Unplugged: A Blue Phoenix Book

by Swallow, Lisa

  Especially when you look like you do and I haven’t had you in my bed for over a week. Her tight shirt across the tits I constantly get admonished for staring at and the ‘too short’ shorts begging me to slide my hands across her ass are distracting me from the argument. This woman needs to loosen up.

  Cerys makes an exasperated noise, turns on her heel, and heads in the direction Emily went. She pauses. The TV screen dominates one wall, and Ella is lying back in a leather recliner chair with a cup of something I hope she’s allowed to drink in the holder next to her. Emily is in the next seat and they both sing along to the Disney movie filling the room with a brightness Cerys doesn’t match.

  I warily look at Cerys. “At least you get a break from this. How many times have you watched this movie now?”

  She doesn’t speak but leaves the room. Her bare feet slap across the floor as she heads toward the wide marble staircase.

  “Cerys!”

  I find her in the bedroom where the white sheets are crumpled from her afternoon sleep. Cerys gazes out of the window at the ocean vista. When I walk over and touch her shoulder, she turns a tear streaked face to me. I run my hands across my head.

  “Fuck, Cerys, did I screw up that bad? I did this to make you happy, and now you’re fucking crying!”

  I sit on the edge of the bed, placing my hands on the cool linen. I will spend my life trying, but I doubt I will ever understand women. There’s nothing complicated here, surely.

  Cerys doesn’t respond.

  Jesus, I give up. “Fine. I’ll tell Emily to leave. She wasn’t staying today anyway. I wanted you to meet her and chat and see if you liked her.” I stand.

  “Liam, wait.” Cerys wipes her face. “I’m overreacting. Maybe tomorrow I’ll feel better. This was a shock; you should know by now how cautious I am about Ella.”

  “And everything,” I mutter. Common sense kicks in and I don’t elaborate, the mood she’s in Cerys would no doubt pack and leave if this descends any further.

  “This is all surreal to me, Liam, and I’m anxious about being out of my depth. Here, with you, caring so much about you...you doing things like this and showing how much you care, too. It scares the crap out of me.”

  “Oh, Cerys.” I go to her and attempt to hug her stiff figure. “Let go for a few days. Live. Be you. Enjoy this.”

  Cerys wraps her arms around my waist. I place my head on her soft hair. This is what I crave more than anything in the world, holding Cerys and being with her, making memories and loving her. “I’m tired and not thinking. It would’ve been better if you’d warned me.”

  “I told you I was selfish,” I say.

  “No, you’re not selfish. You were thinking of me.”

  “I am. I was thinking of me and you. I want us time.” I draw back and trace a finger from her cheek to her collarbone. “I was thinking about me and how much time I want alone with you.”

  Her lips part as I continue to run my fingers along her skin, skimming the soft swell of her breasts. She catches my hand. “I have a whole two weeks’ worth of bad things I want to do to you,” I say. “Plus, I’m now frustrated with you too, which makes this worse.”

  A hint of a smile hovers around Cerys’s mouth and she circles my arm with her hand. “I feel the same, but not now.”

  I want to groan inwardly but the sound escapes. “Really?”

  “Really.” Cerys places a finger on my lips and her tired eyes meet mine. “If Ella likes Emily, we can have lots of ‘us’ time.”

  “I’m sure she will; I think they hit it off.” Us time, now. But this isn’t going to happen. Cerys isn’t in the frame of mind for what I want to do to her; and with Cerys, it matters.

  “Thank you,” she says quietly, touching my face.

  “What for?”

  Cerys smiles in the coy way that turns me the fuck on without her realising; and when she says the next words, she triggers all kinds of ball-aching thoughts. “For knowing when to hold my hand, and when to pull my hair.”

  Oh, holy fuck do I want to be the guy who pulls her hair. I grip Cerys to me, inhaling her scent as if for some crazy reason that’ll calm me down. “Lie down with me,” I say hoarsely, “I promise to leave your hair alone.”

  Cerys nudges her nose into my chest, suppressing a giggle. “Okay.”

  I release her, because if I drag her onto the bed with me, I’m not going to remain gentle. Instead, I lie on the rumpled sheets and she snuggles into me, spooning as she takes my arms to wrap around her. I take a calming breath and make do with a gentle nip of her neck and touch of her skin beneath her cotton top.

  I want to tell Cerys that I love her, but the words aren’t enough. I’m not Dylan, I can’t express myself through poetic songs. What if she doesn’t feel the same and I scare her? What I do know is that the fire she ignited with the kiss at Christmas burns deep inside my soul and, as I hold her warm body against mine, I know nothing will ever extinguish how I feel about Cerys.

  CHAPTER 23

  CERYS

  Several days into the holiday and I’m letting go, gradually. Months of stress are hard to push out of my system so quickly; but in the world of Malibu mansions and lazy days, the stress ebbs away. Liam ensures he’s around as much as possible, but I have days alone with Ella kicking around Liam’s house, being reprimanded for tidying by his housekeeper. Housekeeper.

  After a couple of days of wariness, I gave in to my overactive mothering instincts and let Ella spend time with the young woman who is now her new friend. Liam’s right; Emily is lovely. She has a natural calm and the right balance between playful and authoritative with Ella. This and the exuberance for life she has reflect on everyone around her. I can’t let go completely, keeping away from them when Ella is in the pool proves difficult because she can’t swim, but Emily’s teaching her and has lifeguard qualifications. I gritted my teeth when Liam told me, of course she does.

  Liam makes a couple of smug comments about how awesome he is finding Emily and making extra time for us, and I have to sigh and agree. The relaxed openness between us grows the more time we spend in each other’s company. He takes me out to restaurants, spoiling me, or we spend quiet evenings at his house or walking along the beach. And having a lot of body and soul-shattering sex.

  Realistically, I’ve known Liam for years; but only now, are we learning who we are together. Following years of Craig’s ambivalence toward Ella and me, Liam’s every day attention and concern is both endearing and worrying. There’s still the niggling part of me that’s waiting for everything to cave in.

  Ella’s in bed and Liam’s still out, I take advantage of the huge sunken spa bath in the bathroom adjoining the bedroom. The room is surrounded by floor to ceiling windows, including one opposite that leads to a small balcony with views to the ocean. A TV faces the end, but why anyone would want to watch it when the views are so peaceful. A handily placed table next to the bath is the perfect place to rest my glass of wine. As I look out at the sun setting across the ocean, streaking the sky orange on the horizon, the excitement bubbles inside as much as the water around me. This is what the lifestyle I’ve been given an access pass to is all about. I close my eyes, sinking into the water.

  “Comfy there?” Water splashes my face and I open an eye. Liam stands at the edge of the bath, dressed in khaki shorts and a black shirt, hair tied into a loose ponytail.

  “Yes, thanks,” I say and splash him back.

  “Is Ella not around?”

  “No, she’s in bed. But you’re not getting in here!”

  Liam rubs bubbles down my nose. “Look at my self-control. Isn’t it awesome?”

  “Not usually,” I say and grin.

  “Well, just to prove a point, I’m going to sit here and show you I can behave.” Liam perches on the edge of the bath

  “Sure, Liam,” I reply.

  “But if you need help washing anywhere, I’m happy to oblige.” He looks into the water. “Too many bubbles…”

  “How was
your day?” I ask him before his train of thought leads to him climbing fully clothed into the bath with me.

  “Pretty good. Missed you though.”

  “That’s sweet.”

  Liam inhales. “Don’t start; you’re not in a good position to win. How was your day?”

  I sip my wine. “I spent all day in your pool with Ella. She’s going to be sad when we have to go.”

  “She’s not the only one.”

  “You’re coming back to Wales with us for a while though, aren’t you?”

  “Yes, I’ll be around as much as I can, you know that. I hate being away from you. I feel like someone’s cut my arm off.” He wraps his fingers around my wet hand.

  “That could prove tricky for a bass player,” I reply with a smile.

  “You’re funny when you’re relaxed. You should do it more often.”

  I poke my tongue out but I don’t feel relaxed. Why did I bring this subject up? Suddenly the wine is tasteless; and the need to get out and have Liam hold me edges in. I’m getting too used to having him around.

  “I know what you mean, though,” I say and squeeze his fingers. “You’re this big force in my life; and when you’re away, it’s as if you pull a part of me with you. I can’t focus because I’m counting the days until you come back again. Even though I’ve waited years for you, this feels sudden and scary but real.”

  Liam shuffles along the side of the bath and holds the back of my head gently. I ready myself for a hand slipping into the water and onto my skin, but it doesn’t come. The warm pressure of Liam’s mouth on mine takes me by surprise because his lips are gentle. Liam’s scent washes over me, the understated fragrance of his soap mingles with a sweet taste of mint on his breath. My Liam. He moves his mouth against mine, teasingly soft as he rubs a thumb against my neck.

  “I love you, Cerys,” he says, green eyes searching mine as he continues to stroke my neck.

  My breath hitches. He hasn’t mentioned how he feels since the day Craig came over, and certainly hasn’t told me. The days of fighting against telling him how I feel seem pointless now. “I thought I’d fallen in love with you years ago, Liam, but I was wrong.” For a moment, his eyes register panic and I shake my head. “Wrong, because now I know how it really feels to love you.”

  Liam’s shoulders relax and he shifts forward for another kiss, this time hot and hungry, claiming my mouth. I sit forward and wrap my arms around him, the soapy water soaking his shirt. His words and the kiss dizzy me, pulling me into Liam, the man who dragged me through the blizzard and into something bright and new. My body fires to life; I ache for him everywhere and shift closer. Liam slides a hand across my wet back and then takes my shoulders, holding me away slightly.

  “I have to stop; otherwise, I’m going to climb into that bath with you, and I promised I wouldn’t.” His breath warms my sensitive skin and I will him to touch me. “Get dry and we can sit outside.”

  He stands; a wet patch against his t-shirt where our bodies met and unmistakable arousal in his shorts. I meet his eyes and he raises an eyebrow. “I told you I’d behave.” He throws a huge, fluffy white towel to me and says with his unmistakable Liam smirk, “I want to sit with you and watch the stars. I read in my romance manual that chicks like that.”

  He wanders through the doors and sits in the darkness on the balcony. Taking calming breaths, I grab the towel and stand. As I leave the bathroom to find some clothes, I’m aware of Liam watching my every move.

  Dressing in a pale blue sarong style dress, I then return to the balcony where Liam rests against the black rail looking over the ocean. Nothing is said as he winds an arm around my waist, as if this is a years old ritual. He nuzzles my neck and sighs. I snuggle in closer.

  “Beautiful, amazing, sexy as fuck Cerys loves me,” he whispers.

  I hug his waist and rest my head on his damp T-shirt, the thud of his heart against my cheek, as the warm breeze sends the smell of the ocean. Snatched moments of pure happiness in life should be locked away, so we can access them when times are bad. Life couldn’t be more beautiful than this.

  CHAPTER 24

  CERYS

  Princess Ella and Liam the Rock Star are asleep on the sofa. Disneyland exhausted them both, but at least Liam didn’t get the full princess makeover that Ella did, although he is currently wearing Ella’s tiara. My stomach flips and I fight down the niggling that threatened to ruin my holiday in the early days as I study my daughter so relaxed with this man that she happily leans on, mouth open, dribbling down his T-shirt. Unable to help myself, I take a picture with my phone.

  Two days straight at Disneyland and I’m exhausted, too. Following a morning trailing around Fantasyland, I snuck off to Carnation Cafe for the afternoon while Liam took Ella back to her favourite part, Sleeping Beauty’s Castle. Times like that, I know Liam must really care about us. Why else would he let a five-year-old drag him to somewhere he arrives back from muttering about tiaras and shrieking girls? I told him he should be used to shrieking girls in his job and got a whispered, inappropriate-for-children’s-ears response about what would happen if I didn’t stop teasing him, and what I owed him for subjecting him to the experience.

  Emily appears so I show her the picture, and we giggle.

  “Do you think he’ll recover enough for tonight?” asks Emily.

  “Tonight?”

  “You guys have visitors, don’t you?”

  Sky and Dylan are in town and Liam wants to catch them before they go. I met Sky once at Christmas, the frozen moment in time where she thought me and Liam were a couple, when at that point we weren’t. I know a little about her from things Liam has told me; and I know one thing I have in common with Sky is our lack of interest in the money and fame side of this life. I’m unsure I’d want to date, or be engaged to, Rock God, Dylan Morgan. Sky must be something special to cope with the side effects of that decision.

  I need to find out how Sky copes with the attention she gets. Our first trip to Disneyland yesterday resulted in the first pictures of Liam with his new girlfriend and her child. Liam agreed to stop for pictures in return for the press leaving us alone to enjoy the rest of the day undisturbed, and to my surprise, they complied. I’ve asked Liam to try to stop them posting pictures of us that include Ella, but she’s the story. They blur her face in the photos, but anyone who knows us knows this is Ella. The constant need to reinforce Ella isn’t his daughter irritates me, although Liam’s blasé about it.

  I had a text from Craig this morning; he’d seen the pictures, which surprises me because I didn’t think he watched the entertainment sites. Somebody must be watching them for him, Marcella probably.

 

 

 

  I stared at the phone, irritated by his intrusion into my happy world.

  I replied and switch my phone off.

  He’s not rewinding me to ‘panic-mode Cerys’; Wales doesn’t exist at this point.

  ****

  A short snooze and a couple of beers later, and Liam has perked up. A little too much because when I step out of the shower and into the bedroom he’s sitting on the bed, waiting. Dressed in a greying Red Hot Chili Peppers t-shirt and jeans, I despair at whether he has the ability to dress up at all. I move from a guy obsessed by his appearance to one who chucks on whatever’s at the top of his drawers.

  “I thought you might need help getting dressed,” he says with a smirk.

  “That’s funny; normally, you’re too busy trying to get me out of clothes rather than help me put them on.”

  “Okay, I’ll just watch then.” Liam rubs his lips together and I remain still. “What are you wearing tonight?”

  “What do I wear to meet The Dylan Morgan?”

  He makes a humph sound and pulls an unimpressed face at the carpet. “I don’t know, whatever you think would be suitable for The Lia
m Oliver, too.”

  Is he jealous of Dylan? I cross to him and kiss his head. “You don’t seriously think…” My towel lands on the floor, tugged off by Liam, and he nips my stomach as he laughs at me. “You asshole!”

  Liam covers his head as I smack him; but having achieved his aim, he finishes by hooking his leg under mine and tripping me onto him. “No, I don’t seriously think.”

  I attempt to push myself up, hand on his hard chest but Liam grabs my arms and spins me over onto the bed. My wet hair splays across the thick duvet still crumpled from this morning.

  Pinning my hands above my head, Liam’s gaze caresses my breasts, my nipples harden in anticipation of what’s coming next. “I want to know something,” he says.

  I wriggle against his grip but he tightens his fingers around my arms. “What?”

  “When you had pictures of me on your wall…” he begins.

  I groan. “Will you ever let that go?”

  Liam smirks. “Nope.” He nudges my legs apart with his knee, the rough denim against my thigh sending a shiver through. “As I was saying, when you had pictures of me on your wall, did you fantasise about me?”

  “I told you I did, what’s with the ego stroking tonight, Liam?”

  “What did you fantasise about?”

  The more he talks of fantasies, the more aware I am of the strength and weight of the Liam Oliver I imagined in my head all those years ago; the one whose arousal becomes clearer by the minute as he presses against me. “I’ve told you that before too, and shown you…”

  Releasing my hands, Liam winds one into my hair and brushes his mouth against mine. He slides his other hand between my legs, skimming a finger over my sex. “Did you touch yourself when you thought about me?”

  Ohmygod. I don’t talk about things like that. Will he think the pink spreading across my cheeks is arousal at his skilful fingers? I close my eyes, not wanting to look back into his, knowing I’ll be lost to him if I see the other Liam there.