seem to crowd me as much as I was expecting.”

  “Good. They were mildly calm, but it won’t always be that way. When we get back to the building there is a chance that they’re going to be blocking the garage door and if I open it they will get in, so for security reasons we will be getting out at the portico, valet will take care of the car, we just need to make it the fifty feet from the curb to the door. Stay close to me again.”

  “Ok, hopefully they will be calm again.” I was nervous though. I knew the cameras won’t always be that calm. They won’t always leave me alone. Will they stop following me after I stop working for him or am I going to spend the rest of my life with them following me around?

  Arriving at Decker’s building the crowd was bigger and seemed more aggressive. The bulbs were popping before we were near the building and as soon as we pulled up they were pressed against the car trying to get that killer shot. The one thing saving us was the extremely dark tint on the car window.

  Looking at Decker he just smiled a cool all knowing everything will be ok smile. “Stay there until I can get to your door,” he was out the door and rounding the car.

  I feel my chest getting tighter. One…breath in…two…breath out…three…slow…four…deep. It’s not helping. I rub at my chest hoping to ease some pain but it’s not helping. The door opened and Decker’s hand was reaching for me. I grabbed it and came up out of the car. They pressed in fast and hard and close. This was so different from the restaurant. The panic was growing thicker and harder.

  Decker only had time to grab my hand this time, but he was holding on tight. We started to walk when my shoulder was grabbed and I was yanked backwards and spun around. The movements made my hand rip from Decker’s and then I was surrounded by camera’s popping right in my face. The panic seized me and I dug my nails hard into my palms.

  “Decker!” I was able to scream before collapsing to my knees. The cameras got closer, not giving an inch. It was getting hard to breath. “Decker! Decker!”

  “Sarah!” I can hear him yelling my name but I can’t see him. “Sarah!”

  Trying to get the zipper open on my purse my fingers fumble and I can’t get it to budge. Everything is beginning to turn black. I need my iPod. The blinding white warm light has surrounded me. I can’t feel anything else.

  ~~~

  I can’t hear anything anymore. I can’t see, everything is black. I can feel myself being lifted off the ground. I feel safe. Something strong has me. Something is cradling my ears, I can’t make it out. It hurts to breath. Complete darkness takes over again.

  “Sarah!”

  Decker, did he just call my name? He sounds panicked. Where am I? Do I hear music? My hands are wet, what is going on? I test my right eye and it opens a little. I can see shapes of people but it’s just shadows. I don’t know who any one is. I close my eye again and darkness takes over once more.

  The music is coming in clear. It’s a voice and song I recognize. It’s calming. I try my eyes again. They are focused. I can make out the fact I’m sitting on the floor in the elevator in Decker’s building, what feels like a blanket folded under my head. There is a paramedic to my right putting something on my hand.

  “Ow, that fucking hurts!” I scream at him.

  Decker appears at my left, dropping to his knees and grasping my other hand. I wince with pain and he drops it. I lift it and look at it; the four little cuts are bleeding like you wouldn’t believe.

  Taking the ear buds out I ask, “Can I have something to drink?”

  Decker gets up and disappears and is back a second later with a bottle of water.

  The paramedic has switched sides and is now working on my other hand. Again he puts that stuff on that burns. I snap at him, “Will you stop that, it fucking hurts!”

  “Sorry, ma’am, but I need to make sure the wounds are cleaned so they don’t get infected,” he replies at my nastiness with a calm and sweetness to his voice that I didn’t expect. I probably shouldn’t have snapped at him, but that shit hurt and my brain was still fuzzy and trying to wrap around everything.

  “What happened?” I asked Decker.

  “You had a panic attack,” he replies, worry in his eyes betraying the smooth calm voice he has.

  “I can figure that by everything that is going on, but why what happened?” I look around at the paramedics and police talking and taking notes.

  “One of the hounds grabbed you and yanked you from my grip so he could get a better picture. Before I could grab your hand and pull you back they had surrounded you six people deep. I saw the panic in your eyes right before you dropped to the ground. It was worse than the time in the doctor’s office. I tried, I really did try to get to you but they were packed so tight I couldn’t. I could hear you screaming my name but I couldn’t get to you. I almost had a panic attack myself.

  “All of a sudden there was someone who yanked me into the circle and I was able to grab you and get you in the building. I think it was one of the paparazzi but I don’t know. When I finally got to you, you weren’t responding to me, pale, sweaty, and barely breathing. I didn’t want to go far with you, but didn’t want to leave you on the floor in the lobby so they could still take pictures of you, so I jammed the door open to the elevator and called 911. I did the only thing I could think of till they got here and shoved your ear buds in and turned the music on. I was so scared. I’ve never seen anything like that happen before. I’m so glad you had told me about the music once before. I’m so glad I found your iPod. Please don’t go anywhere without it. Ugh I can kill those hounds out there. They’re all still out there hoping to get another shot.”

  I haven’t had a panic attack this bad in years. Between breathing techniques, music and other steps I was able to learn how to control the panic before it got to out of control. I can’t believe I lost that much control.

  “Decker, you’re starting to ramble,” I said laughing.

  “Why are you laughing? This is not funn
y. You scared the crap out of me.”

  “I’m sorry but you were rambling and it was cute. I’m all right, although my hands hurt. I’ve never done that before. I’m guessing I dug my nails in pretty good.”

  “You won’t need stitches. Just make sure to watch the cuts and any sign of infection get to the emergency room as soon as possible,” the paramedic said as he started to clean up his stuff.

  I can see the terror and fear in Decker’s eyes. “Decker, I’m fine. You got to me. I’m here now and besides some cuts to my hand, I’m going to survive.”

  Decker scooped me into his lap. His arms circled around me and he held tight. I wrapped my arms around his shoulders and buried my face into the crook of his neck. Oh he smelt good. Pulling back I looked into his eyes and a haze took over and before I knew it his mouth was sealed on mine.

  Firm yet tender lips explored mine. Seeking something more sensual his tongue dipped and started to explore my mouth and tongue. A hunger grew deep in my belly and wetness formed between my legs. I’ve never been kissed like this before. Not even Shawn has kissed me like that. Shit Shawn.

  I pull back from Decker and hide my face. “Decker, I’m sorry I shouldn’t have done that. I didn’t mean to imply anything. I have a boyfriend.”

  Decker lifted my chin and looked into my eyes and simply stated, “You will be mine someday. He does not deserve you.” He stands and holds out a hand to me. “Come let’s go home. It’s late and you need to rest. Let’s go watch a movie.”

  The way he says things like it’s nothing always finds a way of stunning the crap out of me. He’s always up front a blunt about things but this weekend was the first time he was ever so blunt about feeling toward me.

  He turns to the paramedic and detective just standing outside the elevator doors and asks, “Do either of you need anything else from either of us?”