Tainted Butterfly

by Terri Anne Browning

  Travis, in his suit as always, started the meeting off as I took a seat beside Sin. I barely paid anything he said much attention because he would only repeat it the morning we left. Or, worse, Emmie would tell me. I understood how she had so easily taken over the rock world with her bands. The hot redhead was scary as hell, and everyone seemed to jump whenever she snapped her fingers. My bandmates and I weren’t any different from the other rockers she had performed miracles with over the last decade. I was kind of terrified of her.

  What caught my attention and held it was how Travis’s eyes seemed to get a glint in them whenever he spoke directly to Kassa. When he moved toward her several times over the course of the meeting, it took every ounce of willpower I possessed not to pound him into the ground.

  How the fuck was I going to handle watching him with her the next nine weeks, I didn’t know, but it was going to be a real test of my restraint and ambition to move higher in the rock world. If I did something stupid, like say kill Emmie Armstrong’s number-one road manager, then it could be disastrous for my music career and Tainted Knights’ ever-rising success would suddenly disappear.

  “So, the bus,” Kassa spoke up when Travis asked if we had any questions. “How is the whole sleeping area set up?”

  Travis’s eyes seemed to light up, but I wasn’t sure if it was because of the question she had asked or if he was just happy to hear himself talk for a little longer. “It would probably be easier if I drew you a layout of the bus to help you understand it better.”

  My fists, already clenched at my sides, turned white, and I gritted my teeth so hard that one of them protested with a sharp pain through my jaw. Travis moved in closer to Kassa and took her notebook. Then he started sketching the layout of the bus. He told her about the driver’s seat, the living and kitchenette area, and the bathroom.

  “There are eight bunks,” he said with a wink. “So you don’t have to share, but I’m up for company any time you get lonely.”

  I jerked to my feet and left the room before I scared Kassa and killed the man. In the kitchen, I punched the refrigerator door, slicing my knuckles open and leaving a dent in the metal. Behind me, I heard Kassa blow out a resigned sigh and realized she had followed after me.

  “Are you bleeding?” she muttered, crossing the space between us and taking my injured hand in hers.

  “Does it fucking matter?”

  Her eyebrows lifted at my petulant tone, but she continued to ignore the dangerous sparks flying from my eyes. “You’re lucky you didn’t break your hand, dumbass,” she scolded me as she opened the freezer and removed a bag of fries.

  I let out a hiss when she put the frozen potatoes on my knuckles, but I didn’t pull away.

  “You’re so transparent it’s not even funny,” she muttered so softly that I had to strain to hear her. “You say you only want my friendship, but you’re so possessive and jealous I can’t even talk to another guy without you losing your shit.”

  “I say a lot of stupid things,” I bit out.

  A small grin teased at her lips. “Believe me, I know that more than anyone.”

  With my free hand, I caught her hip and pulled her in close, letting her freely feel how much she affected me. Her eyes were trapped by my own, so I saw the way her irises instantly dilated, felt the change in her breathing, and knew that she still wanted me just as much as I wanted her.

  “I’m not saying stupid things now, Kassa.”

  Her teeth sank into her bottom lip, and I had to bite a groan back because I was desperate to taste that lip.

  “Maybe not now,” she said, “but you will as soon your blood cools down.” She stepped back, giving me a sad but determined smile. “We’re friends, Gray. Best friends. That was what you wanted, and that’s what I’m going to give you.”

  “I didn’t understand what I wanted before, baby. All I knew was that I couldn’t stand hurting you because I knew I would fuck up and break your heart.”

  Her chin trembled, driving me insane because I knew she was fighting tears, but her voice was strong when she spoke. “Nothing’s changed.”

  I tossed the frozen fries in the direction of the sink and followed her when she backed away from me. Her back hit the counter beside the fridge, and I put my hands on the countertop, boxing her in.

  “Everything has changed,” I breathed beside her ear as I kissed her jaw. “Now, I know I won’t ever hurt you because I’ve proved to myself I can be faithful to you.”

  Her hands pressed against my chest, but she didn’t try hard to push me away. We both knew that, if she really wanted me to move, all she had to do was say the words and I would step back.

  “Gray, I can’t do this, whatever this is. Not again. You nearly broke my heart, and—”

  “I won’t do that again,” I vowed. “I was scared before, baby. I didn’t want to chance losing you if I fucked this up. But I know I won’t hurt you.”

  “How?” she demanded, pissed at me now, but I would happily take her pissed over ready to cry any day. “How do you know you won’t hurt me? What’s changed?”

  “I’ve changed. Hell, Kas, I sleep beside you every fucking night. What do you think that means?”

  “That you’re too attached and can’t sleep without me.”

  “Yes, I’m goddamned attached. It’s more than that and you know it. I’m obsessed with you. But, if I’m sleeping with you, it’s kind of hard for me to be out fucking around, don’t you think?”

  Her lashes lowered, blocking me out as she turned her head to look at something over my shoulder. “I … I just assumed you were getting what you wanted before you came home.”

  “Hell no.” I roughly pushed my lower body against hers, letting her feel the full force of my aching cock, and got even harder when I heard her soft gasp. “The only time I’ve gotten off in the past years is when I’ve jerked myself off in the shower.”

  “You haven’t had sex in a year?” she asked in complete disbelief.

  “Not once.”

  “Because of me?” she whispered.

  “Because you’re the only chick I want.” I bent my knees so that we were on a more even eye level. “Because I—”

  “You got any beer?” Sin grumbled as he walked into the kitchen.

  I jerked my head around to glare at him. His eyes barely flickered at finding me like this with Kassa.

  “We’re out,” I snarled.

  “I’m not picky. I’ll take a soda.” He opened the fridge, which was right beside where we were standing, and removed a can of Diet Coke.

  Kassa ducked under my arm, leaving me standing there with my dick so hard that I could have hammered railroad spikes with it. “I-I have to go,” she muttered in a voice that slightly shook. “I’m meeting Angie and Jenna to get my nails done.”

  “Kassa, we’re not done talking.” I tried to catch her hand, wanting to keep her with me so we could finish this conversation, but she quickly moved away.

  “We are for now.” She gave Sin a smile and squeezed his arm as she left the room.

  As the door shut behind her, I turned to glare at my friend. “Did you not see that we were in the middle of an important discussion?”

  “You mean you finally stopped being a pussy and were telling the girl how you feel?” Sin leaned back against the counter where Kassa had just been standing and took a drink of his Diet Coke before shrugging. “Sorry, bro. Didn’t realize.”

  TWENTY THREE

  Kassa

  The Vietnamese woman working on my toes spoke to her sister, who was sitting beside her in another small rolling chair, the two of them working on Angie’s and my feet. I couldn’t understand a single word she was saying but somehow knew she was talking about us. The one painting Angie’s toes kept laughing at whatever her sister was saying and nodding.

  It was the same thing they did every time I came into this nail salon with my friends, but it amused more than annoyed me. I could only imagine what they were saying about us though, considering so
me of the conversations I’d had with any number of my friends in this salon. They probably had enough subject matter to talk about us for decades to come.

  “Are you packed for the tour?” Jenna asked from where she was sitting at one of the twelve other nail stations, getting her hands massaged by a grumpy-looking older lady. Grumpy she might have been, but that old lady gave the best damn hand massages and was the real reason I kept coming back to this particular nail salon.

  “Mostly. Half the things I pack, though, Gray hangs back in my closet.” Which was annoying as hell, but kind of cute in a way. He had turned into an even bigger Neanderthal over the last year where I was concerned, and I liked it, even if I sometimes pretended I didn’t to get on his nerves.

  More and more lately, it had gotten out of hand though. He was only two steps away from beating on his chest—or beating Travis in the face. I hadn’t realized that I had been sending the road manager signals until he had commented on letting me share his roost with him on the bus. That Gray hadn’t done something then and there had shown me that he was trying to be good, if for no other reason than to make me happy.

  What had happened in the kitchen when I had followed after him, however, was beyond anything I had ever expected. Sure, Gray had dropped subtle hints over the last few weeks that he wanted things to change between us, but I didn’t trust him to not pull a one-eighty all over again. If I gave in this time and he did decide he only wanted us to be friends, then I didn’t know what I was going to do, because I couldn’t do that all over again. I couldn’t push down what I felt for him, fight everything inside me that wanted to be with him, and just accept being his friend. So I had pretended not to notice those hints he was dropping.

  But I couldn’t ignore what he had said earlier, and I wondered what the hell he had been about to say before Sin had interrupted us. As curious as I was, however, that wasn’t even close to outweighing how scared I was to explore this with him again. Fuck, yeah, sure, I wanted him so badly that it hurt to breathe at times, and there were nights when I spent a little extra time in the shower because I couldn’t go another minute without easing the ache deep between my legs. But I’d had to reprogram my body and my heart after he had rejected me the last time so that I only let him and the rest of the world see that I loved him as a friend and not as the man I had once seen myself growing old with.

  “Kick him in the balls and tell him to mind his own business,” Angie advised. “You’re a grown woman and can wear whatever the hell you want.”

  “Truth,” Jenna agreed.

  “We’ve already had that conversation, at least a hundred times. Trust me when I say, it doesn’t work.”

  “I don’t get why women like alpha males so much,” Jenna said with a frown, making her blue-gray eyes darken.

  I bit my lip to keep from grinning at her. Jenna didn’t get the alpha male thing because she was a lesbian. She was an alpha in her own right though. Anyone who spent more than an hour with her could easily see that.

  “Alphas are hot,” Angie defended. “I like when they take charge and want to take care of those they love.”

  I lifted an eyebrow at her. “Then you understand why I put up with Gray.”

  “I guess. He’s still a dickhead though.”

  A snort of amusement left me. “Preach it!”

  ***

  Somehow, I avoided seeing Gray for the rest of the day, and when I got up the next morning we was still sound asleep. But the next night, we all went to First Bass. Kale didn’t hang out with all of us that often, but he brought Santana, the photographer who had done Tainted Knights’ photoshoot earlier in the week. I liked her personality, and the way Kale was so possessive of her was adorable. Like my brother had with Kin, Kale had fallen hard and fast for his Santana.

  There was a large group of us in our usual corner on the VIP floor. The place was overflowing with people coming and going from the club, but Harris had set up two couches and two chairs. Harris and Lucy took one of the chairs, with Lucy on Harris’s lap, while Jace and Kin took the other, Kin snuggling into my brother like he was a blanket. Jenna and Angie took one of the couches, leaving room on one end for anyone to sit, while Caleb, Kale, and Gray took the other couch, with Santana on Kale’s lap.

  I could have taken the spot beside Angie, but one look at Gray and I knew I couldn’t be that far from him. I sat on the arm of the couch though, not daring to sit on his lap like the other girls had with their boyfriends. While everyone else was talking and laughing together, drinking their drinks and having a good time, Gray leaned in closer to me, his hand rubbing over my rear before he discreetly cupped my ass.

  I slapped his hand away, smirking down at him when he gave me a pout and pinched my hip. “You’re a dick,” I muttered low enough that no one else could hear.

  “Your dick, baby,” he countered in the same low tone I had used so only I heard him.

  I turned my gaze away from him, liking the idea of that way too much. As the night went by quickly, Gray found one reason after another to touch me in discreet ways no one else noticed. Or, if they did, no one questioned it. Everyone but Santana was used to how Gray and I were together. He had always openly touched me in such a casual way that it seemed like second nature for him to do it.

  But the way he kept skimming his fingers over my back in those barely there caresses was anything but casual, and it was slowly driving me crazy. I started to move to take the empty spot beside Angie, but he caught my hips and pulled me down between him and Kale. I elbowed him hard in the stomach, but he barely grunted at the blow.

  Deciding to ignore him, I turned so that my back was to him, but he draped his arm over my shoulder, softly brushing his thumb back and forward over my collarbone. It was distracting because it felt so damn good, but I couldn’t let him get to me. Not when I was determined not to let what he had said the day before get my hopes up. I didn’t want to know how broken my heart would get if we did give in and go down that road together, because deep down, I knew that was what would happen in the end.

  “Can I sleep in your bed tonight?” he murmured close to my ear, making my entire body clench to keep from shivering.

  I glanced up at him over my shoulder. “Why are you asking? You never have before and it hasn’t stopped you yet.”

  “Because I want you to say yes.”

  “I’ll think about it,” I said instead.

  Later, after everyone but Jenna, Angie, and Caleb had left, Gray got to his feet. “See you three later,” he told them and took my hand, pulling me up. “It’s past Kassa’s bedtime.”

  My mouth fell open, my cheeks turning pink. “You did not just say that, you jerk.”

  He chuckled as he linked our fingers and carefully walked in front of me, down the stairs, and past Tiny.

  “Why do you have to be an ass?”

  “That’s how I am,” he said with a shrug, “and you still love me despite it.”

  I pressed my lips together to keep from saying something I would regret if I allowed them to be said. It was true—I did love him, whether he was an ass or not. Damn it.

  Outside, the line to get in was just as long as it always was, with the paparazzi camped out across the street, flashing lights blinding anyone who watched them for long. A valet appeared as if out of thin air, and Gray handed his ticket over without dropping my hand. As the guy ran off to fetch the car, Gray pulled me in close and touched his lips to my forehead.

  “Well?”

  I cocked my head back, lifting my eyebrows at him. “Well, what?”

  “Can I sleep in your bed tonight?” he asked patiently.

  “You know the answer is yes, Gray. I can’t sleep without you,” I told him with a shrug like it was no big deal—while my heart pounded erratically against my ribs.

  A grin lifted at his lips. “You can try to make me sweat all you want, little butterfly, but it’s not going to work. I can see everything you want to keep hidden from me right there in those pretty, blue eyes.�
��

  “Don’t you mean caterpillar?” I whispered.

  “No, Kas.” He pressed another kiss to the middle of my forehead just as the valet pulled his car up behind me. Still holding my hand, he moved to the passenger’s door and opened it. As if I were made of priceless China, he helped me into the seat before closing the door.

  Behind the wheel, he carefully pulled into traffic. The silence between us had never seemed so loud before, or maybe it was just that my heartbeat was pounding inside my head, making that bitchy little inner voice keep quiet for once. Either way, I turned the stereo on only for Tainted Knights’ first single with the record label they had signed with to be playing.

  Pride in Gray, my brother, and their band filled me, and I leaned over to kiss Gray’s cheek. “I can’t believe this song is in the top five on iTunes in the rock category.”

  He shot me a look, and I grinned.

  “Okay, scratch that” I said. “I can believe it. It’s exciting to see Tainted Knights’ name on iTunes period, not just so high up on a list.”

  He caught my hand and brought it to his lips, making my heart actually skip a beat. “I knew what you meant. It’s hard for me to believe it too. Hell, baby, a year ago, I didn’t know what the future was going to hold, but now, I see it so clearly. I feel like I was blind until now.”

  I had this odd feeling that he was talking about more than just his music career, but I kept my mouth shut as he drove us home.

  TWENTY FOUR

  Gray

  I pulled into the garage and parked my car beside Kassa’s mint-green Fiat. She had been quiet for the rest of the drive home, but she hadn’t tried to pull her hand from mine. I turned the engine off and got out before she could say anything. After going around to her side, I opened the door, letting her get out and then taking her hand.

  With our fingers linked, we took the elevator up to our apartment, neither of us speaking on the short ride up. There were half a dozen other people in the elevator with us, all of them my age or a little older and most of them drunk off their asses. I pulled her back against my front and wrapped my free hand around her, pulling her hips back against my rock-hard cock and as far away from the others as I could. She inhaled sharply when she felt my cock flex against her hip, and when I saw the way her cheeks turned pink, I had to hide my grin as I kissed the back of her head.