Broken Angel

by Lee Heaven

  “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me!” I gasped.

  Holy fuck! The whole freaking world just saw Decker propose to me. This was way more then I bargained for. This is way more then I could have ever, ever, ever asked for.

  “Oh my God, imagine what would have happened if you had said no. Oh the humiliation he would have felt.”

  “Nothing in the world would have made me say no. He never would have felt that in a million years.”

  “So you’re happy? You’re really happy?”

  Happy? I don’t think happy could explain the way I feel right now. Happy is too tame of a word more like ecstatic, elated, jubilant, walking on air, over the moon, no all those words can’t even begin to explain the way I am feeling right now.

  “Chrissy, I have never been happier in my life. After Ely died I thought I would never feel that love again. But Decker, he gave that back to me. He loves me for me. He lets me be me. He could care less about the scars and the shitty past I have. He wants me to live for the future. He’s talked me off one ledge already and would do it again in a heartbeat, but would go through hell to make sure I never felt the need to stand on that ledge to begin with.”

  “Speaking about that ledge, remind me to smack the shit out of you when I see you tomorrow. I can’t believe you were gonna do that.”

  “Chrissy, he knew which stick to snap to break me down and he succeeded. He was hoping I would lose it and let him off so I wouldn’t have to have the embarrassment of that becoming public knowledge during trial. And then when it didn’t work he had to be a bigger dickless ass whole and release it to the press.”

  “Well we’ll stand together on Monday and we will get through this together. Not only that but now you got that big shiny ring to shove in his face. What is it like three or four carats?”

  “Decker said it was 5.67 carats. It’s heavy as fuck.” I held my hand out in front of me and studied the new ring that was now on my left hand. It would never come off again. This was the love I needed for so long.

  “Good, even bigger to punch Kevin in the face with.” She laughs.

  “Chrissy?” I whisper in a serious tone.

  “What, Sarah?” she asked all concerned.

  In the most shocked voice I think I’ve ever heard come out of my mouth I said, “I’m gonna marry Decker Jensen. I mean I’m actually gonna marry him. This isn’t one of our little fantasies we have. I’m actually marrying him. Me! ”

  “I know. And I will be there every step of the way helping you plan this. This will be your dream wedding. Everything you ever wanted.” I can hear the smile on her face.

  “No, my dream wedding cost ten grand. This is going to be beyond my dream wedding and cost more than I could ever imagine.”

  I had had my wedding planned out since I was thirteen. But what little girl didn’t? What girl in her early twenties didn’t go out and buy bridal magazines and cut out pictures and rip out pages and stick them in a notebook? What girl didn’t know what dress she wanted? What girl didn’t have at least two weddings planned, one at the very least amount of money and her dream wedding that would never really happen.

  But here I sit able to have a wedding way beyond even my dreams could take me. A wedding that I could never had dreamed about. Is it even a wedding that I wanted or did I want to have the wedding that I had planned when I was a little girl. Money wasn’t an issue now so this could go anyway I wanted. But am I that girl that needs the top of the line wedding?

  “We’ll do it together. I’ll be there for all of it.”

  “I’m so glad you’re home. I can’t wait to see you tomorrow. You know how to get to the apartment right?”

  “Yup, I’ll be there by eight that way we can be to the courthouse on time.”

  “Good. I love you, Chrissy. I’m so glad you’re back here. I think I’d go nuts planning this wedding without you.”

  “You’d never have to worry about it. I’m here to help and then get my life back.”

  “Maybe I can help you with that I do know some pretty hot baseball players,” I said laughing.

  “Maybe, but first lets plan your wedding. I love you and I’ll see you tomorrow. Have fun at the rest of the game, Mrs. Jensen!”

  We both hang up laughing. Mrs. Jensen. Who would have ever thought? I mean really the little broken girl and the big hot shot Yankee. Now there’s a story for the grandkids someday.

  Turning to Maggie, I said, “Did you know about this?”

  Maggie turned red. There was no denying it she knew Decker was going to ask me. “I knew he wanted to. I helped pick the ring out. However, I didn’t know he was going to do it this way. I thought he would do it all romantic like.”

  “Maggie, this was the most romantic gesture ever. So much better than doing it at some private dinner or something like that. This I was able to share with everyone I love plus a few million other people.” Maggie gave me a puzzled look; she knew the stadium only held fifty-some thousand fans. “Chrissy said the whole thing was televised live. So anyone watching the game saw everything.”

  “Holy shit. I had no idea he was doing this. I swear.”

  I knew she was telling the truth on that. Somehow Decker had this ability to take something small I wanted and had never said anything about then turn it into a huge thing. Looking down at my ring I just smiled. I mean really I’m marrying Decker Jensen who would have ever figured that one out.

  Chapter 18

  Back at this dread court room again. I see Kevin for the first time since Thursday when he pushed me over the edge. He’s sporting two brand new black eyes and he’s no longer smiling at me. Hell, he’s barely even looking at me. However, the look on his face is more pissed off and kind of scary.

  “Jason, how’d he get the black eyes?” I asked. I was generally concerned. As much as I hated Kevin for what he did to me I didn’t wish him any harm. I don’t want to wish harm on anyone.

  “Rob Buckner wasn’t too pleased with his actions in the courtroom on Thursday,” he said with a smile and hidden laugh in his voice.

  I knew from a replay on the news that I was recorded live standing on the roof. Most of the tri-state area, no wait most of the country, watched as I threatened to jump, as news cameras on the street had recorded everything they could see. Hell, even Shawn called from Europe to make sure I was ok after he had seen it on the news over there. I really did hate the news now, even the gossip columns I used to love I couldn’t stand anymore.

  “Remind me to pay Rob a visit. I’m gonna have to thank him for sticking up for me. But I also need to tell him to stop before he gets himself in more trouble.”

  Jason nodded at me. “Are you ready to go up, if they want to continue asking you more questions?”

  “Not really, but I don’t I have a choice. I just have to get through this and hope they don’t play dirty again.”

  Unfortunately, I was called to the stand. As I walked up there Kevin’s lawyer was given a stern warning about any tricks and reminded that if he tries anything the jury will be dismissed and the judge will lay down the verdict. Which I believe in his mind he already had Kevin pegged as guilty.

  “Ms. Starr, I have two questions for you today.”

  “Ok.” I looked at him strangely and twirled the new ring on my finger. I can see Kevin staring at it with hatred in his eyes.

  “When you took the gun away from Mr. Reed how come you didn’t use it?”

  I immediately saw what he was trying to get at. He was trying to show that Kevin didn’t rape me. That I gave myself willingly. That I had the chance to escape and I didn’t take it. Fine if that’s the way he want’ s to go, fine then I’ll bring it all back on Kevin.

  “Why would I? I’m not an animal. I couldn’t just shoot someone. Kevin had taught me better than that. He taught me guns were for hunting and protecting myself in imminent danger, when no other means of escape is possible. I knew there was another way out of my situation and violence wasn’t the answer. And if I shot hi
m wouldn’t that make me no better than him? I would be shooting an unarmed man, that’s no better than kidnapping.” I took a deep breath and continued on. “I may have had a killer shot years ago when we used to go shooting, hell I was better than him, but I haven’t shot a gun in a very long time and if my aim was off and a bullet went through the floor or wall or ceiling and hit an innocent person I couldn’t live with myself. Not when there was a less violent way out of this mess.”

  He nodded at me. It almost seemed like my answer was acceptable to him even though he didn’t want to accept it. Then his next question came. “Do you still love Mr. Reed?” he asked as straight face as he could.

  Jason stood up to object but I raised my hand at him telling him to sit and that I’ll answer the question. I was expecting this one. I was even a little surprised that Jason or the DA never asked it. It seemed almost like a feasible question.

  “Part of me will always love him,” I said with the strongest voice I have ever used. Decker’s face said he wasn’t too happy with that answer. “Let me explain so everyone can understand. Kevin was my first love. For teenagers love is different than when you’re an adult. But we were different, it was real. My life revolved around him and his around me. He made me smile and laugh. He was there for good times and bad times. He held my hand and made sure I could do anything I wanted. Yeah we stopped talking for a time but when we started talking again he was there to hold me up. He helped me through a very dark time in my life. A time where the only thing I saw was darkness and the bottom of a vodka bottle, many bottle bottoms. He held my hand through a couple of attempted suicides. One of which would had been successful if he didn’t find me and get me to the hospital before I bleed out.” I raise my wrist to show my scar to the jury. Their gasp told me they were surprised at the raised white scar. “He would bring me to my counseling meetings, make sure I got safely inside and then would wait an hour, sometimes longer, in the parking lot till I was done. Three times a week for over a year he did this. He never pushed me to just get over the tragedy I went through. He just was there for me to bitch to, lean on, cry on and sometimes even punch as the nightmares, the ones I had awake and sleeping, were too much to bear. I truly do believe if it wasn’t for Kevin my life would have ended back then. I can’t just hate someone who saved me. Part of my heart will always love Kevin, but I could never give him my whole heart again. I could never trust him again. I could never be with him again.”

  With that answer Kevin’s lawyer turned around and walked back to his seat and sat down. Neither Jason nor the D.A. had any rebuttal questions for me. I was dismissed. I walked back to my seat and sat down. Resting my head on Decker’s shoulder, he reached up and caressed my cheek.

  Looking down I traced the scar on my wrist. My third attempt after my attack, the one that would have worked had Kevin not found me. I wish I wasn’t here like this with him. I wish he would have just stayed away.

  There were three more days of entering evidence and questioning different witnesses on what they saw and what they didn’t see. The trial was nearing the end and soon it would go to the jury to decide his fate.

  It was on Friday, the last day of court when I saw a young man sitting in the back of the courtroom. He had a young girl with him. I couldn’t figure out where I knew him from and I kept glancing back at him. He would just smile every time.

  It was really starting to bug me. I was getting fidgety and kept moving in my seat. Decker had to place his hand on my knees multiple times to try and get me to sit still. Finally the judge sent the jury out to deliberate and everyone was dismissed till a verdict came in. Kevin went back to wait in his cell and Decker and I were headed home till we got the call.

  Decker and I were the last ones to leave the courtroom as we stayed to talk to Jason about how the next part will go. Once a verdict came in if he was found guilty a court date for thirty days will be made and at that point he will be sentenced.

  As we left the courtroom and walked toward the elevator a voice called me, “Ms. Starr?”

  “Yes, can I help you?” I asked as I turned to face the young man who had been sitting in the back of the court room all day.

  “My name is Billy Miller and this is my sister Serena. Do you remember me?”

  I had been trying to figure it out all day but I couldn’t. “I’m sorry. You look familiar but I can’t place your face or name.”

  Billy tapped his sister on the shoulder and Serena reached into the neck of her shirt and pulled on the chain of her necklace. When the charm appeared it clicked as to where I knew the man. This was the young man I had given my necklace to. I gasped loudly, my hand flying to my mouth.

  “Do you remember me now?” he asked pointing to the necklace.

  “Yes. Yes I do. I’m sorry I didn’t before. How have you been?”

  “I am good. Serena here loves her necklace and just wanted to thank you.”

  Serena raised her hand to her lips and motioned like she was blowing a kiss. I knew it wasn’t though. I knew she was signing thank you. I signed you’re welcome back. She smiled. I told her she was beautiful and I hope she loves the necklace. I gave Serena and Billy a hug and gave them my number and told them to call me if they ever needed anything.

  “Once again you have amazed me,” Decker said as the elevator dropped to the basement parking area.

  “What are you talking about? I didn’t do anything.” I actually wasn’t quite sure what he was talking about. I hadn’t done anything amazing since Saturday night at the fundraiser, except for accepting his ring yesterday.

  “How do you know sign language?” he asked.

  I busted out laughing. “I don’t know much, just a few sentences and words. After I was taken out of the ICU and healing I was down the hall from a girl who was also beaten, her father beat her though. She had lost her hearing as a baby because of the beatings and she taught me how to sign. I knew more years ago but with not using it I’ve forgotten a lot of things over the years.”

  ~~~

  It has been five days since the jury went to deliberations. Five days! This waiting is killing me. I spend most the day pacing back and forth in the living room. When I’m not pacing I’m in the kitchen baking. It’s the only thing that calms me.

  I’ve worked my way up from the first floor and I’m up to the sixty-seventh, every tenant on those floors so far has received either a loaf of bread or a tin of cookies. I have six more loaves of bread in the oven and I’m starting the mix on a batch of snickerdoodle cookies.

  Make that a double batch of snickerdoodle cookies. Maggie, Chelsea, and Chrissy sit at the table with about twenty bridal magazines. Taking notes on venues, centerpieces, DJs, and other necessary wedding stuff. They mark off pages of things I would like with colorful little sticky tabs.

  Besides setting a date Decker and I haven’t talked much about the wedding. We decided on Saturday, November tenth. It would be the weekend after the World Series if they would make it that far. I think they will, they’re currently in first place with Tampa Bay eight games behind in second place.

  Decker is currently out of town at the All-Star game. He’s been gone for three days but he’ll be home in a couple of hours. In a way I’m hoping the verdict doesn’t come in before then, I really want him by my side when it does come in. But the waiting is killing me. I would also like them to come in with a verdict now.

  Really all I want to do is scream at the top of my lungs. This waiting is causing the panic to rise. I fight it most the time. Baking helps. Also the music blasting through the surround sound helps. It’s never just one type of music. It could be rock, country, classical, pop, or whatever. Right now Pat Benatar is singing Love is a Battlefield.

  “Ladies, were back and have food!” Tyler yells as him, Tobias and Jimmy enter the kitchen. I think my pacing was getting to them because all three of them all the sudden volunteered to drive all the way to Jersey to my favorite deli. That’s a two hour round trip.

  “Any news yet?�
� Tobias asked.

  “Does it look like there’s any fucking news,” I snap.

  All three stopped dead in their tracks. They look like they were about to drop the bags and run back to Jersey.

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to snap. This waiting is killing me. What the fuck can be taking so long?” I said as I took the loaves of bread out of the oven and placed them on the cooling rack.

  “Sarah, I’m sure they’re just waiting for Decker to get back. Everyone knew that it killed him to have to leave now,” Chrissy said from the corner of the table.

  The look I shot Chrissy told her to shut up I knew all that but it didn’t help. It didn’t help I was still a ball of nerves about to come unraveled.

  “Decker, should be back in a few hours,” Maggie chimed in trying to calm me.

  “Yeah, but the jury only has thirty minutes till they have to wait till tomorrow,” I snipped back. “I’m sorry, I don’t mean to be rude. I’m just sick of waiting. The longer it takes the more worried I get that they will find him innocent.”

  Jimmy wrapping an arm around my shoulder whispers, “Calm down. It’s fine. Decker will be home in a little while. And I bet you a hundred dollars the verdict will come in by four tomorrow.” He plops a sandwich in my hand and pushes me toward the table.

  I just rolled my eyes at him. Sitting down I unwrap my sub and start eating it. Tobias is sitting next to Maggie, his hand resting on her thigh. I’m so glad that those two finally got together; it only took three months before Tobias finally asked her out, he took her to my fundraiser and now they have been inseparable. I think those two kids just might make it, ha ha.

  Looking at Chrissy I see her looking at Tyler from the corner of her eye. He keeps inching closer and closer to her. I stifle a smile. The only person who understands how bad my relationship with Shawn was and how hard it is to walk away from a situation like that is Chrissy. Her relationship with her husband Jeremy was just as bad. Sometimes hers was worse because he actually got physical with her on a number of occasions. Shawn hit me once and I walked away, I couldn’t imagine getting hit more than once like she was.